Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Nigel
I could do absolutely nothing but stare at the spot where I’d last seen Hazel and try to comprehend what the hell had just happened.
When no epiphany washed over me, I turned to look at where Hazel had been only moments before.
Though the bench was occupied by a very attractive young woman, she wasn’t my Zellie.
“Seems like you’re up,” I said, forcing myself to stop swiveling my head like some demented metronome. Hazel hadn’t gone up in a puff of smoke. She’d walked away and out the door on her own two feet. All I could do now was wait for her supposed stand-in to explain why.
Except that Sadie wasn’t rushing to speak.
In fact, she was currently enjoying the very milkshake that had had me coming far too close to embarrassing myself.
At least I didn’t have to watch another woman’s cheeks hollowing.
Sadie was dipping a long handled spoon into the glass to scoop up its contents before transferring them to her mouth. Where she’d gotten it, I had no clue.
“Should you be doing that?” I asked.
“Doing what?”
Is there some guidebook for vague responses to what should be relatively clear questions?
“Eating Hazel’s shake.”
Sadie shrugged. “Why not? Hazel said I could have it.”
Well, she had me there. “That’s right, sorry, by all means, enjoy.”
“I will.” She gave me a brief smile a moment before the next spoonful was eaten and when she removed the top bun from what remained of Hazel’s bastardized burger and used the same spoon to scoop up a mound of cheesy pasta, I just stared.
And when she then reached for two tater tots and dropped them into the glass and covered them with what little whipped cream remained, I managed to keep my shudder to myself.
But when she spooned one up and put it into her mouth, I couldn’t keep quiet.
“Do you think that’s a good idea?”
One finger lifted to indicate I’d need to wait a moment for her to chew and swallow before she said, “Duh, otherwise I wouldn’t be doing it.”
It wasn’t so much the answer, but the tone in which it was delivered that gave me pause. It was spoken as if she believed it was either the stupidest question ever asked or she thought I was incapable of comprehending such a simple concept. I wasn’t a fan of either choice.
This time she used her fingertips to dig into the whipped cream and retrieve what I was positive had to be a totally soaked and completely inedible potato puff. I actually drew back when she reached across the table in an attempt to reach my mouth. “Try it!”
“No thanks, I prefer my hash browns to be crispy and brown rather than soggy and whatever color that is.”
“Party pooper,” she said with a shrug. “Your loss as everyone knows hash browns are for breakfast, tots are for supper and dipping into ice cream.” She popped the sodden mess into her mouth and dropped another pair of tots in the melting shake.
Funny how I’d never really had to consider dinner conversation before, but I suppose that just meant that there had been actual conversation involved.
Even when Hazel was teasing me about the fare of my homeland, I’d not felt the need to examine every response before I gave it.
And it wasn’t like my career choice didn’t involve chatting with women as it most definitely did and was an aspect I normally enjoyed.
But for the life of me, I had absolutely no clue how to talk to the woman sitting across from me.
Even when all the tots were eaten and the spoon began to clink against the insides of the glass instead of sliding silently through chocolate ice cream, all I could think of was that I must be totally clueless as I’d never considered myself switching dinner partners in the middle of dinner.
Still when Sadie sat back and I saw the last of the whipping cream hadn’t quite made it into her mouth, I managed to say, “You missed a bit.”
“Huh?”
“Whipped cream? You missed a bit.”
Sadie bent over the glass and then looked up at me. “No I didn’t, it’s all gone.”
“I mean, you’ve got a bit on your upper lip.”
“Oh, then why didn’t you just say I had a mustache?”
Why not indeed? When I couldn’t come up with an answer that wouldn’t sound sexist or just plain ridiculous, she shook her head, grabbed a napkin and scrubbed her mouth.
“Gone?”
Before I could confirm she’d gotten it all, a new voice had my gaze snapping to the side to see Julie holding a tray on which two bags sat.
“Sadie? I wondered where you were, and so does your Daddy. Master Derek called to ask if you’d come by yet and I was about to tell him I hadn’t seen you when I happened to look over here.
At first I thought you were Hazel.” She turned her head slightly to ask me, “You did come in here with Hazel, right?”
Now why did that make me feel like some heel who abandoned his date only to grab another gal at the dance?
“Right, but—”
“So? What happened?”
That’s what I’d like to know,” I said, taking advantage of her need to take a breath before asking another question.
