Chapter Six
Theo
I’d told myself I wasn’t going to let things get weird between Laurie and me. That I needed things to go back to normal.
But I was kidding myself. Austin had put a crack in the illusion of our relationship and now my brain seemed determined to shatter the entire thing, even if the rest of me wanted to leave it alone.
Making us breakfast was one thing—it was something I often did during the week—but putting little hearts on the French toast was another.
And Laurie teasing me about not letting me push his boundaries was another.
He’d always been one of the only people I’d ever listened to because I hated the idea of disappointing him, but my body loved the idea of what Laurie might do if he thought I was acting too much like a brat.
I had such a weakness for beautiful men who’d spoil me, tease me, let me get away with fucking murder, and then spank me if I was rude.
It sent shivers down my spine and made my cock throb just thinking about it.
And now I’d let that thought slip through the crack in the facade, a lot of thoughts about Laurie were trying to make themselves heard.
I tried my best to ignore them by talking endlessly while I worked, because the people in my care were always excellent listeners and very non-judgemental.
I could tell them all my secrets and nobody would ever know, and while the dead might not be the best therapists in the world, they were very understanding.
I’d never understood why people were scared of death and dead bodies.
It was another part of life and beautiful in its own way, but everyone I’d tried to explain my thoughts to thought I was morbid as fuck.
Well, everyone except Laurie. It was one of the reasons we’d become friends in the first place.
My stomach rumbled and I realised it was already lunchtime. I never packed lunch since it was easy to go home and get something, but today I didn’t fancy making anything. I wondered if Laurie would be up for a wander down to Novel Tea to see what sandwiches were on offer.
It was the school holidays, though, so I didn’t know if they’d have much left. Plus Alex had recently started dating international sex god and super hottie Henry Lu, and despite his best intentions to keep Novel Tea free of crazed fans, they still managed to find a way in.
I decided it was still worth asking Laurie because, if worst came to worst, he might make me lunch instead and his lunches were always delicious.
Reception was empty except for Jonathan, our baby goth receptionist, who was sitting behind his high-sided desk and staring at something on his computer screen.
I liked Jonathan immensely even though he could be quite mean to me sometimes—he always refused to get involved in my schemes to make Laurie take time off and never let me whine about being tired, especially since sometimes it was my own fault for staying up gaming until dawn.
“Jonathan,” I said as I leant on top of the reception desk and peered over it.
“No,” he said without looking up.
“You don’t even know what I was going to ask.”
“You want to know if Laurie’s in his office, and he’s not.”
I frowned. “Where is he then? He doesn’t have any client meetings today, and he’s not gone to see Fred.”
Fred, whose real name was Louise even though nobody called her that, was our local vicar, and while neither Laurie nor I was religious, she often stopped by for a cup of tea and a natter and left an open invitation for us to drop in on her whenever we fancied.
She wasn’t anything like I’d expected a vicar to be, and my love of her had been cemented the first time I’d met her and we’d talked about bad horror movies, why dresses with pockets were infinitely superior, and why Cherry Bakewells were a criminally underrated sweet treat.
I didn’t think she’d ever batted an eyelid about me being femme or gay. I’d asked her about it once and she’d said it was the least interesting thing about me.
“He went out,” Jonathan said. “Maybe twenty minutes ago? He said he’d be back soon.”
“He went out?” I repeated. “He didn’t tell me he was going out!”
“Does he need to?”
“No but… it would’ve been nice. I wanted to get lunch with him.”
“You can ask him when he gets back,” Jonathan said. “I don’t think he’ll be long.”
“You don’t know that,” I whined, melting against the desk sadly. “He could be gone for hours.”
“Don’t be dramatic.”
“I can’t help it. It’s part of my personality.”
Jonathan sighed. “Go and be annoying elsewhere. I have things to do.”
“You’re no fun.” I pouted, hoping he’d look up and take pity on me. But Jonathan just ignored me, answering emails like I wasn’t even there. I sighed dramatically but that did nothing either, so I pulled my phone out of my pocket to message Laurie to ask where he was.
There was an email notification on top of my screen, and I opened it without thinking, assuming it was just some sales thing or a message from MyFans.
But it wasn’t.
I stared at the screen, not really processing what it said until I’d read it through several times. I had to mouth the words silently to even begin to understand them.
Hi Theo,
I don’t know if this is the right address for you, or if you’ll even read this, but I wanted to reach out anyway.
I know it’s been about fourteen years since we last saw each other and you might not even remember me or want anything to do with me, which is totally fine, but I wanted to tell you that I understand why you left and say that I’m here if you ever want to talk or consider establishing a relationship.
I should probably give you some details because I realise I sound like a bloody stalker.
