38. Paige
Nothing New - Taylor Swift ft. Phoebe Bridgers
I ’ve been back in Oak Ridge for 6 weeks. We’re still waiting for the initial approval for the visa, and I’m feeling restless. I stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the strap of my plum velvet figure hugging dress for the tenth time. The reflection staring back at me looked uncertain, despite the effort I’d put into my appearance. I sigh, my thoughts swirling with a mix of excitement for Jemma and Derek, and a niggling sense of insecurity. I catch Cade creeping in behind me, placing his hands on my waist and dropping a deliciously sweet kiss to my exposed shoulder, his scent mingling with mine. “You look beautiful, Sunshine. Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah, almost. Just… fixing my dress.” I can sense him looking at me in the mirror. I force a smile but I don’t meet his gaze.
“Are you okay? You seem a bit off.”
I bite my lip, debating whether I should even give voice to my feelings. “I’m a bit nervous. It’s a big family wedding, and I still haven’t met a lot of them yet.” Cade grasps my shoulders and slowly turns me to face him, his fingers catching my chin forcing my eyes to meet his.
“Everyone loves you, Paige. I’ll be by your side the whole time, I promise.”
I nod, doing my best to keep the niggling doubts at bay. As we walk to the truck, I can't seem to shake my nervous energy. The past few weeks have been more difficult than I anticipated. Settling back into Oak Ridge wasn’t the problem.
I fit in with Cade and his friends like a puzzle piece. The problem is that none of this is mine . It feels like taking hand me downs and trying to adjust your entire life to fit into them. I couldn’t work yet, since I wasn’t officially a permanent resident, so I didn’t have a job to go to every day. I spent most of my days meandering around town, taking photographs. When I wasn’t doing that, I was holed up in the library with Goose at my side. Don’t get me wrong, I love it here and I love Cade, but I’m struggling to carve out a place for myself.
The wedding is being held in a beautiful barn with an old weathered wood facade. String lights hang between the beams, with an altar at one end, and a reception area arranged at the other.
The ceremony is beautiful, though not as breathtaking as ours — but I’m a little biased. Jemma looks stunning in her chiffon gown. I only met Derek briefly at our wedding, but he looks at her like she hung the moon, and I’m so happy for my new friend, I could burst. Weddings make me emotional, so it’s no surprise when I need Cade to pass me a tissue mid-vows.
After the ceremony, we spend some time mingling with Cade’s family.
“Uncle Cade!” A tiny blonde haired munchkin runs in our direction, causing Cade to drop his arm from around my waist to crouch down and catch the little chipmunk before tossing her into the air. She smiles a smile that isn’t so diffe rent from Cade’s, and I can’t help but wonder what our kids will look like someday. Reel it in Paige. Way too soon.
“Hey Maddie girl! I have someone who wants to meet you!” he says, and my knees go weak. Seeing Cade with his niece might be my kryptonite. “This is my wife, Paige.”
“Hi miss Maddie!” I say, infusing as much enthusiasm as I can into my voice. “It’s so nice to meet you,” I say, with a soft smile for the little girl.
“She’s pretty, Uncle Cade.”
“That she is, and I’m the luckiest guy here to be standing with the two prettiest girls in the room.” He tickles her as she squirms around in his arms, his devastatingly charming smile landing on me as he gives me a subtle wink. The sound of her giggles mingle with the soft music playing in the background and the smile on Cade’s face could bring me to my knees if they weren’t restrained by my tight hemline. I think my ovaries have exploded.
“Maddie, what did I tell you about running off?” A woman who looks a lot like an older version of Cade strolls in our direction and Maddie rolls her eyes in an adorably dramatic way.
“Mommy, I found Uncle Cade and his Paige.” His Paige. I just know there are hearts in my eyes right now.
“Oh! Hi! I’m Julie, the favorite sister,” she jokes, holding out a hand in my direction. “It’s so nice to finally meet the woman who tamed my little brother!” she says, a warm smile and genuine happiness on her face — it soothes the small part of me that was still nervous about meeting everyone.
“It’s nice to meet you. I’m sorry it took so long.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. Ya’ll have been busy,” she says with a suggestive gleam in her eyes. “Heads up. Kim is heading this way.” She elbows Cade in the stomach and he moves to my side, wrapping a protective arm around my waist, still holding onto Maddie in the other.
“Cade, good to see you,” Kim says, almost curtly before turning her assessing gaze on me. “And you must be the infamous Paige.”
“Kim...” Cade says with an ominous warning in his voice. I should let him handle his sisters, but I’m nothing if not a people pleaser, so I reluctantly step in, attempting to ease the tension.
