Chapter 33
SYDNEY
Saying goodbye to Cy was heartbreaking. Saying goodbye to his grandpa just about shatters me.
As if I didn’t think the pain could get any worse, the universe said “hold my beer.”
My suitcase is packed and in the car. I’ve said goodbye to Rachel, Josie, Jade, and Alicia. I tried to avoid Cliff, but he was waiting at the bottom of the stairs and insisted on carrying my suitcases outside. I compromised and let him haul one.
“What happened, darlin’?” His dark eyes, so much like his grandson’s, study me, looking for something I can’t let him see.
I failed. I haven’t found Scarlett, yet I’m leaving.
I’m giving up.
You sure about that?
“I—things just aren’t going to work out.”
Cy doesn’t want me here. He didn’t come right and say the words, but what was left to say after I told him the truth?
The burn of tears stings my eyes, but I blink to clear the sensation. I can’t let any more tears fall. Not while I’m here.
Eighty years old, he might be, but he sees everything. Just like his grandson.
“Do I need to take that grandson of mine over my knee? What did he do?”
My smile is shaky around the edges, but I have to try. “He didn’t do anything, Cliff. This has me written all over it.”
Because it’s true.
I lied. They may have been lies by omission, but that doesn’t matter.
When I told Cy about our meeting eleven years ago, he was willing to move past the omission. But that was when he thought I was here to fall in love.
That mission, at least, I accomplished.
I fell for him.
Not that he believed me when I finally got around to telling him that.
If the positions were reversed, would you believe him?
I close my eyes and blow out a breath.
“Did he take you to Sunset Canyon?” Cliff asks.
“The waterfall?” I ask.
He nods.
“He did.”
“Did he tell you that was where I fell in love with his grandmother?”
A sob threatens to break loose in my chest, but I cough to hide it.
“He didn’t get around to that.”
Probably a good thing.
If so, I might have broken down in front of him a second time.
After that first round of tears, when I confessed about having met him before, I swore to myself I wouldn’t cry again.
So I’d held the tears in until I was alone in the back seat of the car on my way back to the ranch.
When they came, they weren’t loud and quick.
They were worse—they were the silent kind that threatened to drown me by the time the car pulled up to the house.
“Did he tell you how he feels?”
Poor Cliff. He looks so confused, a deep line carved between his brows as he searches my face for answers.
Sniffling, I give him a hug. He returns it with a squeeze that takes my breath away.
“Goodbye, Cliff.”
“You don’t have to leave,” he whispers in my ear.
“I do.” Because staying so Cy can send me home at the next compass ceremony?
That would be worse than saying goodbye now.
I peck Cliff’s wrinkled cheek, then pull back and shoot him a wink.
“If you’re ever in LA, look me up, okay?”
There are no jovial twitches of his mustache and the mischievous light that typically illuminates his dark eyes has dimmed.
According to Alicia, Mara is with Cy, talking about next steps. There’s no sign of Cy—not that I expected there would be.
But a small part of me hoped.
I leave that part behind when the black SUV rolls down the red clay driveway and under the metal sign. It stays there even as the driver pulls onto the highway, heading for Austin International Airport.
When the ranch is no longer visible, I pull out my cell and send a text to Sawyer. I may have failed to find Scarlett, but that doesn’t mean my team can’t do it.
I need Cole to take over.
He responds immediately and doesn’t ask any questions.
SAWYER
I’ll get on the phone.
I exhale in relief. Cole will protect Cy. I can’t do it anymore.
The heartbreak traveling home with me is multilayered and so complex. Not only because of Cy, but because this failure means that my dream of a cyber arm for SAFE Haven, my atonement to Katie, is now farther away than ever. That realization makes the tears flow harder. Until there are no more left.
By the time the plane lands, a blessed numbness has taken over.
Can heartbreak cause shock?
I’ll have to ask Dr. Google later. I’m too tired by the time I get my luggage to do anything but pull out my phone to order a ride.
