Chapter 2 August 2017
Hello, all, my name is Jory Harcourt. Welcome to my new column where I answer burning questions about me, my family, my friends, and my life while trying to offer advice, when needed, that won’t cause any bodily injury. And my husband will be offering some words of wisdom as well. So here we go:
DEAR JORY:
Would you mind if one of your kids wanted to dye their hair a crazy color?
Jory: I think that colored hair is all about individuality, and if my kids wanted unicorn hair, either one of them, that would be great. If they feel it in their heart, they should express it on their head.
Sam: If the school says no, it’s no. Don’t waste your money until you check with the school.
Jory: Also valid.
DEAR JORY:
What is the most important thing you and your husband have learned about being dads?
Jory: That you have to keep your promises.
If you tell your kids you’re going to go to the park, you better go unless something happens like rain, where they can see that it wouldn’t make sense for you to go.
If you say you’re going to Disneyland for a family vacation, you better make it happen.
Things go sideways, and I get that, but if you make them a promise, you must move heaven and earth to see that through, even if it’s just going to see the next Avenger movie when you really just want to have a glass of wine and pass out in front of the TV.
It’s vitally important to keep your promises so that they in turn see the importance of keeping theirs.
Sam: Your kids are not your friends. If you’re lucky, and you do a good job, maybe they will be someday, but in the interim, they are your children, and they need finite rules, guidance, and deadlines.
Don’t back down, stand your ground. That whole thing about picking your battles is crap, every skirmish matters.
You’re instilling values; make it happen.
DEAR JORY:
If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, just you and your husband, where would you go?
Jory: I love warm, tropical places, so I would love to go to the Maldives.
I’m dying to see the water that’s so clear you can see straight to the bottom and stay in one of those hotels where the bedrooms are underwater so it looks like you’re in a submarine.
Baking under the warm sun on a powdery white sand beach is my idea of heaven.
Sam: I suspect this is why we never go on vacation, since lying on a beach doing nothing all day sounds really boring and—
Jory: I would love to have a bedroom that opened out onto a private beach as well. When my husband and I were in Hawai’i, we had that, and it was wonderful. It’s so romantic, making love with the sounds of the waves.
Sam: I want to go to the Maldives.
DEAR JORY:
Taking the island theme a step further, what four things would you take to a desert island?
Jory: I would take my Kindle so I could read, toilet paper, sunscreen, and a lip balm.
Sam: A big box of wooden matches, like, a thousand of them, a hunting knife, a fishing net, and a hammock. Sleeping on the ground when you’re not sure what’s in the sand is not a good idea.
DEAR JORY:
How do you deal with someone who is trying to get the attention of your husband/boyfriend?
Jory: I have been in the situation before where someone I thought I knew was very flirty and overly handsy with my husband.
I felt that the best thing to do was to call that person up and make a date to have coffee.
Once we were sitting down out in a public place, I explained that I didn’t appreciate their overtures toward my husband and if they wanted us to remain friends, they should refrain from such behavior going forward.
While I know that this can be a difficult situation, and embarrassing for both parties, the best way to deal with things is to meet the situation head-on.
It’s a lot better than allowing it to escalate to your husband saying, “What the hell are you doing?” in his loudest, boomiest voice the next time it happens, because then the person is embarrassed, along with their mate, as well as you.
This will also, I promise you, mortify your children, who will think the person is “gross” for hitting on their dad and that the idea of anyone even wanting your husband is also very, very “gross.”
Sam: Anyone who has the balls to hit on your mate should be ready to have their ass tossed out of your house right that second. The hell is that?
Jory: Finesse is what’s needed so people can save face in a moment of weakness or confusion.
Sam: Stabbing someone in the arm with a fork will also do it.
Oh dear God, all right, all, that’s the end of the questions for this newsletter. Until next time, be safe and I’ll talk to you soon.