Chapter 18
Ruby
I’ve missed Hawk so much, and I never realized the intensity of my feelings for him until I woke up and found him sitting on the bed, staring at his ailing mother.
Things with Mary have been going really well lately. She seems more content somehow, more at peace, whereas before she was constantly agitated and ready to get into physical altercations.
Now, as Hawk kisses the life out of me, I have no doubt that he will follow whatever directive his president will give him. Based on the short conversation I had with him the one time he visited, he made no secret that I have no right to be in their world.
I have come to realize that I don’t belong into anyone’s world anymore. No matter how I’ve tried to fit in, I was never able to do it, not with my parents, my friends from school, at the strip club or now as Hawk took me away from there, too.
A few days ago, I took some time while Mary was sleeping and counted all the cash he brought to me after breaking into my apartment. I had a decent amount, but not enough to stay into hiding forever. Since I still don’t know how safe it would be for me to contact my financial advisor, I am screwed. Kind of ironic that I have all this money, but I can’t do anything with it.
“I want you, Hawk,” I whisper to him in the dark corner of the room. I should feel weird for saying this to him with his mother laying only feet away from us.
He pulls back and stares at me. His thumbs touch the corners of my mouth, gently moving up and down. He is being too tender, and I don’t know if I can handle it.
“Thank you for being here for my mother,” he finally says. “Mrs. Clarence is impressed with her progress since you’ve been here.”
I try to smile, but I am getting emotional. “She is a lovely lady.”
In fact, she is like the mother I never had, even though she has no idea where she is or why. You can tell she was a wonderful parent and a good person overall when she had her wits about her.
“I’m going to need you to stay here a little longer, sweetheart.” Hawk’s gravelly voice reaches my ears. “I’m not even sure I can save you,” he admits. “I will try, but…”
My eyes fill with instant tears. It’s weird how only seconds ago, I was ready to give him my body. Now, I want to run as far as I can from his. While I have come to a similar conclusion during this past week, it hurts so much actually hearing the words coming from him. But just because I started developing very strong feelings for him, it doesn’t mean he is on the same page as me. He still doesn’t have a problem taking me out if necessary.
A knock at the door interrupts us, and I am grateful for the reprieve. Before either one of us has a chance to walk to it and open it, the visitor enters on his own. It is the same guy who was here before, the one whose patches proclaim him as the president of the Savages motorcycle club.
He addresses Hawk without even glancing my way.
“I had a feeling I’d find you here.”
“Prez,” Hawk greets him. He turns to face him, placing me almost behind him in doing so.
The man smirks at Hawk as he notices the move. That’s when our eyes clash, and I shiver in distress. The tears invading my eyes earlier are now ready to spill down my face. I haven’t felt this emotional in a long time.
“They are looking for her,” he states very matter-of-factly. “I will not allow for you to bring war to our door by having her here.”
Hawk’s entire body tenses, but he doesn’t react in any other physical way.
“No one knows she is here.”
His president smirks again. That seems to be his signature move.
“I do.”
He walks around me and Hawk until he is standing next to the bed. He stares at Mary, who looks peaceful in her sleep, a faint smile stretching her thin lips. When he turns to look at us, any trace of amusement is gone.
“If you think the staff here doesn’t talk, you can think again,” he tells us both. “And if you think Bricks won’t be able to put two and two together sooner rather than later, then you are not as smart as I thought you were, Hawk.”
Hawk crosses his arms over his chest and widens his stance. It makes him look more massive somehow. I want to shrink into myself, hide into a corner and forget I ever met him.
I can only blame myself for this situation. I should’ve never entertained this idea of helping Bricks and Snake when they first came to me about it. It started with them having Lala convince me that I had to dance for Hawk. That established the connection, and they were convinced that I could play him. Little did they know that I wasn’t that smart.
“My direct order was for you to eliminate her,” the president continues. “You chose to defy my direct order. You brought her here instead. Are you now ready to face the consequences?”
I feel Hawk’s body tensing once again. He exudes all this energy, a mix of positive and negative, bound to create a storm of epic proportions.
“All actions have consequences, right?” he growls at his president.
Suddenly, there’s movement from the bed. I notice that Mary has opened her eyes, and she is looking around with fear obvious on her face. I haven’t seen her like this since the last couple of days I was here.
“Mary,” I rush to her, but it is too late. I watch as in slow motion when her mouth opens and she starts screaming off the top of her lungs.
I jump and land on my knees by her side, my hands grabbing one of hers, gently running my fingers over her skin.
“You’re okay, Mary,” I whisper to her, hoping that she’ll allow herself to listen. There is no point in raising my voice as that would only incite her more.
She pulls her hand away from me. Her stance is that of a wounded animal. Her eyes are going all around the room without actually focusing on anything or anyone in particular. That is until her gaze falls on Hawk.
“Hawkeye,” she yells out. She sits up and swings her arms around, like she is trying to get to him.
When I try to stop her for fear she’d fall out of bed, she lifts her arm and punches me right in the eye. The pain from it is instant, and I see stars, but I refuse to give up.
“You’re okay, Mary,” I try again.
That’s when Hawk decides to get closer to the bed. When Mary lifts her arm to hit me again, he takes action.
“No.”
It’s only a two-letter word, but the tone of his voice makes it powerful enough to stop her.
“Hawkeye,” she whimpers and drops the arm.
