Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
LOTTIE
The door opens before I have a chance to knock, and Rowan’s wild gaze immediately goes downright feral.
“What the hell happened to you?”
I flinch. Maybe I should have at least found a mirror before showing up on her doorstep in the middle of the night.
My chin wobbles, something it’s never done before, and she launches herself at me for a hug. The least affectionate person I know is comforting me, and that’s all it takes for the floodgates to open wide.
“Ah, hey, Lottie. Can I get your bags for you?” Sebastian asks from somewhere in the background.
Lifting my snotty face from Rowan’s shoulder, I can barely make out his worried expression through my tears.
I hold up the red dress that was slung across my arm. “This is all I have.”
I’d gone straight to the airport, so I’m currently dressed in an oversized I love the Empire State Building sweatpants and a Statue of Liberty sweatshirt. I’m sure my hair is falling out of the pretty updo, and if my seatmate on the plane is any indication, I have mascara marks streaking my face. The older woman had kept pointing to my face and offering a napkin, but she didn’t speak any English and when she licked the napkin, I was so sure she was about to spit-shine my cheeks that I buried my face in my arms and kept my head down the rest of the flight.
Sebastian takes the dress and hurries away. “I’ll hang this up in the guest room.”
“What’s going on?” Rowan leads me into the family room, and we fall into the sofa at the same time. She sits with her legs beneath her so she can face me fully, and I break down all over again as she tucks a soft blanket over my lap.
“Does this have something to do with Thane?”
I nod, and she reaches back, then hands me a wad of tissues.
She listens as I explain everything that’s gone down in the last twelve hours. Including the guilt I have over the lame explanation text I sent to Kara, and Thane texting me to say that he hacked into my phone and knows I’m in Sailport Bay, but that he only did it to make sure I was safe because I wasn’t at home where he expected me to be. And that he knows he messed up, so he’ll give me three days to be mad before he tries to explain himself.
“He put a time limit on your anger?” Rowan is staring at me as though she sucked on a whole lemon.
I know how that sounds, and unless you know Thane, it does sound like a dick move…because it is.
“He works in black and white. He needs numbers and concrete details to work through problems, so to him, three days makes sense.”
“But still, he put a time limit on your feelings.”
“No, he put a time limit on how long he’ll allow me to avoid him.”
Sebastian quietly sets two mugs of tea onto the coffee table and then slips back into the dark house.
It’s nearly two in the morning, but I wasn’t sure where else to go.
“And that’s better?” Rowan hands me a mug of tea, irritation making her tone sharper than normal.
“I can’t believe he made this for us at two in the morning,” I mutter as steam rises from the pretty glass mug.
“You’re upset, Lottie. It’s Sebastian’s way of helping. You’ve never shown up in the middle of the night before, not even when we lived in the same state.”
“We were in college, and we were roommates the last time we lived in the same state. I’m sure I came home at two in the morning once or twice.”
She rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean.”
We sit in the silence for a moment, blowing steam off the piping hot mugs of chamomile tea.
“You sound as though you love him.” There’s no judgment in Rowan’s tone, but she’s hesitant as she speaks without lifting her gaze from the mug cupped in her palms. I’m sure my raging madwoman appearance has something to do with her cautiousness.
“I do, but it’s too early for that. You can’t fall in love with someone overnight. Can you? And obviously, I don’t know anything about him. I thought I did, I thought I knew the important things, but if he kept this from me, what else is he hiding?”
“I don’t think love works on a timeline, Lottie. A day or a year, it really depends on the couple, but what I do know is that I’m still feeling my way in the only healthy relationship I’ve ever had. I’m learning that Sebastian and I have to communicate as honestly as we can, even when it’s scary. That’s the foundation I was missing with every other person in my life. Even with you at times. We really suck at talking about things that matter, you know that?”
I laugh, and it eases some of the pressure building in my chest.
“He was playing some sort of knight in shining armor shit behind my back, in my own company. He could have cost me everything, Row.” The pain hits anew, making me hiccup. I’ve never experienced torment this viscerally.
“What did he have to say for himself?” She stares at me expectantly.
Oops. I may have skipped over the part where I didn’t allow him to explain anything. I was so mad not only that he deceived me, but that my father was the one to tell me.
