Chapter 5 – James #2
For a long time, James savored every small statement like this.
Every mention of another hang out felt like a tiny promise he could tuck in his pocket and keep with him throughout the week.
In some ways, he still did. They had a routine now, but James knew how fast routines could be shattered and life could be turned upside down.
“Maybe I will,” James said as he nudged Leon’s shoulder with his, encouraging him to step through the door.
Even though they were coming from a cemetery, the next room was somehow ten times creepier.
There was once again a lot of fake blood, but this time, it wasn’t in bucketfuls, which had felt over the top and easy to dismiss.
Here, there were bandages, gauze, and hospital gowns splattered with blood all over the room, like they were on the front lines of a war zone.
The smell of copper was strong in the air, and distantly, James wondered how they’d gotten that smell when fake blood often smelled more sickly sweet.
The familiar beeping of a heart monitor and the shriek of an IV that needed to be reset washed over James, and he was able to push it into the background like he often did in his mom’s hospital room.
There was also soft grunting, but as if waiting for their cue—which they probably were—the two people on the other side of the room didn’t speak until both Leon and James looked over at them.
Then they both began to shout.
“He’s coding!” the nurse screamed as she held up paddles that were hooked up to what looked to be a car battery on the floor.
The man let out a blood curdling scream as she pressed the paddles down to his chest.
Well, that didn’t seem entirely accurate, given that if someone was coding, they probably weren’t getting enough oxygen to scream, but?—
The man tried to sit up, but the nurse grabbed him and slammed him back onto the gurney.
He had a very impressive looking prosthetic covering his stomach, which made it look like he’d been carved wide open, his guts hanging off the table as blood slowly oozed out of him.
The nurse was practically coated in blood, probably from having to do so many takes of pressing her hands into the man’s open chest cavity.
“Why didn’t you save me?” the man gurgled, his hand reaching out towards James and Leon. “You were my son; you were supposed to save me.”
Wow. James had thought having the room resemble a hospital would have been enough, but this was next level. No wonder the person hadn’t agreed when James said this room was going to be straightforward.
James took two steps forward so they could move along past the gruesome skit being played out, but Leon didn’t follow. His hand was limp in James’, while his arm was as stiff as a cadaver…which was definitely not the right thought to be having, given the current room, but he couldn’t help it.
James turned to look at Leon, and all the air pressed out of his lungs in a painful lurch.
Leon was standing there, completely frozen, his face ashy and his eyes wide. There was something wrong with his breathing, and it took James a little too long to realize it was because he wasn’t breathing.
Something inside James clicked into place.
He’d spent countless hours at his mom’s side, checking vitals back when that was actually his job to do.
For years after, he’d done it anyway, even when it was more of a compulsion than a necessity.
He knew the signs to look for that meant liver failure, what constituted a normal bump or bruise, and what meant excessive bleeding.
At that moment, James’ entire focus became Leon.
He turned his back on the sobbing man and screaming nurse and let go of Leon’s hand so he could bring both hands up to Leon’s face.
He tipped Leon’s chin down so he could check how dilated his pupils were, but also so he would be forced to look at James and not the gruesome display behind him.
“Leon?” he said.
Leon didn’t even blink.
“Leon?” he said, louder this time. “Baby?”
Huh. Who knew James was the kind of guy who used terms of endearment like “baby”?
Leon made a strangled noise, and James shook himself.
Right, not the time.
He brushed his thumbs across the pale slopes of Leon’s cheekbones. His skin was weathered right at the crest of his cheeks and then softer as it moved back towards his hair.
“J-James?” Leon whispered, slowly blinking as if out of a trance.
Their eyes locked, and there was something James had never seen in them before.
Fear.
“Tomato!” James yelled, and immediately, the room fell quiet.
“James?” Leon repeated as his eyes went out of focus again, and he grasped at James’ shoulders.
“Hey, is he okay?” a concerned voice asked from behind him.
James glanced over his shoulder to see the man on the gurney sitting up.
“Do you need us to call for help?” the nurse asked.
“Or we can give you the room for a few? The next group won’t be in for at least ten minutes. Maybe more,” the guy said.
Leon’s fingers dug into James’ shoulders. “I’m…okay,” Leon managed to say through gritted teeth.
