Chapter Twenty-Five
Alex
“Do you want to get an ice cream?” Henry asked from his position at the end of the counter where he was lurking with a suspiciously nervous air.
I glanced around Novel Tea, but the morning rush had passed and we had another hour or so until things started kicking off for lunch.
Normally, I wouldn’t want to leave but the way Henry kept glancing around worried me, and I trusted Stephen and Cleo to take care of everything while I was out.
Plus Mina and Spencer were in the kitchen if they desperately needed another pair of hands.
“Sure,” I said. “Just let me grab my sunglasses.” It was too hot and bright to go outside without them, so I stuck my head around the kitchen door to grab them off the shelf where I’d left them that morning, telling Spencer where I was going. “I won’t be long. Any problems, just yell.”
“We’ll be fine,” he said as he carefully decorated some ice cream cone-shaped cupcakes.
“But if you go to the place on the front, can you ask Wendy where they get their sprinkles? I can’t find any that are the same colour as theirs and it’s driving me mad.
I bet they’re from America or something.
They get proper bright ones over there because they’re allowed different food colourings. ”
“I’ll ask, but I’m not importing them if that’s the case. I draw the line at smuggled sprinkles.”
Spencer opened his mouth to say something—argue, probably—but I waved and walked out.
Henry was still by the counter, but he’d been cornered by a couple of fans and was taking a selfie with them.
I waited by the door watching him quietly.
Even when he was busy, he was always kind and polite to anyone who stopped him.
It reminded me how different Henry’s life was to anyone I knew, and the feeling gnawed at my stomach.
We’d managed to avoid talking about our future, but I knew we wouldn’t be able to put it off for much longer. Especially with them being over halfway through filming.
Maybe that was why Henry was here looking absolutely fucking terrified.
My heart sank and I ignored the rising tide of nausea. I didn’t want to have that conversation, but if Henry started it then I wouldn’t be able to avoid it.
“Sorry about that,” he said as he opened the door and ushered me through. “I never like to turn people down unless I have a good reason.”
“You’re fine,” I said, stepping out into the June sunshine. “I’m not in a rush. Have you got to get back?”
Henry shook his head. “Not for a couple of hours. We got the beach stuff all filmed, so this afternoon they’re doing some of the painting scenes with Kane. I’ve got more to do later, but I’m fine for a bit.”
I reached out and took his hand, squeezing it tightly.
We were a pretty common sight in town these days and most people just ignored us.
I loved how quickly our relationship had become banal to them.
Everyone else in the world could be obsessed with us, but nobody here cared. To them, we were just Henry and Alex.
Not that it would matter if we broke up.
Fuck, would we have to continue the fucking dating charade if we did?
Technically I’d signed a contract and I doubted there was anything in it covering what happened if we ended up in a real relationship.
We’d probably have to pretend until the date they’d specified we could break up, and that idea was like having a knife shoved into my ribs.
“Are you okay getting ice cream?” Henry asked. “I know it’s technically only eleven, but I’ve been up since four and I’m starving.”
“It’s fine. I can’t remember the last time I had one anyway.”
“Excellent,” he said, a worrying lack of enthusiasm in his voice. Fuck.
As we walked, we talked about the most banal shit, like we were both trying to prolong the inevitable as long as possible.
I didn’t know why we’d both suddenly decided we needed to have this conversation.
It was as if we’d both come to the realisation and now found ourselves at a point where it was fucking impossible to move forward without having it.
It didn’t take long to reach the tiny ice cream and coffee shack at the end of the front, right beside the steps to the beach.
It was brightly coloured like the beach huts down on the sand and so small that only two or three people at a time could fit inside.
Often in the summer it had a queue halfway down the pavement.
I ordered a double scoop of rum and raisin because if things were about to go to shit with Henry, I at least wanted to enjoy my ice cream.
Henry umm-ed and aww-ed for a minute in a way that was more endearing than I’d ever imagined.
Usually, people taking their time annoyed the fuck out of me, but today I didn’t care how long Henry took.
I just watched him, drinking in every detail in case I never saw him again.
Eventually he chose a scoop of strawberry and another of chocolate, and when Wendy offered him a chocolate wafer to go on the top, I thought Henry might burst from excitement. Fuck, what was it about this man that made all the irrelevant little details in life suddenly beautiful and important?
Henry could find a sodding caterpillar the most wonderful thing in the bloody world and I’d agree, even if it was just a fucking caterpillar, to see him smile.
Fuck.
I had feelings for Henry. Real feelings. Big fucking feelings. And now I was freaking out because I was just figuring this out and everything was about to go to hell in a handcart. That was what I got for having a relationship again, and now it was all going to end in tears.
