29 | I feel invincible
29 | i feel invincible
CARA
The dawn found me awake, restlessness having plagued my night. Olivia had been waiting for us when Jason and I got back from the hospital, and we all ended up crashing in Jason’s massive bed, with Olivia nestled in the middle. If they hadn’t been there, I doubted I would have slept at all.
We had sorted out visiting times before leaving the hospital, with Jason, John, and Daphné graciously offering me the first slot. Thus, by nine o’clock, I found myself in the familiar, sterile waiting room, anxiously waiting for the receptionist to announce over the PA system that I could go in and see William. The anticipation was nearly unbearable, every minute stretching longer than the last.
Just past nine o’clock, a black man with a beard and a pale, red-haired woman stepped briskly out of the major trauma centre, their expressions sombre. I recognised them – they were Shelby and Nathan, the police detectives I had spoken with last night. What new information had they uncovered since then? I briefly considered approaching them, but then remembered they had likely just interviewed William. I could get the updates directly from him.
‘Cara Jane Darby.’ The receptionist’s voice crackled over the PA system, drawing my attention. ‘Please proceed to the reception desk to be escorted to the ICU.’
I stood up, my legs stiff from the tension and the wait. Near the reception desk, a middle-aged nurse with a reassuring, professional smile greeted me. She introduced herself as Alice and led me to the small room where I had to put on a protective apron and sanitise my hands. The routine felt both mundane and surreal, each step taking me closer to William yet feeling like an eternity. My heart raced as I scrubbed my hands, the cool antiseptic stinging slightly.
Finally ready, I followed Alice to room 125. William’s name was there on the door in plain, clinical letters. As Alice pushed it open, I drew a deep breath, bracing myself for the sight of William’s injuries. They had haunted my dreams, casting a pall over the night as I envisioned him hurt and alone. But, as soon as I walked in, my anxiety transitioned into relief. He looked much better already. Colour had returned to his face, replacing the deathlike pallor of the night before, though the absence of the ice pack now revealed the full extent of his bruising, his eye swollen shut.
When he noticed me, a crooked smile brightened his face, bringing a familiar warmth to the sterile room. ‘Ah, the best part of my day is here,’ he said, his voice suffused with tender affection.
I stared at him as Alice closed the door behind me.
There he was – the man I loved, marred by bruises, weakened, yet still holding on. Despite everything, he was alive.
‘Will,’ I whispered, my voice barely audible as a tide of emotion swept over me. I rushed to his side and gently kissed him, cherishing the slight upturn of his lips against mine.
‘How are you feeling?’ I asked, pulling back just enough to look at him.
‘Mentally deficient,’ he said, his tone a blend of humour and mild annoyance.
‘Nothing new, then?’ I teased, trying to maintain the light tone between us.
He chuckled weakly. ‘Same old, same old.’
Taking his hand, I sandwiched it between mine and settled into the chair beside him. The head of his bed was elevated, allowing him to rest in a semi-upright position.
‘Do you need anything?’ I asked, eager to help him in whatever way I could.
‘Besides you? Some water, maybe.’
I smiled and walked over to the basin, quickly pulling a disposable cup from the stack and removing the protective wrapping. I ran the tap until the water cooled, watching the clear liquid swirl before filling the cup. Returning to William’s side, I carefully held the cup to his lips. He drank deeply, the simple act seeming to revive him slightly.
‘Would you like some more?’ I asked as he finished.
He let out a loud breath, a trace of his usual playfulness returning. ‘Of you, yes.’
My lips pressed together to hide a smile as I watched him smirk at his own words.
‘You are unbearably sexy as a nurse, Cara,’ he murmured, his gaze appreciative as it swept over me.
I shook my head, half in exasperation, half in amusement. ‘You’re unbelievable. How can you even think like that right now?’
His one good eye twinkled mischievously. ‘Looking at you makes it rather easy.’
I rolled my eyes. I was clad in an oversized grey jumper and loose cream joggers – hardly the outfit I’d expect to seduce anyone with. ‘Would like some more water or not?’
