Chapter 12
TWELVE
SIX DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS
I love Katy, I do, but oh my God, she can talk.
It’s been almost ten minutes since I left Clara with Gabriel, and I feel awful. I don’t want her to think I ditched her, but I haven’t found the right moment to extricate myself from the conversation without being ruder than I’d like to be tonight.
When I turned around and saw her before we left our apartment, I thought I was going to faint. I have always known she is beautiful, have craved her since the moment I laid eyes on her, but this time was different.
I’m trying to tell myself it’s not the fact that I’ve skipped my suppressants for the past two days. I don’t want to get my hopes up that she could be mine. But just being near her has my cock hardening and dripping slick in a way it never has before.
If anyone asked, I wouldn’t be able to explain why I stopped taking my suppressants after my conversation with Sylvia at the coffee shop. My hopeful Omega heart told me she said that because she knows something about Clara that I don’t, but that couldn’t be it.
Maybe she’s just missing her Omega this holiday season, and so she’s urging me to find someone before it’s too late.
Coming off of suppressants is a challenging experience, to say the least. I’m tired, achy, and long to be in my nest rather than talking to Katy about some perceived slight from Mitchell.
I’m seconds away from blowing her off, finally having had enough of listening to the ramblings of an Omega who is so obviously obsessed with an Alpha that it’s manifesting as anger.
Before I get the chance, I feel a hand weave into mine, and I don’t have to look to know it’s Clara. My soul recognizes hers.
“Hey,” she murmurs. She’s trembling, and I pull her closer to my side. “You’ve been gone a while.”
“Oh, I’m sorry!” Katy says, finally noticing that she’s been monopolizing my time. “I’m Katy.”
“Clara.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you!” I narrow my eyes at my coworker, wishing we could communicate telepathically so I could tell her to shut up before she reveals to Clara just how much I talk about her. Before she can say anything else, Clara tugs on my arm.
“I know we just got here, but I’m not feeling so good. Would you mind if we got out of here?”
I turn my back to Katy and pull Clara closer. “Are you okay?”
She nods, resting her head on my shoulder. “Yeah, just a little overwhelmed.”
My telltale heart thumps so hard it threatens to reveal my true feelings to the Beta in my arms. “How about we go home, put on our pajamas, and watch a movie? Maybe…” My words catch in my throat.
I’ve never offered this to anyone before, but it feels right.
Something about the way she feels in my arms, how my body aches for her, tells me this is what I’m supposed to do.
“Maybe we could watch it in my nest?”
Her body tenses in my arms, and I worry I overstepped. The fear of rejection floods my body, and I hold my breath.
“That sounds like just what I need,” she whispers, and I try not to exhale my relief too loudly.
I say a quick goodbye to Katy and usher Clara to the door. As we’re heading out, Gabriel comes around a corner, looking harried and confused. I’ve never seen him so rattled. “Wait,” he says, moving in front of us. “You’re leaving? You can’t leave yet.”
Of course, I wish I could have talked to Gabriel more. I would have loved to see if he and Clara got along, so my stupid little heart could run away with fantasies about the three of us. But Clara’s comfort is my priority over an unrequited crush.
“Clara isn’t feeling well,” I tell him, squeezing her hand reassuringly as she moves closer to my side. “It was good seeing you, Gabriel. I’m off next week, so I’ll see you after the holidays, yeah?”
“Just stay here, okay? Just for a moment,” he says, running away without waiting for an answer. A few moments later, he’s back, holding a red and green plaid bag. “It’s your Christmas present.”
My heart squeezes. I can’t read into this. I won’t read into this. He’s my boss, and he’s giving me a Christmas present. That is a totally normal thing to do. It’s not because he’s harboring feelings like I am for him.
It’s a Christmas present. A run-of-the-mill Christmas present. I bet he got one for everyone—nothing to get excited about.
But, fuck, I am excited, and my hindbrain is spinning with hope and possibilities.
“Thank you,” I tell him, taking the bag. “Merry Christmas, Gabriel.”