“Well, I haven’t exactly given him the chance to yet.”
“Lottie! What did you do? Run out of the event Cinderella -style?”
I lift my brows as I stare at my friend. I can’t believe she, of all people, is judging me right now. Until Sebastian, she was practically allergic to commitment of any kind.
“No,” I grumble. “I slipped out the back like Ratatouille .”
She stares at me for a long moment. “It’s not like you to back down from a fight, my friend. And neither is sneaking out the back as though you did something wrong.”
“I’ve also never been hurt like this before.” Fresh tears flood my cheeks. “He lied to me, Rowan. He was behind one of the companies trying to buy the hotline out from under me. He even lowballed me, the asshole. Who knows what the hell he was doing when he hacked into my company. But—but what hurts more is that my father was the one to tell me, and he took so much pleasure in doing it. The bastard was gleeful as my heart broke.”
“I hope your father breaks every mirror he comes in contact with and then walks under a ladder and steps on LEGO barefoot for the rest of his life.” Rowan is the most superstitious person I’ve ever met, and apparently it only gets worse as we get older. “But wait, I’m confused about Thane.” She sets her tea down on the coffee table, then crosses the room for a bottle of whiskey.
I immediately put my hand over the top of my teacup. “I don’t drink whiskey.”
She shrugs. “Me either, but a tiny bit in our teacups might keep you from puncturing Kade’s favorite blanket with your fingers.”
I stare down at the soft blue blanket, and sure enough, I’m clutching it as though it’s my life raft in the middle of the ocean.
“Sorry about that,” I mutter.
She shrugs. “That thing has been through worse, trust me.”
I allow her to tip the tiniest amount of whiskey into my mug, and then she sits back down opposite me.
“What are you confused about?” I ask, worrying my lip as I wait for her answer.
“Well, for one, it’s obvious that man is head over heels for you and has been since he first met you.”
Part of me wants to argue that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but I know it’s the truth. My heart seized in my chest the first time I laid eyes on him at the nanny event, and in my soul, I know he feels the same.
“Then how do you explain everything else that he’s done, Row?”
“Well, he sat here, with you, doing everything he could to help you fight off these guys and your dad, and from where I was sitting, it didn’t seem as though he asked for much in return.” She gasps in sudden alarm. “Do you think he hacked into your company to sabotage you from the inside so he could get his hands on it that way?”
“No.” It slips from my lips even as my mind works through the details that could make it a true statement.
He’s been honest with me from the start that he saw potential. Potential I couldn’t even imagine at the time, and that he wanted to help people with it. But Rowan’s right. He doesn’t care about actually owning it, as long as what I’ve created is used to its fullest extent.
My brain hurts as information floods through my head faster than white rapids.
The security breaches in my company just stopped overnight, and no one in my IT department could tell me what had changed, only that everything was more secure than it had ever been. It’s always had Thane written all over it, but I was too blinded by my love for him to question it.
I groan. What kind of businesswoman am I if my own IT department is this inept?
“Okay,” Rowan says, gently placing a hand on my forearm. “If you don’t believe he would betray you by sabotage, explain to me why you ran, and why you’re here in the middle of the night instead of at home, putting him in his place for being an asshole but working through it together. Not that I don’t want you here, but running away is not the Charlotte Sinclair I know.”
“I…” What? I panicked? Yes, one hundred percent. He lied to me, but LotiTech is the only one who pulled back well before my father’s lawsuit. Then there’s his speech at the event, and the way he was with that little boy. That was a side of him I’d never seen before, and it made me want things I never imagined wanting, like a little boy who looked just like Thane, or a little girl with green eyes and sassitude like Kara.
Those are not things I’ve ever desired before Thane.
“I’m scared.” Those two words feel like bombs exploding in the quiet room.
“Love is scary, Lottie. But what scares you more, loving Thane or losing him?”
Oh my God. What am I doing?
“Losing him, obviously.”
I stand abruptly and almost face-plant on the table when my feet get tangled in the blue baby blanket.
“You’re furious, but you love him.”
“Yes,” I say distractedly. This freaking blanket is like handcuffs around my legs. How long will it take me to drive home from here? “Those two things can be true at the same time.” I stare down at my friend. “Right?”