“I am. It’s great to finally meet you,” I say with a saccharine smile. “I’ve heard so much about all of you.” I’ve changed a lot over the last few months, but I might always be the one to jump through hoops to avoid an ugly confrontation.
“And we’ve heard so very little about you,” she all but sneers at me and I can feel Cade stiffening at my side.
“Maddie girl, let Mommy take you to see Grandad, ok?” Julie says, reaching out to take Maddie from Cade’s arms.
“Kim, this is not the time or the place,” Cade chastises. “And you’d do well to remember that Paige is my fucking wife.” He’s getting defensive and there’s a pang in my chest at the thought that I might be the cause of a rift between Cade and his sister.
I’m becoming more and more overwhelmed, so I smile politely and excuse myself to the bathroom. Entering the stall on the far right, I put down the lid and perch myself on top, taking a few deep breaths to soothe my anxiety.
The bathroom door opens, and I hear murmured voices.
“Did ya’ll see Cade Brooks’ new wife?”
“Yeah, I'll give it another month before he’s filing the divorce papers.”
The unknown women snicker, and my heart sinks hearing the hurtful words. Listening intently, I hear the sound of running water closely followed by the hand dryer and the door closing. I wait a beat, making sure I’m alone before checking my makeup in the mirror. I lean on the countertop with both hands, hanging my head between my shoulders while I take several deep breaths.
I won’t let them get to me.
I return to the reception, finding Cade standing on the perimeter of the dance floor, just in time to watch Jemma and Derek’s first dance, their love radiating throughout the venue. My heart aches with a mixture of joy for them, and a pang of sadness for the doubts and questions that are swirling in my mind. When the song ends, all the other couples in the audience are invited to join them on the dance floor.
Cade smiles sweetly at me, taking my hand in his and leading me out into the crowd. He places my hand over his heart and encircles my waist with his other arm. It gives me peace, a moment of solace as I’m cocooned in his embrace. I lay my head on his chest, closing my eyes and letting the lyrics to the Ruby Lynn Hayes ballad take over my thoughts. Time slows, and I get lost in the swaying of our bodies. I’m snapped out of my reverie when the song ends and Jemma’s voice comes over the speakers.
“Hey ya’ll! I want to thank everybody for celebrating with us tonight,” she says, a round of applause quickly following. She waits for the crowd to quiet again before continuing. “I also have a special favor to ask. My uncle, Cade, recently married the love of his life.” Hushed whispers fill the room until Jemma speaks again. “In a small town like ours, things like that don’t stay a secret for long. Unfortunately, many of our family and friends weren’t able to attend due to the last minute nature of the event so I’d like to give the floor over to Cade and his new wife Paige for their 1st dance do-over.” The entire room goes still, waiting on bated breath for us to make our way to the middle of the floor. My heart rate picks up as I realize I’m about to be on display for all of Oak Ridge.
Cade looks down at me, a sparkle in his eyes that wasn’t there earlier, and in that moment, I know he had something to do w ith this. I give him a nod as he leads me out onto the dance floor where our song begins to play. He wraps me in his arms in that all too familiar way, his masculine scent surrounding me in a warm embrace. My eyes close, willing it to wash away every doubt and fear for as long as possible.
“Relax, baby.” He kisses my temple. “It’s just you and me under the string lights on the back deck.” My nerves disappear as the memory washes over me. We sway back and forth until the last notes of the song fade out. A moment passes where Cade and I are still frozen on the dance floor gazing into each other’s eyes. He reaches out and gently cups my cheek before placing a heart stopping kiss on my lips as the crowd starts to hoot and holler. Cheers and shouts of congratulations ring throughout the barn, easing my stubborn heart, until I spot Diane in my periphery, scowling at us. It’s like having a bucket of ice water thrown on me.
Cade leads me to our table with his hand on the small of my back in a comforting gesture. The tension comes back in full force when I realize we’re seated with mostly family members, including his mom, who joins us a short while later.
Guests flock to the dance floor as we snack on finger foods and indulge in drinks from the open bar. I look on as Cade gets caught up in conversation with his mom, who continues to give me the cold shoulder. Diane and I still haven’t spoken again since the run-in at the diner. I know Cade is being courteous since we’re seated at the same table, but her stolen glances are making me uncomfortable and I’m beginning to feel isolated. “If you’ll excuse me for a minute, I’ll be right back.” I say, intending to slip away to a quiet corner.
“Are you okay? Do you want me to come with you?”
“No, I’m fine. You have fun. I’ll be right back.” I give his hand a reassuring squeeze, not letting on how bleak my thoughts have become; the darkness is creeping in, threatening to overwhelm me.
I find a secluded alcove with a small wooden bench near the barn’s entrance. That’s where Cara finds me a few minutes later, her expression one of concern and kindness. “Paige, are you okay?”
