Chapter 14
Jason
“Hey, Sam. I need a favor. I need you to transfer Vivienne to Lucas.”
“Oh? Umm is her performance slacking any?”
“No, Sam. Absolutely not. I just want for Vivienne to have the opportunity to work in different departments, so she can continue to grow and excel in her career with us.” Lie. Lie. Lie. All lies.
“Okay, Jason. I’ll get everything in order. When do you want her transfer to take place?”
“Immediately.” I hung up my office phone and dropped my face to my desk. “What the fuck did I just do?” I said quietly to myself.
The weight of complications hung heavily over me like an oppressive storm cloud. I had always known the risks of our affair—the ramifications for our families, our careers, and especially for Vivienne herself. But the moment came when the fear of exposure became too great, and I made the gut-wrenching decision to create distance between us. I couldn’t face the fallout, so I invoked the excuse of avoiding favoritism to request her transfer to Lucas under the guise of her learning about each department for her own career opportunities.
I glanced up and stared across my office to the closed door where I knew Vivienne sat on just the other side. Instant regret stabbed through my heart. But this had to happen. It was for the best. I just had to keep telling myself that.
When I got to the office this morning, I sat at my desk and composed an interoffice email to send to everyone, stating that I would be unavailable for most of the day and that I was not to be interrupted. I got up and walked across my office to Vivienne’s office door and closed it. Slowly and quietly, I turned the lock on the door, as my forehead pressed against the cold wood.
About an hour after my call to Sam, Lucas came barging into my office. “What the hell, Jason! I thought we talked about this, man.” He ran his hands through his hair.
“Hear me out, Lucas. I need to do this and I need for you to take Vivienne under your wings. She’ll be a great asset to you. But I have to do this. It’s what’s for the best.”
“Oh, yeah? For you or for her?”
“For everyone involved! For the business that the two of us built from the ground up!” I roared, jumping to my feet. I started pacing around my office. I could feel the walls closing in on me. I was spiraling.
“Calm the fuck down, Jason!” Lucas got up and stood next to me by the windows that overlooked downtown Boston. He placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him. “I got you. Okay? I’ll take Vivienne on. No more questions. I like her, she’s a great employee, no one’s questioning that. What I was questioning was why? Why move her? I thought our conversation with Dom the other night went well and you were going to make the decision to move forward with her.”
I took a deep breath and whispered, “I just have to. It’s for the best.”
Lucas shook his head and simply said okay, before giving me a brief hug and walked out of my office. Thank fuck my office was soundproof, because this was not a conversation that I would want Vivienne to overhear.
Vivienne
I was blindsided. I felt the pain slice through me like a knife. My heart raced as I read the email from Sam instructing me that I would now be reporting to Lucas. Lucas wasn’t the problem. I liked him well enough. The problem was that Jason was being a coward by not telling me himself.
I never once regretted what happened between us. I thought we had a deep connection. I thought what we shared was special, something that I never felt with Robert. It wasn’t just sex to me with Jason and we only fucked once. Our feelings toward each other had been growing over the year since I’ve been here, before we even touched one another. I had even taken steps on contacting divorce attorneys because I knew that my time with Robert had come to an end.
I needed to find Jason. He wasn’t in his office. “You can’t hide from me forever, Jason”, I whispered to myself.
I picked up the phone and dialed Lucas. “Lucas, this is Vivienne. Do you know where Jason is?”
He cleared his throat and slowly said, “No. I’m sure he’s either in a meeting or stepped out for a bit.”
I just knew he was covering for Jason, but I wouldn’t push it.
“Okay, Lucas. Thanks.”
Picking up the phone again, I dialed Dom. Since Dom was head of IT and security and Jason and Lucas’s friend, I knew he would have an idea of what was going on.
“Dom. Before you tell me that you can’t help me or you don’t know where he is, I just want to say that I know that YOU know exactly where Jason is.”
Dom chuckled, “I knew I liked you, Vivienne. But you’re right, I do know where he is and I’m only going to tell you because what I think he’s doing is a mistake. I know that the situation between the two of you is complicated. But I think you’re good for him.”
I inhaled sharply and continued to listen him. “You’ll find him in Meeting Room three on the second floor. He’s been there for about an hour, give or take.”
“Okay, thank you so much, Dom! I truly appreciate it.”
“No problem. But do me a favor, don’t go easy on him. He really thinks that he’s doing what’s best for everyone involved.”
A part of me wanted to go easy on him. But I couldn’t my emotions were all over the place. I slipped out of my office and made my way down to where Dom told me I could find him.
Sure enough, there Jason was. He sat at the head of the table, staring blankly at his laptop in front him. It looked like he had been running his hands through his hair all morning.
The moment I closed the door, he quickly looked up. His gaze meeting mine. We stood there for what seemed like hours just staring at each other. I couldn’t hold back my emotions. My chin wobbled and I could feel the moisture pooling in my eyes, refusing to drop. I hated this feeling.
