Chapter 20
Hazel
“Ijust wanted to be sure you’re okay.” Dennis bent to scratch Banjo behind the ears. The dog’s tongue lolled out the side of his mouth.
The sky was gray and overcast, the clouds threatening snow. I should have worn my coat, but I wouldn’t be outside long. I wrapped my sweater tighter around my middle.
“Uh, I’m good. Just a little shocked. I hadn’t heard about this.” I looked at my phone—no messages from Elijah. I assumed he was still coming to the clinic, but we hadn’t talked today. He also hadn’t said anything about the fight he’d gotten into with Shane Briar last night. Finding out from Dennis felt wrong. I couldn’t pinpoint what emotion I was feeling.
Concern mixed with apprehension?
Last night had been full of highs—we made our donation, and it’d been fun. But there was also the low of everyone wondering what Elijah was doing with me, and the prickly feeling of being under scrutiny.
“I bet.” He straightened and looked at me. “I worry about you. I’ve heard some things that make me pretty skeptical about this guy.”
“You know how rumors work around here. You can’t trust everything you hear.”
“That’s what I thought too, but then there was that fight last night and…” He shrugged. “It made me wonder if there were truths to what I’d heard.”
“I’m okay.” I pointed my thumb at the employee entrance to the clinic and changed the subject. I didn’t want to discuss the state of my relationship with Dennis. “You’re sure you can get the stairs fixed before you leave?”
“For sure. I’ll get your office door closing properly too, and when I get back, I’ll do some more stuff.”
“Thank you.”
As I hugged him goodbye, tires from a large, rusty, white truck rounded into the parking lot. He pulled away, keeping his hands on my shoulders. “You know he’s the lucky one, right?”
My eyebrows shot up. “Uh… sure. Thanks.”
Dennis nodded as if everything was resolved, though I was still reeling.
He drove away as I waved one more time. I shivered against the cold breeze, and speed-walked to the building. A door from the truck opened and closed behind me. Glancing over my shoulder, I half-heartedly smiled at whoever this new person was. But when I saw the black and blue bruise on Elijah’s face, I skidded to a halt. In just a few strides, I met him in the middle of the parking lot.
“Your face.” My hand hovered above his injury.
A muscle flexed in his jaw. “It’ll heal.”
“What happened? Shane Briar did this?”
“So you heard.” He leaned back on his heel, and a bitterness fit strangely at the corners of his mouth. “Right, Ranger Dipshit.”
“Don’t call him that. He’s not the one who got in a fight last night, so you’re not in the best position to call him a dipshit, anyway.”
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
When it was obvious that he wasn’t going to elaborate, I asked, “Is your face the worst of it?”
“My pride is.”
“What was this about?”
“Nothing.” He ran his hands through his hair and gripped the back of his head. “It really was a stupid thing to do.”
We agree on that.
“Do you get into fights often?”
“Jesus.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Is that what you think?”
“No, I don’t, but like, I also don’t know.”
“Hazel, I haven’t gotten into a fistfight since I lived in this town.”
“Okay.” I pressed my fingertips to my lips. Changing the subject, I asked, “Whose truck?”
“Ransom’s.”
“Is your car okay?”
“It’s fine. I thought we could go to the medical surplus store in Grand Rapids, my treat.”
“I wished you’d checked with my schedule. I don’t have time for that today.”
“Oh, okay.” He scraped the toe of his shoe on the asphalt. “I thought we had the rest of the day together. But we don’t. Okay.”
He was clearly frustrated, and I was feeling the same way.
“I thought we were just going to do lunch.” My words were clipped.
“All right,” he said dryly. “Where do you wanna have lunch?”
“How about my place?”
His posture stiffened and his lips pinched. “Don’t want to be seen in public with me?”
“What? No.” I wanted to be more offended, but as soon as he pointed it out, it occurred to me that it might be a good idea. Even just the idea of being ashamed of him made me feel like a terrible person. Anywhere we went in town would be a sea of eyes fixed on us. It might be better if we got food in Darling, but I doubted it. Not with his black eye. Everyone and their cousin would be asking him what happened.
“You sure?”
“Of course we can go somewhere to eat.” I rubbed two fingers at the sudden pain in my forehead. Trying to deflect from my weak words, I added, “Why didn’t you tell me about the fight?”
“I wanted to tell you in person. But Ranger”—his pause felt pointed—“Dennis told you first.”
“What is this sudden resentment for Dennis? Has he done something to you?”
“I don’t resent him.”
“Seems like you might.” My temper was beginning to bubble over my guilt.
Elijah sucked the front of his teeth, making a tsking sound. “I don’t know, Hazel. Why would I resent him?”
“Is this because I bid on him last night? You told me to.”
“I didn’t tell you to.”
I rolled my eyes, and the grip I had on my anger slipped. “You wanna tell me what the hell is going on, because you’re being very shitty.”