“Very much so. Remember when you found Sebastian and me in the infirmary?”
The memory heats my cheeks. I’d accidentally walked in on Sebastian removing pricker bushes from her ass.
“You can’t really forget finding your best friend ass up in an infirmary with her childhood crush holding the tweezers.”
“Shh, will you? Seb is probably listening in the kitchen to make sure he doesn’t have to call your brother and tattle on Thane.”
“I heard that,” he calls. There’s laughter in his tone. He’s freaking laughing.
“Oh my God. He’s really eavesdropping?”
Rowan grins. “I told you—you’ve never shown up upset before. We weren’t sure what we were dealing with. Anyway, the answer to your question is yes, you can love someone and be so pissed off at them that you don’t even want to look at them.”
“What if you don’t know if you’re angry because what they did was wrong or angry because you were hurt by it?”
“Then it’s probably a little bit of both.” She sits back and gives me a moment to process everything we’ve said.
“I’m so mad, Row. I’m mad that he went behind my back. I’m mad that I allowed him to get close enough to hurt me. I’m mad that I know what he did is wrong, yet I’m terrified because even with all of that, I want to hope that his explanation will be enough to make the pain go away.”
“Then ask yourself, in your heart of hearts, do you believe that he would ever intentionally hurt you? If the answer is anything other than a resounding no, then he’s not the guy for you, Lottie.”
The word no is swimming through my mind before she’s even finished speaking. “He wouldn’t ever intentionally hurt me. He’s put himself through one difficult thing after another all because he wants to be better—for his sister and for me.”
Her face is soft, and her eyes glisten as she looks at me. “Then it sounds like you need to have some difficult conversations with him.”
Chugging the rest of my tea and whiskey, I stand and place my hands on my hips. “Thanks for that.”
“You sound like you’re leaving.” Rowan smirks, and my brows pinch together.
“I am. I need to ream Thane out, but also tell him how proud I am of him for sticking up for himself with his dad. I have to know what he was thinking hacking into my company and find out if he ever planned to tell me. But most of all, I need him to understand that he can never, ever go behind my back like this again. And Kara… Oh, crap. Sebastian?”
He rounds the corner a second later.
“Ah, I’m going to need a really good family law attorney to fight Thane’s dad. You liked yours, right?”
“I did. I wasn’t about to risk losing my kids to someone who didn’t really want them. I’ll forward you their info.” His gaze jumps between the two of us. “In the morning. You had a rideshare drop you off, remember? How do you plan to get home? Go get some sleep, and we’ll get you sorted out when the sun comes up.”
“Good plan, Seb. Come on, Lottie. I’ll show you to the guest room.”
“It’s not boobytrapped, is it?”
Rowan chuckles. “Nah, Seren gave up on that. She’s retired her prank queen hat.”
“Good to know.”
We get to the top of the stairs, and Rowan pats my arm. “For what it’s worth, Thane may act like an asshole sometimes, but he’s different with you. That guy has hearts in his eyes every time he looks at you.”
I didn’t think I’d need outside validation so much, but her words settle in my chest and put a muzzle on my unease.
Even if I forgive Thane, I know things are about to get a hell of a lot worse before they can get better.
But they’ll be easier to get through if we’re together.
I’m too tired to wash my face, so I fall into Rowan’s guest bed and fish my phone out of my hoodie pocket. My fingers hover over Thane’s name just as a text comes through, and I grip the device tighter.
Thane: I’m sorry. For everything. I know I need to say this in person, and I will. But I’m sorry, and I love you.
The crack in my heart that hurts like a betrayal slaps a Band-Aid over the chasm as if it’s telling me to fuck off and deal with it. Sometimes love hurts. It’s how we move on from the pain that matters.
Me: I know you are. I just need time.
Thane: Three days, Lottie.
Me: Eye roll emoji
The dots start and stop for nearly two minutes before his next text comes through.
Thane: A red heart emoji
Thane: These things are fucking stupid.
Thane: I love you.
In spite of myself, I laugh, knowing he spent all that time trying to find a heart emoji, and he did it for me.