I finally cleared my throat and spoke. “Hey.”
He didn’t speak. He closed his laptop and crossed the room to where I stood. He raised his arms, as if he wanted to hug me. But he quickly dropped them down to his sides. When he finally spoke, you could hear the tension in his voice, “We should probably talk. But it can’t be here. This is not a conversation for the office.”
“You’re right, we should talk. But since you have a habit of avoiding me, I’m here now and we’re going to talk now.”
He sighed like I was annoying him. “Viv, what do you want me say? We knew going in to this” - gesturing between the two of us - “was always going to be temporary. We fucked and it was good, hell it was more than good. It was by far the most explosive sex I’ve ever had. But we were always going to be temporary, nothing more.”
How could he say this was nothing more? He was lying to himself and he knew it. His words weren’t even convincing. It was like he was reading a teleprompter.
I couldn’t help myself and laughed. Yeah, I was starting to sound like a crazy woman, but fuck it. “Temporary! Is that what you truly believe, that what we have or excuse me, had, was temporary?
You’re a coward, Jason!” I spat, hurt radiating from my every word. His voice rose, cutting through my anger with a harsh edge. “This was a mistake, Vivienne! You know that! How am I the coward, when you’re still fucking married?! Huh? How was this going to work, Viv? Would I get to fuck you every other weekend?”
My reactions to his hateful words was immediate. My hand reached out so fast and slapped him across his cheek before he could stop me. As I tried to slap him a second time and grabbed my wrist and just stared at me, my hurt reflected back in his stare.
“You’re right Jason. I am still married and you knew that from the beginning. I also asked you to be patient with me and you promised me you would. Joke’s on me, I guess. You broke your promise and now I guess I should cancel my follow up appointment with the divorce attorney that is scheduled for next week. You know, since this was always supposed to be temporary and apparently only about sex. Congratulations. You fucked me once and now you’re done with me.” I truly tried to keep my voice calm, but the last words out of my mouth quivered and a lonely tear slid its way down my cheek.
Jason, still gripping my wrist, yanked me to his chest and told me to shut up before crashing his lips down on mine. The kiss was harsh and unforgiving. He forced his tongue between my lips and I caved, melting into him. He was like a drug. But I quickly remembered that he had said this was nothing, that we were temporary and I pushed him away.
“You don’t get to kiss me after telling me that we were nothing more!”
Frustration spilled into the air, a handful of curious colleagues began watching through the glass walls, eyes wide with intrigue. The humiliation of being on display only amplified my heartbreak, and with tears blazing trails down my cheeks, I fled the meeting room to my office, feeling utterly defeated.
That evening, I lay awake with the oppressive silence of the home I shared with my husband. The echoes of the confrontation with Jason echoed in my mind. I felt slightly betrayed and confused by Jason; and yet I couldn’t help but silently laugh at the irony of me betraying my own husband.
◆◆◆
Jason
“What’s going on, Dad?” Jaxon’s booming voice echoed in the kitchen, his brow furrowed in concern. I was slumped over the marble countertop, slinging back my third whiskey. I felt like I was drowning, clinging to a lifebuoy. The amber liquid burned my throat but did little to quell the turmoil within. I felt cornered, terror creeping in as I faced Jaxon’s piercing gaze.
“Son, I didn’t hear you come in,” I sighed.
“Talk to me, dad. I’m worried about you. I feel like we’re losing you all over again.” Jaxon’s voice cracked as he spoke to me.
I got up from my stool and wrapped my arms around my oldest son. “I’m so sorry. I feel like I’ve failed you and your brother. I fucked up, Jaxon. I love her and I fucked it all up.” I was sobbing like a baby. Great. Here I am in my mid-forties sobbing on my son’s shoulder like a pussy.
“Dad, it’s okay. I know you loved mom, but she was going to leave us….” I pulled out of his embrace to face him. I needed him to understand that this was not about his mother.
“Jaxon, son, this has nothing to do with your mother.” He looked up at me with a confused look, so I carried on. “This is about Viv, Vivienne. I love her and because I can’t get out of my own head, I’m afraid I’ve fucked it all up. I knew that our situation would be complicated when we first started this, but I never expected to fall for her they way that I did.”
“Umm, dad, isn’t Mrs. Vivienne married?” he asked with a disapproving look, that I knew all too well. “I’m not here to judge either one you, that’s not my job. However, I will say this, then I’ll leave you alone tonight. I just want to see you happy and in the last few months, I thought you were. But sometimes, you have to work on loving yourself first before you can love again. Don’t get stuck in your own thoughts or you’ll forever be haunted by regret.I love you, dad.”
Jaxon gave me one last hug and walked out of the kitchen to leave me with my thoughts.