Chapter 11
ZOYA
I should have been going over my closing statements for my client’s case, or at least shopping for my trip.
I had been doing everything else but preparing for this trip, while I threatened everyone else to be prepared.
At the very least, I could have been on the couch, binge watching my favorite show with Bando snoring on my lap.
Instead, I was walking around this convention center in Manhattan with Navy and Landon.
Don pulled around some bag with wheels while Navy walked around like this was her holy grail.
Since we had arrived, we had walked nearly every inch of this convention center, and she still wasn’t done.
“I want you to love reading, Zoya. I know you read a ton for work, but this is fun reading… I’m going to buy you, your very first romance book… what do you like to read?”
“Hood shit,” Don snorted behind his fiancée, and I cut my eyes at him.
Navy stood waiting for me to reply, leaning on her fiancé like he was a pole. He kissed the top of her curls, completely content with her using him to lean on.
Navy and Don were the cutest, and the way she loved my brother was all I wanted for him.
Landon deserved that.
I wasn’t in the mood to be around love. Especially since me and Gerald were beefing – again. Just when I thought we would fix things, I told him to shut the fuck up. With the way his eyes bulged out his head and an accent slipped out, I could tell I had gone too far.
That was the thing with me. When I went too far, I couldn’t just stop at that. I wanted my words to cut deep, to hurt. Mainly because I was already hurting and wanted someone else to feel how I felt on the inside.
It was a wicked web that I found myself in. I would say horrible shit to Sigel, and he would give it right back to me. Always saying that I was lonely and it was because of my mouth and weight.
In my opinion, his comebacks were weak.
My weight and mouth had never been a problem. It had never stopped me from getting a nigga, and he knew it just like I did. When it came to the shit I said, I would go low. I was a libra, and we took it to hell, shook hands with the devil, and then dragged you right down there.
I remember I told him about his son’s lazy eye, and how it was karma for fucking with a cock-eyed woman in the first place. Then, I spoke about his mother’s house and how it smelled like projects and moth balls.
Sigel nearly flipped the couch over trying to get to me, and the first thing I did was run into my bedroom and lock the door. The thrill of that man wanting to put his hands on me shouldn’t have been so real, but it was.
“It doesn’t take you that long to think,” Navy said, as she and Don watched me think about the good and toxic times.
Had I known the nigga was a serial killer, I wouldn’t have called his aunt a crooked mouth bitch.
“Bleu, I don’t know,” I sighed. “Surprise me.”
She smirked, putting her finger to her chin and then snapped her fingers. “It’s not romance, but I think poetry might be good for you… this author’s work is not your usual poetry either… it’s witty… like you.” She walked over toward a vendor table and picked up a red hardcover book.
“Poetry, Pooh?” Even Landon was confused by her selection for me. Blair and Capri were forever trading book recommendations in our group chat, but I never paid attention to them.
Mostly because I was too busy to read, and even when I tried to sit down and read, I became anxious. It was like the feeling of sitting still and reading in my head unlocked some other shit inside of me.
“Tears taste like salt… I have this exact edition, and I promise I reach for it every now and then and randomly flip to a page and read a poem.”
“Alright… guess I’m into poetry.” I gave in and allowed her to swipe my brother’s black card with ease.
“Me and Landon listen to audiobooks together now… this can jumpstart your love for reading again.”
I flipped through the book and saw the different poems and illustrations. “I never had a love for reading… just did the shit because I had to,” I muttered, while continuing to check out the book.
Just like she had been for the past two hours, Navy floated over toward where the book vendor was. We were at a huge convention for book influencers, where they had different black book vendors that sold books by black authors.
Navy gave us a full breakdown on which authors were there, but not every author would be there, and how it was important to support the different vendors, because they were black owned bookstores.
As she was speed walking ahead, I looked up at my brother. “Audio books, huh?”
He smirked. “Her little books be fire… can’t front. I wanna do what excites her. She watched this Ted Talk about black accountants, so I’m trying to return the favor.”
