Chapter 38
Sabastian
It was all true.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Oakley. It was more than just protecting him because I’d do that either way. But I was in love with the boy. Every bit of him.
He still had a long way to go in healing, years of it if I were truthful. But my love was there with him. He held me in his little hands.
I wasn’t sure when I fell, but I did. Hard.
I wanted to marry him, make him mine. On paper, it already showed he was mine. His documents were already in my possession. A birth certificate, marriage license, social security card. I had everything with my last name, making sure that no one would ever touch him in any sort of way.
Oakley Ray Moreno was mine. I didn’t need to take his body for that to happen.
The only way to keep him safe was to tie him to me by name. The world wouldn’t need to know more than that.
Mess with my boy, and whoever did was sure to meet the end of my gun. I had killed many times before, one or two more wasn’t going to hurt me.
I had a lot of work to get the boy to trust me fully, but I was determined to get there. He was my everything, even if he hadn’t yet seen that.
He was perfect in so many ways. I only wanted to help him grow, help him find his feet so he could stand up for his own beliefs.
I couldn’t wait to see the day when he’d freely talk, freely tell me what he didn’t want. Or tell me exactly what he wanted.
Today was a huge step.
I hadn’t lied when I told him things would change on his birthday. I was going to spoil him rotten, showing him just how much I wanted a life with him.
I woke up early, well, earlier than the boy who was fast asleep in bed, to make a breakfast that he’d never forget.
It wasn’t going to be too flashy, but one that would start the day off on a good foot.
Oakley wasn’t like most people, food didn’t call to him. But stuffed animals certainly did, which is why a brand new one sat on the chair he always picked. A blue bear with a weighted bottom and floppy ears would be perfect for him.
The first of many gifts.
Flipping the bacon over, I heard Oakley shuffle into the kitchen.
His steps were light, and normally I wouldn’t have bothered to keep my back to him.
But I wanted him to think I hadn’t heard.
It was the only time he truly let out his emotions, or when he was scared.
And today I didn’t want an ounce of fear to be there.
I heard his small gasp, a smile twisted my lips slightly. A second later, I turned, peeking over my shoulder.
Oakley stood there, hugging the new stuffie to his chest, eyes closed. One ear was rubbed against his cheek as if he couldn’t help himself.
“Happy birthday, little one.”
His eyes flashed to me, unsure surprise filtering through.
“Have a seat. Breakfast is almost done.”
Without a word, that’s what he did. Normally, his eyes would be on me, but right now, they were on the new stuffie. He twisted it this way and that, examining every inch of it.
I’d have bought an entire store of stuffed animals if I didn’t think it’d overwhelm him. Plus, where would I put all of them?
Shaking that thought away because if he asked for that many, he’d get them, I turned my focus back to the food.
The last bit of bacon was done, and I plated it up. We each got a couple of waffles and a side of fruit. More than what Oakley would eat, but I wanted to offer a bit of everything anyway.
“Did you sleep well?” I asked as I put his plate in front of him.
He nodded, moving his new stuffie out of the way.
“This…is….a lot of food.”
Yeah, most likely. But whatever he didn’t eat could be saved for later. “Eat what you can.”
“What’s one thing you’d like to do today?
” I wanted the entire day to be about him.
I had no plans to step away from him at all unless something with work came up.
But even then, most of it was done through the computer or phone.
And I had Nathan keeping track of other things that would possibly need my attention. He’d step in for me if needed.
Oakley shrugged, not meeting my eyes. I figured that’d be the answer.
While there were a million things we could do, I wanted him to pick.
“Have you ever gone to the zoo?”
With wide eyes that didn’t meet my own, he shook his head. I didn’t think he’d done much of anything, which was sad. I highly doubted he even touched a foot into a school building either.
“Would you like to go?”
“There’s….animals there.”
“There is. And a gift shop that has stuffed animals, and probably books.” It’d been years since I actually visited the zoo, or even the other places I wanted to take my boy.
“Or, we can go to a museum or art gallery.”
“Zoo…please?”
I beamed. “Absolutely.”
His lips twisted just a tiny bit before he forced the smile down.
Progress, even if it was baby steps.
We fell into silence once more. In between bites, Oakley would take sips of the juice that was in a regular cup this time. I didn’t want to risk him going into a little mind frame too quickly. Not that I minded, but I wanted to get to know a shy, quiet Oakley just as much.
The rest of the breakfast was quiet like it was most of the time. I wasn’t sure if the boy would ever become more talkative, but I was going to try to bring him out of his shell.
One day at a time.
“Go get ready. Wear underwear.”
A blush coated his cheeks, but he nodded anyway as he stood from the table. Why he got bashful over wearing underwear was strange. I knew that if I didn’t tell him to, he wouldn’t wear them at all.
I took my time cleaning up the kitchen. I washed the dishes, wiped down the counter and table, and put away the leftovers. It was interesting to see that Oakley went more for the bacon and fruit over the waffles.
