Chapter 4 #2
“Girl, he wouldn’t tell me anything about his family. He was always there for me but didn’t allow me to be there for him.”
He kissed her hand. “Stupid on my part.”
Capri smiled. “You let me in though, Meer Cat.”
Alaia came and sat down beside me, as she smiled at her sister-in-law and Meer. “Love is beautiful when you let it in.” She gently nudged me.
“I have so much going on right now that I can’t even think about letting love in.” I thought about all I had going on at work, and then Sigel’s ol’ crazy ass running around the city murdering women.
The only person that knew was Goon, and he kept pressuring me to tell my brother. I felt like such a failure for dealing with Sigel. At first, it was to fuck with my brother because I knew he would never approve.
I loved getting under his skin by doing the opposite of what he wanted. Menace liked control because it had been taken from him, so not having control of me always triggered him. He was always tossing around empty threats at me.
His threats to me were always empty, but the threats he tossed to past boyfriends were anything but empty. I had to stop hanging around my ex-boyfriend’s people because of how bad Menace did him.
They wanted nothing to do with me, not because I wasn’t a good person, but because of what they knew of my brother. Menace was everything that his name meant, and there was no limit to what he would do or how far he would go when it came to me, Landon, and Kora.
“Zoya, there will always be an excuse or a reason. Life is too short for you to wait for the perfect time to date.” Navy replied.
“Says the girl that is getting her dream wedding,” I teased her.
I was happy for both of my brothers. Since Menace and Stevie didn’t have the traditional wedding, we were all excited to witness that with Landon and Navy.
My brother was so happy with her, and I saw it whenever I was around both of them.
Navy loved him in a way that he had never received, and I loved that for him.
She healed pieces of his childhood with every hug or rub of his ears. Navy gave him the reassurance that we Casellis needed at times. Not to mention, her family welcomed us like they had known us forever.
Avril texted or called me to check in on me, which was something I wasn’t used to. It was nice having someone call because they just wanted to make sure you were good. She stayed a few nights a week over at Stevie and Menace’s house too.
Stevie’s mother passed away, so she was healing something in Stevie, while teaching her motherhood. So, this wedding was our Superbowl, and we couldn’t wait until Navy was officially a Caselli.
Navy laughed as she scrolled on her phone.
Knowing her, she was probably reading in between having this conversation, which is something I noticed she did often.
“Your brother came into my life at the worst time… I was overwhelmed with everything and was in a relationship. Had I decided to push him out because it wasn’t the right time, where would I be? ”
“Surely not marrying into billions,” Erin chuckled, crossing her legs.
Navy nodded her head. “Exactly.”
I laughed. “As if you care about the money that Landon has.”
“I don’t… but it’s nice. You know he took me on a date to another country?
” Navy blushed as she thought about the things that money could do.
“Landon could take me to the Chinese restaurant, and I would still be blushing like a fool. It’s not the money that makes that man… it’s the man that makes the money.”
“He learned from the best,” I yawned.
Landon was Menace’s twin in every way. They both were the same person in different fonts. While they had many similarities, they were also different. Landon liked to think about shit before he crashed out.
He’d give a warning.
Menace would kill someone’s entire family after sneezing too hard. There was no chill with that man.
“We wasting our breath anyway.” Meer said.
“You supposed to be quiet… this is girl’s talk, and we let you stay,” I rolled my neck, while laughing.
No matter if he wanted to or not, he was always part of the conversation. Whenever I called Capri late because I couldn’t sleep, he would be right there adding his two cents into the conversation.
This had always been Meer, even when we were in college. The only difference was that he got rid of the woman that didn’t deserve him and got with one that did.
“Seriously, what scares you about him?” Alaia questioned, as she adjusted her hijab.
I looked at the rock that rested on her ring finger, the gold bangles she wore on wrist, and the Hermes scarf that she layered over her hijab.
“I’m a lot.”
Erin sighed. “Show me a woman that’s not a lot. I was a lot when I met Winnie, and I know I got on his nerves. I’ve been in your shoes before… well, not that expensive of a shoe.”
I laughed. “Whatever, Erin.”
