Chapter 39 Reeve
THIRTY-NINE
reeve
All weekend I’ve wondered whether that ugly conversation in the pizza place was actually a gift dropped in my lap.
What if I just let our relationship fizzle out from here?
We’ve already had the awkward talk, so why create another one by telling Jade how I really feel?
She’s upset because she thinks we’re not on the same page, and she’s totally right.
She just doesn’t know how badly she misread my page.
What’s the point of trying to make it all better? Jade’s going to leave, and after twenty-one years, I ought to be used to that. I was stupid to think it could work out any other way.
Sunday, after a visit to the hospital, I shower and get dressed for work; then Cam gives me a ride to Somerset on the way to his mom’s house.
I’m silent the whole way there. I haven’t been nervous to see Jade like this since the first time we met up at the library.
She’s got a hold on me like nothing else.
Am I ready to let it go? Can I? I’ve never needed anyone like I need her.
I call her my good-luck charm because my game has been on fire ever since she started coming out for me, but the truth is, it’s not luck.
It’s having her in my corner. It’s knowing that no matter what I do on the field, it’s all okay because I have Jade.
When our gazes meet across the restaurant floor, I flash back to the disbelief in her eyes when I fumbled that question about visiting her in Spain, and my chest hurts.
I did that to her. What the fuck? I should have chased her down that night and told her exactly what I want.
Instead I did nothing, like the selfish asshole she always thought I was.
No, I can’t let her go back to thinking of me like that, thinking she’s not worth a long-distance relationship when the truth is she’s worth so much more.
Maybe she feels it, too, or maybe I’m alone on this one and she’s going to laugh in my face.
But I’m not going to spend the rest of my life wondering what might have happened if I wasn’t such a pussy.
Anxiety keeps me moving all through my shift, making it easy to turn on the charm. Bigger smiles mean bigger tips with this crowd. When I clock out and see Jade by the back door, I’m ready, the words I’ve rehearsed all night on the tip of my tongue.
“How was your shift?” I ask her as we head out toward the parking lot. I was expecting her to be cold to me, but she seems to be keeping it light. Maybe she’s not as hurt as I thought.
“Crappy. This just isn’t my kind of clientele. I think they can smell my indifference.”
“Is that what that scent is? Here I thought I was just turned on by—”
“Sam?” Jade says, stopping short a few feet outside the back door.
I look up. Sam stands by Jade’s car, illuminated by the fluorescent lights that line the lot. My blood turns hot in my veins.
“Hey, Jade.” He takes a step forward, giving me only a cursory glance before his eyes fix again on her.
“What is this?” Jade says. “Why are you here?”
“I’ve been calling you.”
“And I haven’t been answering, did you notice?”
A dark feeling comes over me. He’s been harassing her and she didn’t tell me. My muscles tense, primed.
“All I want is to talk for a few minutes,” he says.
I take a few steps toward him so he’s forced to look at me. Jade grabs my arm, maybe to stop me, but she doesn’t let go when I go still.
“I’m not here to cause trouble,” Sam says, looking between us. “I only want to talk.”
“You keep saying that,” I tell him.
Jade squeezes my arm. “You can’t just show up like this, Sam.”
“What was I supposed to do?”
I take another step forward. “How about get lost, asshole?” I know Jade can handle herself, but I can’t forget the way he treated her that night at the bar or the things she told me about him. She might have forgiven him, but I won’t. “What’s the matter, never learned to take no for an answer?”
Sam gives me an uncertain look but refocuses his efforts on Jade. “Hear me out. That’s all I ask.”
My jaw hurts, but I can’t unclench my teeth.
I could crush Sam, and he knows it. Most guys his size would be afraid of the way I’m glaring at him right now, but this arrogant fuck barely looks at me.
I know what he’s thinking. He talks to Jade like I’m some brainless attack dog too stupid to comprehend what he’s saying.
“Fine,” Jade says.
I look at her—did I really just hear that?—and she gives me a tiny nod. “Jade, wait—” I begin.
“It’s okay,” she says softly. “You head home. We’ll talk after.”
She’s really about to go with him. I swallow hard. “You’re my ride.”
She digs in her purse with her free hand and gives me the keys. “Take my car. It’s okay.”
“You really expect me to leave you here with this dipshit?”
“I’ll get her home safely,” Sam says. I want to kill him, but I can’t take my eyes off Jade. What is she doing? She blinks slowly, almost painfully. She looks like she’s about to cry.
“I’ll wait,” I say through clenched teeth.
She shakes her head but won’t meet my eye. “No. Just go, Reeve.” She lets go of my arm and moves past me.
I’m frozen in place. I see them get in Sam’s car, but I’m not really watching. I don’t think I’m even blinking. Something inside me shuts down.
Like something out of a movie, I see myself standing alone in the parking lot, watching the girl I’m in love with walk away with someone who only ever hurt her, and I see myself for what I am: completely at a girl’s mercy, unable to think about anything but her, losing focus on the only thing I’ve ever cared about or worked for because I need her so badly. Pathetic. The man I swore I’d never be.