8. Memphis
EIGHT
Memphis
I know she says this doesn’t mean anything, but I’m desperate to prove her wrong. I’ve ran from her for almost ten years. I’ve come to learn that running does no good when you’re made into a pair like we were. Being here with her, getting to touch her and feel her, it fills me with excitement, nervousness, and fear. I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to watch that curtain she hangs in front of her real self come back down. I don’t want to watch the cold take over her face as she tells me to leave. I’ll do anything for just one more minute with her.
Her hands are like fire as they roam my body, scorching me. She may as well be branding me because I belong to her and have for years. With each thrust, I’m only losing time with her. Each thrust is one more second to this being over and one minute closer to her pushing me away. I can feel my release rising. I’m teetering along the edge of it. Instead of giving into the powerful sensation that’s overtaking my body, I roll onto my back, bringing her with me.
She places her hands on my chest as she grinds against me. I watch her breasts as they bounce, squeeze her ass as she gains speed, but I can’t look away from her face. Her eyes are closed with her long, dark lashes fanned out across her cheeks. Her plump, pink lips are parted, and her brows are pulled together in concentration as she works to achieve her release. She’s fucking beautiful. Breathtaking.
I feel her muscles begin to tense around me as her panting and whimpers become louder. My hands fall to her hips, gripping her and rocking her against me faster, harder until she falls from the edge she’s dancing along. When her body goes limp and she slows against me, I roll us onto her back and pound into her with determination. Watching her ride me has me harder than I’ve ever been. I can’t hold off any longer, no matter how long I want this to last.
I pump into her until she’s screaming my name beneath me. My release rises to the surface and bubbles over. My thrust become more erratic as I spill every last drop. I rest my head against the pillow between her head and shoulder, trying to calm my breathing and rapid heartbeat. She squeezes me, holding me tight as we both calm our bodies together. When I feel like I have control again, I pull out of her and roll to her side, removing the condom and dropping it into the trash can beside the bed.
I’m not sure what to do or say now, so the two of us just lie flat on the bed, staring up at the ceiling tiles. Should I get up and leave, or would she think I was just taking what I wanted and running? Should I stay, or would that mean that I didn’t mean the words I agreed to earlier? My head is a mess of confusion. I take my chances and look over at her. I can see the same confusion written all over her face. I lift my hand and smooth away the worry line between her brows, and she looks over at me.
“Do you want me to go?” I ask quietly, fearing her answer.
“I don’t know what I want anymore,” she breathes out, rolling to her side to face me. “What do you want?”
I shrug. I know what I want, but if I say it, it means I’m taking back those words I had to force out earlier. “I want whatever you want.”
She scoffs. “That’s a cop-out if I ever heard one.” She sits up to climb over me, but I grab her wrist and stop her, pulling her back down to the bed. I roll to my side, hovering over her.
“I want you, Jade. I have since the first time I laid eyes on you. I wanted you even when I left you. And I want you now. I don’t want to walk away from you not knowing if you’ll ever talk to me again. I want…” I let out a long breath. “I want us.”
She watches me intently as I tell her what I’m thinking, but fear fills her eyes. “I don’t know if I can do this, Memphis.” She shakes her head as tears fill her eyes. “You hurt me. You hurt me like nobody has ever hurt me.”
“I know.” I nod as I rest my elbows on my knees. There are so many things I could say to her right now. I could tell her how we’re made for each other. I could say that there’s a reason we’re still in love with one another, despite all the time that’s passed. But I don’t say any of it. It’s more important that she realizes it on her own, the way I have. I know I left and ran, but I’m not running anymore because I now know that it does no good. You can run from a person, but you can’t run from the feelings you have for that person. Now, all I can do is wait. And I will wait as long as it takes.
I bend over and grab my things, pulling my pants on as she stands, wrapped in a sheet in the corner. I don’t bother putting on my shirt or shoes. I just keep them in my hands as I walk over to her and press a kiss to her head. “I’ll give you space, Jade. But I’m not going anywhere.”
I take my things and walk through her apartment and to my car. I toss my shoes into the passenger side seat and pull my shirt on before climbing behind the wheel. Instead of going home, I swing by the garage and find Dad hard at work on a Dodge. The hood is lifted, and he’s bent over the front. He’s concentrating so hard, he doesn’t even hear me walk in.
