Chapter 22
Hazel
Ihadn’t been able to bring myself to open the clinic’s social media accounts since the auction. Hiding underground—literally—had been more appealing. But after a day of sleeping, per Brooks’ stipulation, I felt a little better. My thoughts were clearer. My emotions were still what they were. Today was as good as any to peek through my fingers at the alerts on our profiles.
My cheeks puffed out on an exhale as I considered where to start.
After a brief deliberation, I went to the community page. If it was a garbage fire, I could always go back to the basement. I sat up straighter as I read comment after comment.
Raise of hands, who wishes there was a bachelor auction every weekend?Sterling posted almost three weeks ago, with an emoji guy holding his hand up.
Who knew Hazel could throw a party?! Also, who knew Brooks was hot?! I lost my GD mind!Lindsey Goodman commented underneath. I hadn’t actually planned any of it, but it still gave me a little thrill to see my name and party in the same sentence.
OMG! Tell me the bachelor auction will be yearly! I haven’t had that much fun in sooooo long! I needed it!Chelsea Thelen commented beneath.
Leaning back in my chair, I let that idea sink in. If there was interest in it being a regular event, then there wasn’t any reason for it not to be. We’d survived the negative attention once, and it more than paid for the donation. It would lift some pressure off me. The relief just the idea gave me was enough to type out. Start the countdown to next year! The bachelor auction lives! Details to come.
A “thumbs up” popped under the comment right away.
There was negative attention too, but the excitement and support greatly outweighed the naysayers. Or maybe I was just turning my eyes to the good. Maybe I didn’t have to be perfect, to never give them anything bad to say, to always be what they expected me to be. If the busybodies were a part of the town and its energy, then so were my tribe—the people trying to bring kindness to their neighbors; we were here, too.
I was feeling pretty good—breathing more easily—when I caught Ginny’s comment, Bless that Elijah March. My computer hasn’t worked this well since I bought it! He even got all those porn pop-ups to stop! To each their own, but some of those were concerning. Informative, but concerning.
My initial impulse was to text him, ask him what dark corners he’d uncovered, but that wasn’t something I could do anymore. He might be nice and respond, but I wasn’t ready.
Elijah March. The Elijah March. The boy who broke my heart every day of our youth by not noticing my existence. The man whose heart was too broken not to break mine.
He was responsible for his own actions, but I still dished a heaping load of it onto Doc March.
“That bastard,” I mumbled to my computer screen.
My social media pennies had been spent, and I braced myself to switch to our banking website. It took one glance for me to freeze in my office chair. The computer screen wouldn’t change, no matter how many times I blinked. Unplugging my laptop, I left it open as I carried it from my office in the back of the clinic to the front.
Hopefully, everyone wasn’t regretting helping me out.
And hopefully, Nora would understand the balance in the bank account.
Brooks and Remi were still working their last appointments of the day. From the sounds as I walked past Remi’s examination room, Mrs. Peters’ giant fluffy cat was not happy.
Nora was at the front desk, doing end-of-day paperwork. She glanced over her shoulder as I entered and jerked like she was going to go back to her task, but stopped. “You look not okay.”
I set my computer down gently, as if it might contain a bomb. Straightening, I opened my mouth, but words didn’t just fall out.
She assessed my face and body language. “You’re not going to go back into the basement, are you?”
“What? No.” I shook my head, trying to stave away the emotions that had put me in the basement to begin with. There were other fish to fry at the moment. “There’s money in the account.”
“That’s where we usually keep our money.”
“Like more than there should be.”
Her mouth formed a silent Oh. She nodded. “That’s the community fund paying for Echo’s care.”
I leaned back, my eyebrows drawn together. “What?”
“The community fund.” She took in my confusion as if searching for understanding.
“I don’t know what that is.”
She drummed her nails on the countertop. I could practically see gears turning in her mind as she pieced together the information. “Elijah didn’t tell you?”
