OZZY
The sunlight creeps through the window, and as I look around the room, I realize how delectably destructive Fallon and I were last night. Our clothes are tossed in a pile, with the blankets and sheets thrown on every inch of the floor. Pillows litter the corner, and I can’t be sure, but we may have broken the wooden bed frame.
In an attempt to center our emotions, we spent the entire night tangled together, our bodies making up for lost time and healing what was broken in our absence.
I look down at my girl, and she’s tucked under my arm, her ass pressed against my midsection, with only a sliver of bed sheets covering her naked body.
In a sick turn of events, Fallon and I weren’t broken up about murdering a man, instead, our sorrow can be linked back to being terrified of what comes next.
For me, it’s seeing the photos, or learning how long that client list truly is. For her, it’s a day-to-day anxiousness that comes when she feels we’re falling off the track. We skimmed over the sins committed in a now burnt down house, choosing to toss our chips toward the direction of unknown fear, and forthcoming obstacles.
We’re not your average couple. We’re locked into a cycle of trauma, trepidation, and torture. Sometimes, I believe we belong here, but I know Fallon deserves better than this. Much better than living in shitty motels and chasing blackmailers who threaten us with the ever-so-cozy options of jail, or death.
I wish I could change everything, or fast forward in time to a place where we’ve lived past this. Where we’re happy, and no longer members of a tortured family web that ends up having to kill off one of its arms to survive.
That’s what today boils down to, taking the life of someone I’ve called my brother for the better parts of the last six years, and pretending that I’m alright with it.
Of course, he has it coming for being a disgusting pervert, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less, or shake the feel of betrayal, in a way.
We’ve never done this before.
In all our years, the choice to murder our leader was one always up for discussion, as Doc loved to challenge us to pull the trigger, but that was different.
We lost Masha, and we all feel our own guilt in that, but ultimately, a car killed her – not us.
This is never the path I envisioned myself on, even last week when I was alone and suffering, but now, I have to jump on board and follow the ever-flowing ebbs of this life.
“Is there breakfast at this godforsaken shit hole?” Fallon whispers, a hoarseness in her voice as she slowly wakes up.
“I was thinking we could go out for breakfast? I kind of hate it here,” I say, pulling her body against mine in a tight embrace.
“That sounds perfect, baby. I’m starving,” she says, a long yawn coming from her chest.
After endless dozing, snuggling, and groaning at each other to move first, we finally climb out of bed and clean ourselves up.
Fallon’s exhausted, barely standing in the shower, and we may need to inject caffeine straight into her veins.
Luckily, there’s a twenty-four-hour diner located across the street, and we both choose to dress comfy, rather than putting anything on our bodies that resembles denim. Today’s a rare day off with no plans for work, just the open road and a promised weekend of relaxation.
Once Fallon finishes slipping into my clothes, she tosses her hair in a wet, messy bun, forgoing a blowdryer, and leading us out of our destroyed room.
Normally, I’d let the guys know we were going out, seeing if anyone wanted to tag along, but this morning I just want to spend time with my girl. Since she came back to me, it’s been non-stop moving, along with heavy-ass conversations, and finally, I’m stealing a moment that’s just for us. Something we can use as a rest stop in between the tall tasks surrounding us from all sides like skyscrapers.
“You, me, and a diner. Just like old times, Bambi,” I tease, holding the door open for her.
“If I find you in a hallway with a girl, I might slice your throat.” She laughs as we follow the less-than-cheerful hostess to our booth.
Her mustard-yellow shirt dons a shiny name tag that reads Elizabeth , and she looks as exhausted as I feel, more than likely coming to the end of her shift.
Now that we’re here, I realize that we both worked up an appetite last night. My stomach rumbles loudly, and Fallon glances at me, a child-like giggle coming from her side of the table.
“I need an entire plate of bacon, maybe two.” I laugh, and she turns her attention to the waitress coming our way.
The restaurant is quiet, only a few other tables occupied, but it’s still early, and I’m certain the morning rush is right on our tail.
Fallon immediately orders a coffee before glimpsing at the menu, requesting extra cream and sugar for her sweet tooth.
