Chapter 3
CHAPTER
THREE
Haze
Just over two years ago
Dive bar
That’s my girl — always able to reel me back in with little effort. I’m a sucker for her, and I always will be, but I’m also nobody’s fool.
She sips on her martini, and I try not to watch her, but I’m like a moth to a flame.
“I don’t want to fight with you,” she says after a while. “We’ve been going over this for a long time, isn’t it time to just let things be?”
“And how do we do that? Avoid each other? Pretty hard now you’re here in the same city.”
“I couldn’t control where they posted me, Aust.”
When she shortens my real name like that, Aust, I’m hard as a rock. “I know that, but fate works in mysterious ways, don’t you think? You could have been assigned anywhere in the continental United States, and yet here you are.”
“Let’s just agree that we can co-exist.”
Yeah, we can co-exist in my bed every night.
She’s still the one I want, even after three years without her.
One might assume that I’m the asshole who did the dirty, or wanted to see other people, but it just wasn’t the case.
When you love a woman so much, but you can see she wants more for her life, you can’t hold on to her.
You have to let her go. That theory cost me my wife, and I’m not so sure I’m not the dumbest fucking man on the planet, but I’ve never wanted to hold her back.
It felt like us against the world for such a long time, but you can only be teenagers for so long.
At some point, the bubble had to burst. Maybe we did get married too fast, and maybe I could’ve tried harder to be a better husband, but if anything, these last few years have taught me what I really want most in the world.
She’s right—we have changed, but I’ve never stopped loving her.
Part of the reason I let her fly was because I felt she could do better than me.
Sure, we got married to piss her parents off, and we were wild back then, but deep down, Willow has always sought her father’s approval. It saddens me that even after all this time, she doesn’t have it in anything she does. She doesn’t have to tell me — I know what that bastard is like.
When she orders two more shots, I know she’s asking for trouble. Then again, for a tiny little thing, she can hold her liquor pretty well. “To co-existing?” I pop a brow, holding my shot glass toward her.
She laughs, not taking her eyes off me as she downs hers in one throw. The burn makes her wince as I laugh. “This is a pretty big city. I mean, we can do this.”
“Right, and it isn’t like I’m in your neck of the woods any time.” Aside from the nights when I check up on her. She lives in a very nice building downtown, but you can never be too careful these days.
“Exactly. You have your life, and I have mine.” I don’t know if she’s trying to convince me or herself, but I go along with it.
“It isn’t like our paths ever cross.”
She nods and then narrows her eyes. “Wait, you just walked into this very same bar as me?”
I sigh. “Honey, if you think I follow you everywhere you go, you’re sadly mistaken.” Technically, it’s not a lie. I don’t follow her everywhere, just some places.
“So it was by total coincidence?”
“I’m meeting someone.”
Her eyes almost bug out of their sockets. “A woman?” she blurts.
I smile at that. Oh, my little sweet cakes used to be very jealous. She didn’t enjoy other women admiring me, as much as I didn’t like men looking at her. Nothing has changed there. “No, not a woman. Why? Are you jealous?”
She snorts. “Jealous? Puh-lease.”
“I’m just sayin’, why would you ask if you didn’t care?”
“You might want your ex-wife’s approval.”
She’s not my ex anything, but now’s not the time to mince words.
“I’ve been doin’ okay without her approval for a while now.”
“I’m sure you’ve been doing just fine.” I don’t mistake that tone as she grazes her eyes down my body. I’m a liar, but she doesn’t need to know how pathetic I am, how much I yearn for her.
“You keep lookin’ at me like that, I’ll get ideas.” I hide my grin behind my glass as the bourbon hits the spot.
“We wouldn’t want that now, would we?”
“Definitely not. You know how relentless I am when pursuin’ your pleasur—”
She whacks me on the arm. “Haze!”
“Now I’m Haze? What happened to sweet Austy, Austin?”
“He’s not being very sweet right now.”
“Just tellin’ it like it is.”
“Do you remember that time your mom caught us in the back of your truck?” She puts a hand over her mouth, but it’s pointless.
“Like I could forget. If it were your mom, we both wouldn’t be here right now.”
She giggles, a sound I haven’t heard in a long time. It’s like the sweetest thunder as the clouds roll in. I can’t get enough. I need to get the fuck out of here.
“Touche.” She pauses. “I need to go home.”
“I’ll drive you.”
“You can’t, you’re over the limit, and so am I. I’ll get an Uber.”
“Or we could walk, it’s four blocks.”
She turns her piercing eyes on me. “Weren’t stalking me, huh?”
Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes. “You live downtown, it’s not like there aren’t bars nearby, sweet cakes.”
“Fine. You can walk me, but only because if I say no, you’ll just do it, anyway.”
Clearly, she knows me too well.
“I’m not gonna let an intoxicated woman walk home, especially one who is still my wife.” I place a hand over my heart. “Not in good conscience.”
“You like saying that, don’t you? My wife,” she muses as she slides off the stool, albeit a little wobbly.
I don’t bother answering, fixing up the tab as she slides her arm through mine. Man, I’ve missed how little she is next to me. How warm she is. The protective surge inside of me raises its ugly head, but I’m not drunk. I can be civil… as long as nobody looks at her.
She’s chatty on the way home, telling me about the department and how if she were in charge she’d make corruption a number one priority. I love how she gets like this and wants to save the world, it’s not only brave, it’s just like her. Always wanting to do good. Always trying to better herself.
I tell her about the building we’re renting and how Brew has big plans.
I’m kinda along for the ride. I’ve never been one to take life too seriously, but I’d rather be doing that than shit kicking for someone else.
