21. Daphne
Daphne
The ride home is quiet. Dad and Cammie are in the back.
They’re whispering like they are making some big plans.
I probably should be worried, but I’m worn out.
I’m full of worry. Cammie was so upset at the thought of moving away from Ms. Grayson.
I love her too. I haven’t allowed myself to get too close to her.
Mostly because Dane didn’t like it. Now I can see how he tried to isolate me and control my life.
I’m not sure why I didn’t realize it while it was happening.
I feel very weak when I look back on things.
Dane may have never physically abused me, but he did use his temper to scare me.
He intimidated me and constantly belittled me.
I can see now I faded into the woodwork.
I always dreamed of having a catering business or a bakery.
He mocked the idea and said my role in the marriage was to plan parties and that’s the only catering I needed to worry about.
We were supposedly a team to impress his boss and get him a partnership.
Yet, when he made partner? He began sleeping with Serena.
He used me and the make-believe family he sold to his boss.
When, in reality, he barely spent time with Cammie or had time for me.
“You’re awful quiet tonight. Is everything okay?” Eli asks.
I turn to look at him and force a smile. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
“Have you decided against moving?” he asks, and I can hear trepidation in his tone. He’s worried. I am too, but not about if I want to move or not.
“I’m honestly not sure, Eli. I need to figure out what I want for my future and what Cammie needs. It’s hard to uproot a child. The separation and divorce have already put her through a lot. I’m not sure it’s a good idea to keep turning her world upside down.”
His hands grip the steering wheel tightly. “I’m not walking away from you, Skittles,” he says quietly. I look in the rearview mirror and dad’s bent down whispering to a very sleepy Cammie. Her eyelids are getting really heavy. I could almost smile—despite my mood and worries.
“It would probably be easier,” I murmur. “I have a lot of baggage and despite knocking Serena up, Dane will not give up control of me easily,” I add.
“Screw easy. I care about you, Daphne.”
I swallow as I think over his words. It sounds so sweet, but I know in my heart that I’m getting in deeper than he is.
What I’m feeling can’t be confined so easily with the word care.
Maybe it’s too soon. Hell, what if it’s just a rebound romance that I’m feeling?
Do I even care? Eli makes me feel alive in ways that Dane never did.
Can I reach for something more with him knowing I’m in love with him?
Will knowing he doesn’t feel the same and might never eventually wear me down?
I’ve already spent years in a relationship where I was the only one invested.
Then again, he’s shown such love to my daughter.
He furnished a home and spoiled Cammie in the process.
That doesn’t scream care. That’s love. Isn’t it?
I lay my head back against the seat. All these questions just lead me in a circle.
I need time to think—time to breathe. I’m rushing headfirst and I’m not even divorced yet.
A sigh escapes me as I come to a decision.
Things need to slow down. I can’t act too quickly.
For Cammie’s sake I need to be more careful.
“I care for you, too, Eli,” I respond, trying to ignore the sadness I’m feeling now after having so much hope earlier. Seeing my daughter upset has kind of put the brakes on the dreams that had begun to build. No matter what, though, Cammie will always come first.
“Talk to me, Skittles. What are you thinking?”
“I’m fine, Eli. Stop worrying. I’m just worried about Cammie and wondering if I’m making the right decisions. I just need some time to think.”
“Cammie will be happy in Corbin, Daphne. It’s just a change, but that’s not always a bad thing.”
“Maybe,” I allow. “Am I doing the right thing starting a business though? That’s dicey and I’m not sure I can afford to take chances right now. Dane doesn’t need any help trying to get custody of her. I need to choose my next steps wisely. That’s all I’m saying.”
He goes silent. Maybe I expected him to proclaim his love for me, maybe I didn’t. Yet, somehow the silence feels wrong. There’s nothing I can do about it. I close my eyes and just pretend to sleep.
I just need to think.