“I’ll do an orange juice, please,” I say, and our waitress jots it down on her notepad, promising to bring our drinks out in a jiffy .
“I don’t think I can stomach orange juice anymore,” Fallon whispers, a somber look in her eyes before she quickly looks away.
“Why?” I scan my memory, wondering what significance it could hold, but I’m coming up blank.
“ Cami Mimosas .” She opens a menu, pretending that it’s no big deal, but I knew she’d miss her.
They shared so much, it was messy, yet magical, and I think Fallon underestimated how much of an impact Camila had on her, after all.
“It’s okay to miss her, Bambi,” I say, placing my hand over hers, attempting to pull her out of her mind.
“I know, Ozzy. Even though what we had was done a while ago, it’s fresh now that I’m not mourning you anymore.” She shrugs as if she’s trying not to let it get under her skin, like it’s a chore to grieve.
“Are you upset that you didn’t say bye?” I ask, watching as she mulls it over for less than a second.
“No. We said goodbye before we left for Jersey. We ended it in a good place, and I think it’s better we didn’t say anything more, actually.” She’s smiling now, thinking back on it, and I couldn’t be happier that she’s found peace.
At first, when the girls showed up, things were bad between them, but working it out and leaving on a pleasant note is important. Something I wish I could go back in time and change if I had a do-over.
“Did you get a chance to look over the menu?” Our waitress asks, dropping our beverages on the table, and obnoxiously chewing her gum.
“I’ll do the Super Plate, with the eggs over easy,” Fallon says, folding up her menu.
Both of them look to me, as I realize I spent my time studying Fallon, rather than choosing my breakfast.
“I’ll take the same.” I know what my girl likes, and chances are, I’ll survive eating whatever comes on the plate – I’m not picky.
“Be right up,” the waitress says, and I swear, I catch the moment her eyes roll as she turns away from us.
“Don’t be offended, baby. We’re in Jersey, everyone is a cunt here.” Fallon laughs, and I realize my face must be painted in shock.
I’ve never been up North, and this is the first time we’ve been out in public. I didn’t realize how miserable people can be, coming from a place where breakfast is always served with a smile.
“Remind me never to come back to this state.” I shake my head, admiring Fallon’s sleepy smile.
She’s mixed the cream and sugar into her coffee, and the life is slowly coming back to her eyes.
The sadness hasn’t fully evacuated yet, I catch glimpses of it from time to time, but that sparkle is ever-present, and her dark irises are still my home.
“You keep looking at me like that,” she says, a slight kink in her eyebrow as she pulls me from my thoughts.
“I can’t help myself, Bambi. You’ve always been able to captivate me.”
“Ozzy, we’ve barely slept, and I probably look like a zombie.” She rolls her eyes, a pink blush forming on her cheeks.
“I’d take you anywhere exactly the way you look right now. You’re naturally beautiful, Fallon, even if you don’t think so,” I tell her, and her breath hitches as she stifles a smile.
“Have you been practicing all the ways to beat me at my own games?”
“Wait’ll you hear my Italian,” I tease, and she can’t help the way she reacts, like my words are setting her on fire.
Before she can quip something back with her smart mouth, our food arrives, and her face lights up with excitement.
We ordered a little of everything, the plates overflowing with all the major food groups. We both have two eggs, pancakes, hash browns, three sausage links, and a heap of bacon. Neither of us hesitate, diving in like we haven’t had a meal in days. In a way, we haven’t. Living off takeout in a dirty motel is certainly not fine dining, and by the look on Fallon’s face, she’s loving this.
Once we pick a rental house, I plan to let her run wild in a grocery store, giving her imagination a blank canvas to craft the perfect recipes. Cooking is one of her favorite things, and I can only imagine how happy it’ll make both her, and Oliver, to get back in the kitchen.
“Are you planning on saving me any ketchup?” I ask, watching as she coats everything, especially the hash browns.
“This is a brand new bottle, okay?” She laughs, sliding it across the table at me.
