Chapter 9 #2
After another moment, she settled again against my chest, no longer facing me but perhaps that was what she needed to give her the ability to switch from make-believe to reality.
I took advantage of that possibility by asking the question I’d wanted to the moment I’d turned to see her standing in the doorway of the ER.
“I’m forever grateful that fate seems to have brought us both into Butte today, but can you share why you came to the hospital?
I know you have friends on the Ranch to talk things over with, but I also know you are friends with fellow nursing students who aren’t in the lifestyle.
Is that what you were looking for?” I might have worried that the question was too invasive except for the small tilt of her lips when she turned to look at me.
“No, just the opposite really. I came for the same reason you did, to talk to Dr. Lake because he is in the lifestyle.” When I didn’t immediately respond, she continued, “Does that surprise you?”
“A bit. I mean, I know he and Mira live on the Ridge and she’s a patient of ours, but I guess I didn’t realize you were that close to Wes.”
The smile slipped away as did her gaze when she turned to look forward.
“Zellie, whatever the reason, again let me say I’m so very glad we wound up right here together.
I don’t need to know anything else until you’re ready to tell me.
” Several minutes passed in silence, but her body gradually relaxed against me.
When she spoke again, it was to turn the conversation back on me.
“So, how much did Dr. Lake tell you?”
The question was asked quietly but might as well have been screamed for its importance to her, its relation to her, which gave me yet another clue but not yet an answer.
“If you’re asking if he told me anything about you, then the answer is no.”
Her head lifted and she shifted a bit, but once again, my arm limited the distance I was willing to concede.
“You want me to believe that you drove all the way from Rawhide to come to this very hospital and see Dr. Lake because… what, you missed hospital food?”
I had to hand it to her. Despite whatever else was going on in her head, no matter which roles she liked to play, one couldn’t argue that the woman didn’t have the snark part of being a Little down.
“Since I had breakfast in the café, then coming for another would be a bit gluttonous on my part, don’t you think?”
You could also check off the box for eye rolling.
“You saw me—”
“You and Master Derek and your brother you mean.”
“Okay, we all had breakfast.”
“And exactly when did the discussion of my lack of Littleness come in? Was it before the orange juice was even poured or did you wait until the pancakes had been served? Oh, wait, pancakes are what Littles just love so I’m sure that course was reserved for when Master Derek started passing over folders full of all the Littles just waiting in the wings to have their very own Doctor Daddy come kiss all their booboos and make everything all better. Do you think I’m stu—hey!”
“Not stupid, but definitely needy,” I said, easily flipping her from sitting to lying over my lap.
I didn’t bother unsnapping her jeans as I just wanted to keep her from diving head first down that same old rabbit hole she really needed to fill in and tamp the dirt, sprinkle some seeds over it, maybe shed a few tears of relief and release, and then finally realize it was far better to bend and smell the flowers than waste another moment chasing some demented white rabbit.
“Hey, that hurts!” she squealed.
“You know how to stop it,” I said, placing a very solid swat to the seat of her jeans between every word. “Safeword and I stop. Anything else and I keep spanking.”
She was silent for another several swats then said, “I don’t believe in safe words.”
What the hell?
My hand paused in mid-air and then lowered only to flip her back over, this time straddling my lap. That didn’t mean I didn’t keep an arm around her to communicate she wasn’t going anywhere until we actually did communicate using strings of words that formed complete sentences.
“What the hell do you mean you don’t believe in safe words? You work at a kink Ranch for god’s sake. Safe words are drilled into everyone’s brain before those gates even open.”
“I work on the Ridge, not the Ranch.”
I didn’t particularly care for the tone, but seeing the fire in her eyes was so much better than seeing the pain.
“Tomato, tomahto. Different names, different locations, but we both know the same rules apply. Safe words are not just words, they are a lifeline to those who use them and those who know to respect when hearing–” The fire in her eyes died as the tears welling in them soaked the embers.
“Fuck. Someone didn’t respect yours did they? You don’t believe because your trust was destroyed the moment some jackass decided he knew better than you did when you’d had enough. Fuck, Zellie, I’m so fucking sorry. I-I didn’t know—”
“Bullshit! Maybe not until it was verified by Dr. Lake, but you had to know or else you wouldn’t be in the same fucking hospital they brought me to!
Had to know how stupid I was to trust a man I barely knew.
Trust him to not only tie me up, but to gag me.
To chain me to a fucking wooden cross and then proceed to… to…”
“Oh, Zellie,” I said, my heart breaking as the woman broke before me. Broke into a million pieces. As she collapsed against me, I wanted to shield her from ever being hurt again while at the same moment, I wanted to find the guy who’d shattered her trust and put him in the fucking ground.
She sobbed until she was hoarse, her body shaking like a leaf even with my arms tightly around her, holding her so close yet not close enough.
I wanted my very body to envelop hers in warmth and safety that she could wear like a cloak.
I rocked her, the only sounds her sobs and my murmurs of reassurance that she was safe, to let it out, that I had her, that no one was ever going to hurt her again.
The office got brighter and shadows shifted as the sun rose higher outside where the world continued to rotate on its axis.
But inside, in this room, time had zoomed back to whenever the woman that Hazel had been became the woman she was.
My sole goal was to help her move forward again and become the Hazel whose future held nothing but love and warmth and the knowledge that she was safe.