I’m living in Lincoln and playing rugby for the Knights—I moved here about a year ago and it’s pretty decent.
I’m twenty-four now, single, living with three roommates from the team, bisexual, and I like gummy worms and zombie movies.
I haven’t spoken to our parents in three years.
I like watching you livestream on Twitch and thought your speed-run of Age of Blood Five was epic!
It seems like you have a pretty awesome life and I’m super happy for you. If we never speak again, I just wanted to say I’m really glad you’re doing well, and if you want to drop me a message you totally can.
Love,
Your brother West x
“Theo?” Jonathan sounded very far away and the world had gone kind of blurry. My fingers gripped the sides of my phone so tightly I wondered if it would snap. There was a rush of sound in my ears like Jonathan was saying something, but I couldn’t work out what it was.
I felt him put an arm around my shoulders, gently steering me towards Laurie’s office, and my feet obeyed without hesitation.
The rest of me was still focused on the black lines on the screen that no longer looked like words.
It felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts, trying desperately to keep my head above water, but it wasn’t like I was in a pool where I could put my feet down.
This was the ocean, and there was nothing but fathomless depths for miles and miles. And a storm was sweeping in.
“Theo,” another voice said, soft and familiar. “Theo, can you hear me?”
I blinked and realised I was sat in one of the nice chairs Laurie kept for the families of our clients. Laurie knelt in front of me, his dark hair pushed back off his face and his eyes full of concern.
“There you are,” he said gently as he reached for my spare hand, interlacing our fingers together.
His touch grounded me, pulling me out of the water and onto dry land.
He didn’t try and take my phone. “Can you tell me what happened? Jonathan said you suddenly went very pale and started hyperventilating. He didn’t think you could hear him either. ”
“I… It’s…” My mouth felt like it was full of sand and for the first time in forever, I didn’t know what to say. Laurie ran his thumb soothingly over the back of my hand, waiting for me to speak. Eventually, I said, “I got an email. From Westley.”
“Your brother?”
“Mmm. He wants…” But I didn’t even know how to sum everything up.
Westley… West… hadn’t expected anything from me.
He hadn’t even wanted a response, but it had still been enough to put me in a tailspin.
I relaxed my grip on my phone and handed it to Laurie, my fingers aching and painful now I’d let go.
Laurie frowned as he read and I watched his eyes go back and forth several times, like he was having to reread bits to make sure he understood it. “Do you think it’s real?” he asked. “It could be a fucked-up prank.”
“I don’t know.” I hadn’t really considered it could be fake.
It seemed like it’d be a lot of effort for someone to find out about my brother just to torment me, because it wasn’t like I ever mentioned him.
Laurie was the only person in my life who knew about him, and that was because I told Laurie everything.
West had been about ten when I’d turned eighteen and skipped out on my parents, who’d basically been counting down until I was no longer legally their responsibility.
I’d left with whatever I could shove into an old suitcase a friend had leant me, and I’d never looked back.
Once or twice I’d wondered what had happened to my little brother, but I’d just figured he’d turned out like my parents.
There was an eight-year age gap between us, and it had been clear as soon as West was born that he was my replacement.
At seven, it was already obvious to my parents I wasn’t the son they’d wanted, so they’d just made another one.
And now it sounded like he hadn’t worked out either.
There was something really fucking poetic about that, and my lip twitched in an attempted smile.
If there was one teeny, tiny good thing that’d come out of this, it was knowing that somewhere in London there were two people who’d tried to make their children perfect mini-mes and failed fucking miserably.
“I think it might be real,” Laurie said. I looked down and realised he was holding his own phone now, with mine resting on his knee. “According to the Knights’ website, they have a Westley who’s twenty-four and looks a bit like you. He’s got your blond hair and blue eyes at least.”
“Can I see?”
Laurie didn’t look keen but he turned his screen around and tapped the photo he’d been looking at to enlarge it.
I swallowed, letting out a slow breath as I looked at it, trying to match up the skinny kid from my memories to the man in front of me.
He had the same blond hair as me and maybe the same face shape, if a bit broader.
There was a smattering of familiar freckles across his nose, which looked like it might’ve been broken at least once, and his lips were dry and chapped and desperately in need of moisturising.
The photo was a professional head shot, so it only showed him from the chest up in an official-looking T-shirt, but he had broad, well-muscled shoulders and pectorals to match.
His eyes, though… they were just like mine: bright cornflower blue and sparkling with life.
It was definitely my brother.
“Yeah,” I said. “That’s him.” I put my finger out and let it trail across the screen. “He got so fucking big.”
Another shuddering breath escaped my lips as I looked at him. I’d tried so hard to forget my family, but it seemed like one of them had finally caught up with me.