I’m nervous.
So fucking nervous.
I’ve never had someone in my nest before.
When I went off suppressants a few years ago, while Clara was doing an internship in Chicago, I went into heat a few times, but I never brought someone back to my nest. I went to a heat helping clinic. I couldn’t stand the idea of someone I didn’t love in my nest.
Which is why I have no problem with Clara joining me in it today.
I’m just worried she won’t like it. What if she thinks it’s ugly or uncomfortable? What if she thinks it’s disorganized?
I don’t have an Alpha to help me build my nest. What if it’s not good enough for her? Dammit, she’s going to hate my nest, and she’ll reject me before I even get the chance to tell her how I feel, all because I am shit at building a nest.
She emerges from her room in an oversized shirt and a tiny pair of bike shorts, her hair down and her face free of the makeup she had been wearing.
My anxiety spiral stops as I lose all rational thought and stare at her.
I thought she was the most beautiful I’d ever seen her when she was dressed up earlier this evening, but it has nothing on the way she looks now.
“Are you ready?” I ask her, afraid she’s going to change her mind and say she’d rather watch a movie on the couch tonight.
“Yeah, I am. Are you sure you’re okay with me coming into your nest?”
Is that anxiety I hear in her voice? Why is she nervous? I know Omegas are protective of their nests, and that inviting her in carries a specific connotation, but I doubt everyone is aware of the nuances of designations like that. Is she? Is she judging me for inviting her in?
Does she know that this is my way of telling her how much I want her?
How nice it would be if she did, and I didn’t have to tell her how I feel. Everything could be so easy if she realized what this means to me.
I take her hand before I can second-guess myself and pull her into my bedroom.
Our apartment isn’t huge by any means, but it has a dedicated nesting area.
That was the one thing I wouldn’t budge on, but there aren’t many rentals in Copper Hill, so I had to give in on other stuff, like a walk-in closet.
Sliding open the pocket door next to my bed, I take a deep breath and step in, pulling her behind me. I try to see my nest through her eyes. Big lights are a crime against nature, so warm amber Edison bulbs string across the low ceiling, and the entire floor of the small room is a mattress.
The room itself is almost double the size of a walk-in closet, roughly the size of a king bed and a twin bed combined. I covered the mattress with stormy grey Egyptian cotton sheets, then arranged navy blue and olive green blankets, made from various materials, carefully around the room.
I don’t have a ton of extras. Honestly, it’s hard to shop for a nest without an Alpha.
Omegas are hard-wired to seek an Alpha’s approval, and our nests are almost as important to them as they are to us.
Typically, it’s not an issue until you’ve met your scent match or bonded, but every time I’ve tried shopping for it over the past few years, I’ve struggled.
My nest is cozy, and I spend as much time in here as I can. I love the color scheme. The way it all melds together. Well, except for my pillow.
My pillow is bright yellow, and only bright yellow because -
“Is that my shirt?” Clara asks, peering over my shoulder. “I was wondering where that ended up!”
Oh shit.
What do I say? How do I explain away the fact that I stole the shirt out of her dirty laundry basket in a moment of Omega insanity and have cuddled it every night since?
How do I tell her that I need to feel close to her, or I can’t sleep?
“Yeah, sorry, I … I saw it and wanted it. Is that okay?” I can’t look at her. She’s going to think I’m a freak. Betas don’t always understand the urges that Omegas go through, and I’ve hidden a lot of mine from Clara over the years.
The media romanticizes being an Omega, but there are parts of it that aren’t as fun.
Feeling like I’m ceding control to another entity in my body is the worst of it.
While on suppressants, my Omega hindbrain is quieter, but it’s always there, and sometimes it demands I steal clothing from the Beta we’re in love with.
Yeah, I’m going to blame it on my Omega nature and not the fact that part of me is convinced she’s ours.
She squeezes my hand and moves around me, pulling me into the nest from where I stood frozen in the doorway.
“Yeah, Felix, that’s okay.”