Chapter Seven
Laurie
Seeing Theo so distressed and scared made me ready to commit murder.
Violent, bloody murder.
Logically, I knew West couldn’t have known what reaction his email would cause, but I was still angry at this man who’d effectively thrown a hand grenade into Theo’s life. I didn’t know what reason he had for suddenly reaching out after all these years, but I hoped it was a bloody good one.
“Let’s go upstairs,” I said, squeezing Theo’s hand and pulling him to his feet. “You can take the afternoon off.”
“I… I can’t… I’ve got…”
“It will be fine,” I insisted. “We haven’t got a funeral today or tomorrow, and Jonathan and I can handle anything that arises.”
“Fine, I’ll take a break,” Theo said as I led him out of my office and towards the front door so we could walk around the edge of the building. “But I’m not staying up there all afternoon by myself. I’ll just wallow and be miserable. I want to be busy.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. I need time to think everything through, but that only works when part of my brain is thinking about something else. Otherwise too much of my brain is thinking about the problem and I just go round in circles. It’s like it overheats or something.”
We’d reached our front door and I dug my keys out of my pocket to unlock it, pulling Theo inside and up the stairs that led to our living space.
As we climbed the stairs, my stomach rumbled and I realised I’d left the sandwiches and cupcakes I’d brought from Novel Tea in a bag on the reception desk.
They were a surprise for Theo because he’d gone to such an effort with breakfast and I’d wanted to repay him.
But as soon as I’d come back, I’d found my beautiful boy in a state of panic and poor Jonathan looking like he was about to join him, although Jonathan’s reaction was due to the fact he was better at dealing with the dead than the living. We were still working on his communication skills.
“Grab a seat,” I said as I gently pushed Theo towards the sofa. “I’ll be back in a second.”
“Where are you going?” Theo asked, turning to look at me with sweet curiosity.
“To get lunch. It’s where I was when you came to find me.”
Theo’s eyes widened, his pretty pink mouth smiling for the first time since I’d found him. “You brought me lunch?”
“I did. You made such a lovely breakfast that it seemed only fair. I went down to Novel Tea to see what they had on today.”
“And? What did you get?”
“If you give me a minute to go and get it, you’ll find out.”
Theo pouted and I chuckled softly. It was better to see him pout than panic, so I wasn’t going to say anything. Theo often used his pout, which he’d perfected over the years, to get his own way, but I’d seen it enough times to be virtually immune.
“Sit down.” I gestured towards the sofa as I repeated my point. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
Theo didn’t protest further, or if he did I didn’t hear him.
It only took me a few minutes to walk back to the front of the building, retrieve my bags, and tell Jonathan that Theo and I were taking lunch and would be back shortly.
Jonathan nodded and when I asked if he was okay, he told me he was, even if he looked slightly paler than usual.
I didn’t push because I had to trust that Jonathan would be honest with me, and I headed back upstairs.
When I returned, Theo had retrieved two plates out of the kitchen along with two large glasses of water that had pretty twists of lemon floating in them. “I figured plates might be easier,” Theo said. “Since Spencer usually makes the sandwiches the size of my head.”
He looked happy but I could tell it was forced. He was trying to pretend everything was fine even when it wasn’t.
“He does.” I put the bag of sandwiches and cupcakes on the table. “I got you a bagel today because they had smoked salmon and cream cheese with rocket. And there are some of those ice cream cone cupcakes you like too.”
“Seriously? Oh my God, you’re the best!” Theo beamed as I pulled the small paper bag with his bagel out and slid it onto his plate. “What did you get?”
“Beef and horseradish,” I said, placing my sandwich onto the second plate. Theo was right about the size—it could easily function as a doorstop. “And yes, you can have some if you want.”
“Thank you!” Theo grabbed his plate and glass before he strolled over to the sofa, flopping down at the end. “How did you know I was going to ask?”
“Are you telling me you weren’t going to?”
“Maybe… you never know. Weirder things have happened, especially today.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked as I sat down next to him, using my foot to pull the little table we used for drinks a bit closer.
“I don’t know. It’s just weird… I kinda feel like I’m going to be sick, but it also doesn’t feel real.
” Theo sighed and took a bite out of his bagel, staring into space while he chewed.
“Like, I knew West was out there, but I never really thought about him. He was just this nebulous kid who I don’t really remember.
I never imagined he’d grow up and come looking for me. ”
“I can understand that. Especially because it’s been so long. You’re a completely different person now, and so is he.”
“Yeah. I guess fourteen years will do that.” Theo ate some more of his bagel, then said, “I wonder how he found my channel.”
I bit my lip to hide my smile. “Darling, you’re not exactly a small streamer. How many followers do you have now?”
“I don’t know,” Theo said. “A couple of million? I think my last stream had about seven or eight thousand viewers. I’d need to check.”
“And you don’t think that might’ve had something to do with how West found you?”
“I guess.”
“It’s either that or he found your MyFans.”
Theo laughed. “Oh God, I hope not. That’s the only situation I’d find really fucked up.
There’s a ton of clips on Twitter, though, and if he’s bi…
okay, now I’m definitely hoping it was through a shared love of zombies!
There’s a link to my socials on Twitch, and my Linktree has a little Contact Me button. I guess he must’ve come through that.”
“Does that bother you?” I asked carefully as the implications of West’s email sank in. “That he’s been watching you stream? And will probably continue to.”
