Chapter Twenty-Five
Jamie
Despite the fact that I’d only spoken to Oliver a couple of times, he turned out to be both a lot of fun and very easy to talk to.
After he’d helped me prep all the bottles, I’d taken him into the lambing barn, and we’d started the afternoon rounds.
We currently had eight occupied pens, three with orphaned lambs who we hadn’t been able to get another ewe to adopt, so they needed hand-rearing, and the rest with ewes who’d all needed to come in to give birth.
Luckily, with some careful help and close supervision, they’d all gone on to have healthy lambs, and several of them were on the verge of being ready to return to their flocks.
We started with the triplets since they were the most demanding, and I showed Oliver how to feed one of them while I sorted the other two.
“That’s it,” I said, watching Oliver carefully. “Just tilt it up slightly. There you go.”
“They’re so cute,” he said. “How often do they need feeding?”
“It depends on how old they are. When they’re first born it’s every four hours because the first twenty-four hours are crucial.
Then it’s four times a day for the first seven days, and after that, we start slowly taking it down to three times, then eventually two before they’re weaned.
But the bigger they get, the more they need, so it takes longer. ”
“Wow. So will they stay here until they’re weaned?”
“Probably not,” I said. “As cute as they are, they’re not here to be pets, so as soon as we can, we’ll get them out into a flock. We can take bottles out to feed them, and it’ll be more fun for them to be with other lambs. But Will wants it to warm up a little more first.”
“That makes sense.” Oliver nodded, looking down at the lambs with a smile. “They’re still cute, though.”
“They are. Cute but troublesome.” I was very fond of the triplets, but fuck me, raising them by hand had not been easy. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for how exhausting and emotionally draining the experience would be.
If my first few weeks in Heather Bay had been a departure from my normal life, then the last few had been a universe apart from what I’d been used to.
But I wouldn’t change a moment of it. It felt like I’d finally found a place where I belonged, where more was expected of me than just looking pretty and keeping out of the way.
I just didn’t know how to take the next step and make it permanent.
I knew I wanted to. Heather Bay felt like it had been waiting for me all my life, and I’d never felt more at peace before, even if I was physically and emotionally exhausted. It wasn’t just the place, though, it was the people. Or more specifically, one person. Will.
Being with Will was like nothing else I’d ever experienced. The closest thing I could compare it to was that feeling I’d only ever heard described in films—a sense of belonging, of coming home.
Will made me feel wanted, welcome, and safe.
Like there was a place in his heart that had been there for me all along.
I certainly felt that way about mine. It was like there was a Will shaped piece of my soul that had been missing, and I hadn’t even known it.
Over the years, I’d tried to fill it with other things, but nothing had fit.
Then I’d met Will, and with one touch, he’d healed the empty space inside me.
I didn’t know how I’d managed without him, and I didn’t want to consider the possibility of continuing without him either.
I just had no idea how to tell him.
We’d been so exhausted for the past few weeks that everything outside of lambing had been put on the back burner to be dealt with later. I’d barely even thought of it until two days ago when Daisy had sent me a text asking for proof of life and when the hell I was coming back to London.
I’d sent her a photo of me and the triplets but avoided answering her question.
Mostly because I still didn’t know what to say.
I watched Oliver feeding his lamb, giving my two a quick look over as they greedily chugged their bottles.
We’d started introducing a little bit of creep feed and roughage into their diet as well, but they still kicked up a stink when they thought it was time for their milk.
I didn’t know how they knew, but you could set a clock by their internal timers.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked, a random thought sliding into my mind as I looked at Oliver. It was something Will had said ages ago, but it might be the solution I was looking for.
“Sure,” Oliver said.
“You moved here from London, right? To be with Lane?”
“Yeah, I did.” He smiled fondly like he was remembering something.
“I actually grew up here with Lane, Noah, and Alex, but I left when I was eighteen to go to university. Lane and I were dating then, but we broke up when I left, and it hurt so much I didn’t want to come back.
