Chapter 6
Chapter Six
Hazel
Hazel, I just want you to know that no matter what, I’ve got you—forever and always. Yours, Nigel.
If I’d read his text once, I’d read it a thousand times since it had come in last night.
While it caused a surge of hope to flair the first read through, perhaps that was only because I’d been so absolutely sure I’d walked away from the best thing that had ever happened to me.
But with each subsequent read, doubts began to creep back in.
Hazel.
The fact he’d used my name was the first clue. If he’d addressed it to Zellie, it would mean… well, to be honest, I wasn’t sure what, but I would have felt better if reading the name he’d begun calling me within a few weeks of our dating.
But you’re not a Zellie. That’s a sweet nickname for a Little, and you’re—
“I know! I don’t need you to constantly remind me I’m just a Hazel!
” A Hazel who evidently had no problem practically shouting at a voice that had no existence except for inside her head.
Forcing that truth aside, I’d concentrated on the next words of the text which didn’t offer me much solace either.
No matter what…
What exactly did that mean? It actually told me nothing.
Hell, I didn’t even know if he’d stuck around long enough for Sadie to pop his fantasy bubble or if she’d just sat there with a blank look because she had no clue what I’d meant for her to convey.
Hadn’t Brooke reminded me that men weren’t mind readers?
That also applied to women, right? So why in the world I’d expected Sadie to read mine and know exactly what I wanted her to say was ridiculous.
I’d begun at least a dozen texts—none to Nigel—but that hadn’t really mattered as I’d not actually sent those I’d written to Sadie either.
I’d started this fiasco and no matter how I regretted doing so, I was also the only one who could clear it up.
All of this played in a loop in my head, again and again as I drove.
The only reason I hadn’t made this same drive the night before was because I’d had trouble seeing the road.
Not because I needed glasses or because it was dark.
The days were growing shorter as winter approached, but that also meant the moon came out sooner.
It hung low in the sky, illuminating the landscape from its place against a stunning midnight-blue backdrop.
My view was restricted by the constant blinking required to stop the tears that seemed determined to fall.
By the time I’d made it home, I could no longer keep them at bay and had simply set them free.
I knew that Nigel not only woke far earlier than most people, but while the majority of us chose to gradually come awake with a jolt of caffeine, he exchanged snuggling in his warm bed for actually running through the cold air.
And not just a little jog around the block either.
No, Dr. Berringer’s day began with a ten-mile run.
I’d not known him to miss a single day, even those when he’d awakened in my double bed.
He also never failed to ask me if I’d like to come with him and I’d never failed to roll my eyes as I rolled over and fell back to sleep like a normal person.
I was counting on the fact he wouldn’t miss today either.
As I turned off the main road from Porter’s Corner, I slowed after the first rise as I approached the gate.
Once the gate began to open after the electronic eye read the sticker on my windshield, I began scanning the road ahead of me for Nigel.
I actually had no clue what route he took but figured that since the B&B was the first building one came across when entering Rawhide Ridge, there was a good chance I’d find him pounding the pavement.
Despite the logic of my plan, the only thing I saw even close to the road was a deer who stepped out of the trees.
I was very grateful she didn’t dash out into my path, or perhaps she had sense to return to her own bed in the forest. I topped the rise and saw Robyn’s Nest on my right.
Its yellow facade reminded me of the sun, welcoming visitors to another beautiful day in Montana.
I pulled into the drive and then realized that mine was the only car in sight.
I double checked the time and confirmed it was indeed early.
Nigel couldn’t be out running, not if his truck was missing.
A list of expectant mothers ran through my head as babies were notorious for choosing to arrive in the middle of the night, but as far as I was aware, none of our patients were close enough for that to be a possibility.
Add in the fact that Robyn’s car was also gone told me she wasn’t inside preparing breakfast for her guests either.
I debated what to do and finally threw logic out the window and climbed out of my car.
My knocks went unanswered which wasn’t a surprise but still left me feeling adrift.
I had a couple of hours to kill before I reported for work and didn’t know how to fill them.
When standing on the porch of the B&B didn’t provide any answers, I returned to my car.
I could always go home, but that just seemed sad.
Instead, I decided to go to the one place I knew I wouldn’t be alone.
Ten minutes later, I was pulling into the parking lot next to the main lodge.
I felt a twinge of guilt knowing when I’d left last night, I’d also left Nigel stranded as he’d ridden over in my car after we’d finished at the clinic.
Though I knew he could always catch a ride with Lawson if no one else, I’d not even considered that fact when I’d torn out of the café and fled the Ranch.
I supposed it was another thing I would have apologized for if he’d been where he was supposed to be and not…
Parked two spaces over.
I stood staring at what I knew was his truck.