“What’s up, Pops?”
He jumps. “Where you been?” he asks when he recovers.
“I was over at Jade’s. She needed help hanging some pictures and painting the bathroom ceiling.”
“I’m surprised she let you in after the shit you told me.”
“Me too.” I laugh out. “I think she’s confused about it all.”
He lifts his brow, his way of asking what I’m talking about.
“She’s torn. She still loves me. I can see it every time she looks at me, but she’s afraid of those feelings because of our past.”
“Can you blame her?” he asks, not bothering to look away from the engine.
“No, but I’m going to prove to her that I’ve changed. I’m not the same eighteen-year-old guy that broke her heart.”
He nods. “Good.”
“We had sex…tonight,” I admit .
He shakes his head. “What in the hell is wrong with you, boy?”
I laugh. “It wasn’t planned. I think we both just got a little too close. One thing led to another and then it was over, and we were both left feeling awkward.”
He laughs. “Yeah, sex with your ex can do that.”
I let out a long breath and run my hands over my head. “I keep screwing up with her, Dad. I don’t know how to fix the shit I broke. It just feels like I keep making things worse.”
He looks up at me, resting his forearms on the truck. “That’s exactly how things felt with your mom too.”
“What do you mean? How’d you screw that up? And whatever you did, you didn’t do too badly. You guys ended up married and having me.”
“Back in the day, I was just a dumbass kid—a lot like you.” He laughs. “I was in college, and I wasn’t taking anything seriously. I was just partying and having fun with my friends, no sense of responsibility or idea of what being an adult meant. Anyway, I went to this frat party, and I got hammered. Through the drunken haze, I saw the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen in my life. She had the longest blonde curls I’d ever seen, and they framed her face like an angel. I knew I had to get to know this girl. So I went over and we hit things off. I took her up to a bedroom, and you know…Anyway, the next morning, she was gone. I didn’t know where she lived, what her phone number was, or anything. I only had her first name: Julia.”
I smile when I hear mom’s name.
“Time passes, and I don’t see this girl anywhere. She isn’t on campus, she isn’t at anymore parties. She’s just gone. So, I forget all about her, telling myself that it wasn’t meant to be or that maybe she wasn’t even real, with how drunk I was. I finish out my freshmen year and take off for the summer. I spent three months traveling with my friends, partying every night, and while we were camping, I found a girl who lived in the same town I was living in. She wasn’t going to the same college, but she was at least in town. I started something up with her, and we dated the rest of the summer and well into my sophomore year. Then about halfway through my second year of college, I bumped into your mom. I thought I was seeing things. Come to find out, when we’d met and hooked up, she wasn’t even in college yet. She was still a senior in high school, which is why I hadn’t seen her around, and she was pissed that I had slept with her, took her virginity, and didn’t call.”
“How were you supposed to call if she didn’t give you her number?” I ask, entertained by the story. I’d never heard it before. All I knew was that my parents met in college .
“But she had. When she woke up the next morning, she wrote it down and left it on the bedside table, but I woke up so hungover that I didn’t even notice it. Anyway, I explained, but she didn’t want to hear it. And even though I was in a relationship, I still couldn’t forget about your mom.”
“So you dumped the other girl and worked your way back into Mom’s heart, huh?”
He laughs. “No. I didn’t want to risk the chance that your mom wouldn’t take me back. So I kept dating the other girl while I worked things out with your mom.”
“You made Mom the other woman?” I ask, blown away.
He presses his mouth into a thin line and nods. “I thought it’d be okay. I knew I wanted to be with your mom, and I wasn’t cheating on her, so…”
I shake my head. “Does Mom know?”
“She does. It all blew up in my face, of course. Look, all I’m saying is that you come from a long line of men who find the love of their life and end up making more mistakes than you do right turns. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. It doesn’t matter how much you fuck up.”
I nod, understanding. “So what do you think I should do now?”
He laughs. “I just told you how badly I fucked up and you’re still asking me for advice?” He shakes his head.
“Good point.” I stand up and get to work, making a plan in my mind. I feel like more than anything, Jade needs time. Time to think about us. Time to think about our past and if she can see a future with me. I won’t go to her. That’ll only confuse her more. I’ll stay right here and let her come to me when she’s ready. But most importantly, I won’t run. Not anymore.