“The room would be great,” James said firmly before turning back to Leon and ignoring the shuffling noises that followed.
Leon’s eyes were still glassy, and his grip on James’ shoulders slowly loosened, but James wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.
“Hey,” he said, moving his hands to Leon’s hips to try to steady him. James had never touched this part of him before. His hip bones were almost completely covered in sinewy muscle, and they tensed and bunched under James’ hands.
“I…don’t know what…happened,” Leon whispered, squeezing his eyes shut.
He began to lean dangerously to the side, and James pushed firmly on his hips until he was up against the wall next to the doorway.
James knew lightheadedness when he saw it, and right on cue, Leon slowly sank down the wall. James followed him down, squatting and then kneeling between Leon’s spread legs.
The second Leon’s butt hit the floor, his head drooped. James moved as if on instinct, bringing his hands up to the wall next to Leon’s head and leaning forward, allowing Leon’s head to slump forward against James’ chest.
“Okay,” James soothed. “Deep breath in through your nose, then out through your mouth.”
Leon did as instructed, his hands sliding down James’ chest to land on his thighs.
“Good. Now again. Deep breath in.”
Leon took a shaky breath in.
“And out.”
Leon let it out.
As James continued to guide him through the exercise, he realized his own breath was coming out in ragged gasps. He didn’t have time to worry about that, though. As Leon let out his fifth deep breath, he sagged back against the wall, his head rocking to the side with his eyes still closed.
“Fucking hell,” Leon murmured.
“Yeah, that about sums it up,” James said. He was still practically sitting in Leon’s lap, but if he pulled back, he was worried Leon would tip over.
The seconds ticked by, and James fought to control his own breathing as he scanned over Leon’s face, looking for signs that he was feeling better—or worse. His skin still looked grey, but his fingers began to twitch against James’ legs, as if he was slowly trying to get feeling back in them.
On second thought, that was most likely exactly what he was doing.
“Have you ever fainted before?” James asked, and Leon huffed, rolling his head to the other side, his eyes still squeezed shut. “I’m serious. Have you ever been in a stressful situation and gotten lightheaded or dizzy? Had spotty or tunnel vision?”
Leon cracked an eye open, and the other slowly followed. He seemed to take in how close they were, James' face less than an inch away from his. His fingers flexed with a bit more force, and he gripped the tops of James’ thighs.
“Some…times when I…used to get in fights a lot, I’d lose feeling in my fingers, and…sometimes my hands,” Leon said slowly. “It still happens when I…get angry or want to start a fight. Feels like my fingertips tingle, and it spreads up into my knuckles until I…”
Leon’s words trailed off, and his eyes went to half-mast as he gazed at James’ face.
“Calm down?” James offered.
Leon bobbed his head down, taking a bit longer than usual to lift his head back up.
As James waited to see if Leon would say anything else, he realized he could feel his own heart beating in the base of his throat. He wasn’t sure if it had just started beating that hard, or if it had been going like that the whole time.
“I can’t say for sure what’s causing it,” James said, trying to ignore the trembling that was now starting in his hands. “Whether it’s anger or panic or anxiety, but I think you stopped breathing.”
Leon slowly raised his eyebrow, so slowly that it had to be at least a little on purpose.
James tried to smile at the gesture, but his lips didn’t seem to want to listen. “I don’t know what else to tell you. That’s what happened.”
His mind conjured up the image of Leon standing there, frozen with absolute terror in his eyes. The last of James’ earlier feeling of control and focus slipped out of his grasp. In its place came all the big, messy feelings he’d been having right before they came into this room.
“God, Leon, you…you should have said something. We didn’t have to come in here. I had no idea this would trigger you.”
Leon opened his mouth, but James’ mouth still wasn’t following his directions and kept right on talking.
“I should have known, though. Of course, I should have known. Your dad died when you were a kid, and I’m sure that has lasting effects, but I…
I wanted to do this for you,” James said, and somewhere in the back of his head, he wondered if the panic had somehow spread from Leon to him.
“I wanted to get through this so you could be there for Hailey, and I didn’t want to get in the way or be a problem,”
Leon’s eyes were wide, making his still ashen cheeks appear almost hollow. “You’re not a problem, James.”