Forgoing my shower, since I took one later in the day yesterday, I changed clothes. Simple washed jeans and a black shirt. In a small backpack, I stashed a pacifier and a sippy, along with a change of clothes for a certain boy. Just one of my shirts and sleep pants.
I couldn’t predict when the boy would have a meltdown, and I wanted to be as prepared as I could.
Truthfully, I wanted to think that a zoo wouldn’t have any triggers. It shouldn’t unless we ran into someone who knew him somehow. Not that many people would dare mess with him if he was with me. But I didn’t want to take that chance, either.
Oakley was mine.
Halfway worried about the boy, he was taking a bit longer than he normally would in the shower. Not that we had to be at the zoo at any given time. It wasn’t quite open yet anyway, so we had plenty of time. But normally, his showers were quick and to the point.
Sitting on the edge of the bed to put my shoes on, I waited him out. The water wasn’t running anymore, and I heard movement, so I could assume he wasn’t panicking.
Pulling out my phone, I checked my emails and texts, making sure that nothing important had come up yet.
Soon enough, Oakley emerged from the bathroom, steam billowing around his frame. He stood there, blushing, in just a towel.
“No rush.” I turned my gaze back to my phone, pulling up some game. Although I kept the boy in the corner of my eyes, wanting to see him.
Once he was dressed, he stopped in front of the dresser, pulling out a pair of underwear.
“Can…I dry my hair?”
“Of course, sweet boy.” He never had to ask. I told him so, but he just shrugged.
Turning back to my phone, I played a mindless game, waiting. I’d wait for however long it took.
When the sound of the hair blower stopped, I stood, going towards the doorway.
Oakley was a sight to behold. Somehow, by drying his blond hair, it wasn’t nearly as curly as it normally was. It went just below his shoulders, the front framing his thin jawline.
“Wow.”
“I….uh…didn’t know…what to do?”
“You’re beautiful.” He truly was. He always was, no matter what he did. But today, whatever he did, he was one of the prettiest things I’d ever lay eyes on.
He instantly ducked his head, hiding his blush from me.
“Are you ready? No rush if you aren’t.”
He nodded, turning to clean up the stuff he had out on the counter.
That was one thing I noticed. He never left a mess behind. Everything was always put away, even his lotions and soaps. Everything had a spot.
Even the things I’d leave out got put away. I didn’t want to make a comment about it, fearing he’d say something about it being his job. Because it wasn’t his job to take care of me.
***
Thankfully, being one of the first people in the parking lot of the zoo, there weren’t many others around. The fewer people the better, not just for Oakley and his uncertain anxiety, but for threats.
No one knew where I was today except for a few family members, and even then, I didn’t answer any of their questions. It wasn’t their business what I was doing at a place like this.
There would always be a few threats against my boy, just because of Donny’s black web posts. Someone would no doubt still have information that wasn’t found, and I didn’t want to take any chances.
I also didn’t want to keep the boy stuck in a house for the rest of his life.
“If you get overwhelmed at any time, tell me ‘yellow’ and we’ll figure out what to do next.” I wrapped my hand in his, pulling him close to my side.
He nodded, letting his head rest against my arm for a single second before lifting it back up.
Paying our entrance fee, I led us towards the right, where I knew some of the smaller, cuter animals were.
We stopped to look at a few animals, ones that didn’t seem to really hold Oakley’s interest for more than a minute or two. We walked, hand in hand, and not saying too much. I let the boy lead the way, letting him slightly pull me in whatever direction he wanted to go.
“What’s one thing you would like to do in your lifetime?” I asked as we paused in front of some monkeys. They were cute little critters, hanging out in trees in front of the tall wire fence.
Oakley jerked at my question, or maybe it was more my voice, but he did glance at me.
“Can…can I answer truthfully?”
“Always.” I didn’t want lies or things he thought I wanted to hear.
He refused to look at me. “I want to fall in love.”
I was both speechless and hopeful. I knew love wasn’t something that could be forced, and although I was already falling down that path with the boy, I wasn’t going to push my feelings onto him. But I could show him everything I had to offer and hope that he’d start to feel that for me.
“I’ve never…felt that before.”
“I’ve heard it’s a wonderful feeling. It can be scary, though. But worth it.”
“Maybe.” He flickered his gaze to me, and in that one look, I could see so much in him. Oakley wanted to love. He wanted to live but think it wasn’t possible.
“It’s okay to feel emotions, Oakley. It’s okay to fall, too.”
He shook his head, moving us on to the next enclosement.
He did feel things; everyone did. His tears and panic were the most prominent, and given how Donny used that against him every single day, I wasn’t surprised.
But I wanted to see him happy. I wanted to see so much, and I wasn’t sure I’d get to see any of that for a long while.
“You want to know what I want the most?” I mused as we moved on from the birds, and went towards the bigger animals.
Oakley hummed, not pausing to look at the camels. Yeah, they weren’t anything interesting when compared to all the animals that this place contained.
“I would like to see you happy; to see you smile.”
He breathed through a shrug. I knew that was more than he’d be able to give me, at least of all any time soon.