Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
PENNY
It was well after midnight when Ryder drove me home and parked in front of Grandma’s house. He’d asked me to stay the night, but I knew that would add all sorts of complications.
“Thanks for…just dinner.”
His smile was filled with trouble of the very best kind. “I should be the one thanking you.”
I found a laugh and slid out of his truck, blinking in surprise when he came around and offered a hand. “Oh, um, you don’t have to walk me to the door?—”
He smiled sweetly but also with unmistakable steel. “I’m walking you to the door, Penny.”
It was old-fashioned and protective, and yet somehow I felt myself flush over it. “Okay.”
He brought our entwined hands up and brushed a kiss to my palm. “Okay.”
On the porch, he kissed me quickly, though with no less heat than usual, but didn’t let go of me. “Tonight was just what I needed. And in case that wasn’t clear, I mean being with you was what I needed. I’m sorry about what happened in the parking lot, but please don’t let that scare you off.”
I stared at him. “I was thinking it might be the other way around.”
“I hate to break it to you, but you’re not that scary.” His smile quickly faded. “And I meant what I told you. I’m falling for you. Falling hard.”
My stomach bounced around a little, but not in the I’m going to throw up way. More in an I’m in deep and shockingly okay with it way. “I meant it too.”
He ran a finger along my temple, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind my ears. “Afraid?”
I thought about it and was shocked to find the answer. Vulnerable, yes. Nervous, yes. Afraid? “No. You?”
“Petrified.” He gave a crooked smile. “Be gentle.”
When he looked at me like that, like he’d opened the window to his soul to let me see everything he was, I felt my heart roll over in my chest. “I got your six,” I whispered.
The corner of his mouth quirked. “You’ve got to stop hanging out with Caleb.”
“But he’s my future husband.”
He snorted, and I wasn’t sure who leaned in first, but suddenly we were reaching for each other, and?—
The porch light came on. We both blinked at the jarringly bright light as the front door opened.
“Hello, kiddos!” Grandma said happily. “How did the date go?”
I started to tell Ryder not to answer that question but pivoted back to Grandma. “Wait. How did you know this was a date?”
“You told me.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I said we were running errands.”
Grandma slid her dentures around. “You sure?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Very.”
“Huh,” she said, then lifted her finger as if she’d just had an “aha!” moment. “You’re wearing nice clothes and mascara. Dead giveaway. And my goodness, would you look at the time? I’ve got to get to bed?—”
“ Wait .” I knew her tells, she was shifting on her feet and not making eye contact. She was up to something. “What am I missing?”
Grandma slid Ryder a quick look. “Nothing.”
I turned to him as well.
He opened his mouth, but Grandma beat him to it. “It’s not his fault. I was just trying to help.”
Ryder grimaced. “Nell, this wasn’t that.”
And just like that, I knew. “Oh my God. Tell me you didn’t somehow make him take me out.”
“Well, not make him, make him,” Grandma said. “I asked nicely.”
Stay calm, stay chill, don’t waste the orgasms you just had … I eyed the man who’d given them to me. “ And you said yes? ”
“Well, to be fair, he really didn’t want to,” Grandma said for him.
Something in my chest caved in. “That makes me feel all better.”
Ryder winced at my sarcasm. “Penny?—”
“It’s not his fault,” Grandma said quickly. “I laid it on pretty thick and wasn’t going to take no for an answer.”
“Why?” I asked her, horrified. “ Why would you do such a thing?”
Grandma’s eyes went shiny. “You were down, and I wanted to help pick you up. I thought if you could go out and have a good time with someone, someone who’d never hurt you?—”
“Oh my God.”
Ryder reached for my hand, but I crossed my arms.
“And anyway, you turned him down,” Grandma said. “So I don’t see why this is a problem?—”
“You don’t see why—” I turned to Ryder. “Is that why you didn’t mention it? The whole please-take-my-pathetic-granddaughter-out-on-a-date because I turned you down?”
“Amongst other things, yes.”
“What other things?”
“Namely that I’m an idiot.”
I couldn’t hear this right now. I shook my head, flooded with humiliation that Ryder had asked me out…as a favor . “You know what? I need a minute. I’m going upstairs. No one follow me.”
Grandma, suddenly looking very small, nodded. “I’ll be inside if either of you need anything.”
Ryder snagged my hand before I could follow her in, waiting until I met his regretful gaze. “It’s not what you’re thinking,” he said.
“Good, because what I’m thinking is that you asked me out because you pitied me.”
“No,” he said, his tone soft steel. “It had nothing to do with pity.” He ran a hand over his face, like he was sincerely rattled that I would think so.
“I’ve been drawn to you from the beginning, more than I’ve ever been drawn to anyone.
I get that this looks bad but, Penny, my feelings are very real. ”
Something sparked in my chest at that, but I couldn’t deal with it now. “Look, I’m trying really hard not to do what I normally would, which is use this as an excuse to walk away.”
He drew a deep breath. “I appreciate that, but does it really matter how we figured out we like each other? Isn’t the important thing that it’s real?”
I gaped at him. “I think that’s the most guy thing you’ve ever said.”
He opened his mouth, then closed it. Shoved his fingers through his hair. “Look, yes, I asked you out because Nell asked, but the truth is, I wanted to be with you even then. When you said no, I was torn. Bummed you weren’t ready, but also relieved because that took Nell out of the equation.”
He met my gaze, his own filled with something that kicked my heart into gear.
“Everything that came after that, getting to know you, sharing things that I hadn’t shared with anyone, even just laughing and goofing around, it all meant something to me.
You mean something to me, Penny. And that’s all organic, just you and me. It has nothing to do with anyone else.”
I understood what he was saying. I did. But I needed to think without pressure. “It’s late…”
He nodded. “I know. And I understand. But please promise me that we’ll talk. Because I’m willing to fight for this, for you.”
I stared into his eyes and saw he meant every word, so I nodded. “Good night, Ryder.”
He dipped his head to brush a kiss to my temple, running a hand down my hair, yearning and care in every movement. “’Night, Penny.”
I watched him go, the door shutting quietly behind him. I drew a deep breath and headed to the kitchen.
Grandma pushed a mug of hot tea across the table to me.
I was mad at her, really mad, but also thirsty, so I took the tea.
“I know you thought you were doing something nice for me.” I met her wary gaze.
“I get that. You love me. And I love you back. But, Grandma, you need to stop worrying about me. I’ll figure things out in my own time, in my own way. Okay?”
She let out a slow breath and nodded. “Okay.”
“No more meddling.”
She nodded again.
I gave her a long look, and she sighed. “I mean, I’ll try.”
It was all I could ask for. I took the mug and headed straight to my bed, crawling under the covers, where I planned to remain until I was either old and gray or my alarm went off.