I’m not sure where we go from here, but I pray that it can only be up, because I love him too.
* * *
The sounds of a busy house wake me. I swear Sebastian’s youngest child has elephant feet. They stomp down the stairs and then run in circles. The clattering of metal mixes with voices that are too far to understand but create a symphony of chaos that fills my chest with warmth.
Rolling over, I come nose-to-nose with a black cat and scream.
The thing places a paw over my mouth as though it’s shushing me.
“Lottie?” Rowan knocks on the door, and I mumble something that she takes as come in. “Lucky,” she scolds the cat, who sits perfectly still, staring at me as though it’s stealing all my secrets in the silence.
It’s unnerving.
“Sorry about that. Lucky, come on.” She leans down and attempts to lift the cat, but it jumps away and scurries out the open door. “Are you hungry? Sebastian’s making omelets.” She places some clean clothes on my bed. “Thought you might want to put on something that actually fits. Um…” She fiddles with the black-and-pink bracelets on her wrist. “Also, your brother’s downstairs.”
A groan rumbles in my chest at the same time my stomach growls.
“Fine. I’ll be down in a minute.”
Rowan hangs back as though she wants to say more but bites her lip and exits the room.
It’s for the best. I feel hungover from information overload anyway.
By the time I make it downstairs, the kitchen is full of people. Most of them I recognize through my brother’s best friend and business partner, Becker Hayes, but it’s still a lot more than I bargained for today.
Kids are everywhere. Literally everywhere. Leo, the owner of the camp where I held my first nanny event, is in the corner playing with Becker’s niece. Two women move about the kitchen as if it’s their own, while Rowan chats with my brother at the table.
They all move around each other in a perfectly choreographed cadence—they’re steps to a dance I never learned, and I clutch my chest to ease the sudden emptiness that lances my heart.
My brother, Elijah, lifts his head. His bright blue gaze that’s the same shade as mine scans me head to toe before he stands. He’s always been good at letting everything roll off his back, but right now, his mask is lowered.
There’s anger behind a layer of hurt in his eyes, and I know I caused it.
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me that Dad’s suing you?” Great. He’s in full-on big-brother mode today.
But at least it pulls the sassy little sister gene to the surface, and I square my shoulders, ready to take him on. “I was handling it. I don’t need you to fight my battles, and I’d never ask you to.”
The screech of a sliding glass door fills the air around us as all of Rowan’s guests quietly filter outside with plates of food until Elijah and I are left alone.
“It’s not about fighting your battles, Lottie. It’s about being there to support you. It’s about fucking with Dad to show him he can’t do this shit anymore. I thought when I went into business with Becker to spite him, he’d learn his lesson, but obviously that’s not the case.”
“Come on, Eli. You know how Dad sees me and my role in the family. Women, like children, are meant to be seen, not heard. In his head, he owns everything that’s mine. I’m an asset to use at his discretion, no different from property or cattle.”
“But you know that’s not true.” He raises his voice, and I take a step back. My brother has never once raised his voice this way. “Jesus Christ, Lottie. I’ve been telling you for years that your value has nothing to do with the Sinclair name. Please tell me you know this?”
My hands fist on my hips. “Of course I do.”
“Then why didn’t you come to me? Why count on a stranger to help you when you know damn well I would gladly ruin Dad for the shit he’s done in the past, but fucking with you now? I’ll destroy everything he’s worked for.”
“Oh my God.” I shove him gently in the chest and follow my nose to the coffee pot. “What is wrong with all you alpha assholes? I can fight my own battles, Eli. I’m not that thirteen-year-old little girl you had to coax out of her room after Dad told her that acne made her ugly, so no one would come to her birthday party.”
“Why are you so damn stubborn? I want to help.”
Guilt is a dirty bastard sometimes. I know he’s frustrated. How the heck do I explain this to him?
After helping myself to a cup of coffee, I face him as my brother and not as the opposition.
“It’s important for me to do this on my own, Eli. If I count on you or Thane to get me out of this mess, then am I really any better than the airhead Barbie doll dad tried to turn me into?”
“You don’t have to prove anything to him, Lottie. You really don’t.” His shoulders droop, and I hope it means he understands why I have to do this alone.