“I witnessed my father take my mother’s life and then take his own in front of me while Jaiden slept.
I went through hell trying to heal from that and just tossed myself into raising Jaiden.
I didn’t have to raise him because my aunt was there and would have, but I needed something.
I had to do something, take control, because that control had been taken from me when my father changed our lives without a conversation.
” She took a deep breath, and Kiki rubbed her back.
“I’m sorry, E.” I apologized, feeling bad.
She fanned her face. “No, I don’t think you know.
I’ve been where you are, Zoya. So hardened and in control, always having to be the one in control because that was all I understood.
No one could take anything from me as long as I ran this ship.
I met Winnie, and he was used to being the boss.
Used to taking care of the people he loved, and I fought him on it.
Fought him because I was afraid to give someone power over my life again.
” She smiled at me, her eyes watery. “I allowed that man to come into my life and he did everything that he told me he would. It’s not easy giving up control when you’re used to having it for so long. ”
“It’s been me for so long,” I whispered.
As I listened to Erin, I could understand exactly where she was coming from. She had lost her parents too, and in the most horrific way possible. Imagine a girl watching her father, her first love, murder her mother, and then turn the gun on himself?
All she had was control.
She had to pick up the pieces and try to be whole in a world that left her in pieces. Any woman that couldn’t sympathize with that was a no limit solider, and as strong as Benzino’s neck.
“Doesn’t mean you cannot learn to love again.” Alaia smiled at me, nudging me gently.
Her spirit was always so calm and soothing whenever I was around her. Always soft spoken, and that comfort you needed. “Yeah.”
“Yeah.” She confirmed and leaned her head on my shoulder.
We hung with the girls for a bit before we ended up leaving to bring Bando back home. I knew when my dog had people’d enough and was ready to lay in his bed under the air. Not to mention, I was hot as hell and wanted to take a quick shower and change before heading over to Navy’s family’s block.
They were grilling and Navy had made me promise to come. She invited everyone else, and aside from Capone and Erin, everyone said they would slide through. Erin and Capone had to catch a redeye tonight to California for Jaiden.
“We’re never doing that again, Navy Lynn,” I gasped for air, as I held onto the railing the minute we exited the subway.
As quickly as my hand landed on the railing, I snatched it back, thinking about the amount of people that dragged their bare ass across it on a daily basis.
Mentally, my mind always went to the worst possible scenario, and bare ass was at the top of my mind today.
“Don told her the minute they get married, she has to retire the subway.” Jett replied, looking less than pleased that he was subjected to riding the train with Navy.
Navy turned with her hand on her hips. “You both are so dramatic. The ride over here wasn’t that bad and we didn’t have to wait for the train when we transferred. My middle name isn’t Lynn, either.”
Me and Jett stared at her blankly. The reason we didn’t have to wait was because she snatched both our hands and dragged us across the platform just as the train doors were closing.
“My boob nearly popped out of my corset,” I squinted my eyes at her.
Navy laughed. “Did we die though?”
When she suggested that we take the train to her grandparents’ house, I was on the fence. It had been years since I had taken the subway. I wasn’t a stranger to it, but when you had other options, the train seemed like the last mode of transportation you wanted to take.
Navy loved taking the train and it was the one thing that drove Don crazy. He also knew that he couldn’t change the things that made Navy, her.
“Could have,” Jett muttered.
“You’re literally licensed to carry. We’re safe… both of you, relax.” She checked her phone and continued walking.
Capri: We’re hereee. Where you at?
Recommendation: Listen to Who Am I? by Beenie Man
As we turned onto the block, Navy’s grandparents had both sides of the street blocked off with cars and NYPD issued barricades.
The music was so loud that you could feel it inside of your chest. The smell of grilled food waffled through the air, along with everyone out on their stoops with plates of food.
Every other block had a party going on with cars struggling to find a clear street to drive down.
The beat from the music vibrated within my chest as my body started to move. All the cars that would have normally been parked were gone, and only bikes were allowed through. There were a few Brooklyn Bullies, and then I saw Quasim, Quameer, and Cappadonna’s bikes within the mix.
“You feeling those shots we took before we left,” Navy called me out as she started to wine her hips right along with mine.