Chapter 1 #2
“I don’t know who the hell you think you are all of a sudden. You should be glad I had Cyrus carrying your ass all this time. Your career is washed, and you know it.”
“Wow, so if it’s like that, then set me free.”
“You must be out of your damn mind.”
“You say my career is already over. Me being pregnant is good for both of us actually. I want out of this shit,” I said before ending the call.
As the elevator climbed to the third floor, I took a deep breath and mentally prepared myself to deal with Cyrus. So far, he had been doing a mediocre job of following the terms of our agreement. That didn’t mean I didn’t dread seeing him as usual.
Somewhere beneath all that niceness, Cyrus was still the predator I couldn’t stand.
I think he was concerned about what I would do now that I was actively bucking the system.
Cy was just as worried about his image as the label was.
He was right to be worried. I was getting away from him and the label.
I just had to figure out how. I was still undecided if leaving was worth losing everything that I had worked so hard for.
When the elevator made it to my floor, I walked out and straight across the hall to the studio. It was eerily quiet considering how rambunctious Cy and his crew usually were. As a matter of fact, as I walked through the glass doors, Cy was the only one I saw.
“You always right on time,” he said, standing from his seat and extending the blunt he was smoking.
I took it from him and stuck it between my lips as I carefully looked around the room. Before I inhaled, I remembered the test.
“You here alone?” I asked, passing it back to him without hitting it.
“Yeah, I figured we needed some privacy. Plus, I know you hate having my guys up in here being all loud and shit.”
“Thank you.” I smiled. There was no telling how many times I had fussed about him and his entourage crowding the studio when we were supposed to be working.
“I’m trying to do better, C. I hope you see that.”
“I’m glad you’re alone. We need to talk,” I told him.
“Cease called me. That’s actually why I came alone.”
“I’m not getting rid of my baby, Cyrus.”
“Is that what he said?”
“Yes, and I’m not doing that.”
“Let me talk to him. You know he’s an opportunist. If we get engaged first then announce the pregnancy, we might be able to get our own show. You know I’m all for making more money.”
I rolled my eyes. All Cy cared about was pussy and money. At least he didn’t go straight to the A word like our owner. Since Cyrus already knew about the baby, there was no use in going into a deep discussion. There was nothing to talk about. I was keeping my baby.
“Did you get my notes on the track?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Yeah, I just didn’t get it. I really need to see what you’re talking about live though.”
“OK, let me show you,” I said, moving toward the soundboard.
Cy grabbed my arm to stop me. “You don’t have to be in a hurry to get to work. Your album just dropped, Carteay.”
“That’s what I came here for,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, but I think we should talk first. How are we gon’ make a love song when we’re barely speaking?”
“We made two in the past when we were barely speaking. Let’s not pretend to be such good friends because we’ve been getting along for a few weeks, Cyrus. I’m just trying to hold up my end of the bargain.”
He sighed before sitting down and patting the spot next to him. “Sit down. I’m trying to make it up to you. If we’re going to have a child, we need to be on more than speaking terms.”
I rolled my eyes and plopped down on the couch. “As long as you keep your promise, we’re good.”
“We’re not good if you won’t even talk to me.”
I rolled my eyes. “We’re talking, Cyrus.”
“This is a lot for me. I don’t know about you. I need something to settle my nerves,” he said, standing and walking over to the bar setup in the studio.
Leave it to the powers that be to insist that we had all the drugs and alcohol we could ever want on the premises.
They helped to promote creativity as they said.
Cy dropped a block of ice in two glasses before adding brown liquor to each of them.
I guess he didn’t realize I couldn’t drink.
As bad as I needed something to settle my nerves and help me tolerate him, I knew better than to give in to temptation.
Besides, my stomach was already in knots.
I knew better than to add alcohol to the mix.
“I’m not trying to drink. My stomach feels crazy.”
“It’s your nerves, ma. I’m sure you’re probably anxious about the baby.”
“Exactly. I’m not supposed to drink, Cyrus.”
“Aww hell, I gotta get used to this baby shit. I was just thinking your nerves were about us being here together alone. It’s been a long time since you and I were alone. That’s why I booked the big studio for us.”