But I couldn’t bring myself to be angry because I wouldn’t change anything. I’d take a lifetime of suffering if it meant I got to spend one more minute with Henry.
He was everything to me.
“Do you want to go down to the beach?” Henry asked, pointing towards the steps. “We could sit on those rocks?”
“Sure.” I followed him down the stairs and onto the sand, my feet growing heavier with every step.
We reached the cluster of rocks that had been exposed by the tide.
They were far enough away from the front that nobody would be able to see who we were.
I perched on the edge, looking down into one of the rock pools.
We sat in silence for a moment, both of us eating our ice cream and hoping the other would start the conversation.
“I was talking to Jason the other day,” Henry said eventually. “Before he went home.”
“Yeah? Jenny finally let him escape?”
He hummed and nodded. “For now. I think she’ll try and get him back if we get green-lit for season two. She totally fell in love with him, and Jason loved being back on set, even if he didn’t want to admit it at first. I think Jenny would write him in as a season regular if he’s up for it.”
“That’d be great,” I said. “You’d get to see him more too.”
“Yeah… it wouldn’t be for another year, though. And I’ve got another project to squeeze in before that. We’re filming some of it in Scotland and the rest will be in LA in front of a green screen.”
“When does that start?” I asked, focusing on the taste of rum and raisin on my tongue to distract me from the fear building in my chest.
“November, I think. But I’ll need to be in LA from the end of September, maybe October, to get things sorted. At least, that’s what I usually do since it’s not like I have anywhere else to be.” His voice gave me hope.
“Did you want to be somewhere else?”
“Maybe. Or maybe have someone with me?”
His words startled me, slamming into me like a brick wall. “What do you mean?”
Henry looked at me and I noticed he had chocolate ice cream in the corner of his mouth.
It was all I could focus on as he spoke.
“You could come with me. You said your contract on your flat ends soon, so why not come with me to LA? I know this relationship is new, but I really like you, Alex, and I want to see where this goes. I know it would be different for you, but it could be fun. I’ve got a flat there, and in London, and you could just do whatever you want.
I know Novel Tea is important to you, but you could always open another branch.
Or Spencer could keep this one going while we’re away. ”
“No,” I said, feeling like I was about to vomit all over the sand. Fuck, this was like a repeat of my fight with Michael all over again. I’d thought Henry was different, that he understood how much Heather Bay meant to me. “I’m not leaving, Henry.”
“But… why not?”
“I really like you too. Fuck, I like you so much it fucking terrifies me.”
“Then why don’t you want to come with me?” he asked, sounding as frightened as I felt.
“I can’t, Henry,” I said softly. “I need you to understand. This is my home. It’s where my family is—and I don’t mean my parents, I mean my actual family, the one I’ve built.
It’s where my life is, my business, and I won’t throw that away to do fuck all in LA.
It would ruin everything.” He stared at me, pain written across his face, but I couldn’t stop.
I needed Henry to know this was my line.
“Think about it. You’d be filming and doing whatever the fuck knows with that, and I’d just have to sit around all day in a country I don’t know, where I don’t have any friends, and I can’t work.
I’d fucking hate it. I’d be miserable and we’d fight, and we’d hate each other within a month.
You said you want to see where this goes and so do I, but I can’t do that by coming with you.
You told me yourself you fucking hate LA, so why would I like it?
It’s not like you’re going to be staying there long either and I can’t give up my entire life to be some pretty accessory to you. ”
“I didn’t…”
“I know. You don’t want to hurt me and I don’t want to hurt you, but if we want to figure out a way for this to work, it has to involve me staying here.
I don’t care if you have to go away filming as long as you come back.
Fuck, I’ll even come and visit you if I can.
I’ll get a passport. But if you’re going to be busy, then I need to be too and I need my friends to keep me from climbing the fucking walls when I miss you.
I can’t just sit around all day waiting for you to come home. ”
Henry nodded and there were tears in his eyes. “I know. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that of you.”
“Then why did you?”
“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m scared. I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t know anything except working. I don’t have a home, not like you.”
“Then build one here, with me.” It wasn’t just an offer—it was a plea.
But Henry said nothing.
I sighed. “You need to think about what you want, Henry. I don’t want to pretend anymore.
I want us to be real and see where it takes us.
But if you can’t do that, then I understand.
It’ll hurt like fuck, but this time, I’ll understand.
I can change a lot about myself, Henry, but I can’t change…
I won’t change who I am at my core. And who I am belongs here, on this beach, in this town, because this is my home and I’m not giving it up. ”
I stood up, my whole body shaking. My worst fears had come true and I felt numb. “Let me know if you change your mind. If not… I guess I’ll see you around.”
I walked away, leaving Henry sitting on the rocks.
It was only when I reached the stairs that I let my tears start to fall.