Chapter 5 – James #3
This time, James was the one who closed his eyes.
“Maybe not a problem, but…I feel like I’m…
superfluous and in the way, tripping over myself and–and a burden.
I…I just want to be helpful, and all I’ve managed to do in this haunted house is break down, trip, scream, and drag you into a triggering room. “
“James—“
“And all I’m doing in life is taking up space. I’m just a butt in a seat at work, in the way in my mom’s house, and taking up Yarmen’s space on your couch?—“
“James, what the fuck are you?—“
“And now,” James said, and his breath rattled as he inhaled so he could finally, finally , let this all out.
“Now I’m here, in your space, freaking out because all I want to do is be useful for you, and I had one chance to help and provide the support you always, always give to me, and I’ve completely messed it up, and all I have ever wanted to do is not mess this up ‘cause you–you mean so much to me, and I can’t–I can’t lose you, Leon.
My mom is out there dating again, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing anymore, and I just–I just, I can’t?—“
Suddenly, James couldn’t move his mouth, but it wasn’t because his mouth wasn’t responding to direction. It was because Leon had crashed their mouths together.
Leon. Had crashed. Their mouths together.
Their mouths .
Everything came to a screeching halt in James’ brain.
For a moment, he felt utterly and completely numb. Then, as if he was turning the dials on a telescope into focus, he began to feel every place their bodies were touching.
Leon must have leaned forward because the insides of his thighs had closed in around James’ sides.
One of his hands had made it up to the back of James’ neck, and the other was clutching desperately at his leg.
James’ hands were still pressed into the wall, which was probably for the best, because he had absolutely no idea what to do with them.
He also didn’t really know what to do with his mouth. Leon’s lips were soft and almost unbearably plush. He had slight whiskers above his mouth that were brushing the top of James’ lips.
Leon’s hand on his neck pulled him in a little closer, and James’ mouth went slack. Almost immediately, Leon’s tongue came out and brushed against his bottom lip.
Something about that one tiny movement broke the last wall inside him. Obviously, the hand behind James’ neck should have signaled this, but it took Leon’s soft tongue to prove that this wasn’t an accident. Leon hadn’t somehow fallen against James’ mouth.
Leon was kissing him.
And James was sure as heck going to kiss him back. If this was his only chance, he wasn’t going to squander it.
James pressed forward, chasing after Leon’s tongue. They met at the edge of their mouths, stroking and brushing, then James took a chance and pressed into Leon’s mouth.
Leon immediately opened to him, tipping his head to the side to deepen the kiss. His hand was steady on his neck, but the one on his leg was trembling.
That was probably the only thing that could’ve made James pull back.
James slowly opened his eyes, and warm brown irises the color of rich chocolate filled his vision. They stared at each other, and James pulled even farther back.
All of his words were gone. He had nothing left to say. All he had was a crushing hope that pressed in on him from all sides.
After a long, tense moment, Leon cleared his throat. “I don’t know good tricks for anxiety like you do. I don’t have any breathing exercises or grounding techniques or any of that shit and…it seemed like you…might have been panicking?” Leon said, his voice soft and uncertain.
James sank back onto his knees, his feet splaying out behind him, so that his butt slowly lowered to the ground, and his hands fell into his lap. He figured he probably looked a little like Leon had before: wide-eyed and pale-faced.
Leon licked his bottom lip, and James followed the movement with his eyes. “And…maybe now you’re panicking again, but…” Leon said.
But this time because his best friend had kissed him to shut him up?
Surprisingly…no. He wasn’t panicking. His brain was just short-circuiting. He shook his head, and Leon’s eyebrow quirked a little, but in disbelief, not in sass or in jest.
“Okay, well…good,” Leon said, and they were left staring at each other again.
What were they supposed to do now? They probably only had a few more minutes left before they needed to move to the next room.
He didn’t want to leave things as they were.
“Thank you,” James tried.
“For…kissing you?”
“Uhm, I meant for trying to help me stop panicking, but…” James swallowed and dug as deep as he could into the depths of his chest, to the very bottom of his heart. “Uhm, yeah. Also for the kiss.”
Leon searched his face. “That was…okay?”
James nodded so fast his neck cracked. Thank god his body seemed unwilling to give any response other than that.
“Are you sure?” Leon pressed.
His eyes had clouded over with uncertainty, another emotion James had never really seen on him before. He much preferred the cocksure, snarky pain in his ass at work. Or the brave, protective, caring man who had guided James through the haunted house.
James refused to be the person who brought out this uncertainty in Leon.
He raised his hand to the back of Leon’s neck, sliding his fingers through Leon’s wonderfully soft hair. Slow enough for Leon to pull away if he wanted to, James pressed back up onto his knees and leaned forward until he could feel the heat of Leon’s lips a breath away from his.