“Yes... No... I don’t know.”
“It’s a lot, isn’t it? Being around this many people when you don’t know most of them.”
“You could say that again. For the most part, everyone’s been wonderful but it’s still overwhelming sometimes. To be honest, I’ve been somewhat lost lately.” I take a deep breath, willing the tears not to fall.
Cara sits beside me, not saying anything at first, simply offering me her comforting presence in the wake of my words. “I’m sorry,” I finally say, my voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t mean to put a damper on your evening, too.”
Cara shakes her head. “It’s okay. Weddings are overwhelming, even without all of the sudden changes you’ve been dealing with.”
She’s right. Maybe I’m overthinking things. “Everything feels so new and different. I love Cade and Oak Ridge has become my home — they’re ingrained into my heart now — but I also feel… lifeless, in a way. I can’t just live for Cade. I need to live for myself, too.”
“Is that really how you feel?” Cade's voice cuts through the silence in the alcove.
“I’ll give you two some time to talk. I’m here if you need me.” Cara squeezes my hand before retreating down the hallway to the reception.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Misery is evident in his features and I feel a pang of guilt that I put it there.
“You’ve had so much going on. I didn’t want to burden you with my insecurities.”
“Paige, we’re a family now.” He crouches in front of me, his hands coming up to frame my face. “We’re supposed to be a team. I love you.” That’s when the first tear falls. I know deep in my bones that he’s right. I’m a mess and here he is, breathing life back into me all over again.
Cade
I knew something was very wrong when Paige didn’t come back right away, but I didn’t rush after her because I had to deal with my mom. I didn’t miss the looks she was giving her across the table, but I also didn’t want to make a scene. I tried to be impassive and courteous, but as soon as I saw the look on Paige’s face when she walked away, I was done.
“You need to apologize to my wife.”
“I’ll do no such thing. She doesn’t belong here.”
“She’s my wife. She belongs at my fucking side and she’s not going anywhere.” I open my mouth to say more, but I’m cut off and completely shocked when Pops gets involved.
“Diane, you ain’t bein’ fair to Cade and you’re sure not being fair to his young lady.”
Mom scowls.
“Thanks, Pops.”
“You don’t have to thank me, son. You take care of your woman and I’ll take care of mine.”
With a resolute nod, I stride purposefully after my wife.
“I can’t just live for Cade. I have to live for myself, too.”
My heart ached hearing those words. I had known something was off the past couple of days, but I didn’t want to push her to open up — I figured the transition would be difficult — but hearing her concerns voiced so clearly brought a new depth to my understanding. I can’t pretend to know exactly what she’s going through, but the thought that she chose not to confide in me stings.
“I don’t want to be a burden, Cade.” Her words slice through me like a knife to the heart. I don’t know what gave her the impression that I would ever feel that way about her. Cupping her cheek, I bring her eyes to meet mine.
“Baby, you’re not a burden. It’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling.”
“I live here rent free, sleep in your bed, eat your food, hang out with your friends; I take and I take and what do you get out of it? I have nothing to offer you.”
“I get you, Paige. That’s all I need. My life is better simply because you exist.” She tilts her head away, eyes fixed on something behind me, and I can’t stand the disconnect. I reach out to gently bring her gaze back to mine. “Don’t shut me out.”
“I wanted to work through it on my own. I’m not used to asking for help.”
“You aren’t alone anymore, Paige. You’ve been figuring things out for yourself your entire life. Let me carry some of the load. I want to be there for you but you have to talk to me so we can figure it out together. Asking someone to care for you isn’t a burden — it’s the bare minimum.”
“I’m sorry.” Her voice is dejected, and it slices through me, straight down to my bones. “I know I should be able to talk to you. I wanted to, but there was a bigger part of me that was afraid I’d lose you. I can feel the darkness creeping back in, and I don’t want you to watch it happen but I feel helpless to stop it.”
I can relate to her feeling of helplessness. I don’t know how to help her, but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to try. I don’t tell her that I think we should seek out a professional. I think that’s a decision she needs to come to on her own and I won’t push her.
“Paige, I love you. You don’t have to put on a brave face all the time. Let me in, baby.”
I gently pull her into my arms, kissing the top of her head.
She inhales a stuttered breath, mo re tears falling from her eyes before she murmurs “Okay.” It’s barely a whisper, but I take that as a sign that it’s time to take my girl home.
“Why don’t we head home, Mrs. Brooks?”
“That’s the best idea I’ve heard all night, Mr. Brooks.” A small smile plays at her lips, but it doesn't quite meet her eyes. We still have a lot of challenges to navigate, but for now, I just want to wrap her up in my arms and never let go.