I’d gone most of the day without the threat of tears, but just the mention of his name had me blinking once or twice. Anger weaved into my voice when I asked, “What does he have to do with this?”
“He set it up as a surprise for you; I didn’t realize he never told you.” Her nails clicked on the laminated surface. When she continued, she sounded almost clinical, as if she’d surgically removed all her opinions. “He coordinated with Mrs. Simons at the library and Deb Creger at city hall for an account to benefit households that can’t afford veterinary care.”
Everything began shifting around me in a weird swirling motion. The floor rushed up, the walls squeezed closer, and the ceiling dropped.
“Sit down.” Nora pushed my shoulders, and I crumpled into a chair.
My head swam in a sickening, lightheaded way. I couldn’t identify what was happening with my senses. Was I going to be sick or pass out?
“Breathe,” Nora’s voice cut through the murkiness.
I sucked in a breath as if I’d been underwater for too long.
“Good. Keep doing that,” she said in a stern voice.
My stomach was somewhere near my feet. I felt like I had shrunk to a third of my usual size, too small.
Was he really gone?
I didn’t want him to be gone. Why did it have to hurt so badly?
I propped my feet up on the seat and hugged my knees, trying to comfort myself through the pain.
“Hey.” Nora sighed.
Her face came into focus.
“Your face is getting color again. I thought you were gonna pass out for a second.” She leaned back against the shelves.
“I think I was.” I still felt ill and queasy. My chest was still an echo chamber of agony, but I didn’t think I’d lose consciousness.
Mrs. Peters walked by, holding her cat carrier. Nora waved goodbye to her as I stared into space, wondering how everything had gone so royally wrong.
A few minutes later, Remi entered the office, covered in white cat hair. He halted at the sight of me. To Nora he asked, “Not the basement?”
“No, I don’t think so. She just found out about the community fund,” she said.
His chest rose and fell. “Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
He lowered into the chair across from mine. “You didn’t know?”
I shook my head.
“What are you thinking?”
I shook my head, having a hard time focusing on him. “I don’t know.”
“Have a good night.” Brooks led his patient and their owner to the lobby. He turned, and he took in the tableau. His eyes moved from Remi, to me, then to Nora. “Do I need to padlock the basement?”
“No,” I whined. “Elijah was just a really great guy, and I miss him, and I feel fucking terrible.” I hid my face behind my knees. “Please tell me that client is gone.”
“He is,” Remi assured me.
Nora flicked her wrist. “It was Ol’ Terrance Miller, anyway. I don’t know if he can complete a sentence without saying, ‘fuck.’”
“Small miracles.” I set my feet back on the ground.
“What are you thinking?” Remi repeated.
“I don’t know.”
Brooks’ mouth was pulled to one side in distaste.
“What am I supposed to do?” I asked no one in particular.
“What do you have control over?” Tilting his head, Remi watched me and waited.
I shrugged. “I don’t think knowing this changes anything. He broke up with me.”
My last word was swallowed by a sob. I hid behind my hands and wished they weren’t all there to witness my breakdown. With one giant hand, Remi rubbed my shoulders. Nora handed me a box of tissues. I forced my lungs to take in slow breaths to calm my body. After a few moments, I had strung together enough composure to interlace my hands in my lap. “Sorry.”
“You’re good,” Nora mumbled.
Brooks cupped the bill of his baseball cap in both hands—his shoulders lifted toward his ears.
I picked at my fingernails, wondering if I could just leave. Everyone was uncomfortable because of me. I should probably go.
To my surprise, it was Brooks who spoke next. “Would it make you feel better to do something?”
I lifted one shoulder and nodded half-heartedly.
“He did this nice thing for you. If you did something nice for him, it might make it feel more even.”
“Wow, I thought you were going to suggest getting drunk or something.” Nora voiced my thoughts as well.
Remi’s mouth lifted in a lopsided smile. “I did, too.”
Brooks’ arms dropped to his sides. “Still an option.”