I don’t need it, but I’d do anything to keep that smile on her face. Both of us are sober and have been for almost two days, not a drop of alcohol on our tongues. Not that we chose to, or said we should, but now that she’s with me again, that dark cloud has subsided, and I haven’t even thought about drinking anything away.
“You know, you were never not mine, Bambi.”
“I think I’ve been yours since before we met in a place like this,” she says, gesturing her hand around the diner.
My mind races, thinking of the purest moment in my life. The second my eyes landed on Fallon I was a goner, and I would’ve done anything to know her. I remember thinking how beautiful she was, a wave of intense curiosity crashing into me like I’d never felt before. Before there was one day or one night, there was one minute , a desperate thought that was all my own until she gracefully followed me to a secluded hallway.
I remember every detail of her that day, down to what she was wearing, and the polish on her toes that stood out against the white sandals.
“I would’ve kicked every single person out of that restaurant, locking the door behind them, just to speak to you for one second,” I confess, and her eyes widen, nostalgia sweeping us both.
“I don’t think my boyfriend would’ve liked that.” She scrunches her nose, a giggle escaping her lips.
“He wouldn’t have had a choice. You and I were inevitable, Bambi,” I say, my voice dropping to a whisper.
“Sometimes, I still can’t believe I followed you. I was nowhere near bold enough to make that choice. At least, I didn’t think I was.”
“Would you do it again?”
“In a heartbeat,” she answers, barely letting the words roll off my tongue.
I no longer have an appetite, at least not for breakfast, so I pull out my wallet and drop cash on the table, not saying anything else to her.
We love games, and I want to see if she’s in the mood to play.
I follow the signs to the restroom, not moving a single muscle in her direction, and I lean against a wall, just like on that very first day.
A few minutes later, she rounds the corner, a playful smile plastered on her face. The first time, she was confident, but nervous, and I was so terrified my heart was going to pound out of my chest the moment my eyes landed on her. I barely knew what to say, asking the stupidest question known to man. Lucky for me, she didn’t run in the opposite direction.
“Fancy meeting you here,” she whispers, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“You're a very brave young lady. I don’t even know your name,” I say, my lips hovering above hers.
“You better figure it out.” She breathes, just as she reaches on her tiptoes to meet me in the middle, our kiss shooting fireworks through me, just like last time.
We were both timid, holding back because we were strangers, but I can guarantee that was the first time someone ever had enough of my heart to destroy me, and she’s had it in her back pocket ever since.
Now, we’ve carved out enough of each other, swapped pieces, some to hold onto, a few for keeps, and this kiss is legendary.
Momentary on the scale of how long I plan to spend with her.
Temporary because I already want to carry her across the busy turnpike, and back into our bed.
Solidifying in the sense that this is our origin, rebirth, and eternal vow.
Right here, in a diner, I’m recommitting myself to loving her until the end of time, long after our bodies physically evacuate this planet.
“Marry me,” I whisper as our lips break apart, and her eyes widen, shocked at my word vomit.
I cover my mouth, almost embarrassed by how quickly it slipped from my lips, but at the same time, it doesn’t change what I feel inside.
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yes, Ozzy. I’ll marry you, but not until we finish what we started,” she says, wrapping her arms around my midsection.
“I will be proposing again, with a ring, flowers, and the whole dramatic event that you deserve,” I tell her before I pull her into me and refuse to let go.
“You better.” She laughs and holds up her empty ring finger.
“Come on, Bambi. Let’s go anywhere else but here,” I say, holding her hand out to mine.
It’s not ideal, or what I’ve planned in my head years down the line, but it’s better than that. It’s in the heat of the moment, a desperate plea to keep her beside me for the rest of our lives, but most importantly, a reminder that I’m never leaving her again.
* * *
The drive to Maryland is quiet, with Fallon sleeping on my chest, and everyone else focused on their own shit. Lex is researching on his laptop, occasionally passing me his tablet to show me certain things, but he hasn’t found the smoking gun, yet.
My stomach turns every time he gives me a glimpse of the list, but I’m sure this isn’t the last time I’ll have to look at it, so I keep my mind from spiraling into a rage.