Navy and Don both had different interests, however, they both made time for each other. She would listen to his boring ass podcasts about numbers, and he indulged in her rants about books, and going to these events with her.
Navy and Stevie both had similarities, because they both knew how to lie. When Navy asked me to meet her somewhere for a legal issue, I never questioned it. I was the one everyone called when it came to legal.
That same thing had been offered to Navy’s family as well.
If they needed a lawyer, they had my number and knew to call me.
Imagine my surprise when I pulled up, and she was standing in a parking spot she held for me and told me we were going book shopping.
I wanted to wallow in my pain alone, and now I was forced to walk around this big ass convention center while Don tapped his card for whatever she wanted.
When we finally made it to the table, Navy had three stacks of books. “These are special editions. I had no clue they even came out.” She looked up at him.
Shrugging his shoulder. “Get em, Pooh.”
She snatched his card and then ran over to pay for the special editions. The roller tote that Don had been pulling behind him was full of books.
“I know you have to be building her a library in the new house.”
He laughed and sat down at the table. “Yeah, a thousand square feet of bookshelves for her to read and film in.”
I smiled at him. “I love that for her and those books… why the hell doesn’t she ever call Stevie to do shit like this? I love a book that sits on a coffee table, but coming here… Don, I’m overstimulated.” I ran my hand through my hair, as I listened to the loud chatter.
Navy was taking pictures and laughing with a few people that walked up to her. This was her element, and she loved being surrounded by it.
“Stevie has to move like Menace… she asked her though, and Stevie and Menace are out the country.”
I did a little dance in my chair. “So, family dinner is—”
“It’s still on, and Stevie made sure to holler that over Dennis screaming.” Don shit on my parade.
It was Stevie’s mission in life to have us over every Sunday for dinner. She couldn’t always get us all for Sundays, but the first Sunday of the month was not up for debate. We hadn’t been the closest set of siblings, and she recognized that right away.
“Dammit.”
“Don’t make no excuse either… Kora already said she would be there,” he added, making it nearly impossible for me to back out.
I groaned. “Fine.”
“I’m still surprised that Menace is letting her go on your birthday trip.” Don took a sip of water from Navy’s bookish themed tumbler.
Stevie moved like her husband. Like Menace, she also had to become a ghost, from the way she traveled, to how she was driven around. Stevie would never be the kind of mom who drove her big suburban truck to the pick-up area of the grocery store. She was chauffeured around in that big ass tank.
When it came to my birthday trip, she surprised me when she said she would go and was excited about it. Even though I knew Menace was somewhere squeezing the life out of his hands, he was allowing her to go.
“Menace will do anything for her, so as much as I’m surprised… I’m not really.” I yawned, and looked over at Navy, who had been pulled over to a vendor’s table and was holding up a book.
Don looked over at his future wife with this sense of pride in his eyes. He would do anything for Navy.
He was in love with her.
Not that bullshit love that companies tried to market for that massacre holiday. This was the kind of love that had sacrifice. Landon would give his life for Navy, and he would do it without hesitation.
He was obsessed with his fiancée. Wanted to wear her skin to cover him while he napped.
While that felt creepy, I desired to have that kind of love with a man.
This was all I wanted for my brothers. Someone to love them.
Don wasn’t as rough around the edges as Menace, but I could tell he was starting to lose hope when it came to finding love.
Having a revolving door of pussy was what kept him levelheaded.
Trying to have love with Kennedy was where I knew he was fucked up. I knew Kennedy better than anyone, and I knew love wasn’t in the cards for her. You had to believe you were worthy of a good man and love.
Ken didn’t believe in either of those.
Even when she had both things staring in her face. Landon would have gone against Menace for the sake of love. For the chance to experience what he felt he was missing out on.
I looked down at my phone, expecting to see that text message that I always received. Gerald always sent me a text message, and this was another day without receiving one.
“I told him to shut the fuck up,” I blurted.
Landon turned his attention back to me, not fazed by my sudden outburst. “Why?”
This was the exact reason Landon was my person, and the closest sibling. Had I told Kora something like that, she would have told me I was going to be lonely forever with that behavior.