After uni, I got a job in London, so that kind of gave me an out.
Then my nan died at the start of last year and left me her house. ”
I nodded slowly, wondering where he was going with this. “So you moved back for the house? What made you leave London?”
“Sort of. I came back here to get it fixed up since it was a bit dated and needed sorting before I put it on the market. I was originally intending to sell it and go back to London. Then my mum, who I’m still convinced engineered the whole bloody thing, hired Lane’s family to do the work, and Lane was the project manager.
” He chuckled and shook his head. “It definitely wasn’t one of those love-at-first-sight reunions.
More like ‘oh shit, what the fuck’s he doing here?
’ and then thinking that he’d grown up really fucking hot. ”
I snorted. “Lust at first sight, then?”
“Pretty much. And then there was some shit with the kitchen, and I ended up going to stay with him… and eventually, I realised I didn’t want to sell the house or go back to London.
Don’t get me wrong, I liked London, but it was so expensive, and I never really had a lot of friends there.
Heather Bay felt more like home, and my feelings for Lane just made me realise how much I wanted to stay.
It wasn’t an easy decision, though, at least not at first. I was worried about my job and whether I was giving up everything I’d worked for to chase a relationship, but I knew I didn’t want to lose Lane, so I had to make the leap. ”
Oliver looked at me with consideration, and I glanced away, realising the bottles were nearly empty.
“Are you thinking about moving here?” Oliver asked, his voice gently prompting.
It didn’t feel like he was fishing for gossip but more like he was enquiring because he was interested. It was a strange feeling.
“Maybe,” I said, tilting the bottles up so the lambs could get every last drop. “I think I want to, but…”
“It’s complicated?”
“Yes, but it doesn’t feel like it should be, so I don’t know why I’m so confused.
” I stood up and walked over to check Oliver’s bottle, the two lambs at my feet following me like shadows.
It felt easier to talk while I was busy, so I continued.
“For a long time, it felt like something was missing in my life. I couldn’t figure out what it was, so I just buried it and kept going because it was easier to fuck around and party than to actually do any kind of fucking introspection.
But then… I don’t know, it just got too hard to ignore.
Everything felt so fucking tedious, you know?
Like I was just going through the motions. ”
I beckoned Oliver to follow me, and we quickly exited the triplets’ pen, ducking out before the three hooligans could follow me and demand more food.
I showed him into the next pen, where we had another four orphans.
None of them were related, but they were kept together for warmth and company, and they’d all bonded nicely.
“I get that,” Oliver said. “Sometimes you just get stuck, and it’s hard to know where else to go or what to do, so you just stay where you are.”
“Exactly,” I said, handing him another bottle and showing how to feed one of the lambs.
I took out another and began to feed a second hungry mouth.
“But in my case, I’ve literally done nothing else with my life, so I had less than zero clue what to do.
I did the absolutely logical thing and ran away. ”
Oliver laughed. “To Yorkshire?”
“I hoped it would dissuade my friends from coming too and turning it into some sort of find yourself wellness retreat where you drink kale smoothies and meditate, then claim inner peace after three days and go out on the lash in the nearest nightclub.”
“Yeah, Heather Bay doesn’t exactly scream bougie escape from it all,” Oliver said with a grin. “It’s not exactly crunchy wellness territory. I don’t think Gwyneth Paltrow is going to be turning up here any time soon.”
“Probably not, although it sounds like this period drama has plenty of star talent attached.” I’d seen Henry Lu in a couple of London clubs before, always surrounded by people.
I’d never managed to get close to him, but I had bagged a few A-listers over the years.
Most of them were never as good in bed as they seemed to think.
“It does. I think they want to make a splash.” He tilted the bottle he was holding and looked at me in a way that seemed to suggest he knew we were getting off topic. “So you ran away to Yorkshire, had a one-night stand with a hot farmer, and now you want to stay?”