‘I would, thank you.’
I went back to the basin. ‘Are you feeling any dizziness?’ I asked as I refilled the cup. ‘Nausea?’
‘Not really. Just pain. Even breathing hurts.’ He was quiet for a moment, then murmured disbelievingly, ‘I can’t believe I was stabbed.’
I glanced at him, seeing him examine the dressing on his left bicep. ‘Have any flashes or memories started to come back to you?’ I asked.
‘No.’ He sighed heavily, the sound laden with despair. ‘This has fucked up everything. I can’t go back to work like this, can I? I’m absolutely gutted. Those deals I was on, especially the big one with Porter BioScience and Elixerion Pharmaceuticals, they were about to make a massive difference to my career. And now, I’ve got to just drop them. It’s killing me, honestly. I’ve put in so much effort to get to this point, and now it’s all up in smoke. It’s just not fair.’
I turned off the tap and hesitated by the basin. William had always been remarkably driven in every aspect of his life, so, naturally, I could understand that this would upset him. He loathed being thwarted or even remotely stalled. Yet, despite this, I struggled to sympathise, because I was still at a point where I was merely grateful that he was still breathing. Yes, he’d lose out on those transactions, but at least he was alive.
As I sauntered back to him with the water, I pondered how his absence might reshape my own role at work. Would Violet step in as my supervisor? I hoped so. If anyone had to take over, I wanted it to be her.
‘You’ll get another chance, Will,’ I said as I raised the cup to his lips. ‘Brooding over it won’t change anything. What’s important is that you’re here.’
‘Oh, let me whinge,’ he said, sounding a tad annoyed. ‘I know you’re right, but my feelings haven’t caught up yet.’
I caressed his cheek as he drank. ‘Whinge all you like, darling. I didn’t mean to dismiss your feelings.’
‘Darling,’ he echoed, a hint of surprise in his voice as I set the empty cup on the bedside table. ‘Was I dreaming, or are you actually my girlfriend now?’
I chuckled, my heart fluttering in my chest at the thought of being his – his love, his partner, his everything. ‘I am most definitely your girlfriend, William.’
His eye widened, his lips parting with shock. Beside him, the machine monitoring his heart started beeping faster. ‘Does that mean…?’
I swallowed, understanding what he was hinting at – he was wondering if I would stay by his side, even if he was the father of Francesca’s baby. I paused for a moment, not out of doubt but to align my words with my heart.
‘Yes,’ I said, answering his silent question. He stared at me, patiently waiting for me to say more, his gaze so intense that my chest tightened, a pressure building inside.
Nodding faintly, I sat down beside him and took his hand. My heart pounded fiercely against my ribcage, urging me to speak the words I’d held back for too long. Feeling suddenly overwhelmed, I glanced down at our intertwined fingers, gently toying with his. The gravity of what I was about to declare made my stomach coil. I had never told a man I loved him before, not like this.
It didn’t matter that this wasn’t the setting I had originally imagined for my confession. To hell with the perfect spot and the perfect time. To hell with those stupid romantic ideas about when and how to confess. I had come to realise that there would never be a time more perfect than now, because time didn’t wait for anyone. It didn’t care about dreams, feelings, or even people. It kept moving and didn’t bow to anyone. I had to bow to it . The present was the only promise it could make, and all I could do was choose what to do with it – whether to seize the opportunities it provided.
I would definitely seize this one.
‘William, there’s something I’ve been needing to say,’ I began, my voice steady despite the racing of my heart. Taking a deep breath, I lifted my gaze to his. ‘I already told you, in the ambulance, but you were unconscious, so I doubt you heard me.’
His Adam’s apple bobbed. ‘Heard what?’
‘When… Last night…’ I exhaled a long, shaky breath as the harsh memories flooded back, unrelenting in their brutality. There had been so much blood. He had lain there so still, so devastatingly silent.