“Hazel left,” Sadie said as if that hadn’t been totally shocking.
Evidently it wasn’t as Julie just nodded.
“Oh, okay, well, I think you’d better go too. Your Daddy sounded a bit hangry. I’ve got your order all packed up and ready to go.”
“Thanks, Julie,” Sadie said, plucking the bags off the tray after sliding out of the booth.
When it became apparent she was about to pull a Hazel and simply walk out without explanation, I finally found my voice.
“Just a minute! Where do you think you’re going?”
“To have dinner.”
“You just had dinner.”
“Nope, that was Hazel’s dinner. This is mine,” she said lifting one bag. “Or maybe it’s this one,” she added, holding up the second as if I needed visual aids.
“But what about Hazel?”
“What about her?”
“Sadie Hawkins, you heard exactly what I did. Hazel said you’d explain and I promise if you take one more step before doing so, I’ll be making my own call to your Daddy to inform him not only will his dinner be late, but that his cheeky Little girl is one snark away from having my hand connecting to her arse. ”
If I didn’t actually witness it, I doubt I would have believed how rapidly her expression changed from one of bewilderment to one of pure mischievousness.
“Care to tell me how you could find a single thing about this whole situation amusing? I just watched the woman I love skip out of my life without explanation and you’re smiling?”
Instead of answering my question, Sadie asked one of her own. “Are you saying you still don’t get it?”
“Get what? You’re killing me here!”
She almost managed to stifle her giggle, but a little escaped as she set the bags back onto the table. “I guess my acting skills aren’t as good as I thought.”
My growl wasn’t the least bit stifled and had her raise a hand. At first I thought it was to ward me off, but when she made a fist then let a single finger point skyward, I realized she was using it to make her point.
“First, I wasn’t totally sure when you asked me if I thought drinking Hazel’s shake was a good idea, but when you simply accepted my ‘why not,’ I knew I was on the right track.”
“Track? What track?”
She rolled her eyes and my hand actually twitched.
“I’m getting there.”
“Get there faster,” I suggested.
That smile almost made me regret the stern tone, but only almost.
“Okay, second”–the single finger was joined by another—“the desecration of Chef Connor’s famous mac ’n’ cheese is never ever passed over but you didn’t even blink.
” Her ring finger joined the lineup. “Third, the tater tot test. Instead of informing me that my comment about I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t think it was a good idea wasn’t acceptable behavior, you just let me be rude.
Oh, and if you recall, I started that comment with a pretty snotty ‘duh’. ”
“Oh, little girl, I definitely recall,” I said which only got me another brilliant smile.
“Good then we’re getting there. Okay, fourth, not only did you let me keep dunking tots into the shake, you actually let me eat every single one of them.”
“I did not! I told you that was a bad idea.”
“No you didn’t. You just started muttering about hash browns and when I basically stated your opinion was stupid, not only did you not give me a warning that I was walking a thin line, once again you didn’t reprimand me for the disrespect.”
Okay, I’d give her that one, but still had no clue where this was headed or even if it was actually going to prove to be worth all this finger counting.
“That brings us to the fifth point which, honestly, should have had that lightbulb going off over your head.” Her thumb unfolded to give me a full handful of splayed fingers.
“I mean, I had to sit there with sticky melted cream dripping off my face for you to even notice it, and then, instead of simply reaching across the table to wipe my mouth, you just kept repeating I missed a bit. I mean, everyone knows what a mustache means. Well, everybody but you it seems.”
She gave her hand a shake before dropping her arms and planting both hands on her hips. “Which told me exactly what the problem is.”
I took a deep breath, exhaled, inhaled and then repeated the set while both Julie who’d stood transfixed through the whole demo and Sadie just stood there.
Finally, I rubbed my hand over my face. “How about I promise to treat you to dinner of your choice if you’ll stop trying to feed me guesses and just spit out whatever it is that I’m supposed to be getting from all of this. ”
“Are you serious? How can you still be clueless? No wonder Hazel couldn’t tell you…”
“Tell me what!” I said, far too loudly as it had both her and Julie’s eyes rounding to the size of the plate that had held all those tater tots.
I held up my hands. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout.
I just feel like I’m in some sort of labyrinth and am so busy trying to avoid getting gored by the Minotaur’s horns, that I can’t even stop to look for a way out. ”