Chapter 24
“ M orning sleepyhead,” Veda singsongs the next morning as she sits on the edge of my bed while Cassie opens my blinds. “It’s a new day, how you feeling?”
I pull the covers over my head, resenting the daylight that shines on my face. I don’t want it to be a new day.
Even after the two hours I spent venting and crying to the girls yesterday, and the subsequent 90’s remake movie marathon ( Pride and Prejudice , Little Women , and Parent Trap ), I still feel like garbage.
“Not great,” I mumble through the duvet.
Cassie comes around to the other side of my bed, lying down next to me. “Do you maybe wanna get out of bed?”
“Nope.”
“The weather’s nice,” Veda offers. “We could go to Greenmarket!”
But it’s no use. Not even my favorite farmer’s market can get me out of bed today. I just want to wallow in my self-hatred until I go numb.
“No thanks.”
“Well you can’t stay here all day,” Cassie huffs, and when I don’t reply, aggressively pulls the covers off my head. “C’mon Gem, you have to do something . You had your day of self-pity, now it’s time to put on your big-girl panties and get on with your life.”
“I am wearing my big-girl panties. They don’t want to go outside either.”
She rolls her eyes in annoyance, looking to Veda for help.
“I, for one,” Veda starts, “am starving. I’m going to brunch with Cassie; you’re welcome to join us if you want.”
She sighs and gets up, Cassie quickly following suit. They make their way to my door to leave, but before they reach it, I change my mind at the thought of some crepes. They may not fix anything, but they’ll be damn delicious.
“Wait,” I call. “I could go for some brunch…”
Veda turns around, her face erupting into a victorious smile, knowing she won once again. She always does. “Perfect! Let’s get you dressed.”
I rub my eyes in defeat, crawling out of bed while they yank open my closet and start riffling through it.
“It’s fine, I’ll just go in this.”
They both turn to look at me, eyeing my sweats-and-t-shirt ensemble with obvious disgust.
“You absolutely cannot wear that,” Veda nearly gags out.
“Why not? People wear athleisure in public all the time.”
Cassie snorts as she goes through hanger after hanger. “Sweetie, I think you’re missing the athletic part of athleisure.”
A grumble is all I give her in response.
“What about this?” Veda pulls out a yellow sundress with a daisy print, holding it in front of her body to model it.
“Nuh-uh. Too happy.”
“You’re rejecting happiness now?” Cassie asks sarcastically, and I nod.
Have been since I was sixteen.
“Fine, how about this?” Veda tries again, this time pulling out a similar dress, but in black.
I consider it for a moment while I tie my hair back, too tired and hungry to delay us any longer.
“Sold.”
***
“I just don’t think it’s that bad,” Cassie says as she pops the last bite of her Eggs Benedict into her mouth, shrugging.
“Cassie,” Veda starts in disbelief. “He said ‘ I want all of you ’, and she said ‘ I can’t ’. That’s pretty bad.”
I groan at the mere memory of it, Veda quick to tack on a “No offense” at my reaction. I put her at ease with a wave, absentmindedly pushing around a lone strawberry on my plate.
“Fine, it’s a disaster,” Cassie admits. “But at least now you know you’re open to dating again! So, it didn’t work out with Elias. Plenty of other fish in the sea.”
I nod noncommittally, pretending to see her silver lining even though it doesn’t cheer me up one bit.
I don’t want another fish. I want him.
“Whoa, whoa, let’s not lose all hope here. There’s still a chance he hasn’t seen her article yet,” Veda offers, a little too optimistically.
“Let’s be honest,” I sigh. “It was a horrible idea. Of course he’s not going to read it, why would he? I should have just called him like a normal, sane person instead of making an ass out of myself.”
“It wasn’t stupid, it was romantic,” she assures me.
Romantically idiotic.
Maybe it’s not too late to make things right. I could still call him, try to explain. I do still have his number…
“You think I should call him? Or text him? Or would that look desperate?” I start rambling. “I mean, I am desperate, but I don’t want to scare him off… What do you guys think?”
“You totally should,” Veda says just as Cassie snorts out an emphatic, “Absolutely not.”
Well that’s not helpful.
They both look at each other like the other one is crazy, so I set my fork down and clap my hands together.
“Alright, both of you give me your arguments and I’ll decide which is the least likely to fuck up my life even more.”
“I’ll start,” Veda says, swigging the last of her coffee like it’s a shot. “I think you shouldn’t give up. What you two had, no matter how short, seems special. I’ve never fallen asleep with a man just because I ‘felt comfortable’ with him. Gem, you voluntarily deprived yourself of sex—if that doesn’t mean something, I don’t know what does.”
