Chapter 28
Slade
‘I’m here. I got you, Slade.’
Those were the words that cut through the hellish chaos inside my mind. I was trapped in an iron cage that felt like it was sinking to the bottom of the ocean. I was lucid enough to know I wasn’t alone, but I was paralyzed, frozen, unable to respond or to claw my way back to reality.
But everything changed when I heard Bane’s words. Through the chaos and screams in my mind, a tendril of light cut through the black swirling fog, and I latched onto it. My lifeline.
When I latched onto Bane’s presence—his light in my dark—rather than reliving all of Antwane’s heinous acts that he made me bear witness to, the scene shifted to be when I finally freed myself and killed him.
I relived seeing his disbelief and shock. The way his blood coated me as I repeatedly stabbed him. The way his eyes dimmed, the evil bleeding out of him all over that cursed cabin floor.
I killed my monster.
Then focused on Bane, feeling stronger now that ghost Antwane was just as dead as the real-life version of him. I reached for Bane through the roar of the screams and the emotions that wanted to shred my soul.
Warmth spreads throughout me as a strong, calloused hand cups my cheek. The smell of leather, mixed with pine and a hint of gasoline, envelopes me. “I’m here, baby,” Bane says, sounding closer now.
I want to tell him, ‘Don’t call me baby,’ but I can’t force the words free yet.
“That’s it, baby,” he rumbles low. “Come back to me and tell me how much you hate me calling you that.”
The nerve of this asshat.
Suddenly, I want to laugh.
His scent is stronger as my ragged breathing starts to calm, and I wrestle back control to force the screams in my mind to quiet.
My body is covered with something, and I realize it’s blankets, so I burrow into them like I’m burrowing into Bane himself, seeking a comfort and a safety I don’t understand but know he’ll provide for me.
As Bane talks to me and brushes my hair back and cups my face, I become more aware with each passing second. His voice and touch are the magic I desperately need to be grounded back into reality and slowly pull myself out from the hellish prison in my mind.
As I fully surface, emotions—pain, guilt, and shame—try to drown me, but I fight to let myself feel every one of them while keeping a tight rein on the screams and memories that want to flood me again.
“Bane.”
His focus is all on me. “What do you need?”
“Candy.”
One, because I’m always down for candy, and two, because as my body recovers from the onslaught of my triggered trauma response, my blood sugar could have dipped.
He runs his hand over my forehead again. “You can have all the candy you want.”
“Where am I?”
“My bedroom,” Bane says calmly, like this is the most natural thing in the world.
“How did I get here?”
However, a vague memory of being cradled against a rock-solid body and the heavy thud of boots fills my mind.
“I carried you.”
“Why?”
There are a hundred questions behind that why.
Why did you bring me to your room?
Why do you settle me and give me a strength that no one else ever has?
Why do I want to reveal all my secrets to you? And why do I want you so goddamn much?
The want I feel for Bane isn’t just physical; it’s mental, emotional.
I can’t love, so why does it feel like my chest is being ripped in two, knowing that I can never have that with him? Not only because he’s a biker and, just like my dad, monogamy isn’t in his vocabulary, but because I come heralding risk and death.
And when I tried to explain to Pix some of the reasons behind why I needed to leave, it triggered my worst spiral to date. One, that if Bane hadn’t been here, I don’t think I would’ve had the strength to pull myself out of.
Which leads me back to my simple but loaded question of why.
“Because…” Bane’s gaze feels heavy and loaded. “We have a connection that can’t be explained. My voice, my touch, my smell—it helped calm the war waging in your mind and brought you back.”
Panic leaps forth; my brain is slow to process, but it’s catching up. I was essentially comatose… Someone carried me to my room from the gym… Bane carried me here… My scars.
I rapidly scan his face to see if there’s any sign that he knows about them now. It’s not vanity that’s stirring my panic; it’s because there’ll be questions I don’t think I can answer, even with the strength that Bane seems to give me.
But then, a beautiful woman with caramel-brown hair tied back, wearing hospital scrubs and carrying a small black bag, is standing beside Bane, and my panic shifts focus.