His phone rang, and he picked it up and walked over to plop down in one of the chairs in front of the soundboard.
I almost jumped out of my skin when the door swung open.
I usually locked the door when I was in the studio.
I liked privacy when I was creating. I was pretty sure that I wasn’t slipping. I locked the door.
I should have known it was Ceasar’s sickening ass who’d come in.
He had codes to bypass the locks on all the doors.
It was crazy how bad I hated to see him coming.
I regretted the day I won that contest and signed that fucking contract without having a lawyer present.
I thought all my dreams had come true the day I won the Big Time Records showcase.
For years, my mom struggled to take care of me and my sister as a single mother.
She gave us what she could, but even when I graduated and found a job, we could barely make ends meet.
My talent got us out of the projects once and for all but landed me into another form of oppression where my record contract came with a clause that gave the label complete control over my public image.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if they didn’t pick the world’s second biggest asshole to be my man.
Even with Cyrus being somewhat human for a change, I wanted out.
I had been paying some overpriced lawyer five figures over the past couple of months to figure out a way to get me out of it.
For all I knew, he had cut a deal with Ceasar’s conniving ass, because after all the promises and big talk about setting me free, I had yet to get any kind of progress toward my freedom.
“Ceasar,” I said, not bothering to try to hide my disdain for him.
“How you doing, pretty lady?”
“I’ll make it.”
“I’m glad to see y’all back at it,” he said, letting his eyes rake down to my cleavage.
“Yeah, we were just about to pour one up to try to loosen up and set the mood.”
“Oh, well pour another one for me,” Ceasar said.
“You can have mine,” I said, passing my cup to him.
“You sure? Why you not drinking?” Ceasar wondered.
He already knew the answer, so I didn’t bother dignifying his question with the whole answer. “My stomach is bothering me. I was hoping I could come down here to sing and get my mind off it.”
Ceasar threw my drink back, hissing before he started talking. “One of the producers was playing the demo for that new single, Cy. That shit is gon’ be a smash, man.”
“Yeah, I’m looking forward to it. That’s why I gotta let my girl shake these nerves off. We’re about to make a hit. B. Rock is supposed to be here in an hour to lay down the track. We’re just warming up for him.”
“You ready, Ms. Carteay?” Ceasar asked, looking over at me.
I lifted my shoulders. “I don’t have to get ready to sing. Besides, ready or not, I’m here now.”
“Aw, hell, don’t sound so bleak. You act like you’re a prisoner here, baby girl.”
“Sometimes I feel like it, Ceasar. I want to live life on my own terms.”
“You can do whatever you want to do in the privacy of your own home, but once you walk out that door, you are a representation of this company. You are a role model.”
“And this one over here is such a great role model?” I asked, pointing at Cyrus right as he popped a pill in his mouth.
“Don’t put me in it,” he muttered.
“We have to be more strategic with you, Carteay. Women love to see other women who they can relate to in the spotlight. You two are the perfect pair because all the ladies between twelve and forty-two want to be you, and all the niggas that want to be a rich thug look up to Cy. Together, y’all are couple goals to everybody that loves hip-hop and R&B. ”
“I don’t want to be a role model. I just want to sing.”
“That ain’t up to you. You’re in the spotlight. You wanted to be famous, and I made you famous. I gave you what you wanted. You’re one of the biggest R&B artists in the game right now.”
“You’re exactly right. I’m a singer. I’m no one’s role model, nor do I want to be.”
“You should have thought about that before you entered that contest.”
“How could I have known I would end up in prison?” I asked.
“I can never understand why you’re so ungrateful.
Nobody would know who the fuck you were if it weren’t for me and that damn contest you keep crying about.
I made you, little ass girl. I put you in singing lessons and piano lessons to hone your skills and finally make you worth listening to.
I helped you realize your wildest dreams. You remember when you said that?
I took you out of a two-bedroom apartment, living with your mama, and put both of y’all in mansions.
The least I can get is a little gratitude around here. ”
“Cease, chill, man. She’s just expressing herself,” Cy said, finally speaking up.
“You know what, let me get out of here and let y’all get to work,” Ceasar said, standing from his seat.
“Nah, stay. I want you to see how we work together,” Cyrus suggested.