Theo thought for a second, nibbling the edge of the bagel and licking up the stray dollops of cream cheese.
“Maybe? I mean, it’s a bit weird knowing my grown-up little brother—who I’d tried to forget I had—watches me talk about blowing up zombies and how I’d definitely let Carlos from Age of Blood Five rail me and all that shit.
But it’s not like I can do anything! I’d have to know what his username is to be able to block him, and he might be using something totally random.
And trying to find it feels like a rabbit hole I’d never escape from. ”
I agreed but I didn’t say that. Spending hours trying to find West’s username was pointless, like looking for a needle in a haystack, and it would only lead to tears.
If Theo didn’t want anything to do with his brother, then hunting him down on Twitch wasn’t going to help.
“Do you know what you want to do? About the email, I mean. Do you want to get in touch with him?”
It was probably too early for Theo to decide, and I hoped he’d give it some thought instead of diving straight in one way or the other.
Although if it was up to me, I’d delete the email and try to pretend it’d never existed.
It would be a petty, rash decision but I was still angry.
Theo deserved to be happy and that wouldn’t be possible if the past reared up and dragged him down into its depths.
“I don’t know,” Theo said again. He was so uncertain it frightened me. “I know I should probably say something, even if it’s just, ‘Great, we’re both alive, please leave me alone.’ I don’t want him to think I’m ignoring him.”
“You’re within your rights to do that. You don’t have to respond if you don’t want to.”
“I know. I never do anything unless I want to.”
“That’s true,” I said with a wry smile as I picked up my sandwich. I was hungry, but with everything going on, I didn’t feel much like eating. “I don’t think anyone could force you to do anything.”
“They couldn’t,” Theo said. “But if you ask nicely, I might do as I’m told.”
“Might being the operative word there.”
“Hey, I can’t make your life too easy,” Theo teased. “Everyone would say I’m losing my touch.”
I chuckled softly. Our friends had said once or twice that I was the only person who could get Theo to do anything, but that wasn’t quite true.
Rather, Theo was more likely to listen to me because when I told him not to do something, he knew it was serious.
He’d once described me as his conscience, but less the keeping him out of trouble kind and more the you’re going too far kind.
“We can’t have that,” I said.
“No. Never.” There was silence for a minute and then Theo continued.
“I’ll think about it for a few days, I guess.
I don’t want to rush into anything. Like, even though I hated reading it, I’ve gotta admit it took balls for West to email me.
And maybe… maybe it might be nice to find out who he is.
I mean, it’s not like we really know each other.
He was just a fucking kid when I left, so it’s not like he’s going to be the same person.
At least, I hope he’s not. God, it’s so fucking weird that he’s like, your age.
I keep thinking of him in his primary school uniform, but you two can’t be that far apart in age.
You’re probably only like, a year older than him.
At most. Fuck, I can’t even remember when his birthday is.
March maybe? It might be April. Something like that. ”
“Maybe it’s because we met when I was an adult,” I said. “Or maybe it’s because you’d locked the memories of him away, so in your mind, he’s eternally ten.”
“Probably.” Theo sighed and looked down at his plate, which was now empty. “Can I have my cupcake now, please? All this emotional distress is making my brain hurt.”
“Of course.” I put my plate with my untouched sandwich down on the cushion between us before standing up and retrieving the box of cupcakes. “There are four. Two for you, one for now and one for later, one for me, and one for Jonathan, because it’s not fair for us to have cupcakes without him.”
“He doesn’t have to know if we don’t tell him,” Theo said, reaching into the open box to pull out a cupcake. They were cleverly designed to look like ice creams, with a domed cupcake on top of a short wafer cone decorated with buttercream, ganache, bright sprinkles, and a chocolate Flake.
Spencer and Mina had really outdone themselves with these, although I’d heard Alex and Spencer having several heated debates about the sprinkles over the past few months.
Apparently, British sprinkles weren’t bright enough and Spencer was trying to convince Alex to order some from America, which Alex had refused to do since some of them were illegal in the UK.
Something to do with the colourings not being approved for use over here.
Henry, Alex’s recently acquired superstar boyfriend, hadn’t helped by offering to bring Spencer some back after his next trip to LA.
Henry had said that nobody would know and it would be fine.
Alex had lovingly threatened to have Cas, Henry’s bodyguard, put him under house arrest for the trip and confiscate any newly acquired sprinkles.
Love had clearly softened Alex’s heart if all he was planning to do was have Cas keep an eye on Henry. If Spencer had said he was going to do something similar, Alex would have threatened to push him off a cliff.
“Unfortunately, your scheme won’t work because I already told Jonathan I’d bring him one down when I went back to work,” I said, leaning over the back of the sofa to press a kiss to the top of Theo’s head, breathing in the scent of his strawberry shampoo.
“Spoilsport,” Theo said, grinning up at me as he pulled the Flake out of his cupcake. He glanced down at my plate as he slid the crumbly chocolate between his lips and frowned. “You should eat,” he added around his mouthful. “You don’t want Spencer’s hard work to go to waste.”
“Fine. If you insist.”
“I do.” He patted the seat next to him and grabbed my plate. “Don’t make me do the aeroplane trick, because you know I totally will.”
I smiled to myself as I resumed my seat, taking my sandwich before Theo could shove it into my mouth.