Chapter 19
Elijah
Hazel fit well in Dennis’ arms.
And I hated it.
The past few minutes were frayed at the edges. A blur of attention so tightly focused on me—giving me flashbacks of being loved by this community, only to be shunned by it. I wanted my quiet corner back. I wanted Hazel back.
Then… the adoring expressions around me turned pitying as she bid for Dennis.
I clenched my jaw tight, grinding my teeth. I’d told her she could bid for work she needed done. But even as my rational brain spoke reason, my gut twisted.
They looked good together. That was the kind of man she deserved, not someone like me. Not someone who couldn’t do the work she needed help with. Not someone whose own father couldn’t love him.
Years of therapy whispered, That’s not your fault.
I’d been a wounded, unloved child begging to be seen. But I wasn’t that kid anymore. I’d worked through my shit. If she chose Dennis over me, that didn’t make me undeserving.
It was a struggle to relax the anger from my body.
“They’re cute, aren’t they?” Lily looked up at me through her lashes as she took hold of my bicep.
“Excuse me?” My expression must have gone too sharp because her hand dropped from my arm.
She lifted her chin, and I could practically see her incoming barb. Whatever she was about to say, she was aiming to hurt. I remembered this back-and-forth from when we dated in high school, but I didn’t have to do it anymore.
“Excuse me,” I repeated, moving away from the conversation. My first step took me toward Hazel, but I hesitated before taking the next. She was still with Dennis. They weren’t doing anything inappropriate—he’d taken a step back, and so had she—but it was him. And despite how much I wished it wasn’t true, I felt threatened by him.
He clearly knew how to fix the things that were broken around her. He wasn’t needy like me; he didn’t ask her to work less, to give less of herself to others.
I hoped it didn’t look like I was being possessive when I wrapped my arm around Hazel’s waist. She blinked up at me, surprised, as if she was shocked I was still here.
“Hey.” Her smile looked tight.
My stomach twisted, and I felt sick. Whatever had changed since the time I left to getting back to her had changed in a big way.
I focused on appearing relaxed as I felt people pretending not to watch us.
“Hi,” I said, then to Dennis, I lied, “Good to see you again.”
“You too, man.” He held his hand out for a shake, and I had to let go of Hazel to take it. “You really worked the crowd out there.”
I opened my mouth to reply, but she cut me off, “That’s the Elijah effect.”
Her words sounded hollow. I couldn’t quite place why her words were biting, but they stung.
“I don’t know about all that.” I gripped the back of my neck, my shoulders taut.
Dennis nodded. “Yeah, I get mixed reports about you.”
My eyes narrowed, and my jaw clenched. Memories were long, and there were mountains of dirt on every person in this town. But having him blatantly acknowledge mine set my defenses up.
Next to me, Hazel had stilled, her brow furrowed. Was she beginning to realize the kind of backlash that could fall on her and her business if she stayed with me?
Any of the bystanders in earshot had to be salivating to repeat the whole encounter.
His lopsided smile was affectionate as he looked at her. “But Hazel is the best judge of character I know, so if she says you’re good, that’s who I believe.”
“Thanks.” I shoved my fists into my pockets. “You’re gonna do some carpentry for her?”
The carefree grin was back on his face. “Sure thing. Apparently, a stair broke on her tonight… nearly broke her ankle. I’m sorry I let it get that bad.”
“I let it get that bad,” she insisted.
“A stair broke?” I asked.
She breathed in deeply, opening her mouth, but Dennis explained, “Right before she got here.”
“Are you okay?” It was really hard to not read into the fact that she had told him and not me.
“I’m fine, just a little bruised.” Gesturing to him, she added, “Dennis will fix it for me. It’ll be fine.”
“I’ll fix whatever I can in the next couple of weeks, and then the rest of it when I get back, I promise.”
It didn’t slip past my notice that he was making plans for the future, and she wasn’t doing anything to contradict him. What had happened?
Hazel and I were not in the same place we had been just a few moments ago.
Or was this the direction we’d always been heading? Had I been fooling myself every time I imagined Hazel being with me long-term? So long that our hair grew gray together. So long that the hands we grasped together were wrinkled from the wear of time. So long that we looked back and saw a lifetime spent together.
“I appreciate it.” She looked around. “It looks like people are starting to head out. I should probably see if they need help cleaning up. Have either of you seen Nora?”
“She left with Brooks a little bit ago,” Dennis answered, then he pushed both of his hands in his hair with his eyebrows raised. “Wasn’t his bidding wild?!”
