Chapter Fourteen
Henry
The worry I’d felt for Alex on Wednesday evening was still nagging in my stomach three days later.
I hadn’t expected Alex to open up to me in the way he had, and the whole experience had been bittersweet.
Alex was obviously going through something emotional at the moment, and I hated seeing him suffer.
His previous breakup had affected him to such an extent that even being in a fake relationship made him look like he was about to vomit and pass out, and all I’d wanted to do was pull him into a hug and hold him there.
But I’d known if I did that, he’d probably start running.
He was more like me than he knew.
It had surprised me when I’d told him about Emma because she was the secret I kept pressed close to my chest. But when Alex had bared a sliver of his soul, I’d wanted to do the same so he’d know I understood.
We were just two emotionally scarred and stunted men running away from any kind of deep or romantic connection out of a fear of rejection.
He’d taken one path and I’d taken another, but we’d ultimately ended up at the same destination—alone, scared, and unwilling to let go of the past.
It was said that those who forgot history were doomed to repeat it, but it seemed like Alex and I were so keen to keep history close to the surface we were being suffocated by it, never able to learn from it or move on.
I wanted to, and I’d tried more than a dozen times in the past few years, but I’d never managed it.
I always ran away when I got to a certain point, so afraid of being rejected that I pushed away anyone who got too close just in case they hurt me.
I could count on one hand the number of people I was close to, apart from my brother, and none of them had ever wanted a romantic relationship, so they’d somehow circumnavigated the system.
Apparently, friendship was a loophole in my brain.
That seemed to be where Alex was starting to exist but in a way that made my stomach bubble and my chest tug when I thought about it.
Like he was a friend but with a little star next to his name that had nothing to do with his status as my “boyfriend.” It frustrated me and I almost wished I’d told Jason what was going on so I’d have someone to talk to, but even he didn’t know about Emma, so I doubted it would’ve helped.
Jason seemed to think I skipped through life like it was a field of flowers, and I wanted it to stay that way.
“Are you ready, Henry?” asked Nick, our director for today, as he waved at me from the other side of the house’s ornamental rose garden. “You’re on in ten. We’re just finishing the setup.”
“I’m ready,” I said, shaking my head and pushing all my thoughts about Alex to the side. I glanced down at the pages I’d been holding and realised I hadn’t read a word of the adjustments the writers had made. Luckily, it didn’t seem to be more than the odd word.
Standing from my seat on the padded lawn chair under a large sun umbrella that someone had erected on a bit of patio, I grabbed my costume coat and hastily threw it on and buttoned it.
I’d gotten rather good at doing up my buttons at speed, and I barely even needed to look at them now.
I stood by my conviction that I looked hot as fuck in period dress.
Kane was already on set in a loose white shirt that had been artfully daubed with paint, with a box of paints and brushes slung over his shoulder and an easel folded up nearby for him to carry.
Our characters would stumble across each other in the garden and end up having a long conversation while walking around the rose beds.
It was a scene from earlier in the series and one that we’d hopefully pack full of sexual tension.
I had suggested that we find some way to make Kane’s shirt wet in a homage to Mr. Darcy and my favourite TV moment of all time, but so far nobody had agreed.
I wasn’t going to give up, though. If I had to push Kane into a fountain myself, I would, or maybe even the sea the next time we shot down on the beach.
Actually, that would work rather nicely. We could both end up getting wet and make it look playful and teasing. I made a mental note to talk to Jenny about it.
“You’re looking very dashing this morning, Mr. Pendleberry,” I said as I walked over to Kane and Nick, who were discussing the last of the details for the scene.
Kane grinned at me. “Why thank you, Mr. Lu, so are you.”
“I know, I look hot as fuck in period dress. I need to ask if I can keep one of these.”
“Probably not, they’ll want them back in case we do season two.”
I sighed. “I suppose. I’ll have to find someone to make me one…” I hummed then clicked my fingers because I already knew someone who’d be delighted: Edward. “Scratch that, I know someone. Now I just have to find time in his schedule.”
“You can do that later,” Nick said before glancing up at the sky where it was just starting to cloud over. “We need to get wrapped up out here before it rains.”
“It’s not going to rain,” I said. It was a bit grey but not that drastic.