“I’m right here,” he assures her, although, it is doubtful that she understands it, or even recognizes that her son is now a grown man.
“My little boy,” she mumbles before turning her head back to me. “You’re going to watch my boy after school?”
With a sore eye and tears running down my face, I nod in confirmation. She always asks this.
“I will, Mary.”
“He is a good boy,” she continues. “He won’t give you any trouble.”
“Who is Hawkeye?” Hawk himself decides to ask her.
A puzzled look takes over her face. She has no idea despite the fact that his name is on a constant loop in her head. Then, just as sudden as she woke up, she falls back against the pillows and closes her eyes.
I press a hand to my face over the spot she hit. I will need to ice it before it turns black and blue. I jump back in surprise when her hand comes up once again. This time, she blindly tries to pull me into her. Deciding not to fight it, I rest my head on her chest, which is what she seems to want. She never says another word again. Instead, she runs her hand over my head in a monotone pattern that threatens to put me to sleep. The only thing stopping me are the two men witnessing the entire thing.
Hawk stands up to face his president. Danger lingers in the air when neither one of them says a word. From my position on the bed, I can only see Hawk.
“The club will always come first,” he starts talking.
My heart sinks at hearing those words. Every time I think there is a small chance of surviving this, I get a reality check.
“But my mother will always be just as important to me, Prez. You know how much she means to me.” His voice sounds almost defeated when he speaks. “Seeing her suffer like this is hard.”
His eyes never waver as they stare to the other side of the bed where his president stands. His face is set in stone. I get a sense that he is at peace with what he just said. Like it was something he needed to get off his chest.
“If you’re implying the club didn’t support you through this transition, I will shoot you on the spot.”
I gasp in shock at hearing the words. The man doesn’t sound like he is joking either.
“And if you think the stripper can now solve all your problems, you deserve to die with her.”
His words are meant to be demeaning, and they work. I finally let the tears run down my face. They soak into the comforter covering Mary, and, as if she can sense my distress, her hand becomes a lot more gentle as is runs over my hair.
“You disobeyed my direct order, Hawk.” The president repeats the words from moments ago. “I can’t let that slide. You need to be punished for it.”
I can’t believe what’s happening right now. I can’t be responsible for Hawk losing his life. I disentangle my hair from Mary’s fingers and sit up. The movement brings both men’s attention to me. I should feel intimidated, but I am way past all that.
“What gives you the right to play God and decide to end our lives?” I snap at the president. “You want to punish me for what, doing what I had to do so I wouldn’t die at the hands of Bricks and Snake? For buying into their stories about your club? For thinking I was actually helping when in turn I was being used by you?”
The president is taken aback by my attitude. I can’t make myself to care about it. I’m not scared of him or anyone else anymore. Why would I be when the result would be the same? Me, dead. That’s what they are arguing over right now.
“If you weren’t such a problem, I could actually like you,” the president tells me. “Hawk bringing you here was a huge mistake, one that could cost the club a lot of money, connections and reputation. We can’t have that.”
I rub my hands up and down my face in an effort to buy myself some time.
“Why can’t you just let me disappear on my own?” I try to plead with him. “Pretend like you killed me. I got money…”
I almost want to take the words back as soon as they are out. I don’t need to advertise my financial status.
“We have a lot more money than you, sweetheart,” he smirks at me, sounding condescending. “Stealing from a stripper has never been our style.”
“But killing a stripper is your style?” I fight back.
He smirks again. “There are casualties in certain situations.”
I am getting frustrated by the fact that I don’t seem to be getting anywhere with him. Deciding that tonight needs to be my last one here, I try to play nice so that he can at least feel comfortable with not killing me right now.
“That’s enough.”
Hawk’s voice booms all around us.
“Leave her alone,” he addresses his president. “At least for now,” he adds. It is like he can read my mind and understands that I need just a little bit of time.
The president turns his cold eyes toward Hawk. He looks surprised that Hawk is openly taking my side, at least temporarily.
“Interesting,” he murmurs right before a mask of fury falls over his face. “You will be at the club in three hours, no later than. Church,” he adds. “We will put it up for vote. Whether you live or die is not a question anymore. Only how.”
He turns on his heels and walks out of the room, but not before looking over his shoulder one more time. His eyes look for Mary before moving to me.
“Say your goodbyes, sweetheart.”
The door finally closes behind him. Mary is back asleep by now, so at least we don’t have to worry about her having another attack. I remain in my spot, unsure of what to say to Hawk.
“I should’ve never brought you here.”
I jump when he touches me with the tips of his fingers. He traces my shoulder blades, but doesn’t attempt to do anything more.
“Why didn’t you kill me back at the motel?” I ask. It is a logical question because that would’ve been the easiest thing to do.
“Because there was something in your eyes that pulled at my heartstrings,” he explains in a low tone. “It still does…”
He grabs my hand and pulls me to follow him. Unsure of what’s going on, I do just that. I am surprised when he opens a door that leads to a bedroom. From my understanding, it’s never been used before because Mary always felt more comfortable out there.
When we are close enough to the bed, he turns us around so we can face each other. He once again slides a hand under my hair and bends over me until our mouths are closer to touching. For someone who refused to kiss before, he seems to be almost too eager to do it with me now.
“I need one more time with you,” he whispers to me but still doesn’t kiss me just yet.
“What will happen tomorrow?” I whisper back.
His lips turn into a sad smile that says it all.
“Nothing good, babe. Nothing good.”