Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
Hazel
I had not yet lived a quarter of a century but felt as if I were a hundred years old.
Exhaustion threatened to pull me under and perhaps never let me wake again.
I might have accepted that promise of darkness to shield me that night but now I wanted to fight, to scream.
To punch and kick, scratch and claw, but most importantly, to become the woman Nigel thought I was.
After a last shuddering breath, I pushed myself off the welcoming warmth of his chest and sat back.
“Still have that hanky?”
“Always,” he said and produced it, once more wiping my face and waiting until I blew my nose before smiling and leaning forward to press a kiss to my forehead.
“You know, you’re making it very hard not to fall in love with you, Dr. Berringer.”
He frowned. “Then I’m not doing a very good job because my goal is to make it impossible, Miss Waltman.”
Perhaps the reason I felt so much lighter was because I’d cried what had to be, if not a river, at least a tributary full of tears. Or more likely, it was because this man had held me as I’d shed every one of them.
“So, if you didn’t come to ask Dr. Lake about me, why did you come here?” I asked.
“I did come to ask about you, but not in the way you think.”
His arm briefly tightened around me as if he feared I was going to jump up, but I shook my head. “You can relax. I’m not going to flee. I’m so tired of running. It hasn’t done me a damn bit of good, has it?”
“No, it hasn’t,” he agreed, his arm loosening but his hand beginning to run lightly over my back.
“In what way then?”
He didn’t need more, easily picking up where he’d left off. “I actually didn’t even come to consult with him. I wanted to ask if he thought Mira might be willing to talk to me.”
“Mira? Why?”
“Because I knew she’d battled with her need to submit.
Maybe not in the same way you have been but battled just the same.
I know there are countless submissives I could speak with at the Ranch but thought that if I could get some insight from one I knew personally and knew a bit of her history, then perhaps I could help you.
Maybe even see if she thought speaking to you herself would help. ”
I thought about that and had to agree it not only made sense, it was a good idea.
I knew Mira from school as we’d taken some of the same classes.
We’d become friendly, but not close enough to share such intimate details.
Though a great deal of that was on me as I’d not shared my history with anyone really.
The closest I’d come to that was to Master Derek when I’d interviewed with him and Dr. Nelson after deciding that I wanted to be more than the receptionist at the clinic.
They and Beverly MacIntosh had convinced me that I could become the nurse I aspired to be.
“I heard you say ‘Little girl,’ and saw you holding those folders—”
“Folder, singular, not plural,” Nigel cut in to say.
“And no, it was not from any Little looking for a Daddy. It was that of a certain someone whose mind is almost as quick to convince her of something that isn’t true as her feet are to run away from that very truth.
Care to guess who?” His brow arched and I felt my cheeks heating.
“Um, me?”
“Yes, you. And no, it does not contain anything about your past or your trauma. It simply holds the forms that every guest or staff member of the Ranch or Ridge completes.”
I considered that information as well and nodded. “So that’s how you knew I’m not a Little?”
He chuckled and reached up to tuck a strand of hair that had come loose back behind my ear before sliding his fingers along my jawline.
“No, and I have no clue why it seems everyone finds it shocking that I never considered you as a Little. Even when Sadie pointed out that I met you while you were attending a tea party full of Littles, I never saw you as one. Hell, I have a lot of friends who are submissive or switches, and I’ve attended a lot of conferences where vanillas outnumber us spice-lovers ten to one.
That doesn’t mean I haven’t always and will forever be a Dominant.
We are who we are and you, Hazel Christine Waltman, are a natural-born submissive. ”
“Practicing or not?” I said with a strangled laugh.
“Babygirl, if you ask me, you’ve got one hell of a good reason for taking a break. I’m hoping to give you reason to shake off the past and go forward.”
I felt the warmth of an ember beginning in the pit of my belly as his hand moved from my jaw to slip behind my head and cup the nape of my neck. The ember began to flare when his fingers tightened just the barest bit and he used that hand to pull me forward until our breaths mingled.
