Chapter 24
GOON
Recommendation: Listen to Never Make A Promise by Dru Hill
Seven hours and a layover later, and I arrived at the small ass airport and had a car service already waiting to take me to my baby. When she asked me to come, I could tell something was wrong. Shit, I was surprised she even asked me. To know Zoya was to know that she would never ask for something.
She would rather suffer in silence before ever asking anybody for a favor. It was tough because that was the thing that I loved and hated about her. She was strong, but she was too damn tough at times. I wanted her to let that guard down and let a nigga be that guard for her.
When she called, I knew she needed me, and I didn’t need to wait for her to call me back later on.
Whatever was going on, she was going to tell me in person.
I called Menace and told him that I was on my way.
He asked if I needed him to send his jet and I declined, which came with questions that only his crazy ass heard.
As much as her brothers would have jumped in to get me to her, I was her man. If I had to depend on another man to get to my woman, I wasn’t much of a fucking man. A commercial flight, layover, and booking my ride while waiting to board my second flight was nothing.
It was pitch black as the driver took me to the Caselli chalet. I leaned my head back, not knowing what waited for me. She hadn’t called me like she promised, so I knew shit had to be bad.
Capri’s name popped across my screen, and I quickly answered cause Lady Inferno never called unless it was something important. “Cherry is good?”
“Your Goddaughter is very fine.” She smacked on whatever she was eating in my ear. “Have you spoken to Zoya?”
“On my way to her right now.”
“In Aspen?” she replied, confused.
“Landed a little while ago… what happened?”
She sighed. “She sent us all a group text saying that her birthday trip is cancelled. I tried to call her, but she didn’t answer. She has already pushed the trip back twice already. Then Blair called, and she got her voicemail. Is she alright, Goon?”
I couldn’t even speak on if she was fine or not because I truly didn’t know. With the way Menace sounded when I spoke to him before my flight, I could tell whatever she was going to find out was going to be crazy.
“I don’t know. I’ll be there in thirty minutes, and I’m trying to find out too. When I get to her, if she’s up to it, I’ll have her call you… Pri, shit don’t sound like shit is good with her.”
“Keep us updated, G,” Meer yelled in the background.
“Please keep me updated and let me know if I need to catch a flight to see my girl… I’ll do it.”
The thing about Capri was that she would. Whenever someone she loved needed her, she was there without questions asked.
“I got you.”
Security let the car through, and we drove to the main house. The property held a huge house with smaller houses to the side of it. It was dope as shit and reminded me of Christmas. Snow hadn’t even fallen, and I could already imagine how magical this shit felt when the snow blanketed everything.
Before I got out, the front door opened, and Menace walked out with his hands in his pockets. I grabbed my duffle bag from the driver and told him to stick around just in case. I walked up the steps slowly.
“She’s been in her room since we got back. The screams… fucking cries on the other side of that door. Won’t come out or talk… turned her phone off and cancelled her birthday trip,” he informed me.
I looked away. “That bad, huh?”
“Bad, G… some shit I never wanted her to find out. Would have given all this up if that meant she never had to live with this.”
My heart sank hearing how somber Menace sounded. I could tell from the look on his face that it was breaking his heart, because she was hurt.
“Fuck. Want her to tell me?”
He had removed his hands from his pockets and started rubbing them together. “You said this shit my fault?”
I looked at him and shook my head. “You just a big brother trying to protect them from the world… never gonna hear me blame you, nigga.”
He slowly nodded his head, as if this was something he needed to hear. “It’s my fault though, my fault,” he quietly repeated to himself.
I didn’t know if I should have stayed out here with him or went to see my baby. I allowed him the space and headed into the house. Stevie and Kora were in the kitchen. Kora was holding her nephew, and they both looked at me like they saw a black Jesus. As if I was their savior.
“Goon, she’s upstairs. The room to the left, all the way down the hall,” Stevie quickly pointed towards the stairs.
Her eyes were misty, and I could tell she had been crying. Kora stared straight ahead, rubbing her nephew’s back. I could tell she was fucked up, but tears weren’t her thing.
She’d hold that shit in until she was alone and let it out. The same way Menace stood there, holding it in because he was the oldest. It had always been his job to keep everything together.