‘I just…’ I grimaced, choking with emotion. ‘For a moment, I really thought I might lose you, and all I could think about was what I would do if that happened. I couldn’t bear even the thought, Will. I would’ve completely lost the plot.’
‘Hey,’ he said softly, his grip tightening on my hand. ‘I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.’
‘I was so scared,’ I squeaked, fresh tears clouding my vision. ‘And it made me realise how foolish I’ve been –how important you are to me. Faced with the prospect of losing you, everything became crystal clear.’ I sniffed and wiped my nose. ‘And because of that, this one thing kept eating away at me, and it’s that I haven’t acknowledged us for what we truly are. I just need to say it now, because I learned yesterday that I can be too late.’
He watched me intently, his breath seemingly held in suspense. Next to us, the monitor charting his heart rate went berserk. I squeezed his hand at the sound, worrying.
‘Are you okay?’
His jaw tensed briefly. ‘Yes. Please, just ignore it. Go on,’ he urged.
Nodding, I inhaled deeply and dried my cheeks. ‘William, I… I am completely in love with you. I love you, ut terly, and I’ll never stop.’
His eye widened, glistening with emotion. ‘Really?’ he breathed, almost inaudibly.
‘Yes.’ I nodded fervently, letting out a small chuckle through my tears. ‘I love everything about you – your drive, your sense of humour, your values, your interests. I even love that you like football, even though I personally find it extremely boring to watch.’
A lone tear trailed down his cheek, and he started to laugh – a sound of pure joy that seemed to light up the room.
‘I love how deep you are,’ I went on, ‘how clever and loyal, how you treat people – especially those you care about – and our conversations…’ I paused, smiling to myself before adding, ‘And I love how you constantly challenge me to step out of my comfort zone, helping me become the best version of myself. I’ve always considered myself a strong person, but with you by my side, I feel invincible.’
I carefully raised his hand, kissing it several times. ‘I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner – in your bedroom that day, for instance. I felt the same way then, but…’ I shook my head, my features twisting. ‘I’ve been so stupid. I’m so sorry.’ I cupped his jaw with my free hand and brushed my thumb across his spiky cheek. ‘But I need you to know that you are the only man I have ever loved like this, and nobody will ever be able to replace you. And I don’t care if you’re the father of Francesca’s baby. I’m not leaving you. I’ll just have to be a good stepmother.’
His eye grew shinier as he took in my words, the monitor beeping frantically in the brief silence. When he finally spoke, it was with an emotional rawness I seldom heard from him. ‘You’re serious?’ His voice cracked, his tone laden with a blend of hope and vulnerability. ‘You’re not just saying this to make things easier while I’m in this state and—’
‘No, Will,’ I interrupted gently. ‘I’m not just saying it. I mean every word. You are it for me, no matter what comes.’
He closed his eye for a moment, another tear escaping and trailing down his cheek. Then he pulled me closer with the hand holding mine, his grip surprisingly firm.
‘I’ve been so scared,’ he said, his voice choked up. ‘Scared you’d leave once everything came out. That I’d lose you.’ He let go of my hand, clasping around my nape as he pressed his forehead to mine.
‘You won’t lose me,’ I assured him, feeling a surge of protectiveness. ‘I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. I promise.’
Relief washed over his features, softening the lines of tension that had etched into his face. He laughed softly, a sound tinged with disbelief and gratitude.
‘I don’t know what I did to deserve you,’ he said, kissing my lips.
‘Just love me back,’ I whispered, my chest brimming with warmth.
‘I do,’ he said, affection oozing from his tone. ‘And I always will.’ A half-smile played at the corner of his mouth. ‘Even when you think you’re being stupid.’
I stroked his cheek, chuckling. Hidden within his gentle teasing was his acceptance; he didn’t see my actions as stupid. He respected them, cherished me for them, even if he didn’t always agree.
He kissed me again. ‘I love you for who you are, Cara – even if being who you are would keep you away from me.’
A tremor ran through my lower lip, my breath hitching in my throat.
