Chapter 11 #2
Then I would have responded with her fetish of white men, and she would have told me to leave her house, and I would leave, but not before shuffling her trophies of all the white men souls she takes.
Landon was different.
Our conversations started a little one sided when he was younger.
He never gave much input, because he was busy playing with toys, or when he got older, doing his homework.
As he became older, he was the most levelheaded of us all.
He made me think about some of my actions, and he didn’t judge either.
“I was racing your car in Brooklyn with Blair and Capri and lost.”
He nodded. “I knew that random head was a fucking trick.”
I held my hand up. “Landon, I’ll scream that you have a bomb if you say some shit like that again.”
Instead of being scared of my threat, his loony ass was laughing. “Zoya, why did you tell him to shut the fuck up?”
“He was being all positive and shit… I lost and was pissed. Giving me that loser pep talk.”
“You win some and lose some?” Landon knew exactly what I was talking about.
“Yeah.” I pouted and tossed my phone into my purse.
He shook his head. “You gotta stop living your adult life by the rules that Menace set when we were kids… we won every competition, award, and whatever contest because he said second place was for people that ate crayons.”
“And it is.”
“You apologized?”
“Didn’t get the cha—”
“You made it worse, huh?”
I looked away because he knew me too well. “Why do you assume that?”
“’Cause I know you. When you feel backed into a corner, you get crazy out the mouth. Probably said something even worse.”
“Not true… he cursed at me.”
Landon paused. “You told him to shut the fuck up, Zoya.”
“Now I’m a big fat rude bitch… it really gets to a point, Landon.”
Landon shook his head and stood up from the table. “You never want to hear when you’re wrong… apologize.”
“Fine.”
“Put that on Roxy.” He stared at me until I agreed.
“Fine… I put it on that dead fucking dog.”
He slapped the thick hardcover book on the table.
“Stop pushing people away, Zoya. It’s hard to open up and let someone in…
learn how to be intimate with someone. That shit is fucking hard because you have to actually let someone in.
Goon is a good guy… don’t run him away because you fucked a serial killer. ”
My jaw dropped as he walked away, and I snatched my bag and was right behind him. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t bullshit me, Zoy… I heard the shit loud and clear. My problem is why the fuck you didn’t come to your brothers about it?”
“From Gerald?”
Landon paused. “Doesn’t fucking matter who I heard it from…
it’s the fact that you learned that nigga could be a killer, and you didn’t think to tell your family.
I know we don’t do that feelings and telling each other everything shit, but fuck.
” He started to raise his voice and quickly calmed down when he realized the people near us were staring.
“That’s because I could handle it. What do you mean by could be?”
I don’t know why I said I could have handled it. The truth was that I couldn’t handle it, and it sent me spiraling. I was ashamed that I had allowed a man in, and he was the complete opposite of what he claimed to be.
I always prided myself on reading people, and with Sigel, it slipped right by me. The fact that he wasn’t only a killer, but he was an undercover cop was another thing. My brother had been so careful, setting things up to make sure he was always concealed, and we were protected.
I damn near walked Sigel into his living room and that didn’t sit right with me. The fact that my job was to protect my brothers, and I didn’t sense anything.
Purposely ignoring my question, he replied. “You couldn’t handle shit… you’ve been fucking spiraling. Not looking like your usual self and keeping to yourself more than usual.”
“What do you want me to say, Landon? I allowed him into my life and nearly fucked over Menace… my life was in danger, and I didn’t even know it.”
Navy walked back over toward us, concerned. “Everything alright?”
Landon pulled her closer to him. “Yeah, Pooh. Let us finish this conversation and then I’ll come over there.”
Landon and Menace were stern with allowing both Stevie and Navy into the life we lived. They knew some things; however, they never wanted them involved too deep.
Menace and Stevie had a code word for if things ever went sour with this life.
“Zoy, you alright?”
I smiled. “I’m alright.”
She stood on her toes, kissing Landon on the cheek. “Alright.”
Landon took a deep breath while staring down at me. “You keep focusing on Menace… while I’m worried about my sister who was sharing close quarters with a supposed serial killer. Being fucking real, Zoya, you need to stop being so fucking selfish and start utilizing the family you have."
"Whatever, Landon… you are the youngest, not th—”
“Then fucking act like it,” He roared, causing everyone near us to gasp, as they looked at our heated argument.
Navy’s eyes popped out her head as she looked at Landon from across the room. “Grow the fuck up, Landon.”
“You grow the fuck up… so busy trying to be in control that you’re literally fucking your life up… you wouldn’t need to pop anxiety meds in the middle of the day if you got your shit under control and told us what was going on.”
“Fuck you, Don.” I turned and headed toward the exit.
“Instead of having the hard conversation, you going to leave.”
“I have free fucking will, Bitch!” I hollered.
Navy covered her face and groaned. If she wanted to blame someone, it should have been her funky fiancé.
He already went yelling in the middle of the damn convention center, then he had the nerve to accuse me of being addicted to pills.
Did I occasionally pop Nuvexa whenever I was feeling anxious?
Yes.
Had I been popping them more since everything with Sigel?
Also, yes.
I wasn’t addicted and used them whenever I felt anxious. If I would have known he would have called me out like a fucking junkie, I would have waited until I got into my car to take them in privacy.
Me: If you hate me and think I’m stupid just say that instead of this stupid silence… I said sorry.
Gerald: Bullshit Zoya… always on some bullshit.
He replied back instantly, and I tossed my phone into the passenger seat.
“What the fuck does that even mean?” I hollered, startling the sweet lady that was trying to get into her electric car that was parked beside me.
Between my own brother, and now Gerald, fuck them, and they could both leave me alone.
I knew one thing, I wasn’t no damn junkie, and if Landon ever insinuated that again, I would pay a junkie to smear Bando’s shit on his foyer walls.
Media News: Federal Prosecutor found dead in his home.
What the hell was going on? Was there something in the water?