Chapter 30 #2
She shook her head, her gaze pinned to my own. “You are free. You could walk out that door right now behind you, and he won’t do a damn thing to stop you.”
No. I couldn’t do that.
I shook my head while taking a step back. the movement caused her to drop her hands from my face and a sad smile lifted his lips. “You are free. You’re not a slave.”
I never was a slave. I didn’t serve more than one person. I was….well I didn’t know what I was other than Sabastian’s.
He said I was his. There was nothing other than that to define who I was.
“What’s wrong?” Never before had I been so thankful that Sabastian could read me. or at least somewhat. He was there, taking the basket from me and pulling me against his chest where I buried my face.
“I said she was free. She is free, right?”
“It’s complicated,” Sabastian sighed against the top of my head. “Please, don’t push it.”
“Fine. But this isn’t finished, Bash. You can’t keep a girl tied up in your house without explaining that they are free.”
“Oakley isn’t tied up.” Anymore. I had been, though, for a few days. But I was good.
“I’m your…good boy.”
“And what the hell? It’s a girl, Bash.”
“Once again, complicated.”
“Is there a problem here?” The lady from before came back, confusion lacing her voice.
“Not at all. Family drama. Sorry for bringing that into your place of business. May we check out please. And you,” Sabastian lowered his voice, “Don’t go jumping to conclusions. Oakley is safe, and it’ll continue to stay that way. Being in my house is the only option right now.”
***
The second store didn’t take nearly as long, mostly because it was just clothes. Still too many options to pick from, but I did grab a sweater that was at least three sizes too big, and it fell to my knees when Sabastian held it up against me.
I didn’t know what I needed, since apparently clothes weren’t just a want. His words, not mine.
Sabastian picked up a few things, shirts and comfy pants, and another skirt like the ones I wore. He’d ask me each time if I liked the color or style but I had no answers.
I’d wear whatever he bought me.
My mind was still stuck on what Molly had said. Well, a lot of the things she said.
Being free was just a word, or phrase, that was used a lot.
I was free to talk back to Sir, but there were consequences after doing so.
I was free to snoop in Sabastian’s things through the house, but I knew he’d eventually dish out a punishment for me doing so.
I was free to leave his house, to run off, but I wouldn’t survive out there in the world.
I had no clue how to survive in his house as it was.
What was bothering me was…what was I? What did Sabastian want me as? Did he want me as a boy, or as a girl? Or a bit of both?
He kept buying me pretty things, so I could assume what he wanted. But I was still just as unsure as I had been when I first entered his house.
Once we were both back in the house, Sabastian put the bags on the counter before pulling out his phone.
“Oh, you’re back! So good to see you, my child.”
An older woman came into the kitchen, pulling Sabastian into a tight hug. She was short, but looked strong as the man didn’t fight her on the greeting.
“Hello, Emra. How are you?”
“Doing well,” she pulled back before tracking her eyes to me. There wasn’t a single piece of gray hair out of place atop her head. “Hello dear.”
On instinct, I took a step back, afraid she would try to give me a death trap of a hug next.
“Oakley, meet the house cleaner.”
I made some sort of nod, folding my hands around my torso.
“Not a talker, are ya? No worries.” She turned back to Sabastian. “I found a stray book in your spare bedroom. It’s on your nightstand. And all the laundry has been put away.”
“I wonder how a book could have gotten there.” While Sabastian didn’t seem surprised, he did turn his burning gaze to me.
Crap.
My heart fell, as did my head, knowing I had finally been caught. At least I was almost done reading it.
“I noticed you moved stuff around, yet no one stays in that room.” When Sabastian didn’t say anything, she went on. “Don’t scare off the poor girl. Your parents would be happy to hear you found someone to share your bed and home with.”
“It’s not like that, Emra. Oakley’s just a friend.”
“Hmm. I don’t believe you, but that’s okay. You seem like a sweet child, Oakley. Don’t let this man fool you. Or hurt you.”
“I won’t hurt-“
“Hush now.” I looked up in time to see her hold a finger to his lips.
His eyes squinted at her, but otherwise didn’t say another word.
“ You’re special. But I also know this man,” she paused, walking closer to me but thankfully keeping her distance.
“He has never once let another sleep in his room. You are different. Special.”
“Emra,” Sabastian sighed. “You’re overstepping.”
“I don’t overstep,” she shifted, holding her head a bit higher. “You’re like my grandkid. There is no overstepping when it comes to your love life.”
Sabastian gave her some sort of look, one that made her bark out a laugh and shake her head.
“My job is done here for the day. I’ll see you again in three weeks.” She pulled Sabastian into another hug, gave me a small wave, and left the house. Her soft shoes echoed through the entryway until the front door shut.
“I was hoping she’d be gone before we made it back,” he said. “She’s been after me to try to settle down, and thinks I pick the wrong kind of partners.”
All I managed to do was blink, letting my eyes fall back to the floor.
Maybe he’d forget about the book. Maybe I could sneak up and stash it away, so he’d not be able to find it.
“You can go put this stuff away. There’s an empty drawer in the bathroom under the sink you can have.”
I moved a bit too quickly, taking the three bags off the counter. Before I could get my body out of the kitchen all the way, Sabastian’s voice put more fear into my core.
“Leave the book alone.”