“Need a lift?” a familiar voice asks from behind me.
I spin around, holding my breath. Did I imagine it? Fuck, I hope not.
Standing a few feet away, looking as imposing as ever, is Sawyer. Dressed in black pants and a black shirt, all he needs is the aviators to fit the stereotype of a bodyguard. He’s the last person I expected to see, but probably the only one I’d want.
I throw myself at him and fold into his hug.
Fuck, I needed this. He holds me like that for a long moment while I grip his shirt, fighting the urge to cry yet again.
Stop being such a baby.
Sniffling, I pull back and look up at him.
“How did you…?”
He tilts to one side and snags my biggest suitcase, then nods toward the nearest exit.
“I recognized the fatalistic tone of your last text,” he says as I fall into step with him. “Had a hunch. Set my phone up to notify me if yours left the ranch.”
Wow. Sawyer is many things. Tech savvy is not one of them.
“When did you learn how to do that?” I ask.
“I may or may not have asked Evie,” he admits, a small smile curving his lips.
I laugh—actually laugh—the sound surprising me. It seems impossible that I can make that kind of noise when I’m so broken on the inside.
We’re silent as we make our way to the parking garage, the crowds and traffic overwhelming after spending the last few weeks surrounded by the same people in the quiet of Big Bear and Texas.
“Cole is on his way to Texas from Seattle. I talked to James an hour ago. Told him we were making the switch due to personal reasons. Cole is going undercover as a cameraman for the remainder of the show.”
Cy will be safe with Cole there to protect him.
SAFE Haven hasn’t failed the studio. Even if I did.
Relief floods my body, the sensation making me stumble. Sawyer stops and steadies me with a strong hand on my upper arm.
“You okay?”
I’d love to blame exhaustion or my ankle, but I’m tired of lying.
“Thank you, Sawyer.”
He doesn’t ask why I’m thanking him and I don’t explain.
He just nods. “It’s what we do, Syd.”
He insists I climb into the passenger seat of his Jeep while he shoves my two suitcases in the back.
As he drives away from the airport, I make him a promise.
“I’m going to find her.”
“I have zero doubt about that.” He leaves it at that, no digging, no lectures.
Neither of us speaks until he pulls into the unloading zone in front of my apartment building. “Just drop me off here. I can get all of this upstairs.”
Otherwise he’ll have to pull into the parking garage under the building, and if he does that, he won’t leave me to take my bags up myself. And more than anything, I need to be alone. I’m hanging on by a thread here.
“You sure?” He assesses me as he pulls into the open spot.
I nod, thankful I tossed on my sunglasses when we left LAX’s parking garage.
He doesn’t press.
He never does.
Instead he gets out of the Jeep, unloads my suitcases, and sets them on the curb at my feet.
“I’m here if you need me,” he says, pulling me in for another hug.
Fuck.
I sink my teeth into my bottom lip to keep it from trembling.
Tears blur my vision behind the glasses, but I won’t let them fall. Not yet.
“I expect periodic text messages at the very least, Sydney. Otherwise I will be back.”
Another nod.
I don’t trust myself to not break down if I speak.
My apartment building hasn’t changed in the month I’ve been gone. A member of the security team still sits at the desk by the front door, hopping up to open it for me, like he always does.
Yet everything about me has changed.
“Thank you.” I whisper the words and keep moving.
Straight to the elevator.
Push the button for my floor.
The apartment is dark. Quiet. But it doesn’t smell like it’s been closed up for a month.
Jessie?
Checking the fridge, I find the proof that she’s been here. The shelves have been stocked with junk food and energy drinks, and she left a note. Though the note shows that she didn’t expect me for a few more days.
“Welcome home. None of this expires anytime soon. Hope you had fun. Missed you.” My voice warbles over the last word. With a long breath out, I close the door and slide down the cupboard across from the fridge.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll find Scarlett.
Tonight I’m going to allow myself to cry.