‘You see, my love isn’t conditional on your reciprocation,’ he said, gently lifting my chin with his forefinger. ‘Truth be told, you could despise me, and my feelings would remain the same. But, knowing it’s returned – that saves me from a lifetime of feeling incomplete.’
A huge smile bloomed on my mouth, my eyes crinkling at the corners. ‘That’s possibly the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. And here I was, thinking I couldn’t love you more than I already did.’
He chuckled softly. ‘Goal is to make you love me more and more with each passing day.’
‘I can’t imagine you’ll fail.’
Smiling, he drew back slightly, his gaze roaming over my face as though carving every feature into his memory. He let out a deep sigh, his shoulders sinking. ‘If only my body weren’t so battered, I’d show you the depth of my love in a way words can’t capture.’
‘Don’t worry about that now,’ I said, carefully patting his thigh. ‘Your recovery comes first. When you’re feeling better, you can show me all you want.’
‘Over and over.’ He grinned.
‘Yes.’ I looked at the clock on the wall, seeing that it was half nine. ‘What time did you wake up?’
‘Around seven.’ He blew his cheeks out and exhaled loudly, as if finally releasing pent-up exhaustion. ‘A pair of police detectives arrived around eight, asking questions about last night.’
I met his gaze, wanting to hear more. ‘What did they say?’
He frowned slightly. ‘They’ve charged Oliver with section 18 assault – GBH with intent.’
I swallowed, feeling a blend of relief and anxiety. ‘He’ll be held in custody, then? They’re not letting him out on police bail?’
William shook his head. ‘He’ll remain in custody until his first appearance at the magistrates’ court, likely Monday or Tuesday. It’s then up to the magistrates to decide on court bail, but it’s doubtful they’ll grant it given the severity of the charge.’
A shiver crawled down my spine at the thought of Oliver possibly being allowed to roam the streets before a sentence was passed. What if he took advantage of that freedom by tracking down William again, this time to finish him?
‘That monster should remain behind bars,’ I said, my voice taut with hatred. ‘Ideally for the rest of his life.’
William was quiet for a moment, his gaze veering to his lap, his face clouded with thought. ‘They mentioned he’s likely to plead guilty.’
‘Is he?’ My lips parted with shock, my eyes widening. A guilty plea? Really? Oliver wouldn’t even try to pin the blame on William? My thoughts whirled. A guilty plea often led to a reduced sentence. Could that be his angle? But with William currently unable to recall the exact events, why would Oliver simply surrender without contesting the prosecution’s claims? Was it out of guilt? Did he regret his actions?
William gave me a quick glance, knitting a brow. ‘I’ve been trying to understand why. Perhaps he hopes it will soften his sentence, or perhaps the evidence against him is just that strong. They should have prints on the knife, for example…’
‘Regardless his reasons, a guilty plea means the court proceedings could be swift.’
‘Yes. But, as I’m sure you’re aware, GBH with intent is an indictable-only offence, meaning the magistrates’ court must refer the case to the Crown Court for trial and sentencing. So, even with a plea, we’re looking at a few months before it’s all settled.’
I huffed, feeling impatience settle in my bones like a persistent ache. ‘Well, then you’ll have more time to optimise your victim personal statement, so perhaps his sentence won’t be reduced in the end.’
He gave a faint nod. ‘Yeah.’
I put my hand over his again, the warmth of his skin a small comfort. ‘Did the detectives mention having talked to Francesca?’
Anger distorted his features, curving his brows and lips. ‘Yeah, they spoke with her last night.’
‘And?’
His jaw clenched, the lines on his forehead deepening. ‘And she admitted she lied to me about their relationship. She broke up with Oliver about two weeks ago – around the time I told her about you and me, after you answered my phone when she called. She was so torn up over it that she couldn’t keep it from Oliver. When he pressed her, she confessed to the affair. Oliver tried to reconcile, but she didn’t want to. She ended it, telling him the child likely isn’t even his.’