His was not only the sole cherry-red vehicle in the entire lot, but it was as shiny as a candy apple hawked over at the county fair, not a chip in its paint or dent in its body, both attesting to the fact it was brand spanking new.
Which meant I now knew why I hadn’t found him running on the Ridge roads.
He was somewhere on the Ranch. Perhaps he was chatting with his brother or even visiting Beverly in the clinic.
Or looking for an actual Little.
I didn’t want to think about that, but now, due to that unwanted inner voice feeling quite free to speak her mind, it was too late.
Did I consider jumping right back into my car and peeling out for the second time in less than twelve hours.
Yes, yes, I did. Then I remember that while I could run, I really couldn’t hide.
Not unless I dropped out of the university and quit my job.
I was under no illusion that I had anywhere near the claim on Rawhide Ranch and its residents as did Nigel.
It didn’t matter that I’d been at the clinic longer.
I wasn’t even a nurse yet, much less an ob/gyn doctor that Master Derek personally recruited to come all the way from London, England, to practice on the Ridge.
And while I might be friends to several Littles who lived either on the Ranch or the Ridge, I wasn’t related to any of them.
Lawson Berringer wasn’t just Nigel’s big brother.
He was the Chief of Security for the entire place.
Which left me pretty much on my own.
I’d had to pull up my Big girl panties yesterday to face Grant Chambers and it hadn’t killed me.
I supposed this wasn’t going to send me to an early grave either.
Would it hurt like hell to see Nigel with another woman, oh yes, it would hurt far worse than those six swats I’d received yesterday.
And unlike the sting of those, this pain would be akin to the one I’d experienced…
Which you need—
No! I didn’t give a flip about what my inner voice wanted to discuss.
I’d shoved that into an iron-clad box a long time ago and it wasn’t ever going to be unlocked again.
But it did remind me that I’d dealt with pain before and though it had laid me out flat, I’d survived it as well.
Still, I’d never wanted to be a Little as much as I did right at this moment.
Not to try to win Nigel back. I’d lost that chance last night.
But the need to crawl onto a Daddy’s lap and bury my face in his neck, clinging to his shirt as he wrapped his arms around me was so strong it was visceral. But I wasn’t a Little.
But you have friends who are right inside.
I looked toward the lodge. I did and those Littles were often in the cafeteria having breakfast and laughing amongst themselves before their days began.
And while they weren’t Daddies, they were never shy about giving out hugs without even having to know why they were needed.
There was nothing keeping me from joining them except my own fear.
I was going to have to face my future soon enough, might as well start now, right?
Right!
Stuffing my keys into the pocket of my jeans, I began walking toward the lodge.
Of course, I could have saved myself some angst if I’d remembered that while the cafeteria was open at 6 a.m. which was just a few minutes away, the Littles I had imagined already gathered around a table ready to jump up and envelop me in their arms, were not only not waiting for the ring of the breakfast bell, they were nowhere in sight.
They were most likely still in bed snuggled up against their Bigs.
Seemed like this day was going to be full of reasons for me to remember I supposedly had untapped reserves of strength.
Which meant it was time for Plan B. As much as I wanted to forget it even existed, the café was the only place on the Ranch that was open twenty-four hours a day and would have coffee and a huge, calorie-laden muffin.
I retraced my steps across the lobby, pretty damn proud of myself for not just collapsing into a puddle of forlorness, and yes, Professor Rogers, I know that wasn’t an actual word, but you teach the art of creative writing so I could take a bit of artistic license if it would keep me upright and not huddled on the floor.
I was trying to decide if it was the orange-cranberry or the blueberry muffin that had my name on it when the sound of voices had me looking for the source.
My hope that my friends had made an early appearance were dashed the moment I recognized one of those voices stating the words Little girl.
Unlike that deer, I couldn’t manage to slip away the moment she sensed danger.
All I could do was freeze as three men appeared in the very doorway I’d fled from the night before.
I’d honestly thought I’d reconciled with the fact that I was once again on my own, but now realized that a part of me had still hoped that the text had meant exactly what it had said…
not the forever and always part because I’d stopped believing in fairytales years ago.
But the last two words that had lodged themselves in my heart were now lodged in my throat.
Yours, Nigel.
Except that was a lie. He wasn’t mine. He’d never been mine.
And seeing as how he’d just said Little girl while standing between Derek Hawkins, the master matchmaker of Rawhide Ranch, and Lawson, the older brother who’d not only served as a role model for his younger brother’s entire life, he was the Daddy to Brooke, who was his wife and his Little girl, he was never going to be mine.
Sorry, Master Chambers, that well you spoke about?
It’s dry as a fucking desert. Which left me with Plan C.
Run!