Fair point . When she puts it that way, it seems so innocent. So sweet. Like a whirlwind romance that was too good to be true.
“But,” Cassie counters. “Sometimes we need to accept that some things aren’t meant to me. I mean, you’ve been tormenting yourself with this forever, that can’t be good for you. You need to move on, give yourself grace.”
Also a good point . No matter how much I feel I deserve to beat myself up over it, at a certain point it’s all in vain. There’s nothing I can do if he doesn’t want to talk to me.
“Ugh,” I groan as the waitress comes to clear our plates, setting our bill down on the table. “I’m too tired to decide now. This is a problem for Future Gemma.”
We thank her and pull out our wallets, paying the bill before getting up to leave. I feel mildly better than I did when I woke up, if only because my belly is full of food now, but I’ll take that win. I have to, it’s the one thing I got going for me at the moment.
Just as we’re walking out the door into the fresh late-morning air, my phone starts to ring from inside my purse. My breath hitches, praying for a split-second that it’s Eli calling (despite the fact I know he doesn’t have my number). I rush to pull it out, only to find it’s Amani.
Not quite what I was hoping for, but it still makes my stomach twist all the same.
“Amani, good morning!” I say with ample enthusiasm as I accept the call.
Veda pauses up ahead of me, gasping at the mention of our boss’ name. “Is she calling about the article?”
Cassie shushes her, and I can feel the nerves shoot through me as we make our way down the street.
“Sorry for calling you on a Sunday,” Amani announces on the other end of the phone. “I was going to wait until the meeting tomorrow to tell you, but I thought you might like to know how your article is performing.”
Be calm, be calm, BE CALM.
“Oh! Is it not doing well?”
“Gemma,” she says in an unreadable tone, and my pulse spikes to a lightning-fast rate. “It has the second-most views of the entire issue.”
No. Way.
A shriek-like noise comes out of my throat against my will, and a full-fledged, eye-crinkling, cheek-stinging smile spreads across my face.
“For real?” I gush into the phone.
Veda whips around to look at me, curiosity overtaking her. “What’s happening? What’d she say?!”
“Yes, for real, ” Amani says, and I’m pretty sure I detect a hint of laughter in her voice. “The only one that outranked you was Kira’s piece on the presidential debate, but that’s to be expected.”
I can’t believe it. To be anywhere near Kira’s numbers is incredible; she consistently has the most views every single issue. She may be a sourpuss, but the girl writes a damn good article.
“Thank you, thank you so much!” I trill as the three of us tuck ourselves into a corner of the sidewalk to avoid getting run over by passersby.
“No need to thank me, you did it all yourself.”
Veda tugs at my arm, virtually trying to put her ear up to my phone. “What’s going on?!”
“Oh, and Gemma?” Amani adds. “Stop by my office after the meeting tomorrow. I want to hear more about your column idea.”
Happiness floods my chest, my smile permanently plastered to my mouth. It’s happening. I’m getting my column, I’m going to be a professional writer. And it’s all thanks to Marisol getting pneumonia (from which she is almost fully recovered, according to her wife).
“Will do. See you then,” I promise Amani before she wishes me a good rest of my weekend.
No sooner had I pulled my phone away from my ear than Veda and Cassie interrogated me about what Amani said.
“She liked it. And the readers liked it,” I beam. “Guys, I think I’m going to get my column.”
They throw their arms around me, the three of us jumping up and down in glee on our crowded little corner of Broadway.
“See? What’s meant to be, will be! Everything works itself out in the end,” Cassie boasts, matter-of-factly. And I start to believe she’s right.
“I guess it does.”
What’s meant to be, will be.
Maybe I should stop obsessing and let the universe do its thing. Sure, I can’t get everything I want, but that’s okay. No one has it all. I’m happy with what I have—or, at least, I’m learning to be.
I practically skip back home, the dark cloud that’s been looming over my head starting to part. I can feel the sun on my skin, and it feels nice. Really nice. I need to start focusing on the good, and I know this column is going to be the best thing to come my way since I met Veda and Cassie.
Everything’s going to be okay. I’m going to be okay.
It’s not until we’re a mere hundred feet away from our apartment that Veda lets out an earth-shattering gasp.
“Oh my God,” she squeals, stopping dead in her tracks. “Is that—”
I follow her eyeline toward our building and nearly trip over my shoes.
It is.
There, sitting on our front steps, is Eli. He promptly looks up at us (presumably because Veda just shattered all of our eardrums), his eyes landing on me.
And I think I might not make it.