“Pretty much,” I said. “There’s something about Will, about here, that just…
It changed how I feel about everything, and now I have no fucking clue what to do.
I don’t think I want to go back to London, but what if I tell Will that and he freaks out and thinks I’m being this weird, clingy guy who won’t leave him alone?
From the outside, it does sound a bit creepy, the whole track down a one-night stand, end up seeing him more, move onto his farm, learn his job, then never leave.
Fuck, I sound like some sort of serial killer.
The next thing you know the Daily Mail will be printing salacious stories about me murdering Will and burying him in Dylan’s perfectly manicured muck heap. ”
Oliver snorted. “Seriously?”
“What?”
“Can I be completely honest with you? And not in a going-to-be-an-asshole way but as friends. And I know we’ve literally only hung out a couple of times, but that’s the way it works around here. You’re one of us now.”
“That doesn’t sound cultish, honest,” I said with a grin, and Oliver rolled his eyes.
“You’re the one who talked about being a stalker slash serial killer. Also, if you’re going to be friends with us, you should know our conversations always come back to either sex or murder. I don’t know how, they just do.”
“I can live with that.” In fact, I thought I rather liked it.
Even though I’d only met Will’s friends a couple of times since trips to the pub had been limited due to the start of lambing, I already knew I liked them.
They were the sort of people it would be easy to fall in love with, the ones you’d always want at your side, no matter what happened.
It was also clear they’d be the ones calling you out on your bullshit and interfering in your life because they couldn’t help but get involved. It seemed to come from a place of love, though, and that made me happy. I had very few friends like that.
It comforted me to know that if things went sideways, Will had a strong network of people around him who’d help pick up the pieces.
“Good,” Oliver said. “Now back to Will. You already know you need to talk to him, you admitted that, but if the only thing that’s stopping you is that you’re worried you’ve fallen for a man who doesn’t want you back, then that’s a pretty shit reason to avoid him.
You can bury your head in the sand for as long as you want, but we both know it’s not going to make things easier.
It’s probably just going to make them worse because the longer you drag it out, the more time you and Will have to sit and think about it.
Plus, the longer you leave it, you’ll both start wondering why the other hasn’t brought it up, and then you get resentment and anger and all that other shit. ”
I sighed. Oliver had a point, and I hated it.
“You know I’m right,” Oliver continued.
“I know, and I hate it.”
Oliver laughed. “Good, it means we’re getting somewhere.
Seriously, though, I know how hard it is to think about upending your entire life for a relationship.
But given what you’ve told me about your life in London, I don’t think you’d be considering it unless Will meant something to you.
And just because you’re thinking of moving here doesn’t mean you have to move in with him or give up your place in London.
I get the feeling you can afford to rent somewhere here for a few months and see how things go.
If they work out, then perfect, if they don’t, then no harm done.
Well, you might be heartbroken, but you’ll have learnt something about yourself.
And I kinda get the feeling you haven’t done a lot of that until recently. ”
“This year has been hideously educational,” I said dryly. “But it does mean I can finally do things most people can do by the age of twenty-one like make scrambled eggs and go shopping.”
“Trust me, I’ve met plenty of adults who can’t do either of those things. One of my old flatmates was still shit at cooking, and he was, like, twenty-eight, so you’re good.”
“Don’t tell Will. He’s still on a mission to get me to learn how to clean the bathroom. I’m still holding out hope he’ll let me off if I volunteer to do other things instead.”
“I’ve not tried swapping housework for sexual favours before,” Oliver said with another laugh.
“If you can make it work, you’ll be more successful than me.
Apparently, if I’ve dealt with afterbirth and lambs covered in shit and bodily fluids, which I have now because lambing season, then I should be able to clean a toilet.
If I move in with him, I’m going to offer to pay for a cleaner just so I don’t have to do it. ”
“I guess you’ll have to talk to him, then,” Oliver said. “It’s either that or keep coming up with excuses not to clean the toilet.”