6. Cowboy Me Up
Cowboy Me Up
Amity
T he blaring alarm on my phone has me shooting out of the bed. Damn, three thirty in the morning already? Stretching, last night beams into my mind. O Jesus, where is Blake? I fly out of bed, sprinting into the living room expecting to find him on the couch. Disappointment sets in when I realize it’s just Hamlet and me. Just like it has been. I slip on shorts and a sweatshirt then push my feet into my boots. “Come on, boy, let’s go outside.” Clipping his leash on, we head down the hallway to the elevator. My mind is evaded with the events of last night. Taking a deep breath, we step out into the humid summer morning.
“Hey.” I hear.
Turning around, I smile. “Hey, Lana. Of course, you're running on time.”
Laughing, she returns my smile, though it almost looks like a grimace. “Love, you look like shit.”
“Hmph. Much appreciated, bestie.”
“I’ll come up with you so you can tell me all about it, then will take Hamlet when you leave.”
“Okay, but a lot happened, and I only have twenty minutes, so let’s go.”
Back in the apartment, I relive every detail with Lana. Watching her facials go from excitement to shock and livid to happiness.
“He’s trying, Amity. At least hear him out. It could be anything.”
“Right!” Thinking in my head, I ask,” Do you think he knows about him?”
“How would he know, Am? He would have to dig really deep to find anything.”
“True. If so, it’s no excuse for the damage he’s inflicted on me. I just know last night with him being here as much as I fought him, every fiber of my soul and body felt content. That I am supposed to be with him. But he ruined all of it.”
“How long is he in town for?” she asks.
“He didn’t say. I can’t imagine long.” Folding my hair in a long braid down the back, I go to put my boots on and get ready to walk out.
Lana speaks up, “Just go do your thing today and focus on the task ahead. We are supposed to get some rough weather later this afternoon.”
“I do love a good rainstorm while trying to herd cattle across rivers and hills. Something so traditional and hard-core. An exhilarating rush of adrenaline.”
“You go have fun in the rain. I will be staying nice and dry with Hamlet.”
“Ha, I will. It will be a nice distraction.” Tossing her Hamlet's leash, she hooks him up, and we walk out to our vehicles. She gives me a tight squeeze before I step up in my truck.
“Y’all be safe today and send me pictures when you can.”
“You mean like the one of Nash trying to be a cowboy and tackling cows or when he tried to take a nap and the calf peed on him?” Laughing, I remember the first time Nash joined us on a cattle drive.
“Exactly!”
* * *
Pulling up the gravel road to the ranch, I spot Willa’s old beat-up truck parked by the barn. I love her even more for it because Nash got her a brand new loaded-out Chevy truck. Which she loves, but she always prefers to drive her old one. It drives him crazy because it’s always breaking down and feels it’s not safe anymore. I see Dirks, Nash, and Willa leading the horses and setting out tack. Tilly is already in the zone saddling up horses. I spot someone under the dim lamp post. A guy leaning up against the truck I don’t recognize. Walking up to the barn, I step closer to the guy just to get a better view under the lamp post. I easily spot the expensive brand-new boots and tight wranglers under the light, with his head down, looking at his phone. He must be a guest joining us today, and I’m sure I will only be laughing when his feet are killing him an hour into the drive. Shaking my head as this made-up cowboy, I decide to not linger any longer and get my horse ready.
“You're not even gonna say ‘good mornin’, darlin’?” Thrown off by the words with accent but distinctly recognizing the voice, I whip around to be face-to-face with Blake, handing me a coffee. Fuck me with pineapples this morning , I think in my head. I take it because I need the caffeine.
“What are you doin’ here?”
“Came to spend time with you?”
Taking a deep breath, I ask the million dollar question. “Why?
“Amity, it's really early, and I haven’t slept. I am here to spend time with you. Hopefully get you to listen to me in the middle of all the chaos today.”
“Not stoppin’ you from joining today, Blake, but I’m not goin’ to be doin’ any favors for you either.”
“I know what I’m doing out there”
“You have never once done a cattle drive. It’s not all fun and games plus we're getting a storm later.”