“And if I don’t, what happens when the next asshole comes after me? And the one after that and the one after that? The reality is, I’m a woman entering a male-dominated field. It will always be an uphill battle, and maybe that’s why I couldn’t see the enormity of my potential. It’s terrifying to know that I will always have to prove myself because of what’s between my legs, but you know what? It’s also incredibly motivating to know that no one will tell me how, when, or why I succeed.”
“Stubborn,” he mutters with a smile. “I get it, I do. But it doesn’t mean you have to do it alone either. Even the all-knowing Thane Wilder has support people working for him, helping him, and probably even advising him. All I ask is that you don’t go into this so stubborn that you shoot yourself in the foot. Asking for help doesn’t make you any less powerful. If anything, asking for help makes you stronger.”
“Support beams.” The two words suck all the air from my lungs with them. Thane has only ever asked to be my support beams.
“Exactly.” My brother nods. “You need support to build and grow. Hell, Becker and I did too, and you know what a stubborn, untrusting prick he can be. There’s no shame in having us all stand behind you as you take over the world, okay?”
“Okay.” I agree absently, my mind still on Thane.
“But next time, please don’t make me hear about you showing up somewhere at two in the morning, crying like someone broke your heart, from someone else. I’ve always been here for you, and I always will be. It killed me knowing all this was happening and you didn’t feel as though you could come to me.”
“It’s not that, Eli. Sometimes a girl just needs her girlfriends. I guess I’ve never been that girl before, so I get that this is all new for everyone, but I promise, I’m not as fragile as my behavior last night led everyone to believe.”
“No one thinks you’re fragile, but we do know that you’re human. Now tell me, how badly do I need to kill Thane?”
Hearing my brother say his name, even with a hint of protectiveness giving it an edge, helps ease the muscles in my shoulders. He may be pissed with the man I love today, but I have no doubt he’ll accept him tomorrow.
And that means more to me than I can vocalize at the moment.
“You’re not killing anyone. Yes, he hurt me, but I probably hurt him too by running. He doesn’t process emotions the same way that you and I do. For him there’s only black and white, so being in this gray area with me is most likely tearing him apart enough.”
Elijah’s glare softens. “Is it enough pain for him though? I’m sure the guys and I could come up with something.”
I laugh at my brother. Once upon a time, he was truly my protector, my hero, but now, I’m happy to have him as my friend.
“It’s enough. But, once things settle down, if you really want to stick it to him, you could drag him to a poker night with the guys. That would be torture for him.”
He smiles wickedly. “I knew we were more alike than you let on. I love the way you get revenge, sis.” He steps closer, opens his arms, and I happily accept the embrace. “In all seriousness though, are you okay? I’ve never seen you get upset over a guy before, and I know it’s more than just Thane. There’s a lot on your plate, but this thing with him, it’s different, isn’t it?”
I nod, then pull out of his hug. “I’ve never been in love before, Eli. It’s terrifying, and risky, two things I’ve always avoided, yet here I am, in love with an impossible man.”
“Love is only terrifying when you fight it, little sister. Once you open your heart to it fully, it’s as easy as breathing.”
“When did you get so smart?”
He shrugs and gestures toward the people sitting out on the deck, all pretending not to be staring at us. “You learn a thing or two when you’re surrounded by sickeningly sweet love all the fucking time.”
“Says the man who married his high school sweetheart and lives in a perpetual honeymoon phase.”
“What can I say? When it’s love, it’s love. Waiting to marry Samira until we were older wouldn’t have changed anything. Plus, eloping was my favorite way to stick it to dear old Dad.” He winks. “But if you get any elopement ideas, I will kill you myself because my second-favorite way to stick it to our father will be the day I walk you down the aisle.”
“Elijah.” I choke on emotions that bubble up fast and furiously. “You’ve thought about that? Why would you plan for something like that when I never even knew if I wanted to get married before now?”
He smirks as though he’s tricked me.
“Call it big-brother instinct. Now come on, let’s join everyone before those little munchkins eat all the good stuff.”
He exits the sliding glass door and enters the fray as though he’s always been part of a big, messy family.
If he can do it and not completely fuck everyone up, then maybe there’s hope for me yet.