“Here, drink some water. I know your vocal cords need some lubrication from all that hollering and crying you been in here doing,” Ceasar offered, extending a glass of water to me. “I don’t need no excuses when it’s time to record.”
I rolled my eyes at Cyrus as I took the drink from Ceasar and gulped it down. My eyes shifted to him as he took the glass out of my hand.
“I ain’t gon’ stay in y’all’s hair. I know it’s better if I get my ass out of here while I can. I’m expecting a chart topper out of you two.”
“You already know how we do when we get together,” Cyrus bragged.
“I’m looking forward to hearing it,” Ceasar said, opening the door and letting himself out.
There was no need to lock the door behind him since he had a key. Instead of worrying about his punk ass, I turned my attention back to Cyrus.
“Thank you for standing up for me,” I told him.
He chuckled. “It’s nothing. You know that guy wanna be so tough when it comes to a female but never have shit to say when a man is involved.”
“I noticed that.”
“Anyway, let me get in here and see how I feel with the lyrics. I’m about to show you what I was saying about the hook.”
“OK, let me start the track.”
While Cyrus messed with the soundboard, I let myself in the booth.
It always felt good to get in the studio, even when I was stressed out and uncomfortable about being alone with Cyrus.
Something told me to text my bodyguard and let him know to come back to the studio.
Since the doors were coded, I usually didn’t have to bring him inside.
Like I said, I liked privacy while I was working.
It didn’t matter anyway since the label hired those guys. They were really just protecting Ceasar’s investment. They weren’t worried about protecting me from him. It was different traveling because I hired extra help and had my own personal people outside of the guys the label hired to protect me.
Thankfully, due to living in a small town, I didn’t have to worry about any crazed fans running up on me. No one in my area knew who I was. I wasn’t looking forward to the day my luck ran out. I wanted my own security permanently.
I had been thinking about it for a while and actually had someone from Kannon’s company on call. Now that we weren’t speaking, I didn’t want to risk the on call person being him. It had been two months, and I still wasn’t ready to face him.
I had so many complex thoughts and emotions when it came to Kannon.
He probably hated me for leaving the way I did, and I couldn’t blame him.
As bad as I missed him, I hadn’t been able to bring myself to reach out.
I didn’t need him trying to save me. I didn’t want him getting hurt because of my shit.
Ceasar ran his business like the mob. I heard there was an actual gang financing some of his business moves.
There was no telling what he was capable of.
At the end of the day, I couldn’t let Kannon risk his life trying to save me from these monsters.
I made the bed I was lying in. Kannon didn’t deserve to have to figure out how to get me out of it. I needed to do this for myself.
I stepped into the booth and slipped the headphones over my ears. Usually, as soon as the beat dropped, I was in my element. This time, something felt off. My body felt heavy as hell, and my head was swimming.
Was this a symptom of pregnancy?
I put my hand on my forehead as I tried to steady my thoughts. I felt so drowsy, I thought I would faint. Before I knew it, Cyrus’s hands were on me. He practically had to hold me up as he ushered me out of the booth.
“You good, Carteay?” he asked.
“No, I feel dizzy.”
“Come out here and sit down.”
“No.” I pulled away from him.
I had no idea what he was up to, but I wasn’t going anywhere with Cyrus. I knew better than to trust him. I snatched away from him, stumbling and falling as I moved toward the door.
“Come on. I think we need to call somebody,” Cyrus suggested as he helped me to my feet.
“Bathroom.”
That was all I could muster as I felt myself getting drowsier.
I pushed past Cyrus and staggered into the open door of the bathroom.
He tried to follow me in, but I pushed the door closed and collapsed against it.
Something was off. Even though I was out of it, I knew I couldn’t trust him.
There was a knock on the door, causing me to jump.
“Carteay, open the door. B is going to be here soon. You’re going to be all right. You just need to sleep it off.”
“Sleep what off?”
“Just open the door!”
Something wasn’t right. I ignored him as I pulled my phone from my back pocket.
I pulled up the message thread between Kannon and I and typed a text.
Cy continued to bang on the door as I fumbled with my phone.
The phone dropped out of my hand, and I picked it up, hoping that I could hold it together long enough to send out an SOS.