“You’ve jinxed it now,” Kane said. “You watch, it’ll piss it down in ten minutes.”
“At least I’ll get to see you in a wet shirt then.”
“If it does rain,” Nick said, “try to get through to the end of the shot. Then we’ll figure out what we want to do.”
“Got it.” I nodded and looked over the rose beds. “I’m starting from over there, right? And Kane’s coming in from the left?”
“Yes.” Nick turned. “Okay, everyone, places.”
I walked over to my spot and let myself sink into the moment. In this scene, my character, Charles, was already crushing hard on Kane’s artist, the titular Llewelyn, but he was unsure if the man reciprocated his feelings or how to proceed. It reminded me a little of the situation with Alex.
My emotions enveloped me and I welcomed them—the confusion, the doubt, the desire that bordered on desperation, and the need for connection.
Charles and I were one and the same, separated only by a thin line of reality.
Letting out a deep breath, I took my mark and waited.
We managed to get all the way to the end of the scene before the clouds opened and what started as a few drops quickly turned into a steady downpour.
Kane and I dashed into the house, helping to carry whatever we could but mostly being shooed inside by Alice, who said that Wardrobe would have my head if I got drenched, especially since I was meant to be wearing the same costume that afternoon.
Considering there were already drops of rain clinging to every inch of me, I thought it might be a bit late for that.
“Oh, Mr. Lu,” said one of the production assistants as he walked past me carrying an armful of sodden cushions. “You have a visitor.”
“A visitor?” I didn’t think anyone was allowed on set without permission and my confusion must have shown.
“I was going to ask him to leave, but Cas said it was okay because he was… er… he was important to you. Cas took him into the dining room—they’re just setting up for lunch.”
“Thanks,” I said absent-mindedly. There were only two or three people that I thought Cas would class as important to me. One of them was in New York filming her latest project, one was in London doing a stage show, and one…
I sped up and made a sharp left down another corridor, leaving a confused Kane behind me.
I heard the clatter of plates and the muttering of voices as I reached the dining room and saw the door propped open with its familiar dachshund doorstop.
I strode inside, my heart racing like I’d run six miles instead of walking down some corridors and a flight of stairs.
Alex was sat at one of the long tables with Cas, his hands wrapped around a black travel mug.
A pair of large sunglasses were perched on his head in his fluffy dirty-blond hair, and he was wearing one of the tight black T-shirts he always seemed to wear with his leather jacket thrown over the top. He glanced up at me and smiled softly.
My heart melted.
“Hey,” I said, my feet carrying me over to the table. “I didn’t know you were coming up today.”
“Yeah, well… you didn’t come in for coffee today,” he said, pointing at the new sage green travel mug on the table next to him. “I figured nobody should have to put up with your whiny, under-caffeinated arse.”
“And for that, we thank you,” Cas said as he shot me a dry smile and stood up. “I’ll leave you two to it. Although everyone’ll be down for lunch in about ten, so…”
“Oh… I don’t have to… I’m not…” Alex said as Cas walked towards the door.
“You don’t have to leave,” I said, pulling out the chair next to Alex and sitting down.
“The food isn’t the greatest thing ever, but they often do a reasonable lunch buffet and I’m sure nobody will mind, especially as it’s pissing it down.
And I’d love to be able to introduce you to everyone…
” I left the request hanging in the air, trying very hard not to give Alex my best puppy eyes because I was sure he’d just find that irritating.
I didn’t want him to feel manipulated into staying. I wanted him to stay because he wanted to.
“Sure,” Alex said. “I can stay.”
“Awesome! I promise not to let everyone ask you a million questions. We can just sit in the corner and see who joins us.”
Alex looked around and chuckled. “I don’t think there are any corners for us to hide in.” He grinned at me. “Besides, I don’t think you’re a hide-in-corners kind of guy.”
“I might be. Sometimes. When the mood calls for it.” I smirked at him and resisted the urge to wink.
Alex snorted. “I don’t think having lunch with your co-workers is that mood.”
I laughed and let myself take all of him in. There was a new lightness in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before and it sent a bolt of warmth running through me. “How’re you doing today?” I asked quietly. “I know the other day was… difficult.”