Oliver’s taken charge of finding us a house, and every few minutes my phone vibrates with a new one he wants me to look at. We’re hoping to find a place with a pool, but so far we’ve struck out.
Personally, I’ve been on a mission to find Fallon a ring. Not an engagement ring, but something that will symbolize the commitment we made to each other this morning.
Finally, I found one that suits her perfectly, and won’t outshine the ring I’ll buy her in the future. It’s a silver band, with a ribbon of round-cut diamonds twisted along the polished band, and I immediately fell in love with it. Having her wear my ring, on the same finger that dons my tattooed initials, is the highest honor, and I almost want to wake her up and show it to her. Almost.
I’m keeping this close to the chest, planning on presenting it to her sometime this weekend, hopefully after we handle this Journey business. Just as the thought crosses my mind, Lex passes the tablet back to me, and there it is.
There’s no more plausible deniability. There’s no room for excuses. Journey is on the client list, in black and white, the photo from his license staring back at me.
Son of a bitch didn’t even use a fake.
Lex highlighted his information, and Steven wasn’t lying. He’s been a customer for two years, and his last visit to the site was two days ago when he terminated the account. He knew he was caught, and tried to cover his tracks.
“Take this,” I say to Lex, handing the tablet back to him.
My hands ball into fists, and I’m seconds away from jumping into the front seat to wrap my hands around his throat. I should keep my feelings out of this, but that’s impossible.
Fuck it.
I gently lay Fallon on the seat, and lunge over the middle row, leaning forward until my hands meet his shoulders.
“You fucking pervert! How could you look at pictures of her like that?” I scream, my grip on his throat is just strong enough that he’s able to speak.
I’m not trying to kill him – not yet.
“Ozzy! What the hell are you doing?” Max yells, his focus solely on the road, but stealing glimpses at the position I’ve put Journey in.
“You wanna tell him, or should I?”
“You’ve got it all wrong,” he chokes out, which only makes me angrier.
“There’s nothing to get wrong , the proof is right there,” I say, and he attempts to shake his head.
“Someone get him!” Max orders, but nobody dares to make a move, not when they all know what this is about.
Time fades away, and I couldn’t tell you how long it takes before he finally speaks, saying something I actually want to hear.
“I didn’t know who she was, okay? It was a couple of years ago, but when she came here, obviously she looked different. It took me some time to make the connection,” he confesses, coughing as I squeeze his windpipe harder.
The only sound in this van is his labored breathing, nobody else speaking up or adding their piece.
“He kept track of the users who frequented the website, and fucking recognized you in the house. You directly contributed to her abuse, and I‘m going to kill you for it. Not right now, but it’s fucking coming.” I grit my teeth, slowly releasing him as I lean back into the seat.
I’m shaking with rage, but a hand rests on my shoulder, and I lean into the gentle touch, holding onto her for dear life.
“I’m sorry, Fallon,” he says, but before I can lunge at him again, Oliver yanks me by the shirt, holding me in place.
“Not right now,” he whispers, and I hold my hands up in defense, knowing he’s right.
“Don’t say her name. I swear to God, if you even look at her, I will scrape your eyes out with a spoon.”
It’s tense in this van, but nobody speaks, not until the GPS signals that we’ve reached the exit, and Pepper begins to freak out.
“I don’t think I can do this,” she says softly, but Lex reassures her, promising that they’ll be alright.
“It’s one meeting, Pep. If she’s not who you thought she was, you can give her shit for it,” Fallon chimes in, which seems to calm Pepper down as she nods along.
Once we stop, I climb into the back row with Fallon, my arms instantly wrapping around her body. I need her touch to ground me, to break me out of this white-hot anger I’ve been consumed with.
“I’ve got you, baby,” she whispers, running her fingers through my hair as she lays me down on her lap.
It’s her purest form of intimacy and my favorite way to be held by her. Her hands immediately bring my heart rate down, and I feel the breath returning to my lungs.
I let my eyes close, the sharp stings from her nails bringing a sense of calm that radiates to my bones.
I could stay like this forever, perfectly content and safe in Fallon’s embrace.