Chapter 13
Jason
I stood at the weathered headstone, the chill in the air wrapping around me like a shroud. It felt surreal to be here, overwhelmed by guilt and confusion, staring at the name etched in stone—the name of the woman I had loved more than anyone, now reduced to a mere memory. I hadn’t visited the grave in years, avoiding the site like a painful reminder of everything he had lost.
“Leslie, I’m sorry that I haven’t visited you in awhile. I’m confused and I feel guilty. We had some good memories together. The first few years were great. I’m so fucking sorry for how our last night together ended.”
I sat on the bench next to Leslie’s headstone and recalled our life together, a flood of memories surged through me. I pictured our first meeting—the spark in her eyes, the laughter that came so easily between us in the beginning. I could almost hear the soft vows exchanged on our wedding day, the promises made under a blue sky. The joy of our sons’ births washed over me, bittersweet now, mingling with the anguish of our final argument. That night had haunted him, filled with accusations and unresolved emotions.
I felt a sharp pang of betrayal in my heart, twisting like a knife. How could I allow himself to love again? The growing feelings I harbored for Vivienne felt like a betrayal to Leslie.. Could love endure beyond loss, or was it a betrayal to those who had passed?
“Leslie, I wish you were here to tell me that’s it’s okay to move on. To love again.”
Across town, Lucas and Dom invited me out for a drink. “Jason, what’s happening with you? I’m your best friend and I’m concerned. You’re withdrawing yourself from everyone the same way you did when Leslie passes.”
“Lucas, I just don’t know if I’m ready to say anything yet. I’m fine…”
“Dude, Jas, I’m going to stop you right there with the fine bullshit.” The thing with Dom was, that he didn’t sugarcoat anything. He quietly observed and spoke his mind. While Lucas was my best friend, Dom was a damn good friend, too. I could count on him in the same way I could with Lucas. The two of them were always joined at the hip. They did everything together. Hell, they’ve even shared women in the past.
“Jas, I’ve watched you for the past few months and for awhile I thought I was seeing the old you again. Then all of a sudden something changed.” Dom glanced at Lucas, then back to me. Lucas lifted his chin slightly and Dom continued. What the fuck was, this an intervention?
“Look, we know something has been going on with you and Vivienne, and we’re not here to judge you or her. But talk to us man. We’re worried about you.”
I glanced down and shook my head. The weight of my secrets was pressing down, threatening to drown me. Finally, the dam broke. My voice trembled as I confessed everything—my affair with Vivienne, the guilt that twisted in my gut, and the visceral fear that loving again would mean erasing the past. Each word felt like an offering, laying my soul bare.
"It’s okay to heal, Jason. It's okay to love again. Your heart has room enough for both," Lucas said gently.
“Lucas is right, Jason. Fuck. Look at me and Lucas. We’re perpetual bachelors. Manwhores really. But we’re also best friends who share everything.” Dom quickly glanced at Lucas before sliding his gaze back to me and continuing. What was that about? “We were both burned in the past from women who wanted nothing but our money and the status that came from being with us. We both swore to never love again. But, if it’s in the cards for us to find love in the future, it’ll happen. It can’t be forced. Now I know the situation with Vivienne is complicated, mainly because she is still married. Work, you can figure out later.”
Listening to Lucas and Dom, I felt a flicker of hope amidst the anger, regret, and guilt. We sipped our drinks while catching up on other areas of our lives. We did our best not to talk about work when we were outside of the office.
Later that night, after chatting with Jace at home about his school work, I realized that healing wasn't about forgetting; it was about embracing all that had come before and allowing new love to blossom. I had to make a decision. I just hoped it was the right one.