Chapter 17
Hawk
I have been dealing with criminal activity for more than half of my life now. But I can safely say that I never tried to impersonate law enforcement. Until this mission.
Pretending to be the leader of a S.W.A.T. team felt surreal. Our mission was to bust into a hotel lobby downtown Austin. Wrecker was there, and we were supposed to arrest him and take him to Devereaux.
When we got in there, Wrecker was having a cup of coffee with one of the club members from his club, Sully. We had not been instructed to get both of them, so our focus was on Wrecker.
The uniforms we wore were authentic, and they covered us from head to toe. Our faces were covered with masks, and we wore long sleeves and gloves that showed no tattoos or anything else that might identify us later.
Wrecker was very cooperative as we picked him up and threw him in the back of the squad truck. He never said a word as we traveled to our destination. It took a while to get there because traffic was a fucking nightmare. I could feel the sweat running down my back as I was sitting there with my rifle at the ready, even though, I knew he wouldn’t try anything. He was smarter than that, and he understood that he was outnumbered.
We had to do everything by the book and actually take him into the police station. There was high security as he got fingerprinted and his mug shot was taken. We then marched him through endless hallways until we got to the room where Devereaux was waiting for him.
At that point, our mission there was over. We did what we had been asked to do, and the money hit the club’s accounts as soon as Wrecker stepped over the threshold.
From that point on, it would be Devereaux’s mission. My understanding was that he pulled Puck and Sully in as well. Between all their resources, they are on track to achieve the final goal—blow up the Steel Lizards’ clubhouse with all their core members inside, at least all the ones who are loyal to Bricks.
His son, Wrecker, would have a solid alibi since he will be under arrest. Puck and Sully would be sent on a mission that would take them away from the clubhouse. Their only job is to make sure the clubhouse is wired properly. The other guy, Shortie, is supposed to work his magic with the electronics. Everyone is counting on his genius in technology.
As I am now sitting in a seedy bar outside Austin, I go over everything that I know about what they’re trying to pull. It is bigger than any of us. The Savages’ involvement has been kept tightly under wraps, but there is always that very small chance that someone will talk and our cover would be blown.
“That was the easiest money we’ve ever made,” Winger elbows me from the seat next to mine.
I nod and pick up the shot of whiskey sitting in front of me. My mind is a mess right now, and I need time to regroup. I really wish he’d taken off to go back to our clubhouse, but no such luck. I guess I will have some time to think about everything as we ride there together.
An hour later, we are on the way, with Winger leading the way. I have no need to lead the way, stress getting to me in a bad way.
Our clubhouse is three hours away from Austin, in the opposite direction from where the Lizards’ clubhouse is. It worked dividing the territories this way until Bricks got a bit too greedy and wanted it all.
As we get closer, I go over all the messages I received over the last two weeks. Mrs. Clarence has been keeping me posted on my mother’s situation. Nothing really happened in the first few days. My mother stopped calling for me, but she also stopped screaming and being inconsolable.
Mrs. Clarence told me that Ruby would just sit there with her and hold her hand, sometimes for hours, with neither one saying a word. She also happened to mention that Ruby had no clothes to change into, and that she would be wearing my mother’s bathrobe while her clothes would be laundered by the staff. I hated that for her, so I sent some money and asked them to buy her clothes. I never checked back in about it, but I trusted Mrs. Clarence to follow my directive.
With that said, the one thing that worried me in the last few days has been a message I received from Prez.
I visited Mary, he said. You forgot to mention a thing or two.
I knew exactly what, or rather who, he was talking about. Ruby was supposed to be dead by now. Instead, she was sitting in my mother’s room at the mental care facility.
As we get closer to the clubhouse, we pass the expressway that leads to there. I have this sudden urge to go there. I rev my motor a couple of times to get Winger’s attention. When he looks back, I signal that I am about to take a left. He knows what that means. He gives me a two-finger salute, and we separate.
The facility is another forty-five minutes away. I suddenly run out of patience, which in turn is causing me to speed. When I finally pull into the circular driveway at the facility, I let out a sigh of relief that I didn’t get pulled over.
I park the bike and take a minute to straighten my back once I’m off it. The ride here fucked me up, that’s for sure.
I stare up at the building, worried about what I will find inside. There are so many thoughts crashing into my brain right now, it’s overwhelming. That’s a weakness I can’t afford to show to anyone, especially my club or my president.
“Mr. Paulson.” Someone calls my name as soon as I enter. “We were not expecting you. Does Ruby know you’re visiting tonight?”
My eyebrows go up in surprise. Do I have to run by Ruby a visit to my mother?
“I don’t believe she knows, Mrs. Clarence.”
She smiles at me expectantly. I’m not sure what else I can say.
“I’d like to sign in so I can visit my mother.”
She jumps to walk around the counter and turn the computer on. The receptionist is not in this late at night. After typing on the keyboard, she gives me the paper log and a pen so I can write my name in. Once that’s done, she nods in approval.
“Mr. Paulson…” She hesitates for a second. “I just want to tell you what a godsend Ruby has been for your mother…”
I stare at her, not giving her any reaction.
“It’s been hard to comprehend, even for those of us who have been around patients as your mother for a few years now.”
She smiles at me again, but it’s a little sad, which only manages to further confuse me.
“Expand on that for me, Mrs. Clarence,” I request.
She sighs and presses her hands to her lips.
“I can’t really explain it. You’ll have to see it.”
She turns on her low-heeled ugly shoes and starts walking toward the hallway that leads to the suites. One of them is my mother’s. When she stops in front of the door, she takes a deep breath in, like she’s trying to brace herself for it. It only serves to get on my nerves. I hate it when people don’t use their words to tell me what the problem is.