I nodded, my teeth squeezed too tight to say anything.
Hazel’s eyebrows rose. “It was.”
“You beat your goal, though. Way to go!” He reached his arms around her in a hug. I went completely rigid as she hugged him back. They rocked back and forth once before letting go.
“Thank you,” she said to her shoes. “It’s a huge relief.”
“I bet. I know how much you care.” To me, he explained, “She’s always working so hard. She sees every animal in need like it’s her responsibility.”
I nodded again, it was the only response I could manage. The man was talking to me like I didn’t know. Like I didn’t know her.
Concealing my aggression was getting more difficult, but the eyes watching our little chat were growing.
“I’ll help with clean up, you get home,” Dennis said to Hazel.
“I’m fine,” she argued, even though she looked exhausted.
I hadn’t told her my surprise yet, but I could do that tomorrow. It wasn’t the right time.
I kept my balled fists in my pocket and nudged her with my elbow. “Come on, I’ll drop you off at your place and come back to clean.”
She searched my face for a beat before she looked down at the floor.
I wanted her to ask me to come back when I was done, or to just stay with her. But all she said was, “If that’s what you want to do…”
It wasn’t at all what I wanted to do, but I did it anyway.
The bar’s parking lot was mostly empty when I parked again. I was even more confused after the drive. Hazel’s mood was a bit off—happy about the funds, but she wouldn’t look at me. Or I thought she wouldn’t. She was really tired.
I felt insecure. I tried to coach myself out of my shitty thoughts. People had off moments every now and then, and this was just one of ours. Our first. It was bound to happen eventually. Now that it was done, we could go back to having fun. Back to falling in love.
But when our kiss good night was all heat and no heart, I wondered if it was because she wanted to be kissing Dennis.
Dennis. The park ranger, who would wax poetic about mosquitoes in all their life stages, was the guy Hazel was choosing over me.
Entering through the back door, Sterling’s voice carried over the sounds of the dishwasher. “She looked like she was into it.”
“But she’s in a relationship. You don’t think she’d…” Ben let his voice trail off, making his point by leaving his words unsaid.
I filled in all he wouldn’t say, and a series of heartache-inducing scenarios slammed into my mind. I half-heartedly tried to shove them out, but the more they rested there, the more they made a home, and the more they made sense. Why would she pick me over Dennis? They shared interests and a town.
Would she keep me around while he was on his research trip or break up with me and put me out of my misery?
Okay, that’s enough, I argued with myself. She hasn’t said anything. They hugged. People hug. Dial it back.
But I couldn’t fully push the thought away.
Sterling and Ben walked through the swinging doors into the public space. I rolled my shoulders and neck, trying to loosen the knots there. Maybe if I could ease them away, I’d clear my mind.
I was ready to go back to my cabin, but I’d committed to helping with clean up.
In the dining area, tables had been arranged back into their places. Remi and Ransom were setting chairs around them, neither of them speaking.
I took a step in their direction, already appreciating their silence, when Shane Briar called, “Hey Eli, come help us carry these out.”
God, I hated the sound of his voice.
There was a pile of wood pallets stacked next to where Dennis pulled nails out of the stage with the back of a hammer. Taking a step in their direction was the last thing I wanted to do, but arguing would just create a scene.
In a few strides, I was at the pile. “Where are they goin’?”
“By the dumpster outside,” he said.
Not wanting to snag my clothes, I shrugged off my coat and flannel.
“Don’t get naked, Eli; your female fans aren’t here,” Shane joked.
One corner of my mouth curled upward in what I hoped looked like a smile and not a grimace.
“You did get them worked up,” Dennis added.
I hooked a couple of pallets under my arms, looking for an escape.
Shane jerked his chin in my direction. “He’s always had that effect on girls. He’s a fuck ’em and leave ’em type.”
I knew I should have helped Ransom and Remi instead. “Still pissed about Missy Roberts? I don’t know if you know this, but high school was a long time ago.”
Missy had broken up with Shane to date me during our senior year. It didn’t last long, but it was just another reason for Shane to resent me.
“I’m just wondering how long sweet Hazel has before you’re off to someone else. Even the whole shed thing didn’t slow you down.”
I clenched my jaw so hard my teeth hurt.
“Is that true?” Dennis set down the hammer.
I didn’t even try to veil the aggression in my voice. “Is what true?”
“Did you fuck Pastor Lou’s daughter in the church’s shed?” Shane grinned from ear to ear.
“None of your business, and her name is Hannah.” I turned, eager to walk away from the conversation.