I ask her who she is, even though I know what she is and why she’s here, and I need her to not.
“I’m Trinity, Mauler’s Old Lady.” She smiles. “I’m also an ER nurse. I came to make sure you’re okay.”
Panic fully seizes me.
I bolt upright into a sitting position, and scramble away from her, but then remembering my scars I yank my sleeves to pull them low over my hands. “You’re not touching me.”
“Slade.” Bane regards me with concern.
My eyes dart to see my brothers with Ash, and they all look like they want to help me. But no one can help me.
“No one will do anything you don’t want, Slade,” Trinity reassures in a calm, soothing voice. “You’re in charge and the one in complete control, okay?”
I turn to Bane, needing his reassurance because it seems that he’s in charge of my care. He nods, and my panic eases a bit. Even though I’m feeling without spiraling, I force everything back down into the safe metal box.
The resigned disappointment that flashes over Bane’s face could make me weep.
Trinity pulls my attention away from that thought. “Would you like anyone to stay with us, Slade?”
“I’m staying.” Bane has a wild look that’s overwhelming me with confused thoughts.
“Only if that’s what Slade wants,” Trinity says firmly.
I need him to leave, because if he’s here, he could pressure Trinity into doing a more thorough physical exam with me.
“Go, Bane.”
The tension rolls off him until he finally speaks. “I’ll be right outside if you need anything, Slade.”
“Thank you.”
Bane backs away from the bed. I study his bedroom instead of watching him leave so I don’t do something stupid, like plead with him not to leave me.
The large room has a few clothes tossed haphazardly over the couch and chairs.
It doesn’t fit Bane’s orderly and in-control demeanor, though.
The walls are a rich brown, and the bedding is a deep green.
There are no pictures on the wall, but his bedside table and the dresser have ones of him and the Council members at various ages.
The MC is a family in and of itself, but to Bane, his innermost circle of family is Ash, Army, Digits, and Pix.
My own inner circle of family—Jaarl, Tyr, and Sten—step up to the bed, looking at me with despair and guilt.
In their eyes, I’m broken, forever changed from the young, lively sister they used to know. Their guilt is thick and heavy, accepting the part they played in abandoning me to take care of Mom, and that I had to run away to save myself from her addiction.
“What happened to me could’ve happened even if Mom hadn’t done what she did.” Forgiving them takes a weight off me. “We can’t change the past.”
“Only face the future,” Jaarl adds with a serious nod.
Sten reaches down to take my hand. “Together. As a family.”
Shit.
At every turn, there’s less of a chance in convincing any of them to let me leave.
“Are we going to hug it out or something now?” Tyr asks gruffly, crossing his arms.
“You’re such a prick,” I say with the closest thing I’ve felt to a full smile in a long, long time.
His blue eyes shine. “Don’t you know it, baby crow.”
My heart clenches.
Baby crow.
A crow—one of the masters of mischief.
Tyr hasn’t used that nickname in years.
A pang of sudden longing and grief breaks free of its steel confines—it’s just a flash, but it makes me realize I’ve never allowed myself to grieve what happened to my family.
Even before Antwane, I never did. I was upset and angry that Mom had dragged me away from this city and the extended family of the Havoc Guardians, and then I was in constant survival mode.
Then Antwane captured me, and the rest was immaterial.
But I couldn’t grieve now; I didn’t dare allow myself to try.
I glance away from my brothers to Trinity, who waits patiently, then look to the door. My brothers get the hint, and they file out, closing the door behind them.
Trinity’s assessing gaze is loaded with questions. I can tell she’s studying my lack of emotion, even with the exchange with my brothers.
I sigh. “Can we get this over with?”
She’s quiet for a beat longer, then answers, “Sure.”
Before she can open her little bag of medical tools, I hold up my hand. “Here are my ground rules: I’m not speaking about what happened.”
Her face darkens with concern. “Slade, even if you don’t speak with me, you really should speak to someone—”
“Am I in charge? In control?” I remind her of what she promised, and she clamps her mouth shut. “It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t.”
