Chapter 36
THE OTHER THREE TIMES
Lexi
I sat in the whirlpool, mesmerized by the bubbles floating all around me.
Last night had been completely surreal, and in the middle of the chaos, I hadn’t been able to process any of it.
I’d collapsed into bed and slept like the dead for the few remaining hours of night.
I wasn’t sure which part had been worse, getting attacked by that masked man or begging Killian to fuck me.
I’d caved after only one night with the sinful devil.
And the worst part, the absolutely most terrifying thing was how much I liked it. I could almost excuse the first time at the lagoon. I was clearly in shock after nearly dying, but how could I explain the other three times?
Or the fact that even now, despite my pussy being sore as hell from his punishing thrusts, I wanted him again. Gawd, I was so fucked up.
Rough, savage sex did not appeal to normal people. And that vile, dirty mouth on Killian... I’d never been talked to like that in my life. And damn it, I’d also never had such mind-blowing orgasms either. Not that I’d been with that many guys, but sex had never been like that.
How could I want Killian after all the terrible things he’d done? Not only to others, but after what he did to me? How could I pretend that any of this would ever be okay?
The creak of the doorknob jiggling sent my heart on a freefall. When the door whipped open and Killian’s dark figure filled the doorway, I released a sharp breath.
“A warning would’ve been nice,” I snarled and crossed my arms over my breasts.
“This is my room,” he said. “Why would I need to announce my arrival?”
“Oh, I don’t know, because some masked murderer tried to assault me only a few hours ago because of whatever shady shit your secret society is into.” I framed the words with air quotes, and Killian’s glare turned murderous.
“It’s a fraternity and nothing more, Red. You better erase what you think you know before it gets you into even more trouble.” He stalked closer and kicked his sandals off, then went to work on his belt buckle.
He slid his jeans down his narrow hips, and heat flared low in my belly.
“What are you doing?” I squealed.
“Getting in. What does it look like?”
I crossed my arms tighter around my torso. “I’m naked.”
“So?” A wicked grin curled his lips as he tugged his shirt over his head.
“I’m sure you’d like to forget all the deliciously fucked up things I did to you last night, but I never will.
I have every inch of you permanently emblazoned in my mind; your sweet taste, your tantalizing moans, the way your greedy little cunt gripped my cock as I railed into you.
..” He pressed his finger to his temple. “Permanently carved into my brain.”
I gulped, that fire coursing between my legs despite the warm water swirling around me.
“And, in case you’re getting any ideas of reneging on your vow, just remember your pussy is mine.” He slid his boxers off, and his erection sprang free.
Fuck me. How was he so hard already? We’d been at it all night. Didn’t guys need to rest or something?
Killian stepped into the jacuzzi, lighting up every nerve in my body at his proximity. My stupid, traitorous pussy now only equated him with spine-tingling orgasms.
As if he’d plucked the thoughts right from my head, a sinful smile spread those damned lips. “I bet you’re wet for me right now.”
“Of course I am. I’m in a whirlpool, asshole.”
A sinister laugh vibrated his chest, sending the heart tattoo dancing. I inched closer, because I was a total freaking sadist, and ran my finger across the battered heart. Killian stilled, his entire body freezing under my touch.
“Did you really get this because of me?” I whispered.
He shook his head, eyes turning glacial. “We’re not going there, Red.”
“Why not? I think we’ve already gone there and back.”
His head whipped back and forth. “We fucked. That’s it. No feelings, nothing more. Just straight up sex.”
A pang of hurt lanced through my chest, a blade sinking into my heart. What the hell was wrong with me? Did I think Killian would change because we’d had sex? That he would magically turn into my old best friend?
The old Killian was gone. This heartless monster was all that was left.
“But you did love me, when we were young?” The question bubbled out before I could stop it, before I could think better of it.
“It doesn’t fucking matter, Red.”
It did matter. All these years, his betrayal had been a festering wound in my chest. I’d never stopped to think about how he felt. I was the one who had been assaulted, had been called a liar.
But his heart had been broken for a different reason...
A thick silence descended over us, the steady bubbles from the jacuzzi the only sound. “We have to get out of here,” Killian finally muttered a long moment later.
“What about our project?”
“I’ll have Maria send us all the information about the local fault lines.”
“So why did we have to come all the way out here?”
“It’s just a bullshit excuse for an educational trip, Red. That’s how it works at Stonewall; spoiled rich kids getting their parents to fund a tropical vacation.”