There was the thunk and clatter of wood being manhandled, then Shane’s footsteps followed me. I picked up the pace. If I timed it right, there wouldn’t be a pause long enough for him to start the conversation again.
Small snowflakes melted on the ground as I exited through the back of the building. It was rude, but I didn’t hold the door for Shane. Unfortunately, maneuvering the door open didn’t keep him from coming outside when I pivoted to grab my next load of pallets.
“You pissed?” he asked with mock concern. “You seem pissed.”
Instead of responding, I strode past him.
“I’m sorry, man. They’re like, meant to be together or some shit.”
Stopping, I faced him. He was still stacking his pallets atop mine.
“What?” I demanded, even though I knew I should just keep walking.
He put his hands in his pockets and shrugged.
“It was just a hug,” I dismissed.
One of his thin eyebrows rose. “If you say so.”
“I do.”
“Are you really that into her?”
I took an involuntary step closer, my fists clenched.
“She can’t be that great,” he went on, clearly aware I was hanging onto my temper by a thread. “I mean, she was fucking Dennis before you. Gotta be a lot of missionary. At least she’s not too embarrassed to be seen with you. I heard Pastor Lou’s daugh—Hannah didn’t want anyone to know about you.”
“Shane, shut the fuck up.”
He glared, taking in my tight shoulders and clenched fists. “I’m trying to make you feel better.”
“Fuck you.”
“Jesus, you’re touchy.” His shoulders squared and his weight shifted.
In theory, I didn’t want to get in a fight with a drunken backwoods townie. But into reality, I actually really wanted to. The will it took for me to shake my head and walk away was almost more than I could manage, but I did it anyway.
“You’re just gonna be a bitch about it?” Shane shouted at my back.
“Sure.” At least I sounded like he wasn’t getting under my skin.
“No wonder she’s looking for new dick.”
Keep walking.
His footsteps came up, fast and angry, behind me.
I was almost at the door when he shoved my shoulder, hard.
The contact broke through my logical mind. I whipped around, fists up, and narrowly blocked his punch from landing on my nose. His knuckles grazed my cheekbone, and my vision blurred. Blinded by my rage, I lunged. My shoulder hit his sternum, and we both went down. He scrambled to roll me under him while I threw sloppy strikes. I coughed and grunted every time one of his blows landed, but the pain wasn’t enough to cool my blood.
I attacked the hands that grabbed my shoulders and pulled me off Shane. I didn’t stop when those same hands locked around my arms, their hands interlocked behind my head. I rocked from side to side, trying to get to my captor. It was no use; I was trapped.
“You’re okay,” a calm voice said at my ear. “You’re okay.”
Shane got to his feet, and I kicked and pulled in his direction. The mountain behind me lost his balance for a heartbeat, but held firm again.
“Fuck you!” Shane yelled.
“You don’t know shit!” I yelled back.
Ransom moved between us, his arms held out to either side, blocking Shane from moving around him. “Walk home.”
“Fuck you, man.” Shane spat at the asphalt, blood mixed in the saliva.
“Walk home,” Ransom commanded.
I struggled less against the hold on me and it began to loosen.
What the fuck did I do?
I had to close my eyes as blind hatred left my blood, replaced by shame. It washed over me, grimy and filthy. I was supposed to be better than this. Shane Briar was the guy who got under my skin? He had the finesse of a rhino. He knew nothing about me and meant nothing to me.
How had I fucked up so badly?
Remi released his hold on me. I raked my fingers through my hair, pulling too hard at the tangles.
Shane still screamed obscenities as he stumbled out of the parking lot lights. He must live close because he seemed to be walking in a specific direction.
Ransom waited a bit before following him from a fair distance. “Gonna make sure he gets home and doesn’t freeze to death.”
“You good?” Remi asked.
I looked up from my shoes and found him assessing me. “No. What the fuck was that? I don’t do that shit.”
“Then why’d you do it?”
“He fuckin’ pushed me. He pissed me off, and then he fucking pushed me, and I… I lost my shit.”
Remi sucked in a deep breath. “You should go home. Clear your head.”
My face and neck grew hot. It was humiliating to be spoken to like child—even worse because he was right.
“Yeah.” I sighed. The hope I’d had that my past could be left behind me died. It would never leave, not in this town. It’d always follow me.
It wouldn’t hurt just me.
Turning, I found Dennis standing in the doorway, looking like a good Samaritan, Boy Scout who’d never been in a fistfight in his life.
And yet another way he was better for Hazel than me.