She sits slowly and carefully on the bed, keeping her eyes on me like I’m a beaten animal that will startle with any sudden movements. “Are you being threatened? Is that why you can’t speak about it?”
“No.” I swallow against the thickening of my throat, worrying that even just referring to what’s repressed inside me will wake up the demons without Bane here. “I can’t.”
Understanding lances her expression. “There are great therapists who can help with trauma, Slade.” When she sees that I’m not budging on the issue, she asks, “And your other ground rules?”
I motion to her bag. “No needles or anything sharp. You can take my pulse on my neck, and you can take my temperature orally if you need to. I’m fine with you checking my pupils as well.”
“That’s it for a physical exam?”
“Yes,” I say firmly. “Don’t touch me or try to lift my shirt, and we’ll get along fine.”
I can see her concern, thinking that I have a history of sexual assault or something along those lines, but I don’t set her straight. In truth, it doesn’t matter if she knows the reason behind my ground rules, only that she abides by them.
Even though I know she has more questions, she nods. “If I’m doing anything that makes you uncomfortable, let me know immediately, okay?”
“I’m not made of glass, Trinity. I just have very specific boundaries.”
“I can respect that.” She pulls out a hospital-grade digital thermometer and a penlight. “May I?”
At my nod, she takes my temperature and checks the responsiveness of my pupils. After she’s satisfied, she puts the tools back inside her bag and reaches for my wrist.
I yank it away before she can touch me, and she looks stricken. “I’m sorry. It’s habit.”
She holds her index and middle fingers up and waits for me to nod, telling her to proceed before pressing her fingers to the pulse on my neck.
I look at her scrubs. “It’s overkill to have dragged you from work for this.”
“I was on my way home from my shift and was almost here when Ash called.”
“You live here?”
“Yeah, in the bunkhouses for now.” She smiles, her pretty face lighting up. “Mauler is building us a house on one of the properties beside the compound’s land.”
“That sounds so…”
“Domesticated?” Trinity hikes a brow with a smirk.
“What love does to these renegades, right?” Her face grows serious.
“I wasn’t in the picture when things went down with your mom and the Demon Spawn; however, I’m sorry that happened to you, Slade.
” She goes to touch my hand but halts, remembering my ground rules.
“I’m here for whatever you need, medical or otherwise. ”
“Thanks.”
“How’s your head?”
“Fucked.”
Her brow pinches. “I meant any pain? Headache?”
“No. I’m fine.”
She studies me, and it’s clear that she thinks I’m full of shit.
“At least physically,” I concede.
“Any medications?”
“No.”
“How about birth control?”
“How is that relevant?”
“Well, I just assumed…”
“That I’m fucking Bane?” I look at his bed and around his room. “Contrary to what this looks like, I’m not sleeping with him. I have no desire to repeat my mom’s mistakes.”
“Bane isn’t like what I’ve heard your dad was like.”
I sigh, feeling exhausted and spent. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not fucking him or sucking his cock.”
“Well, just so you know: all the Bunnies think you are and hate you for it because he’s sworn them all off.”
I smirk. “I made Beatrice think Bane and I have been screwing.”
She snorts but then asks with a frown, “Wait. Who’s Beatrice?”
“Destiny.”
Trinity barks a laugh. “Fuck, she’s the worst of them. Glad you stuffed it in her face.” She morphs back into nurse mode. “Is there anything you need?”
“Can you convince Ash to let me leave?”
Her lips press together, and I have my answer.
I tilt my head back against the headboard. “I’m good, then. Thanks, Trinity.”
Her brow is pinched with worry, but I close my eyes, wanting nothing but sleep to take me into oblivion.
Wrapped in the intoxicating scent of Bane, feeling calm and safe, I start to drift to sleep. Until a rough, calloused hand is gentle on my cheek, and I feel the bed dip. Then I open my heavy lids.
Bane’s eyes are stormy as he sits beside me. Somehow, in the time it took for Trinity to check me over and for him to come back in here, it feels like everything has shifted.
“We need to talk, baby.”