“I’m feeling very shitty.”
“Okay, tell me what’s going on.” I held my hands palms up, but the cold rushed in and I wrapped my arms around myself again.
“I…” he started, then sighed. His eyes swept over me, then to the sparse parking lot. “Can we talk about this at your place?”
“What are you waiting for?” My irritation was flirting with rage, and I wasn’t even trying to hold it back anymore.
Scraping both hands through his hair, he glowered at me. “Is this what you want? To fight in your parking lot, while you’re freezing and anyone driving by can see us?”
“What fight are we even having?” My voice was pitched high and thin. “You haven’t said anything.”
He took a step closer to me. With his voice pitched low, he hissed, “You should break up with me before you start up again with Dennis. Or are we not serious, the way you were not serious with him?”
I sucked in a sharp breath between my teeth. “Are you accusing me of cheating?”
“Not consciously.”
“So, just unconsciously? You know my mind better than me?”
He let out a humorless laugh, his tongue tucked into his cheek. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“If you’ve realized he’s better for you, don’t string me along.”
“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”
Dennis was sweet, but there wasn’t a reality where I’d pick him over Elijah.
“Is it?” He sneered. “For exes, you spend a lot of time together.”
For a few moments, all I could do was stare with my mouth open, before bursting out, “I’m his dog’s vet! Banjo has diabetes. We’ve been monitoring his insulin levels.”
I took a calming breath, but it didn’t stick. Anger still coursed through my veins. I cocked my hip and thrust my chin. “And how dare you compare my relationship with him with what I have with you.”
“Don’t make it out like what I see isn’t real. I’m not the only one; everyone in town sees it.”
“Well, if everyone in town sees it!” I took a step closer to him. “You think people didn’t warn me about you? ‘Be careful, you know his reputation.’”
He glared over my shoulder, but didn’t speak.
I gestured to the town hub just a few blocks away. “But I’m not listening to a bunch of busybodies over what you tell me.”
I’m just letting their picking tear me into shreds, I left unsaid.
“Maybe you should.”
My blood ran cold.
“This place—” his voice broke, cutting him off. When he spoke again, it sounded raspy. “My reputation—”
“I don’t care—”
“It’ll hurt you.”
“I don’t care,” I said again. But even as I said it, I knew he was right. And I knew I cared at least a little.
“Yes, you do. You hate the way everyone’s been talking about you, and it won’t stop. If you’re with me, it won’t stop.”
“I can handle it.”
“Why would you want to?”
“Because I love you.” The words were out of my mouth before I knew they were there. I was exposed in their wake. The only comfort I could take in the silence that followed was that they were true.
Elijah’s chest sank as if I’d hit him, as if I’d punched all the air from his lungs. His face twisted in pain. He stumbled back under the force of my words—of my feelings. I waited, my heart pumping too fast, my vision darkening around the edges.
He loved me too, didn’t he? We loved each other. We just hadn’t said it, right?
His green eyes met mine, and I was struck by just how sad they were.
“Is that enough?” he whispered.
My sadness warped into something that froze in my chest, heavy, and brittle. It was something to grasp on to. It was something to fill the aching hole Elijah was digging out of me.
I hugged myself tighter, my teeth chattering.
A fine mixture of dread, regret, and resignation was beginning to squeeze my throat. I had to force out, “Isn’t it?”
He stared up at the sky as if it held answers. I could practically hear my heart breaking like cracking ice. Tears stung my eyes and clung to my eyelashes.
A crease formed between his eyebrows. His features were etched with pain, a marble statue trapped in grief.
“I love you, too.” He bit his lip and his eyes shone.
“Do you?” My last word came out as a sob.
Muscles in his throat flexed. He shook his head as if he didn’t want to say what he needed to say next.
He raked his hands down his face, wincing when he touched his bruise. “There will always be a sermon about how I ruin good people. If you’re around me, people will talk shit about the company you keep. There will always be a Mrs. Nelson interrupting our dinner.”
We both knew it was true.
“So, you’re breaking up with me to protect me? Like I can’t make that choice for myself?”
“I’m not.”
“That’s exactly what you’re doing.”
“It’s going to happen again… if you’re with me.”
“So we can’t be together?” Speaking around the grip on my throat hurt almost as much as the clenching vise around my chest. “That’s bullshit. If you loved me, you’d fight with me.”
The sorrow-ridden resignation fixed into his features was the worst thing I’d ever seen.
He jerked his head to the side and swallowed. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Don’t say that. Not while you’re destroying me.” I was so cold that even the inferno of my anger couldn’t warm me.
“I’m sorry, Hazel.” I could barely hear his words over the pounding of my heart.
“You really fucking should be.” Streams for tears froze on my cheeks. I turned away from him and his beautiful face, so full of anguish. I wanted to give him comfort. I wanted his comfort. I wanted to be mad enough to turn my love to hate, but there just wasn’t enough to offset.