The door doesn’t make a sound when Mrs. Clarence opens it. The room is shrouded in soft light that seems to come from a lamp that’s sitting on a table by the couch.
For a second, I panic when I don’t hear any sounds coming from inside the room. I take a step in and look around. The place is very spacious. It also has its own bedroom which is not being used since it was decided early on that my mother should be out here.
My eyes fall on the bed set in the middle of the room. At first, I notice my mother lying in it. Her eyes are open, and she looks alert enough. Her hand moves up and down, and it takes me a minute to realize that she is petting Ruby’s dark hair.
The breath hitches in my chest at the sight. Ruby is curled onto her side, with her head resting on my mother’s stomach. She seems to be fast asleep.
“What’s going on?” I ask Mrs. Clarence. My voice comes out a bit too loud, making me smile when I see Ruby’s body jumping in her sleep at hearing it.
“They’ve been doing this for the last five days or so,” Mrs. Clarence responds. “It starts with Ruby laying down next to her. She talks to her, tells her all sorts of things…”
That grabs my attention. “Like what?”
Mrs. Clarence shrugs self-consciously. “Just… personal things.”
“What does my mother do when that happens?” Because I can’t imagine her having an actual conversation.
“Mary didn’t like it much at first,” Mrs. Clarence comments. “But Ruby wore her down.”
I chuckle at that. Ruby can be persuasive at times, I suppose. I realize that I don’t know her well enough to know for sure, and it makes me sad.
“So Ruby staying here with her has helped?”
Mrs. Clarence smiles fondly as she stares at the picture my mother and Ruby make.
“She has been better than any medicine we could’ve given Mary.”
A knot forms in the back of my throat. I fucked up so badly with this girl. Now that she is turning out to be a blessing to my mother’s existence, how am I supposed to get rid of her? I’m fairly certain that’s what Prez will ask me to do next time I see him.
As I think about all this, my eyes connect with my mother’s. She is staring at me with such intensity, I feel drawn to her. I slowly approach the bed, sitting on the edge of it once I reached it. Ruby is still sleeping, but my mother’s hand stopped moving over her hair.
“Hawkeye,” she whispers like she actually knows who I am.
I nod and attempt to smile, scared that I would set her off like it happened the last time I was here. She repeats my name while looking calm, and I try not to get emotional about it.
She is the only one who ever called me Hawkeye, which is my actual given name. My mother was a huge fan of an old show from back in the day. The main character was named Hawkeye, and she had a crush on him. My father thought it was funny and never protested when she suggested the name for their child.
Now, I watch her as she repeats it over and over again, but it doesn’t freak her out for a change.
“Hi, mom.”
The sound of my voice throws her off. Her hand clutches into Ruby’s hair just hard enough to wake her up.
“Mary, are you okay?”
Ruby’s voice sounds raspy from sleep, and I’ve never been more attracted to another human being. All the feelings I’ve avoided to think about over the last couple of weeks flood my entire body. I can’t believe I’m about to admit this, even if it’s only to myself, by I missed her while I was away.
“Hawkeye,” my mother whispers.
Ruby takes a minute to untangle the fingers stuck in her hair. It is not as easy as one would think since my mother doesn’t understand what’s happening.
“Mary,” Ruby repeats her name a couple of times. “Hawkeye is okay. I told you I’d take good care of him…”
“Hawkeye,” my mother says again.
That’s when Ruby turns her head and looks right at me. The surprise on her face is genuine. So is the happiness I see etched into her features.
“Hawk,” she gasps. “I didn’t know you were back.”
My mouth lifts into a smile. I seem to be doing that a lot when I am around her. The craziest thing of all is that I don’t mind it. This is not good at all.
I don’t have time to process the fucked up insanity going on in my head when I see my mother grabbing Ruby by the shoulders and pulling her down. I am about to try to save her when I see that all she wants to do is hold Ruby closer. She smooths her hair back over and over, treating her like her own personal doll.
“This is common with dementia patients,” Mrs. Clarence explains from next to me. “A lot of them carry an actual doll everywhere they go. It gives them comfort.”
I remain seated on the edge of my mother’s bed, watching her as she gives Ruby all the love and attention she hasn’t shown to anyone since the onset of this terrible disease.
“Do you think she recognizes me?” I ask Mrs. Clarence.
“It’s hard to tell,” she admits. “The way she says your name makes it sound like she does. But my guess is that she is remembering a much younger version of you, and not who you are today.”
I nod and keep on staring. My eyes move to Ruby’s, noticing every single detail. She doesn’t have a stitch of makeup on, which only helps to make her appear younger than she is. She’s never looked more beautiful than in this moment, not even when I watched her all dolled up on the stage at the strip club, or in the throes of passion while I fucked her. I like this version of her the most.
“Mary…” Mrs. Clarence gently shakes my mother’s shoulder. “It’s time for your meds now. So you can sleep.”
A nurse makes an appearance from out of nowhere, holding a syringe. They take advantage of my mother being distracted by Ruby’s presence and push the needle into her skin.
The next ten minutes go by painfully slow. I let out a sigh of relief when I see her closing her eyes and releasing the hold she has on Ruby.
“We need to talk now,” I tell her and get up from the bed.
Mrs. Clarence takes her leave from the room, giving us some privacy. Ruby comes to stand next to me as we are as far away from the bed as possible.
“I didn’t think you’d be back so soon,” she tells me in a low tone.
There are so many other things I should do. Instead, I hook a hand around her nape, and pull at her until she is standing on the tips of her toes. I lower my head until our lips are close to touching.
“Just one kiss,” I tell her right before doing just that. Our first kiss on the lips.
I need to have one last taste of her.