Chapter 30
"So, who was with you then?" I eat another spoonful of ice cream.
It's almost the middle of November, and it's not the best time for ice cream, but when I'm worried, I only eat it.
And lately I've been worrying a lot.
Danylo, as it turned out, was easy to avoid at the university. Despite the fact that I have almost stopped eating at the cafeteria, going out with my friends and start spending all my time with Sebastian.
"Ah," he shrugs, "Stop, please."
"When will you start building serious relationships and stop changing girls like gloves?"
"Someday, Amelia," he sighs, "someday," and begins to laugh.
Danylo sends another SMS. Only the ten thousandth time after my OK.
Danylo: I know that you avoid me. By the way, not very professionally. Just admit that you don't want to see me and go back to the internship, I won't bother you anymore.
My heart bleeds. I feel like I killed his cat, and I'm hiding it from him. I don't know what to answer him. I don't know what words to choose. I like spending time with him. Even more than just like. This is the problem.
Me: It's about me. This is not for me. And not for you too. You will soon have a child, be a good father.
I send a text while mentally burning my phone. I don't know why my heart reacts to him like that. I don't know why I am in pain now and why I want to see Danylo again.
Danylo: What the hell is that supposed to mean, Amelia?
"Are you listening to me?"
"So what? " I finally remember that Sebastian is sitting across from me.
"What's wrong with you? You and Danylo are so strange lately."
"And what about Danylo? Have you seen him? How is he?"
"I saw him in the other day with Zlata," Sebastian smiles and licks the ice cream spoon, I hate when he does that,"I swear, they are the cutest couple in the world." Nausea.
Everything I've eaten for the past few days seems to be about to come out. Now, not only the heart hurts, but also the stomach.
Somebody shoot me right in the brain.
"Yes," I finally squeeze out, "they are really cute."
"What about you? Do you want to try to move on?"
It's hard to move on when your feet are tied to the ground and your heart belongs to another person.
"I left the engagement ring on Denys's grave," I swallow hard.
"Wow," Sebastian is surprised, "you never took it off. That's a big step, Ami." He touches my hand. "I’m always here for you, you know that." "I know," I hold my brother's hand, but my body squeezes harder.
If someone asked me now to point to the place where it hurts, I wouldn't be able to decide. It hurts everywhere. Absolutely everywhere.
"By the way, I saw Louis the other day," these words fly out of Sebastian's mouth and resonate deeply inside me.
I didn't see Denys's brother after the heart transplant. I know his family loved me too much to blame me, but I couldn't find the strength to keep in touch with them.
Louis and Denys are a copy of each other. I couldn't just look at him and hide the fact that my heart wasn't breaking from the pain inside me.
"Louis?" I finally speak, my voice is raspy, so I clear my throat.
"Yes, he stayed in a hotel in Kyiv a week ago, said that he came on business and will soon return to Lviv."
Does Sebastian really feel nothing when he talks so easily about my dead fiancé's brother, or is he so skilfully hiding his feelings?
If the second option, then I envy him. Although even if it's the first, I'm jealous in any case. I would also like to talk about it easily. "He asked about you." My blood is cold.
"What exactly?" my gaze is lowered, I cannot look my brother in the eyes, I am afraid that he will read everything that is written in them now.
Pain. Despair. Self-destruction.
"He asked how you feel, whether you are studying in college, different things."
"He probably hates me."
"Hey." Sebastian takes my hand. "No one hates you, Amelia, he even invited us to dinner."
"What he did? " I blurt out.
"Don't worry, I refused, I knew you wouldn't want to." Perhaps another step to healing will be this?
Face your greatest fear?
"In general, I don't mind." I speak somewhat uncertainly and quietly, but it is clear enough for Sebastian to agree.
"Okay, then I will text him and tomorrow we will have dinner together."
"Agreed."
My gaze falls on Lily, who enters the room. She looks great as always.
"I need to go." Sebastian gets up from my bed. "I will text you later." I purse my lips and nod.
I look at my friend. I know what she wants to talk about, but I pretend I'm not interested in talking.
"Danylo already asked everyone if they had seen you." Lily sits down next to me. "Is something going on between you two?" She tries to read my thoughts with her penetrating eyes.
And I would be glad if someone could read my thoughts and finally explain what is happening to me, and I am the only one, it seems, who doesn't understand.
"No," I answer briefly.
"He likes you." She has a quiet voice, but for some reason the words sound so loud. "And for some reason it seems to me that you like him too."
I start to shake.
"Lily," I smile, hiding the pain, "I assure you that we are just friends. "
"If you want to talk about it... "
"You better tell me about your new boyfriend, who is he?" I put the books aside. "Do I know him?"
"Are you talking about Liam?" laughs Lily.
"Well, if the tall pumped-up athlete with a Hollywood smile is called Liam, then yes, I am talking about him."
"We hung out several times together, but nothing serious."
"Really, you don't want a serious relationship?"
"I want to," moans Lily sadly, "but so far I haven't met the one. Well, maybe." She bites her lip, "if Danylo didn't have Zlata, then I would definitely mess with him." My heart skips a beat.
Another.
My heart rate rises to a hundred and thirty.
"Really?" I laugh, as if this news did not cause jealousy in me two seconds ago.
Stop. What? I'm jealous? "Have you seen him at all?" I saw.
And I want to see him again.
A few million more times.
"Well, he's okay," I answer, as if I'm not telling the biggest lie of my life.
"He is the embodiment of Apollo." Zeus himself, I would say.
"Yes, he is hot, but many guys at the university are like that. Liam, for example." I speak with a drawl.
"Of course, Liam is hot, but I'm ready to sell my soul for the dimples on Danylo's face."
I'm blushing. Do all girls have a thing for dimples?
"But he has a wife and soon will have a child." I remind Lily and myself.
"Yes," sighs Lily, "you are right." She moves closer to me.
"Well, here it is." A smile spreads on her face.
"What?"
"You're jealous."
"I'm not jealous!"
"Amelia, I needed to say just two words about Danylo and you almost killed me with a look."
Okay. Maybe I'm jealous. Just a little bit. However, I will never admit it. To no one.