Chapter 46
HURTS TO brEATHE
Lexi
Fuck. My heart shot up my throat as that name spilled from Killian’s thinned lips. Sebastian had found out we had the incriminating video, and now we were dead.
I gestured at Killian, pointing at my ears like mad until he pressed the speaker button so I could listen in on the conversation. A volley of curses exploded through the phone, and fear prickled down my spine.
“I know you and that poor little whore stole the video, you motherfucker.”
Every muscle in Killian’s body went taut, his hand clamping around my thighs. “First of all, why would you have that video on your computer, you asshole? And second of all, more importantly, watch your mouth when you talk about Lexi, or I’ll rip out your tongue next time I see you.”
“First of all,” he mimicked, “what I do is my fucking business. I have to cover my own ass. And second of all, that’s funny, little bro. Like you could touch me.”
“I can more than fucking touch you. I can send you and your father to jail with the information I have on both of you. For the rest of your lives.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Try me, dickhead.” He jabbed his finger into the call end button and stuffed his phone back in his pocket.
I let out a shaky breath, my shoulders rounding. Killian moved between my legs and framed my face with his strong hands. “I’ll never let anything happen to you, you know that, right?”
My head dipped slowly. “Then what are we going to do? We can’t hide out here forever.”
His dark brow lifted into a mischievous arc. “You sure about that, Red? I’d be totally okay with spending the rest of my days trapped on this boat with you, fucking that sweet little pussy day and night.”
Another chill roared up my spine, this one much more pleasant than the last. I pressed my forehead to his and brushed a chaste kiss to his lips. “I wish it were that easy.”
We remained that way for a long minute before Killian finally pushed off the counter and started pacing. “Okay, we need a plan. There has to be some way to get around Stan’s sphere of influence.”
“Your little secret society, you mean?”
He nodded.
“Are they really that powerful?”
“Yes, you have no idea of their reach, no notion of the lengths they’ll go to protect their own.”
“I mean, I have a little idea. I did almost get killed for those secrets in the Dominican Republic, remember?”
His jaw ticked, teeth grinding. “I’ll never forget.” He dragged his hand through his hair and heaved out a breath. “Fuck. There’s only one way to end this.”
My heart kicked against my ribs, raw fear coursing through my veins because I knew Killian with every shred of my being, and I knew exactly what he’d say next.
“I have to kill Stanford Davenport.”
His words hit like a gunshot.
The world tilted and all the air whooshed from my lungs. “No,” I hissed, the word tearing out of me. “I won’t risk losing you, Kill.”
It was for that very reason I’d never told Papá what happened. He would’ve murdered the bastard, no questions.
His hands came up, framing my face, forcing me to look at him.
His eyes burned, fierce, desperate, and unrelenting.
“There’s no other way, Red, unless you want to spend the next year in court battling Stan and the best team of lawyers money can buy.
Not only will they dredge up the past, but they’ll also do everything in their power to discredit you, to ruin you.
You can kiss your scholarship and med school goodbye, everything you’ve worked so hard for. I refuse to let that happen.”
“And I refuse to lose you. I only just got you back, Killian, I can’t. I’d rather risk it all, give up my dreams of becoming a doctor, if it means I have you.”
His gaze faltered, just for a second. “Don’t be stupid. I’m not worth it, Red, never have been.”
Something inside me snapped.
“Don’t say that!”
I caught his chin, forcing his eyes back to mine. He tried to pull away, but I didn’t let him.
Not this time.
“I love you, Killian.”
The words came out raw. Unfiltered. I didn’t stop them.
“Damn it, I always have–even when I really shouldn’t have–I always will.” My throat tightened, but I pushed through it. “You are my everything, and the idea of a life without you is no longer acceptable. I’ve done it before, and I refuse to do it again. I was lost and broken without you.”
My best friend stared at me, eyes wide, a storm of emotions brewing beneath those deep green orbs. Shit, maybe I shouldn’t have blurted the love part. It was too soon, wasn’t it?