You couldn’t show any emotion, because you needed to make sure everyone else was good. Your emotions weren’t priority, so naturally, you learned not to feel them. In my opinion, shit felt better that way.
I took the steps one at a time and headed down the hall. As I walked, I took in all the pictures of the family, tucked down a hall that didn’t seem like it was used much. There was no evidence of life, and I was uncertain if Boobie was even in the room.
Knocking twice, she didn’t respond. I grabbed my wallet, putting my duffle bag on the floor and used my credit card to unlock the door. I slowly opened the door and flipped the lights on.
Zoya had fucked this room up. Everything was tossed everywhere, and furniture was moved around. A mirror in the corner was broken; family pictures and trophies were tossed around. Her dresser was turned over with clothes falling out of the drawers.
The clothes spilling from the knocked over dresser were kids’ clothes. Little girl stuff with flowers, teddy bears, and all that girly shit. A ribbon wall had been yanked down; headbands and bows scattered the floor.
The room was stuck in time.
Back when their parents were alive and the Caselli kids could breathe easier. A time when pain didn’t make it past their front door, because their parents carried it for them. When life was simple, even softer.
Easier.
The frilly pink bedding had been snatched from the bed, as she lay in the middle curled up in a fetal position. Her eyes adjusted from the darkness, as she slowly lifted her head up and her eyes were almost shut, swollen from her tears.
“Goo,” she croaked as she scooted across the bed.
I tossed my headphones from around my neck onto the floor and rushed toward the bed. She held her arms out and I grabbed her as she sobbed into my neck. Her arms squeezed me around the neck tightly as I held her.
“I’m sorry, Baby… I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know what I was sorry for, but I knew I never wanted her to hurt like this again.
That wall she had been holding up had caved in like a dam.
The Zoya that was always so put together and protective of her heart was gone. She held onto me as she sobbed. Clinging onto me like she never wanted to let go of me, and she never had to.
I kissed the side of her face as she wrapped her legs around me. “You still came,” she whimpered.
“All you have to do is say something once and I’m coming, Baby. You never got to say shit twice… I could hear you weren’t good and knew I needed to be with you.”
She needed me.
“I’m broken, Goo. My life is a complete lie… I don’t know who I am.”
We stood in the middle of the wreck she had caused, and I held her because I promised her that I would. I would always be there to hold her, lift her up, and make sure she knew who she was.
She wasn’t a broken woman. Just a woman who had experienced loss after loss and never healed. Zoya just moved forward because that was all she had witnessed. There was no going back, no time to heal, shit needed to be done.
All the Caselli siblings never healed. They moved forward and pushed shit in the back of their heads.
It was easier that way.
Safer.
Nobody was coming to save them.
“There’s nothing broken about you, Boobie… look at me,” I demanded, as I sat on the bed, and pulled her closer onto me.
She sobbed harder. “Ye…yeah, the…there is.”
I used both of my hands to wipe her face while holding her face in my hands.
“Stop saying that shit. Don’t speak that over your life because it’s not true.
Circumstances in your life made you the way you are…
Baby, you ain’t ask for that shit. Stop pushing me the fuck away…
let me fucking love you, because that’s all I wanna do.
I wanna fucking love you so much, Zoya. Baby, you deserve that too… I need you to believe that.”
She chewed on the corner of her lip, looking down before she looked straight into my eyes. “You don’t want what comes with me, I promise. Last time I truly loved, they were snatched away from me. Goo, it’s easier to pretend I don’t want love than to give my heart away… I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You asked me to walk away from homie, right? Begged me to walk away, and I did, right?”
“Yes.”
“I wanted to pull that trigger but thought about you. Thought about how you would feel because I promised you. I’m never breaking a promise when it comes to you, Baby. I don’t even need you to say I lov—”
“I do love you, Goo.” She continued to nervously chew on the side of her lip while looking away from me.
I wrapped my arms around her in a bear hug and fell back onto the bed. “Tell me again, Boobie.”
“Nooo, Gerald.”
“Tell me again.” I held her tightly.
She paused, then stared down at me. “I love you, Gerald.”
“I love you, Zoya…. Hey, look at me.” I held her face, as I stared up into her eyes. “I love you, baby. I’m not going anywhere. Stop pushing me away and let me love you. Let me in on the pain, cause I wanna heal you.”