Chapter Nine #2
“Matt, you didn’t,” I murmur under my breath as I stand and walk to my door, peering out and listening to see if I’m hearing right.
“Oh, hello, you sexy boy, your arms have gotten bigger, yes? Hahaha,” Whisper’s distinctive voice chimes up from downstairs. My body tenses, and I roll my eyes, wondering what Matt is thinking. I thought we just said that this Fung Shui thing isn’t working.
I move out to the stairs and traipse down them to see Whisper in his usual monk attire.
He spots me and smiles, throwing his hands into a prayer pose, then he bows his head in greeting.
“Namaste, Nathaniel son. May waves of a thousand oceans roll over and caress your soul like endless soothing suns of heaven,” he says.
I raise my eyebrow at him and cock my lip up in confusion. “Um… what now?” I ask.
“Hahaha, you so funny. I see you have bad ju-ju again. It flow off you like a torrent. I wash it away. We go shower, sexy boy?”
I choke on a laugh. “Um… fuck no. What the—”
“I kid, I make joke. Hahaha. I so funny. I got you good one, Nathaniel. Yes?” Whisper asks, and I tense up, shaking my head slightly as Matt chuckles.
“I asked Whisper back to rearrange the Fung Shui again because it’s not working for us. We need to get it so it’s working better this time,” Matt says, and Whisper nods.
“Yes, yes… I see where problem lies. Art was all wrong, and it threw everything off-key. I did not take it in last time. I move it all again, and it work much, much better this time. You see. It fix all your problems, you sexy boys. Okay?”
“Yes, sure,” Matt says.
“No,” I say at the same time.
“You see, Nathaniel, I fix the ju-ju. Then your luck change like flick of switch! Trust in power of the Whisper.”
I roll my eyes and stand to the side. “Fine! Whatever! But, Matt, you’re paying for all this shit.”
Whisper glares at me and does his hand zip thing.
“Sorry,” I murmur, with a gigantic sigh.
“Okay, I get to work, you big, sexy boys. You stand there and say, cool, calm, collected, over and over, yes?”
“Okay,” Matt says cheerily as I scoff.
“Really?”
Matt looks at me and tilts his head. “It won’t hurt, Nate. Just do it.”
Rolling my eyes, I murmur under my breath the three words over and over again as Whisper flits about the living room, taking art from the walls and moving the pictures around.
He then shifts the coffee table from the wall to the side of the staircase.
Basically, now, it’s changed from one roadblock to another.
I grunt slightly as he then moves the ficus from one side of the stairs to the other.
He’s pretty much just swapping everything from one side to the other.
There’s nothing harmonious or technical about this guy.
He is one hundred percent a hack, and I don’t know why Matt’s paying him.
But I have to admit, the way he flounces about the room, chanting and singing with absolute tone-deafness, is pretty fucking entertaining. Thank God, there’s no sage stick this time. It took ages for that stink to dissipate. I can still smell it occasionally in my closet.
He suddenly breaks out into a verse of “Hava Nagila,” the Jewish folk song, and I look to Matt, who bops his head from side to side, seemingly oblivious that it’s not a Chinese Fung Shui incantation.
I smile, and I can finally feel myself relaxing.
Even though this is a crazy situation where there is obviously a quack and a half in my home, he’s making me chuckle inside.
Now that I can see the funny side of this, it’s lightening the mood.
From the start, I was annoyed, but now, it’s rather entertaining, and I’m getting into it and somehow feeling more energized.
What the fuck kind of sorcery is this?
“Your ju-ju is lifting, Nathaniel, sexy boy,” Whisper calls out.
I say nothing as he continues moving shit about, and Matt bumps into my side playfully. We continue chanting, cool, calm, collected, as he walks back over to us, places his palms in front of me, and closes his eyes, humming. I open my eyes wide and stop chanting, but Matt continues.
“I pull demon from you, Nathaniel. It be hard process, but you feel better soon,” he says, resting his palms on my chest and digging his fingertips into my flesh.
I tense up as Matt chuckles, and Whisper vibrates.
I smirk as I find this more entertaining now than absurd, and Whisper takes in a deep breath and gasps like he’s just taken in an incredibly deep lungful of air.
He swallows harshly and backs up, nodding and placing his hands in a prayer pose as he smiles at me. “I took one of your demons, Nathaniel. Something good happen today for you, sexy boy. You reach out for good, and good come back to you tenfold,” he tells me.
I think of Ria and my chat with Matt.
I doubt Whisper’s influence will have any effect on my relationship with Ria, but he’s given me the strength to at least make the move to message her.
I need to do this.
I need to make the move.
I can’t let this fester.
To bring the good, I have to make the good. At least Whisper has taught me something.
“I have to go do something,” I say, and Whisper nods.
“Live well, Nathaniel. Be calm, be cool—”
“And collected. Yeah, yeah, I got it, thanks, Whisper.”
He nods. “You’re welcome. Namaste, and that will be three ninety-nine ninety-five… you pay cash?” he asks, and I scoff as I walk off toward the stairs, leaving Matt to deal with that load of bullshit.
My feet feel somehow lighter as I move with an air of excitement toward the stairs.
As I shift, my foot smacks the coffee table, and the pain radiates through my big toe. I groan aloud in annoyance. “Fucking hell,” I murmur, but round the table and walk to the stairs, only to be hit by the ficus as I walk up them.
I shake my head and chuckle.
Even though my toe is throbbing, I still feel good knowing I’m making the move to message Ria and not let things fester.