“James,” Leon whispered, and his lip quivered against James’.
“Yeah?”
“Please,” Leon breathed, and James pressed their lips together again.
It felt like their two hundredth kiss, not their second. Leon met every brush of James’ lips and press of his tongue. As James tangled his other hand in Leon’s hair, Leon grabbed James’ hips.
James had never let himself imagine how this might feel.
He’d stared at Leon’s hands for months but always stopped himself from picturing how they might grip his sides and pull him in tight.
Every time Leon smirked at him or quirked his lips, James always came up short of guessing what his mouth would taste like.
A fall harvest. That’s what he tasted like. A delicious combination of spice and oranges, and the turning of seasons. His hair felt like a cashmere sweater, and the warmth of his body under James’ was like drinking hot cocoa after playing in piles of leaves.
James’ entire body was tingling, which probably meant something about oxygen and breathing, but he didn’t care. He could have stayed there on the hard floor, dirt and debris digging into the knees of his dress pants, forever.
Leon’s hands were now completely steady as he pulled James in closer. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much closer he could go without climbing onto Leon’s lap. He would do that in a heartbeat if only?—
Someone cleared their throat behind them. James turned to see the nurse standing in an open doorway that must have been hidden behind the surgical suite curtain.
“Sorry to interrupt. Super glad you’re feeling better, but we do have to ask you to either take the emergency exit hallway or head into the next room,” she said, her voice pleasant but no nonsense.
“Of course,” James said, and he stood up on shaky legs, taking a moment to steady himself before offering Leon his hand.
He accepted the help and entwined their fingers together. James turned to go, but Leon held him back.
“How many more rooms are there?” Leon asked the nurse.
“There are two more. They’re nothing compared to this one, but if you’re not feeling up for it you can take this hallway all the way out to the exit.”
James turned back to look at Leon. “I could do two more rooms, but only if you want to,” James said.
“They’re vampire and sea monster themed,” she offered.
“I say we finish it off,” Leon said, a grin curling the side of his kiss-reddened lips.
“There’s a small hallway between this room and the next. You have a minute or two to collect yourself in there if you need it.”
They both thanked her as they made their way out of the cursed—blessed?—room.
They didn’t make it very far past the door. Pretty much as soon as they crossed the threshold, Leon pulled James to the side of the connecting hallway. He wheeled James around until his back brushed against the wall, and Leon stepped into his space.
Before James could raise his own questioning eyebrow, Leon smirked at him.
“Baby? Really?”
It took James a second to understand what he was asking, then heat scorched across his face. “You weren’t even breathing,” James huffed. “How do you remember that?”
Leon laughed softly, and for the first time in the haunted house, he was the one who rested his weight against James. “You stared into my eyes and called me ‘baby.’ There’s not a chance in hell I would forget that, darlin’.”
James caught his bottom lip between his front teeth and looked down at his dirt crusted shoes—only to have Leon cup the side of his face and lift his head up. He ran his thumb over James’ bottom lip, coaxing him to let go of it.
“What—”
“I’ve wanted to do that every time you’ve bit your lip for almost six months,” Leon said.
Goosebumps broke out across James’ arms. “Oh god…”
“Is that a good ‘oh god?’”
“Definitely a good ‘oh god.’”
James felt the weight of Leon’s gaze on his mouth, but neither of them made a move to close the distance between them.
“You’re not a burden,” Leon said.
James rocked back on his heels, his shoulders knocking roughly into the wall. Leon stepped in closer, until the left side of his body and the right side of James’ were practically melded together.
“You’re also not a problem, and you sure as hell add more to my life, to your mom’s life, and even to the lives of your minions, than just taking up space.”
James could feel every individual muscle in Leon’s chest that had to expand and contract for him to take his next shaky breath.
“If I have ever done anything to make you feel that way…like you have to provide me with some kind of value to be in my life… Please let me make it up to you.”
James shook his head, and Leon ducked until his forehead rested against James’ temple.
“Alright,” Leon said, his breath teasing the underside of James’ shirt collar. “But whatever has made you feel like this, and think like this…we’re gonna fucking fix it, okay?”
James couldn’t nod or move his arm, not with Leon clutching his hand and glued to his side. He peeled his lips apart, and they felt sticky and raw as he forced himself to answer. “I think it might be a combination of things. It’s no one person's fault. It’s…sort of been a long time coming.”
Leon rested his free hand over James’ heart. “We’re gonna fucking fix it.”
James gazed at the scuffed, blank wall in front of him. “We…like, you and me?”
Leon tipped his head up and pressed his lips right against James’ ear. “You and me, darlin’. Together.”