Twelve #2
Reid pulled out my chair for me and only sat after he confirmed I was safe and steady in my own seat. “You look a lot better this morning. I can only assume the shower helped.”
“Is that your way of telling me I was hideous before?”
He tipped his head to the side, his eyes roaming over my face. “No. All I meant is that you look refreshed and alert.”
I picked up my fork and dropped my gaze to the plate. “I feel better.”
Reid’s hand covered my free one and gave me a squeeze. “Good. I’m glad.” His hand didn’t linger, and he dove into his own breakfast.
I took a few bites, only then realizing just how hungry I was. At some point, around a mouthful of eggs, I glanced up to see Reid watching me. There was a light in his eyes I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen before. Lifting my hand up to cover my mouth, I said, “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head, his lips twitching. Was I seeing this correctly? Was he amused? “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just happy to see you have your appetite and energy back.”
Happy.
Reid Erickson was sitting close to me, eating breakfast that he cooked, and he was happy. Instead of questioning him about it, I decided to accept it for the blessing that it was and returned to eating.
For the next few minutes, that was all we did. Reid and I ate in silence, and while it wasn’t as uncomfortable as I knew it could be, I couldn’t exactly say this was how I’d hoped it would be between us, either.
Being a woman who preferred talking to sitting in silence, it was no surprise that my thoughts ran wild about where the rest of this morning was going to go.
When I couldn’t stuff another thing in my mouth, I set my fork down, pushed the plate back a bit, and said, “This was really nice of you, Reid. Thank you.”
“It’s been my pleasure these past couple of days.”
I guess this was it. This was the opportunity to put it all out there. “Can I ask why you’d even consider doing what you have for me since Friday?”
His brows shot up. “I think it’s obvious you were in no state to do it yourself.”
“Maybe not. But Danielle would have.”
Pressing his lips together, he dipped his chin. “Fair enough. Then I guess I can only say it’s because I wanted to. I don’t know how much you recall about Friday, but I came here to apologize to you for how I spoke to you on Wednesday.” He shrugged. “This was one way for me to atone.”
“I see. Well, I appreciate it.”
“It was the very least I could do, Natalia. And though I considered asking Danielle about it, I decided I wanted to hear the truth from you about what happened to you and who did this.”
My gaze dropped to my hands resting in my lap, one thumb stroking over the other.
I remained silent for a long time, trying to figure out what to say to him.
This wasn’t information Reid was entitled to, and I got the feeling if I told him to pound sand, it wouldn’t be long before he just walked away.
But perhaps in my own defense, I needed to explain some things. At least he’d understand.
“I was at the lowest point of my life when I arrived at Sandstone Heart seven years ago,” I began, lifting my gaze to meet his and watching as his body tensed.
“I’d just turned twenty-one two months before, and I needed help.
My boyfriend at that time had been abusing me for more than a year.
We’d only been together for just over two.
Anyway, it got worse and worse as time went on, and I knew if I didn’t take the steps to get away from him, I wouldn’t live to see my twenty-fifth birthday. ”
There was a mix of fury and compassion in Reid’s expression. A hint of anger the likes of which was rippling off him now was the kind of thing I’d typically shy away from, but I understood that none of it was directed at me. “Did you go to the police?”
I nodded. “I did. Only twice. And I never went back, because I couldn’t trust them. Tim had friends everywhere, and that meant I didn’t have anyone on my side whenever he hit me.”
“I’m so sorry. What about your family? Your parents?”
Tears pricked my eyes. “I don’t have anyone, Reid.
I was an only child, and my parents died when I was fourteen.
My uncle, who was a horrible man, took me in until I was eighteen.
That’s probably why I latched on to Tim as fast as I had.
I was desperate to leave my uncle’s place, and Tim offered me a chance at freedom.
But I think he knew all along that I had no other options. ”
“I’m sorry to hear about your parents.”
“Thanks.”
Long moments of silence passed before Reid said, “So, you came here when you were twenty-one?”
The tension that had been building in my body as I told Reid about Tim ebbed at the memory of finding this place.
“I did. And coming to Sandstone Heart was the single best decision of my life. This place became a haven for me, and it literally saved my life. I had no money, but I came here and begged for any job I could have just to be able to pay for time at this retreat. And your father…” I swiped at the tears that had spilled down my cheeks.
“Reid, when he learned what I was going through, he wouldn’t give me a job. ”
If ever I could sense the change in the atmosphere, this was one of those moments. Something shifted in the air, and that shift came from the man in front of me. “He turned you away when he knew you were being physically assaulted?”
I wiped away another tear. “No. Not at all. He just wouldn’t give me a job.
Barrett allowed me to stay and take part in the retreat.
He saw how badly I needed this, and he told me to focus on healing myself.
That we’d work out the details later. It’s been seven years, but he never asked for a dime.
And no matter how many times I’ve brought it up over the years, he refuses to acknowledge it.
After I’d done the work and gotten myself to a better place, he finally gave in and allowed me to apply for a position. I’ve been here ever since.”
Reid sat back in his seat, something I couldn’t read washing over his expression. The raw, almost dangerous, energy I’d felt rippling off him only moments before had vanished. But something else was left in its wake. I just didn’t know what it was.
And since he remained silent for so long, I took the opportunity to address the one thing I needed him to understand. “I know I talk a lot, Reid. But I?—”
“Natalia, it’s not?—”
“No, I need to say this,” I declared, cutting him off. “Please.”
He wasn’t happy about it, but he jerked his chin down and allowed me to continue.
“If I’m talking, if I’m keeping busy doing things around this retreat, I don’t think so much about all the stuff that hurts to think about.
I talk, so I don’t think about how much I miss my parents and wish they were still alive.
I talk, so I don’t think about the cruelty I suffered at the hands of my uncle.
I talk, so I don’t think about how stupid I was to allow a man who could put his hands on me into my life.
I talk, so I can pretend that I’ve got good people around me.
I talk, so I can pretend I know what it’s like to have friends.
I talk, so I can fool myself into believing I’m around people who care. ”
The tears were spilling down my cheeks faster than I could swipe at them, so I buried my face in my hands and bawled.
Reid cursed, and his chair scraped across the floor as he pushed back from the table.
I didn’t see him do it, but I suspected that was what he’d done.
Because a moment later, I was hauled up into his arms and carried out of the kitchen.
And the next thing I knew, I was settled in Reid’s lap, sobbing, as he sat on the couch holding me like I hadn’t been held since before my parents died.