“Fuck, Lexi...” His voice was wrecked. “I love you so damned much it hurts to breathe when you’re not beside me.”
His mouth captured mine, stealing the remaining air from my lungs. It was all I could do to hold on as his lips ravaged my own, tongue claiming every inch of me.
Like he was trying to pour every unsaid word, every regret, every piece of himself into that one moment. His hands dragged me against him, holding me so tight it almost hurt, but I didn’t care.
I clung right back. Because if this was the only thing we got... I was taking all of it.
Every second.
Every breath.
Every piece of him.
I’d rather die in his arms than ever let go.
I couldn’t. Because this... this was everything. Everything I’d wanted, everything I’d waited for.
Everything that could still break me.
His lips slowed against mine, the edge of that frantic need giving way to something softer. Something deeper. His forehead dropped to mine, his breath uneven as it fanned across my lips.
For a moment, neither of us spoke. We just... existed there. Together.
And it felt fragile. Too fragile.
“I should’ve said it sooner,” he murmured, his voice rough, like the words scraped on the way out. “I felt it for years, Red. I just—” He huffed out a humorless breath. “I didn’t think I deserved to say it.”
My chest tightened.
“Then say it again,” I whispered.
His eyes flicked up to mine, something raw and unguarded breaking through the darkness. “I love you.”
This time it wasn’t desperate or rushed.
It was steady. And somehow... that hit even harder.
My throat burned, emotion swelling so fast it almost hurt. “Just so you know, you don’t get to say that and then go do something that takes you away from me.”
His jaw clenched, and there it was, the shift. The war inside him.
“I’m not leaving you.” But there was hesitation threaded through the promise.
I shook my head, my fingers tightening in his shirt. “You don’t get to decide everything on your own. Not anymore.” My voice wavered, but I held his gaze. “If you love me, then you don’t get to throw your life away like it doesn’t matter.”
His hands slid to my waist, gripping tighter, like he was grounding himself.
“You matter,” he said quietly. “More than anything.”
“Then stay with me.”
The words hung heavy in the air between us.
His gaze dropped to my lips, then back to my eyes, like he was memorizing me. Like he was already bracing for something.
“I don’t know how to do that.” His voice was low, almost broken. “Not when he’s still out there.”
Pain lanced through my chest, sharp and unrelenting. Because I understood, and I hated that I did.
“Then don’t do it alone. Stop trying to carry everything like you’re the only one who gets a say in how this ends.”
Silence stretched between us again, but this time it wasn’t empty.
It was full of love, of fear, of everything we still had to lose.
His thumb brushed under my eye, catching a tear I hadn’t even realized had fallen.
“I’m not losing you again,” he whispered.
It wasn’t a threat or even a promise. It was a vow. And that scared me more than anything.
“I will make him pay,” he murmured against my lips, his voice turning cold, lethal. “I swear to you, Lexi... he doesn’t get to walk away from this.”
A cold chill puckered my flesh, drawing me from a fitful sleep. After Killian made love to me, I’d fallen into the deepest sleep of my life, wrapped in the safety and warmth of his powerful arms.
Something wasn’t right.
My eyes snapped open, and I scanned the murky darkness of the cabin. My hand instinctively reached over to the empty side of the small bed, and fear’s claws razed across my heart.
“... Killian?” I jolted up and nearly smashed my head against the top bunk.
Rubbing my eyes to force back the haze of sleep, I slid off the bed and tiptoed around the cabin.
The tiny bathroom was only a few feet away, the lights off.
“Killian?” I called out again, the tremor in my voice impossible to disguise.
I crept across the small cabin and silently pulled the door open. Peering through the crack, I searched the murky deck praying to a God I still wasn’t sure existed.
Please be here.
“Killian!” I whisper-shouted.
Nothing.
He couldn’t have gone to confront Stan, could he? He wouldn’t be that fucking stupid.
I raced back into the cabin and searched my discarded clothes for my phone. I jabbed my finger at Killian’s number and held my breath.