I was starting to realize that.
“Anyway, I need to get that file back to—”
His jaw slammed shut, and that bastard’s name hung heavy in the air between us.
“I knew this was about Stan. Somehow, every fucked-up thing in my life revolves around him.”
“God, give it up already, Lexi. My stepfather might not be a saint, but he was not the man that tried to rape you all those years ago.”
Fury raged through my blood, and I hated that I was naked in a whirlpool right now, completely vulnerable. I vowed long ago to never feel that way again.
Before I could stop myself, I leapt on Killian and my hand cracked across his cheek. “Fuck you!”
He stared at me, eyes wide as I straddled him, hot tears brimming over. “Did you just—”
“Fuck you for never believing me. Fuck you for abandoning me. Fuck you for all of it.” I choked back a sob. “I will never forget the face of the man who broke me, Killian. Trust me, I’ve tried. I couldn’t cut out the image etched into my brain with a carving knife. It was Stanford Davenport.”
Killian’s jaw clenched, his lips pressed in a harsh line. “It just can’t be...”
The mad rise and fall of my chest slowed, all the rage from a second ago dissolving. Arguing was pointless. He didn’t believe me then, and just because we finally fucked, I didn’t expect him to believe me now.
The silence lengthened, and his arms laced around my waist. I’d been so enraged I hadn’t even realized the dangerous position I’d put myself in. Here I was straddling the asshole, my pussy spread wide for him.
Slamming my palms against his chest, I attempted to push out of his hold. His arms only tightened around my torso like steel bands.
“Let go of me,” I snarled.
“No.”
I glared at him, meeting fiery emerald orbs. “Let go of me now or I’ll scream.”
“You think that would stop me?”
A ripple of fear inched up my spine, but I shoved it down. Killian was capable of a lot of depraved things, but he’d never force himself on me, not after all the shit I’d been through. Even if he didn’t believe it was his stepfather.
“You’re still mine, Red. Regardless of everything.”
“If you think I’m going to let you fuck me ever again, you’re delusional, Kill.”
He clucked his tongue, a wicked grin curling the edges of his lips. “I remember you saying I’d never fuck you at all, and look at us now.”
“Yeah, look at us. I’m a hot mess and you’re a step away from becoming a full-blown sociopath.”
“And still your cunt weeps for my cock.” He glanced between our bodies and fuck me, he was right. My pussy was rubbing against his erection beneath the bubbles.
But she wasn’t in charge. I was.
Drawing in a steadying breath, I forced out the words.
“The only way you’ll ever get to fuck me again is if you agree to at least consider that it was Stan that day.
That you do some research now that you have the many resources of your great fraternity.
You were right before, we’ve been dancing around this thing between us for too long, but I can’t do this.
I won’t do this unless you give me something in return. ”
His hands closed around my hips, fingers digging into my flesh in a punishing grip. “You think I would blow up Stan’s life, blow up my own life for your pussy?” Anger carved into his jaw.
I pressed my hand to his chest, to the blackened heart surrounded by chains and barbed wire, and he shuddered beneath my touch. I kept it there for a long moment without moving.
“Yeah, I think you might,” I finally whispered. “Not for my pussy. But for me.”
He shook his head, the moment of vulnerability gone. That cold expressionless mask slipped back on. “Do you have any idea how many sorority girls throw themselves at me every day?”
I shrugged, calling him on his bluff. This toxic thing between us was only getting stronger. If I couldn’t fight it, I doubted he was faring any better.
“By all means, be my guest and fuck all those sorority whores. I swear to you, Killian, I’ll never let you touch me again until you at least look into the truth.” I rocked my hips, running his thick shaft across my center. He let out a satisfying groan. “But if you think you can do better...”
The tendon in his jaw fluttered to life. “Damn you, Red. I’m going to fuck that disobedient streak right out of you once I prove you wrong.”
“I’d like to see you try.” I attempted to stand again, but Killian’s unyielding arms kept me locked in place.
“I own you, Lexi, every broken, shattered piece. I’m going to indulge you this one thing for the sake of our past, but understand this: you are mine. No one else will ever touch you again, despite how this turns out.”
I nodded slowly. The fucked-up thing was that I didn’t want anyone but Killian to touch me anyway. And a part of me needed to believe that if he did discover it was Stan who hurt me, he’d make the bastard pay.