I’ve worked for the MC on and off, in between helping my brother track down his ex-girlfriend’s killers.
Not something I’m going to share with Willow, but let’s just say it’s a passion project, and she’s on a need to know basis.
Willow has always been a good listener, and I’m surprised when she asks me questions about where we plan to start and getting new business. I don’t wanna really talk shop, but hey, if it means spending more time with her, then I’ll talk about the goddamn man on the moon.
When we get to her apartment building, the doorman greets her by name, frowning when he sees me. If only he knew the fucking truth of who I am.
I open my mouth to say goodnight when Willow says, “It’s okay, Ricky, he’s with me.”
His frown deepens as I give him a chin lift. “She’s my wife,” I add with a smile.
I get the same reaction I always get — shock. Yep, I know. Imagine a police officer, attractive and smart, falling for a man like me. Unfathomable. Still, I hide all of my insecurities as she tugs on my cut, heading to the elevator. I’ve never seen the inside of her condo.
“Willow?” I start, as she turns to look up at me. “I should go.”
She shakes her head. “Come on, Hazey, you know you’ve wanted to see the view from my room ever since I moved to New Orleans.”
That may be true, but I’m not taking advantage of her. Yet, my feet betray me as I step inside the elevator with her. She swipes the fob and then hits the button with her floor number and I stare at her in the reflection of the mirrored doors.
“Hazey?”
She snorts. “Jesus, lighten up, you’d think I’ve never asked you to come up to my condo before.”
“You haven’t,” I remind her.
“Duh. I meant when we were together.”
Ah, yes. When my beautiful Willow would be in our bed every single night and I couldn’t get enough of her.
“When we were together, you didn’t have to ask. I guess being married does have its perks after all.” Well, it’s only the truth. She turns, and then all of a sudden, she’s standing right in front of me. I glance down. “You okay?”
“Do you ever think about us?”
“Wills—”
“Answer me.”
“You know I do.”
“You’ve always been flirty, I want the truth.”
“Yes, but if we go there, you know I’ll want more.”
“What if I can’t give you more?”
“I’d ask why can’t you?” I say honestly.
“Because we’ve grown apart.”
“Say what you really mean, babe, you’re a hotshot cop now, and you can’t be seen with me.”
She narrows her eyes in that delicious way of hers. “You really think that?”
“Yes, and it’s alright. The truth is, I never did deserve you. I shouldn’t even be here.”
She walks her fingers up my chest and my eyes follow the movement. My dick is so painfully hard, it may never come down. “But we’re here.”
“You’ve been drinking.”
“So have you,” she counters. “We could have a hall pass.”
My eyes grow wide. “A hall pass?”
“Yeah, it’s when you—”
“I know what it means,” I stammer. “Willow, this isn’t you talkin’, it’s the booze.”
She tugs on my cut and leans up on her tippy toes. Before I can even register what’s happening, her lips find mine, and it’s like I died and went to Heaven. For three goddamn years I’ve waited to kiss her. Her mouth is like heaven sent — an angel put on the planet just for me.
Maybe for tonight we can just pretend she is. That she’s still my wife, and all is right in the world.
When she pulls back, we’re both panting. “Does that feel like it’s just the booze?”
My head is swimming. I feel numb all over because this is what I want, what I’ve always wanted. “I don’t want you to regret this in the mornin’—”
She presses her body up against me, sliding her hand between us as she cups my dick. “I don’t think I could ever regret this.”
Fuck me.
I groan, not ashamed to let her know how she makes me feel. She continues to palm me as we tongue fuck, and I’m lost. All sense goes out the window, if I even had any to begin with.
“Fuck, Wills,” I groan, lifting her as I spin and pin her up against the elevator wall. “You feel so fuckin’ good.”
“I want you,” she pants. “I want you right now.”
“Not here,” I manage, peppering her neck with kisses as I dry hump her against the wall. She clings to me for dear life, and holy fucking hell, I’m gonna come in my pants if we keep this up.
The elevator pings, still kissing her, I turn and we exit, her body still wrapped around me.
I don’t know how we get to her door, or how she finds her key.
I don’t know how we even get inside, but we’re tearing each other’s clothes off in a matter of seconds.
Her palms against my chest feel too right, too familiar, too much like home, as I tug my briefs down and she palms my cock with her hand.
“I forgot how big you are,” she pants.
“I forgot how fuckin’ hard you make me,” I mutter, nipping her earlobe as I simultaneously unclip her bra with one hand.
“Still got the knack.”
I grunt, enjoying the view as her ample breasts appear before my very eyes. Holy fuck.
I can’t believe it when I’m actually cupping her tits in my hands. Home sweet home. I kneel, palming her pussy through her fucking purple lacy panties as I suckle one nipple into my mouth and she groans, her hands tugging into my hair.
I want to tell her how much I’ve missed her, missed this, but I keep quiet. My tongue can work in other ways. Maybe she just needs reminding how good we can be together.
I pull her panties aside as she gasps, lowering my mouth to her pussy as I lick through her wet folds as she makes sounds I want to hear for the rest of my life.
“Holy shit,” she breathes. “Holy, oh yes, right there, Austin, right there.”
Her saying my name while she orgasms on my tongue might just be the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I relish in that thought as she does just that, coming in hot, beautiful waves as I tongue her clit and slide one finger inside her.
“Baby,” she cries. “Oh, god, oh god, oh my god!” Oh, she’s a multiple girl, and it turns me the fuck on.
I glance up as she stares down at me, her face a picture of every emotion that tugs at my heart.
I know this is one night, but I have no fucking clue how I’m going to let her go.
Again.