“I watched YouTube last night. And that show, Yellowstone . Gave me perspective.”
“Jesus. Take the reins now,” I breathe out. Spotting Nash and Willa walking into the barn, I yell, “Nash, come get your brother!”
“No can-do, Am. He is all yours.” Blake turns back and grins at me. I look at him with disgust even though the inner me is pleased.
“Okay, boss, I’m all yours. Put me to work.”
Sighing, I shake my head. “You first need to go get your horse tacked up. And I hope you packed lunch and a thermos and water.”
“Already tacked up and ready to go, boss. And Willa made sure I have all that packed this morning.”
“Oh. Did she now?” Looking over my shoulder, I find her grinning ear to ear at me, only for me to salute her with my middle finger.
“Can I help you?” he endearingly asks.
“Sure. You can go grab my saddle pack and hat out of the cab of my truck.”
“On it,” he says, as he struts away in his painted-on Wranglers that make his ass look edible. I get Nevada tacked up and help with the rest of the horses for the guests.
At five the guests start arriving and Dirks starts going over the rules and expectations of the day.
“I am your trail boss for today. Meaning, I will be up-front of you and the herd with Pa.”
Willa tosses me a lunch sack from the kitchen, and I whisper, “Thank you,” during Dirks’ speech. She knows I always make sure everyone else is well prepared but then forget my own shit. I’m pretty much tuning out the rest of the speech because it’s not nothin’ I haven’t heard before. And I know my spot as a swing.
Finally Dirks finishes and starts barking orders of placement. I mount Nevada in preparation to head out. Tilly leans over next to me. “You do know we have an extra pair of boots in the tack room if Blake wants them?” She giggles the whole time she speaks.
“No. I think he’s fine.”
She laughs so hard. “You are so mean, Amity Jean!”
“Not mean, but hell, everyone’s gotta learn somehow. He probably thinks it’s a walk in the park because he wore sneakers in Costa Rica because we were hiking when we were on the horses. He shouldn’t even be here anyways.”
“Well, he is. And he’s here because of you. So, try not to throw him in a stampede today.”
“No promises.” I cluck my tongue at Nevada to get moving.
Dirks calls my name. “Amity, I have you and Blake with guests Mr. Hutchinson, his wife, Jessica, and the Witt family. So, a total of five guests are your and Blake’s responsibility today on top of the cattle. Y’all be my drags.”
“What? I should be swing.”
Gritting his teeth, he says, “I need you to be drag today. No big deal. I have Willow and Nash as my swings with their guests. Tilly and Jose are my points with Carlos and Bekah as my flanks.”
“Howdy partner.” Rolling my eyes at the return of Blake, who just rode up next to me. “Here is your hat, darlin’ and your saddle pack.”
“Thanks.” Taking it from him, I turn around to quickly fasten it through the buckle. “Did you hear Dirks? You’re in the back with me and five guests.”
“Let’s ride out to the sunrise together,” he jokes.
Without lookin’ over to him, I make kiss sounds to Nevada, and he takes off in a canter toward the pasture. “Such a good boy” I say, rubbing his neck down. Slowing down while we all get in position to start moving cattle, Blake catches up to me along with our five people.
“You can’t just be taken off today, Amity.”
“I have more experience. You should know when to keep up and not get lost or left behind.” Turning to the five people, I direct the Hutchinsons to my left, the Witts to my right, and Blake, I send to the other side of the Witts. “These are your spots. You do not want to get too close or be too far back. Always be prepared and on the lookout. We do have walkie-talkies,” I hold mine up, “so if anything concerning happens in front of us, we will definitely be told back here to prepare. If for some reason I take off, you do not need to follow unless I tell you to follow. Sometimes herds scatter and cows go into the brush, especially the young ones. I need you all to stay put and control the back. Everyone good? Ready?” They nod with a couple of yee-haws. I can see the fear but excitement on their faces. “I promise y’all this will be an experience of a lifetime, just always be on notice. All right y’all, let’s go.” Blake throws his hands up at me as if I was just sending him to the other side of the world.
A grin peeks through my poker face.
