Chapter 18
Eva
Inner Monologue
I liked being carried.
I didn’t like upsetting Daddy or Miss Jeannie, but I knew it was the only way our plan would work.
Well, it was Addy and Max’s plan. They came up with everything, and Auntie Ana had helped. My only job was not to ruin things.
That was okay. I liked not ruining things.
I didn’t get why we had to do so much, but what I did understand was that there was something between Miss Jeannie and my daddy that made both of them very happy, but they were both a bit too scared to say it. I didn’t get why, not really, other than it being related to Mommy.
But the thing was, Mommy always told me love was expontial—no, no, it was exponential—and that loving one person didn’t mean you had to love someone else less.
That was how she could love both me and Addy the same, even though Addy was so much smarter and betterer than me.
So if Daddy and Miss Jeannie were falling in love… why was that bad again?
I didn’t know, and I assumed it was one of those complicated things that other people struggled with. I thought kinda differently than most people. If anyone asked me—and no one ever did—a lot of folks’ lives would be easier if they could see things like I did.
“You did great, guys!” Ana said once we were far enough that Daddy couldn’t hear us.
Daddy had all his super senses, so we had to be mega-careful.
One day, Addy and I would have them. Our brains and bodies had to be old enough to handle that kinda power.
I was looking forward to it, but I could wait.
Sometimes being able to hear so many people so much louder seemed like a bad thing.
“You don’t think I did too much?” Max asked, chewing his lip.
I didn’t understand why he sounded so guilty. It was just acting, right? And people acted on the TV all the time, and that wasn’t wrong, so why was this?
“Nah, you did just enough to get them to head off on their own. If this can’t get them out of their holding pattern and realize they’ve been staring after each other like lost puppies, nothing will.”
“I liked setting out the treats. It made me feel like Santa,” I said.
“And you are a very excellent Santa,” Auntie Ana said.
I liked her. She didn’t always understand me like Mommy, Daddy, Addy, and now Max did, but she also never acted like I was really weird.
I knew I was supposed to voice the thought train that went on in my head out loud, but honestly, sometimes it was way too complicated to explain.
Why couldn’t I just say something and have people take me at my word?
“Thank you.” I paused for a moment, my mind going on one of those exact train o’ thoughts that peeps talked about.
The train went all the way from what it would be like to only work for one day of the year, but have to visit the entire world in one night, to the fact that our plan was supposed to make it so that Max would be in our lives forever. “Do you think this is gonna work?”
“It has to,” Max said confidently from Auntie Ana’s back. “Mama has never so much as looked twice at another guy. I didn’t even think I had a dad until I was like five. Thought she had made me all on her own because she had magic powers.”
“Does she?” I asked, because that would explain a lot.
I liked humans. In fact, I had a couple of human friends, and not just Max.
But there was something a little different about Max and Miss Jeannie that I couldn’t explain.
Other humans put way too much importance on silly things like looks or clothes or skin color, and I thought it was because their world was shallower than ours.
It was kinda weird. But that wasn’t Max and Miss Jeannie at all.
“I mean, not in the literal sense, like all of you. But also, absolutely.”
“I think she has superpowers too,” I said.
“Thank you, Eva.”
I didn’t say it to be thanked, but I enjoyed it. It made me warm all over when the people close to me said nice things to me. Made me feel like I was less weird. Not that there was really anything wrong with being weird—I liked being me—but sometimes it could be really lonely.
That was why I wanted Max around all the time. Somehow, it felt like he was supposed to be my brother. Like the big world had made a mistake, and accidentally shuffled him away from my momma’s tummy.
But at the same time, it was so obvi to me that he was meant to be Miss Jeannie’s little boy. And besides, with how sick Mommy had been, she wouldn’t have been able to take care of him.
So, in a strange way, we were all where we were supposed to be and somehow always had been.
“I think life plots too,” I blurted as Auntie Ana’s feet continued to crunch through snow. There was a beat of silence, and I was worried that I had gone a little too far ‘Eva’ and blurted out something mega-weirdo, but after a moment, it was Max who spoke.
“Are you saying that you think life has its own plan for people and kinda sets up things for certain other things to happen, like we’re doing with our parents?”
Yes! I was so happy that he got me! It let me know that even though I wasn’t always the best at the whole word thing, my mind was just fine. My thoughts did be thinking, but that was okay.
“Yeah, that’s what I meant.”
“You know, there are several fascinating studies about things like fate, destiny, and being able to manifest things...” Addy began, and I settled into what I knew was going to be one of her long monologues about something she had read.
I didn’t mind. In fact, I loved it whenever my sister dropped her big brains on me.
The things she said was really cool, and I was happy that she shared her smarts with me, because it made me feel worthwhile.
Addy talked a whole lot more than I did, but she was just as selective, and I knew she wouldn’t waste a discussion on someone she thought wasn’t worth it.
I loved my sister, and I loved that she loved me, and I loved that I could feel it every moment of every day—even when we fought.
And I wanted Max to have that too.
It wasn’t fair that he had been alone for so long. I was glad that he had Miss Jeannie, but he deserved more, and so did she! Hopefully, if our plan worked, he would have just that.
My sister’s words wound around my ears, sending a warm fuzziness through my chest, and I looked up at the tall, tall trees that stood like dark towers against the sky.
I raised my hand, feeling the wind between my fingers through my gloves. And even though I hadn’t had much time with Mommy, it felt like she was in that wind, holding my hand like she always used to.
There you go, Evangeline, she said in my head in that soft, lovely voice of hers. I’m so proud of you. Thank you for watching out for everyone.
I smiled to myself, holding that thought in my head all the way back to the main cabin. There were a lotta things I didn’t understand in life, but I knew the people around me deserve to be happy. So, if I could make that happen, I was going to do it.
For them, for me.
And for Mommy.