I felt a chill as he spoke, and my stomach twisted. I exhaled slowly, processing everything. I tried to imagine Oliver’s pain – the person he loved, the family he thought he was building, all crumbling suddenly.
William continued, his voice a tangle of sadness and disbelief, ‘Oliver told the detectives how much he’d been looking forward to fatherhood. Finding out about the affair and the possibility that the child isn’t his… It shattered him. He said it felt like losing not just the love of his life but also his child and his dreams of a family.’
I looked at William, my heart heavy yet firm. ‘It’s heartbreaking, yes, but it doesn’t excuse his actions. Pain doesn’t justify what he did to you.’
‘That’s another thing that puzzles me,’ William murmured, rubbing his temple. ‘Did he confront me before he attacked? I don’t remember, but I know I would have explained I had no idea about them. I would have apologised. And yet, he still attacked…’
‘The kind of rage he showed doesn’t suggest rational thinking,’ I countered gently. ‘Even if you had the chance to explain, it might not have mattered to him. His actions were clearly fuelled by jealousy, possibly even a desire for revenge, thinking you were the reason everything fell apart.’
William gave a slow nod, his gaze distant. ‘He didn’t even expect to see me there. He said when he did, all his pent-up emotions just erupted. He’d had a few drinks, which likely stripped away any restraint he might have had.’
I felt a painful ache in my throat, my chest simmering with a brew of different emotions – sadness, regret, fear. I couldn’t help thinking that if John had attended as he was meant to, or if Jason had gone instead, this could all have been avoided.
Before I could respond, the door clicked softly open. A nurse with a clipboard under her arm stepped in, her presence breaking the intimate bubble that had formed around William and me.
‘Good morning,’ she greeted warmly. ‘I’m sorry to interrupt, but it’s time for a quick check-up.’
William gave me a small nod, his expression shifting to one of patient acceptance as the nurse approached his bedside, beginning her routine checks.
‘How are you feeling?’ she asked, her pen poised to note down his answers.
‘Everything hurts,’ he said plainly.
‘What hurts the most, would you say?’
‘My head and my arm.’
She asked a few more questions, then said, ‘I’ll apply another ice pack for the swelling and administer some pain relief. We want to keep you as comfortable as possible.’ Her honey-coloured eyes flickered in my direction, as if to warn me that the medication might soon make him drowsy.
‘Sounds good, thank you,’ William murmured, managing a weak smile.
As the nurse prepared the ice pack and the medication, I remained by William’s side, holding his hand. The nurse skilfully administered the pain relief through the IV, then carefully placed the ice pack over William’s severely bruised eye, adjusting it to ensure it was both effective and comfortable.
‘Is that better?’ she asked, studying William’s features.
‘Much better, thank you,’ William replied, his voice soft and slightly slurred from the onset of the medication’s effects.
The nurse gave a nod of satisfaction, then turned to me. ‘I just want to let you know that you’ve got about ten minutes left for visiting. We need to make sure he gets all the rest he can to help with the healing process.’
I nodded in understanding, feeling a pang of sadness at the thought of leaving but knowing the importance of his rest.
For the next few minutes, I stayed close to William, watching as he grew more tired. We didn’t speak much; the presence of each other was comforting enough. I squeezed his hand gently, memorising how his grip felt in mine.
‘Thank you for being here,’ he murmured, his eyelid fluttering as he fought the drowsiness.
‘I wouldn’t be anywhere else,’ I assured him, kissing his hand. ‘I love you.’
A faint smile flickered across his lips, his grip on my hand tightening a fraction. ‘I love you too. Always.’
As the medication fully took effect, his eye finally closed, his breathing deepening into the steady rhythm of sleep. I watched him for a moment longer, my heart full of love and worry intermingled. Quietly, I stood up, squeezed his hand one last time, and placed it gently by his side. I breathed deeply, steeling myself for the days ahead, and walked away, the sound of my footsteps a soft echo in the busy yet somehow lonely space of the hospital .