* * *
Blake
Three hours in with no sign of other life beyond the rolling hills of grass and trees. Just cows and cow asses with tails swinging, staring back at me. Strangers to my left, no one to my right. My girl is far on the other side avoiding me.
My feet are killing me. I knew I should’ve taken Nash’s offer to wear his old worn boots. But I’ve had these sitting in the box waiting to impress Amity at some point. Probably would’ve been better to take her out on a date in these and not spend my day bumping and grinding against a horse and pushing my feet against stirrups. The morning has been fairly uneventful. Only one calf attempted to wander off, but badass Tilly was on him. I am just over here having random conversations with myself. Or maybe with a few cows. They seem to moo at me every so often, either in encouragement or telling me to shut the hell up. Oh good it looks like we’re stopping for a bit. Please don’t let it be like a YellowStone, and they all just scatter, and we have to round them up before we get going again! I think in my head.
Riding over to Amity, I hear through her walkie-talkie we have an hour to rest. Let the cows graze as the guests stretch their legs and take pictures. I come up to the side of her horse and slowly dismount mine onto my aching feet. Tying him up next to hers. “That was something,” I say to grab her attention. She side-eyes me then looks away. Impulse has me grabbing her arm and yanking her behind the overgrown tree out of sight. I lean in, blocking her with my arms and body and looking down at her stunning face. “About last night…”
“What about it?”
“Can we talk about it?”
She shrugs her shoulders. “Sure. We had dinner. I let you fuck me into oblivion. I slapped you, had a temporary break of insanity, cried, and fell asleep.”
Nodding, I shift my feet. “That pretty much sums up the evening. Do you remember what I said to you?”
She hesitates then meets my eyes. “No.”
“How do you forget when someone tells you, I love you .”
“I forget when I don’t believe. Blake, my trust in you is shattered. My love for you is splintered. I don’t know how I can forgive you. I still don’t even know what the hell happened to even understand how we got here.”
My brain seems to think now’s better than any to let her in on the issue. Though my heart is telling me not to. Unfortunately, my mouth opens before I can debate my next move. “I have a file on you, Amity.” I pause, letting that nibble of information set in.
“You what? How do you have a file on me, and why would you?”
“Holdings protocol. Nash had to do the same thing with Willa. Though she is like an open book where you are a book with torn out chapters.” If looks could kill, I would already be six feet in the ground. “I freaked the fuck out, Amity. How could you not tell me about him? How could you not tell me you were married before?” She is turning red and flustered, her lips going in a straight line while I glance at her fingers flexing into fists.
“You invaded my privacy without even asking. How could you? And then you find out and leave instead of trusting me enough to just fucking ask? Jesus’ pineapples, Blake, what the hell is wrong with you?”
“I know. And I know I keep saying I know because I fucking know! And I can’t apologize enough. But I wanted it to be a surprise. We don’t pull information until we’re ready to make that type of commitment. I planned on proposing to you before I left. But Nash wanted answers about the file from you. And I was selfish enough to not see you. To not have our last night ruined with all of this bullshit instead of making it a memorable evening by asking you to marry me.” Piercing blue eyes are wide-open with her mouth gawking at me.
“Oh, I can’t even with you right now…so… Let me get this straight… You wanted me to marry you?” I nod in response. “But you had information dug up on me that revealed some incident from my past?” I’m nodding again. “And you thought it was best to leave the country? Not call or text or have any communication with me whatsoever for several weeks?”
“Well when you put it like that it sounds a lot worse than in my head.”
“It sounds a lot worse, Blake, because it’s that ridiculous. You were my best friend. I trusted you with my everything! You know damn well I don’t do knights in shining armor, grand gestures, or believe in fairytales. But you have me creating one with you.” A tear slips down her cheek, I go to wipe it with my thumb. “Don’t,” she growls out. “You don’t get to touch me. You don’t get to care for me or love me. You don’t get to say what I do or who I do anymore. You were my person until you weren’t. You may only dream about me because that’s the closest you are ever going to get again.”
Pushing me away from her, Amity stomps off, and I don’t have the grit in me to stop her this time.