Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
SIX DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS
Be cool, Clara. Be cool.
I can’t read into things. He could have taken my shirt for any number of reasons. Omegas are funny that way.
It doesn’t mean that he wants to be with me. I bet he needed something of that fabric in his nest. It’s a very soft shirt. It couldn’t possibly be because he feels for me the way I do for him.
It’s probably a familial love. That’s got to be it. His Omega sees me like his sister, like pack.
I can tell myself not to read into it as much as I want, but my stupid little heart is trying to run away with the possibility of what this could mean, and my need for him is so acute it makes my chest ache.
We stand there in silence for a moment before he sinks into the plush, oversized mattress. I follow him awkwardly, sitting beside him, with my knees pulled to my chest, dying to close the distance between us but determined not to.
I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.
Felix snatches the pillow with my shirt on it and hugs it close. If I weren’t a Beta, I suspect that I’d be purring in satisfaction seeing him like this.
“What do you want to watch?” he asks after a moment. “I have one of those cheesy Christmas movies on my watchlist.”
I love those movies. Knowing how it’s going to work out, no matter how stupid the characters are being, is comforting. Sometimes, you want to sit down with the entertainment equivalent of a cup of hot cocoa and shut your brain off.
Felix props the tablet up with a couple of pillows and then snuggles deeper into the nest. I can’t take my eyes off him. It’s so hard to see him like this, here in his element, knowing that one day, this won’t be possible for us anymore. He’ll meet an Alpha who won’t want me around.
Unless it’s Gabriel.
I haven’t given myself the time to process what happened tonight. I have a scent match, and it’s the Alpha that the man I am in love with has been pining over. For a moment, I let myself imagine what it would be like to be with both of them.
Maybe the draw they have to one another is because they are scent matches as well, and their hindbrains have noticed and are trying to pull them together.
And if they’re scent matches, then wouldn’t that mean Felix is mine, too? Isn’t that what Sylvia said?
I look over at my roommate, my best friend, and catalog the way his light brown curls fall in his eyes. The slope of his nose. The purse of his light pink lips.
I want to be with him all the time. The love I felt for him was tolerable when we were apart, but since I moved in with him, things have changed. Every moment in his presence is a gift that I will have to return one day, and that leaves me with a hurt I’ll never shake.
I need to enjoy it while it lasts, but it’s so hard when every single piece of me is screaming that he’s mine.
He’s using my shirt as his pillowcase!
Am I delusional for thinking that means he feels the way I do?
A soft whine has my eyes snapping to Felix, who is staring at me, not the movie. He opens and closes his mouth several times before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.
“Could you hold me?” His voice is soft, vulnerable. “It … It doesn’t have to mean anything. I just need to be held.”
My poor sweet boy. Omegas are tactile, needing loads of affection and attention, and he’s single. When was the last time someone held Felix properly?
I scoot down and stretch out on the plush surface, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him toward me. Immediately, he curls his body into mine, chin on my shoulder, our legs tangling together.
“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” I repeat quietly.
“No, it doesn’t.” His voice is barely audible over the jingling of Christmas music from the movie.
I do my best to pay attention to the Beta who’s pining after his Alpha best friend, who moved to the picturesque small town to avoid the rat race of the big city. The Beta doesn’t realize how much the Alpha cares for him, and the Alpha is oblivious to the Beta’s affections.
They’re making Christmas cookies together for the community bake-off, and the Alpha has flour on his nose. The Beta looks seconds away from kissing it off, but he can’t get up the nerve.
Another soft whine escapes Felix, and I pull him tighter against me, stroking my hand down his head. His weight on my chest is incredible, something I will remember for as long as I live.
I realize this could be the only time I hold him, and I fantasize, for a split second, about this happening every night.
That this could be my forever.
Felix nuzzles his face into my neck, his nose drawing up the column of my throat. A soft purr rolls from him, and my eyes fill with tears.
His warm breath feathers over my face, and I can feel his heart beating out of his chest.
“Clara,” Felix whispers, lips only a hairsbreadth from my ear. “Can I kiss you? It doesn’t have to mean anything. I need … Please?”
Six words.
Those six words will ruin me.
It doesn’t have to mean anything.
It doesn’t have to mean anything.
Please let it mean something.
I’d do anything if it could mean to him what it does to me.
“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” I repeat, brushing my lips across his. “I’ll give you whatever you need, Felix.”
He whimpers before latching his lips onto mine, soft and questioning, before the pressure increases and he’s rolling on top of me.
Nothing has ever meant more than this.
