19. Paige
The Night We Met - Lord Huron ft Phoebe Bridgers
It’s time. I can’t follow Cade through security, so we’re standing at the entrance to Terminal 1, postponing the inevitable goodbyes for as long as possible, wrapped in a sullen embrace. I feel a soft kiss on my head as a silent tear tracks down my cheek; not for the first time. I feel broken, fragmented in the worst way as I prepare to say goodbye to the man who has gradually stolen my heart, piece by imperfect piece.
We haven’t said those words yet. It feels too soon for such a monumental declaration, even in the face of my rising need to let the words slip off my tongue. What I feel for Cade can’t be adequately described by a rushed declaration, despite how much I might wish to do so. I’ve always struggled to articulate my feelings, and on the eve of Cade’s departure feels like the exact wrong time to attempt it. Instead, we stand in tormented silence, both of us unprepared to take the next step and break our embrace. After a prolonged silence, it’s Cade who finally speaks.
“I’ll miss you, Sunshine.” The all too familiar nickname comes out rough, almost raspy. I don’t revel in our mutual distress, but the knowledge that Cade is as affected by our impending farewell as I am, fills me with some level of comfort, how ever miniscule.
“I’ll miss you, too, Cowboy.” The last word comes out on a sob as the damn breaks and my body is racked with grief. Our eyes meet and I can see his own unshed tears.
Somehow I know he’s holding back so I can break. He stands resolute, holding the last of my broken pieces together, gently placing kisses along my face. I feel him in every part of me, down to the very marrow of my bones. He’s etched himself into my existence.
His lips meet mine in one last passionate kiss. I open my mouth in invitation and he slips his tongue along mine as we savor our last moments together — prolonging the inevitable. I want to memorize his touch, his scent; the feel of his fingers tangled in my hair; the sound of his sighs as our kiss becomes fraught with need.
I hesitantly release my hold on his neck and step back a pace. Cade glances at the pilfered scrunchie on his wrist and his face changes as he seems to make a last minute decision.
He reaches into his carry-on bag and produces his favorite black hoodie. I still have the first one he sent in the care package, but it doesn’t smell like him anymore. He slips it over my head and I’m immediately enveloped in his scent.
“So we have a little piece of each other even when we’re apart,” he murmurs. “Paige, I…” I lean in to kiss him, stopping the words that I know were coming but neither of us is ready for.
“I know. Goodbye, Cowboy.”
At my last word, Cade takes hold of his luggage and walks into the terminal, leaving me to shatter on the sidewalk once more. I watch his back as he retreats. Stealing one final glance over his shoulder, I see that the tears he worked so hard to keep at bay have escaped in a steady stream of unrestrained anguish.
Cade
Four Steps. That’s how far I get into the terminal before the dam breaks and the uncontrollable emotions take hold. A tear tracking down my cheek. Physically, I’m going home to Kentucky, to the bar and my friends and the life I left behind for one blissful weekend. I’m going home, but my entire heart is staying behind in Canada — with her. I’ve come to realize that maybe home isn’t a place — it’s her . The uncertainty about the future plagues me as I make my way to the gate. I don’t know when we’ll get to be in the same room again. I decide then and there that I will race back to her in a heartbeat if time and circumstance allow.
After a lengthy security screening and customs inspection, I’m on my way back to Oak Ridge. The flight is brief, and I’ve arranged for Dean to meet me at the airport in Nashville, where we’ll take the quick road trip back home. We’ve texted back and forth a bit while I was away, but I haven’t yet updated him on the newest developments.
I land in Nashville around 6pm to find Dean awaiting my arrival at the baggage claim. After snagging my luggage from the carousel, I follow him out into the parking lot where a truck is idling on the curb, Miles in the driver’s seat.
“You look like shit, dude.” His tone is curt but he’s not wrong.
“Yeah, not gonna lie. I’m kind of going through it,” I admit. “I didn’t know you were coming, how did he coerce you into driving?”
Dean laughs, but before either of them can respond, my phone chimes with a notificati on. Paige tagged me on her social media page. I swipe over to the post and my breath hitches when I see the photos from my proposal in the park and the caption below it reads “Here’s to our new beginning.” I don’t know if this is a good sign or a very, very bad sign.
I tap into the comment field and type out a response, “I miss you, Sunshine. Here’s to forever, and then some.”
I can’t wait any longer to find out how things went with her parents, so I swipe over to our text message thread.
Cade: Landed in Nashville. I miss you already. It feels like I left my heart with you at the airport. I hope you’re doing okay. xoxo
I read over my message, feeling the ache of the distance between us. I hit send, hoping the words can bridge the gap and remind Paige how much she means to me. As though I manifested it, her response swiftly follows:
Sunshine: Miss you more, Cowboy. I’m at my dad’s house now. How was your flight?
Cade: Lonely. Did you talk to your parents?
Three little dots appear and disappear several times over the next 60 seconds, and I know in my bones that things didn’t go well.
Sunshine: I’ll call you and tell you all about it later. I don’t think I’m ready to talk yet. It's been a really long day.
Cade: I’m here whenever you are ready. You can lean on me.
Sunshine: Thank you.
I decide to leave it at that as I climb into the backseat of Dean’s truck and steel myself to head back to the reality that awaits me, no matter how bleak. I keep my eyes trained on the scenery as I replay our weekend on a loop in my head. It’s Miles who breaks into my memories a little while later. “Are you going to tell us about your weekend?”
I sigh, resigning myself to the knowledge that I won’t be able to postpone the inevitable interrogation. At best, I can get ahead of their questioning by telling them as much as possible while still keeping some of the more sensitive details to myself.
“It was great, man. She was… everything I thought she would be and more.”
“Are you going to admit you’re in love with her?” Dean asks with a hint of exasperation in his voice.
Dean has been my best friend since childhood. He knows me better than anyone; still, it wouldn’t be fair to Paige to announce my feelings without telling her first. Our eyes meet in the rearview mirror in silent communication, and I’m grateful when he lets the question go unanswered.
That’s the thing about my friends – they know when to push and when to let things go. I couldn’t ask for a better brotherhood and I don’t doubt that they will bring Paige into the fold with open arms when the time comes.