“And once you’ve made that choice, I can promise we can begin practicing until the day you are ready to take full ownership of that submissive and soar.”
It might have been those words or perhaps the touch of his lips on mine that sent those flames soaring as if he’d poured gasoline on the fire. We’d kissed a thousand times, but not like this. As wonderful as each one of those had been, they couldn’t compare to what this was…
A blanket of warmth to shut out the cold I’d been living in.
An offer of safety from the fear that had held me prisoner.
An assurance of being caught every single time I stumbled.
A pledge to not only make love to me, but with me.
A vow to not just hear but to listen to words spoken as well as those left unsaid.
This was a promise of a future that I wanted, that I craved with every cell of my being.
When his tongue slid along my bottom lip as if reluctant to let me go, my lips curled into a smile as I made the choice he’d given me.
“I choose you, Master Nigel.”
His eyes closed and I felt his breath hitch as he whispered, “Thank god,” before his lips took possession of mine.
We were lying in a tangle of clothes, pillows, and cushions when a sound that was foreign among the moans, groans, cries, laughs, and whispers that had filled the room for the last hour had both of our heads popping up like prairie dogs and turning toward it.
“Glad to see you’ve worked it out,” Wes Lake said from where he stood in the doorway of the room.
While I squeaked and reached for a cushion to cover my nakedness, Nigel just chuckled and ran his hand through hair that had become a trifle bit mussed from my fingers pulling on it when he’d buried his face between my legs.
“Working on it, now close the door behind you if you please.”
“Sure thing. Mira just wanted me to extend an invitation to join us for lunch.”
The very fact that he could stand there as unconcerned as if he’d interrupted some boring budget meetings spoke of his expertise as a doctor and as a Dominant, and one reason why he was also a friend.
“I’ve just eaten,” Nigel said, smacking his lips.
“Nigel!” I said, slapping at his chest. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you just said that!”
“Why? It’s the truth, though I’m up for going back for seconds if you are? Oh, and it’s Master to you, babygirl.”
I’d say just kill me now but then I wouldn’t be able to share that dessert course with him so instead, I said, “Thank you, Dr. Lake, but it appears our schedule is currently full for lunch. But, if that invitation extends to dinner?”
“It does, just buzz when you come up for air.”
With that I heard a click that would have stopped the intrusion before Wes pulled the door closed.
“Next time maybe you should take a page from Wes’ book and lock the door,” I said.
“If I had, we’d be on our own for dinner,” Nigel said, easily tossing the cushion I’d used as a blanket halfway across the room. “Now, be my good little patient and open wide.”
I laughed and ran my hands up his body, my fingers skimming over his abdominal muscles and the broad planes of his chest, coming to cup his face, his beard so soft against my palms. “Shouldn’t you follow that with ‘and say ahhh,’ Dr. Berringer?”
A zillion goosebumps broke over my skin as he slowly grinned, a dimple appearing in his cheek as one dark brow lifted.
“Well, I suppose it was awful selfish of me to enjoy a taste of you without reciprocating with a taste of me.” He took my hands in his and bent to plant them over my head as he moved up to straddle my body until his cock bobbed above my mouth.
“Open wide and say ahhh,” he instructed as he kept one hand trapping both of mine as his other fisted his cock to guide it to my lips.
I had my lips parting before his expression changed from humor to complete seriousness. “And, Zellie, if you need to stop for any reason whatsoever, simply squeeze my hand or tap me anywhere on my body. For any reason at all. Is that absolutely clear?”
My heart clutched but only because it was finally beginning to truly break the chains that I’d wrapped so tightly around it.
I felt him release my hands only to then entwine his fingers with those of one of my hands while leaving my other hand completely free.
He wasn’t just giving me words, he was giving me the freedom to use whatever I needed to feel safe, to be safe.
“Yes, Master, crystal clear,” I said and then licked my lips, causing his cock to jerk in his hold and my lips to curl before I opened my mouth wide and said, “Ahhhh.”