I grip his hair, my lips moving with his in perfect synchronicity, gasping as I feel him hardening on top of me. He slips his tongue between my parted lips, and it dances with mine. Every stroke, every lick, has me falling deeper and deeper in love with him.
Felix props himself up over me, caging my head in with his arms as he breaks our kiss. I can feel his heat and hardness through my shorts as he presses his hips against mine. He stares at me, dark blue eyes wide and trusting, a flush painting his neck pink as his chest heaves with labored breaths.
“It doesn’t have to mean anything.” He says it like a prayer, trailing a hand down my sternum to my stomach. He brushes his fingers across my hips, a soft whine escaping him as his hips buck a little. “Can we…?”
“Yes, God, yes,” I say, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down for another kiss.
He moans into my mouth as I roll us over, resting myself over his hips.
I grind myself against his length. As we move together, he moans into my mouth, grabbing my hips and digging his fingers into my flesh.
I pull away with a gasp and grab the hem of his shirt, scrambling to get it over his head and revealing his slim, hairless chest to me. His pajama pants are thin, and I can see the slick that’s soaking through them. The need to taste him is so strong that I can’t hold myself back.
I pull my shirt off, leaving my chest bare, and throw it into the corner of his nest, intending to leave it behind when this is over. I crawl down his body, hooking my hands under his waistband and pulling the pants and his thin briefs down as I go.
His cock looks excruciatingly hard, the entire surface of it glistening with the slick that is dripping from him.
I grip his base and flick my tongue against his tip, the salty-sweet flavor of him imprinting itself on my memory.
Unable to take it slow, I suck his head into my mouth and swirl my tongue around him.
My Omega whines, hips thrusting, as I take him into my throat. I’ve never been with an Omega before, and his cock is softer, almost plush, despite how rigid it is. It’s meant to be gripped by a lock, and the three raised bands down his shaft to allow him to slot into a female Alpha like a key.
All I can think about is how amazing those ridges would feel inside of me, and my cunt clenches around nothing.
Felix grabs me by the hair, pulling me up so we make eye contact.
“More,” he pants as I stroke his cock.
I don’t need him to say what he needs more of.
As I slide my mouth down his length, I trail my fingers down the seam of his sac, stroking the soft flesh underneath.
He’s hot and slick, and when I stroke his hole, the whining moan he rewards me with threatens to go to my head.
I ease a finger into him. It’s both surprising and not at all how readily he accepts me inside him, his body primed for an Alpha already.
“Another,” he begs. Who am I to deny my Omega what he needs? I slip a second finger into him as I suck on his tip, and he floods my mouth, gripping my fingers as his cock kicks.
I stroke inside him, searching for that vestibule made to take a knot, when he tugs my hair again. I sit up, admiring the splotchy red pattern on his chest and how utterly wrecked he looks, with his hair a mess and pupils blown out.
He doesn’t have to ask me for what he needs because I can see it plainly on his face. I scramble out of my shorts, my wetness having soaked my panties, and crawl back up his body.
I capture his mouth in another passionate kiss, his slick coating my stomach as he rubs against me. When I pull away, as out of breath as he is, I grab his chin and force him to look me in the eye.
“Are you sure?” I ask, knowing I could stop if he needed me to, but begging he won’t ask that of me. “It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
He squeezes his eyes shut, tilting his head back and chewing on his lip. His chest heaves before he lets out a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
I reach between us and grab his cock, giving it a few strokes before I line it up with my entrance and sink onto him.
The ridges on his cock massage my insides, bumping against that spot in me that makes me pant, and I lose all rational thought. All I can think about is how good he feels inside me, how right this feels, as I grind my hips into his.
The sound that leaves Felix’s mouth is downright obscene, enough to make my toes curl all on its own.
What is it about a vocal man that is so fucking hot?
He reaches between us, fingers fumbling for my clit as I bounce on his cock.
I guide his hand to the perfect spot, shuddering as sparks run through my body as he rubs in gentle circles.
He grips my hips with his other hand, thrusting into me from below, a stream of unintelligible words and whines spilling from his mouth as we move together.
Felix caresses my clit, and my orgasm barrels through me, taking me by surprise.
I feel my cunt pulsing around him, and he shouts, throwing his head back as he pumps me full of cum.
It’s so much that I can feel it dripping out of me as I come down from my high and lower myself to the nest, rolling onto my side and pulling him against my chest.
We tangle together, breathing hard, nuzzling into each other as our heart rates reduce. After only a few moments, I can feel Felix’s body slackening as he falls to sleep in my arms.
It didn’t have to mean anything.
But it did.
It meant everything.