I didn’t bother to reply, my throat was clogged with unshed tears.
I knew I’d eventually be caught with one of those books.
I took as long as I thought I could get away with to put everything away. My hands shook, my heart pounded in my chest, each thump reverberating through my entire body.
What kind of punishment was he going to give me? How painful would it be?
I didn’t think this man could do any worse than what Sir had done to my body. But there was more than enough room to prove me wrong.
I tried to ignore Sabastian when he came into the room while I took the tags off the clothes and tossing them into the laundry basket to be washed. I debated on just stripping and getting that part out of the way. Instead, I kept everything on, waiting for the man’s orders on what to do.
“Use the bathroom if you need to,” I jerked at his quiet voice, but quickly walked to the bathroom to do just that.
Was he going to tie me to the bed for hours? Was this going to be when he was so mad, he’d not be able to help himself to take exactly what he wanted from me?
Once done, hands washed and no mess left behind, I slipped from the bathroom. I kept my head down, hands folded in front of me.
“Come here, Oakley.”
I swallowed back a whimper, tiptoeing closer to the man.
Sabastian sat on the edge of the bed, the book right beside him. It was so bright next to his black slacks.
“You remember what I said reading the books on the shelf in this room?”
I nodded, trying and failing to stand still. My knees shook, ready to fall before him if he demanded it.
“What did I say?”
“Not to.” Not to read them. Not to sneak them or hide them.
“But you did. Is this the first book you snuck?”
I shook my head. I knew lying would only get me into more trouble.
“Oakley,” he sighed, disappointed. My own disappointment settled into me, knowing I deserved whatever he dished out. “How many others?”
“Four.” I choked on the word.
“You’ve been busy,” he mused, moving to finally reach out and take ahold of both of my hands. “What do you think should be your punishment for sneaking four books when I told you not to read them without asking me first?”
Why was he so calm? Why couldn’t he just order me to strip, or bend over his lap, or hands on the wall, while he hit or whipped me?
“What-what-whatever you wish,” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I’ll take m-m-my punishment.”
“I know you will,” he pulled me closer to where I was standing in between his parted legs. “Once your punishment is over with, you’ll be forgiven.”
I sniffed, trying so hard to not start sobbing.
I was pathetic. And stupid. A disappointment.
“There’s an empty corner in the living room. You are to go there, nose pressed against both walls, hands behind your back, for fifteen minutes.”
I knew where he was talking about, so I nodded, not daring to open my eyes just yet.
“Go on. Time starts when I see you have followed those directions.”
I sobbed, no longer able to hold it in, as he let go of my hands. I turned, wrapping my arms around my middle as I walked as quickly as I dared to the place Sabastian wanted me to be.
I heard his steps following, and I refused to look back at him. I didn’t want to risk making him more upset with me.
I knew I messed up. I knew I should have listened, obeyed his orders.
I stood in the corner, just as he wanted. My nose pressed to the wall, hands folded at my lower back.
Sobs kept catching in my throat. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stand here for a whole fifteen minutes, on top of doing whatever else he wanted to punish me with. But I would, because he said I had to.
“Hands behind your back.” I jerked, putting both hands back where they should have been. It wasn’t my fault my thumb was trying to sneak into my mouth.
Smacking my lips, I tried to get my breathing under control. If I didn’t soon, I’d likely pass out. But maybe that’d be for the best. Then he could do whatever he wanted and I wouldn’t have to be awake for it.
With Sir, that happened more times than I wanted to think about. With him, I could pass out then wake up in agony with no recollection on what happened. Sometimes, that was better anyway. Not knowing what happened was better, so I didn’t have to replay those moments in my mind on repeat.
“Hands, Oakley.”
I sniffed, trying and failing to keep them behind my back. I wanted my thumb. I wanted to fall to my knees and beg for forgiveness, knowing that there would be more to come.
“Open.” A tap to my mouth caused me to jerk, then did as ordered. Expecting a pill, I was surprised to find my tongue meet rubber.
Sucking, my breathing leveled just a bit.
“Just a few more minutes.”
How long had I been standing here? It felt like hours as my legs shook and tears fell from closed eyes.
Maybe standing here and not able to see Sabastian was worse than any other punishment I could have. I didn’t know what he was doing. Was he moving around, getting straps to tie me somewhere? Was he preparing to whip me with a belt?
My breath caught in my throat. The waiting part was the worst. Standing here, not knowing what was going to happen was ten times worse than what the punishment surely was going to be.
“Time.” My body sagged at his voice. “Come here, little one.”
Oh, I was his little one. I almost cried harder. The way he called me that just made me want to curl up in his lap.
Shuffling towards him, making sure to keep my arms behind my back until he gave me permission to move them. When I was in front of him, I fell to my knees in one swift move.
I was close enough to lean into his leg, but I held my body as still as I could. Every part of me shivered, wracking with silent sobs.
When a simple, soft touch landed atop my head, my body slumped against his leg. If it hadn’t been there, I’d have fallen over.
“Shush, little one. Your punishment is all over now. You did so well.”
It was over? It couldn’t be over.
“My good boy. All’s forgiven.”
I sniffed, sucking harder at the paci. His hand combed through my hair, luring me into calmness.
As the seconds ticked by, I sagged more against his legs,