One ring, two, three.
No answer.
“Shit!” I hissed.
This wasn’t happening. He promised me—
My thoughts whirled back to our earlier conversation. No, he didn’t. He never said he wouldn’t go after Stan, just that he’d make him pay. That idiot was going to get himself thrown in jail, or worse, and it would be my fault.
Panic invaded my chest, and I drew in a slow, steadying breath to keep the fear at bay. Maybe there was a logical explanation. Maybe he’d gone back to the house to get supplies, or perhaps he got hungry after all the mind-blowing sex...
Yes, that was totally possible.
But deep down, I knew better.
I flipped through my phone contacts until I found the one I needed. Axel. At least I had one of Killian’s friend’s numbers. Thank gawd he’d insisted on putting it in my phone after we’d returned from the Dominican Republic. I pressed the call button and paced the cramped interior.
“Hello?” A rough voice answered on the fifth ring.
“Axel, it’s Lexi,” I blurted. “Sorry to call you so late, but is Killian with you by chance?”
“No, he’s not.” He yawned then cleared his throat. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just worried.”
“I don’t know what shit you guys are into, but knowing Killian, it can’t be good.”
That fear intensified, strangling me, and my fingers tightened around the phone. “I have to go.”
“Wait... do you need me to do anything?”
“If you hear from Killian, tell him I went looking for him at Stan’s.”
“Um, okay. You know it’s almost midnight, right?”
“I have to find him, it’s urgent.”
“I can come get you if you want...”
The murmur of a grumbling female voice echoed through the line.
Oh, crap. He was with someone.
“No, it’s fine. I can handle it. Just call me if you hear from Kill, okay?”
“You sure?”
“Yes, I’ve got this.”
“Okay, keep me posted.”
After hanging up, I searched through the bag of clothes Killian had brought and speared my legs through a pair of sweatpants. With his shirt still on, I threw on my jacket and stepped into my boots.
I had to find Killian before something terrible happened.
“I really owe you one, Cordi.” I slid into the passenger’s seat and gave her a grateful smile.
She released a big yawn and hugged her big puffer jacket tight against her body. “No biggie, girl. What are roomies for?”
“Seriously, thank you.”
“The only thing I ask in return are the naughty details.” She eyed the old marina across the street. “What the hell were you doing all the way out here?”
My lips pressed into a tight line. “I can’t really say.” The last thing I wanted to do was get Cordi involved in all of this.
“Are you kidding me?”
“It’s for your own good, trust me.”
She blew out a breath and shifted the car into drive. “Okay, then, can you tell me where we’re going at least?”
“To Stanford Davenport’s summer home. It’s only a few miles away along the shore.”
Again, that skeptical gaze. “And why are we going there in the middle of the night?”
“Because I have to find Killian.”
“I knew this was about him!” A spark lit up her inquisitive eyes as she smacked the steering wheel in excitement. “You guys are totally fucking, aren’t you?”
“Yes.” At least that was one truth I could give her.
“Oh, damn! Spill, is he as good as the rumors claim?”
Better. So much better.
“He’s okay.” I tossed her a smirk before inputting Stan’s address into the navigation system. “Now drive, and I’ll tell you more on the way.”
“Yes, ma’am.” She revved the engine and took off onto the desolate streets. “I bet Killian loves that bossy side of you in bed.”
Despite the fear churning in my gut, I cracked a smile. “Okay, I’m not giving you those details.”
“Oh, come on, you’re no fun!” Cordi rolled to a stop at the red light and flipped through her music playlist. “At least tell me something... Is it true he does this thing with his tongue—”
“Cordi!” I shrieked.
She giggled. “What? I can totally keep a secret.”
Brilliant lights streaked toward us, catching in the corner of my eye. I turned—too late—and blinding headlights swallowed my vision.
A scream ripped from my throat just as the car slammed into us, metal crushing inward on my side with a deafening, bone-rattling impact.