Chapter Three
ALEX
“I say this with as much love and as little revulsion as I can muster,” Trevor said, assessing me with a wrinkled nose. “You look like absolute shit.”
I grunted. “Absolute shit? Really? That’s as much love as you can muster?”
Trevor nodded. “Yes, my friend, it really is. Trust me when I tell you I’m holding back.
” As always, Trevor looked polished enough to meet royalty and impress them.
He wore a pale blue button-up, lightweight white pants cuffed at the ankles, and crisp white sneakers that looked fresh out of the box.
My best friend loved nothing more than to dress on theme, and for today’s picnic in the park, he’d gone with a summer-chic motif, according to him.
That wasn’t a phrase I’d ever utter on my own.
“Gee, thanks.” I couldn’t muster my typical snark or witty quip in response.
My entire body felt heavy, and my brain was functioning more slowly than usual.
I’d come within one text of canceling this lunch.
The only reason I hadn’t was the fear of an enraged Trevor.
The guy was like a damn chihuahua when you pissed him off.
He’d bite my ankles and yap at me until my ears bled.
“I’m serious. It’s a good thing there aren’t any children around. You’d scar them for life with your unshaven face and grumpy-ass scowl. Not to mention your wrinkled clothes. Have you heard of folding? Or an iron?”
“Who irons T-shirts?”
Trevor’s face scrunched in adorable indignation. “Uh, I do. So I don’t look like this,” he said, waving a hand in my direction.
I’d be more offended if he weren’t right. I looked like garbage. But as bad as I looked, I felt a hundred times worse.
“So what gives?” Trevor rose on his knees and opened the massive picnic basket he’d brought. When he committed to a project, he went all the way. He’d invited me to a picnic, so an authentic picnic is what I’d be getting, complete with a red and white checkered blanket.
“What did you bring?” I asked as he began unloading container after container.
He narrowed his eyes at me in the universal don’t-think-you’re-getting-out-of-the-question glare. “I picked up a bunch of salads and snacky foods from that new gourmet grocery store near me, Terra Market.”
“Shit, Trev,” I said as I opened a container, and the delicious aroma of pesto invaded my senses. “I was expecting trail mix and a turkey sandwich.” I hadn’t been, but Trevor was fun to tease.
“As if,” he said with a delicate snort. “Don’t think you can distract me with your uncultured ways.”
I chuckled. “You’re still going to make me talk, huh?”
“Sure am.” He popped an olive in his mouth and sighed. “Yum. The only thing that would make this better is a filthy martini.”
“It’s noon. And Monday.”
One of his well-groomed eyebrows arched high into his forehead. “You saying you’d turn down a drink if I offered one to you right about now?”
“Yes,” I said, flipping him off. “I don’t need alcohol to deal with my problems.”
“Ha. Must be nice to be so much more enlightened than the rest of us.”
Rolling my eyes, I grabbed a fork and stuck it into the pesto pasta goodness, snagging a few shells. The basil flavor burst across my tongue, making me groan in delight.
“Ahh, not scoffing at my choice of food now, are you?”
I definitely was not. “Nope. You can feed me this shit any day.”
“Enough small talk.” Trevor tossed another olive in his mouth. “Tell me what’s happening with Ryder that has you moping like an emo teenager.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m not moping.”
“Oh, you’re moping, all right. You’re moping so hard, my eyes are starting to hurt watching you. What’d he do?”
“Why do you think he did something? What makes you think it’s about Ryder at all?”
Trevor smiled, but it reeked of patronization.
“Oh, you sweet summer child, only man trouble can put that pitiful look on someone’s face.
You’ve always been a grumpy fucker, but then you hooked up with Ryder and started having regular orgasms with someone other than yourself.
Now you smile, you only glare about half as much as you used to, and your possessive boyfriend leaves hickies on your chest to mark his territory for all the club-goers to see.
You’ve been happy, Ally, and happy looks damn good on you. ”
I had been happy. Ryder made me happier than I had ever been. He made everything better. Hell, two months ago, we had to pick up my brother from the police station at two in the morning after he’d been picked up by the cops on a drug charge.
And not his first.
The call came while Ryder and I were fast asleep, wrapped up in each other on a rare night off after an epic few rounds of sex.
Of course, I’d tried so sneak out without waking him, and when that failed, I begged him to stay in his comfortable bed, but he rolled his eyes and not only accompanied me to the police station, but he drove me.
Somehow, he made me laugh along the way.
Instead of showing up at the police station with a brick in my stomach and heart palpitations, I’d had Ryder’s hand in mine and his help in navigating the situation.
He made it bearable.
He made it better.
“Yeah. He makes me feel… really fucking great.” The words almost lodged in my suddenly dry throat, but I managed to push them out in a raspy croak.
Trevor grinned, but there was a sadness in his eyes. One he buried deep and hid well, but it lived in him and probably always would if the man he wanted more than anything continued to be oblivious. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong so you can go back to feeling really fucking great?”
“I… I miss him.” My eyes stung, forcing me to avert my gaze as I blinked.
Fuck.
I refused to cry.
Instead of razzing me over the admission like some would, Trevor squeezed my hand. “His obligation to take over his father’s company has really done a number on you guys, huh?”
I nodded, still blinking like I had a full set of eyelashes poking my eye.
“It’s not what either of us expected. We had no time to prepare, and now we have no time, period.
Ryder wanted to take me out to celebrate the end of the trimester last night.
He booked a reservation at Aurum. He always makes a big deal about little shit like that. ”
“Oh my God, I’ve wanted to go to that place forever. Did you know the name means gold in Latin?”
“I did not.” Ryder probably knew.
“Damn, your man and his richness that get him in wherever, whenever, no matter how long the wait list. I’m not jealous at all.” He huffed, then reached out and squeezed my shoulder. “It’s so sweet that he did that. The man is gone for you.”
“Yeah.” Was he? I thought so for a while, but maybe this was his way of trying to back out of a relationship he no longer wanted.
“And don’t diminish your accomplishments by calling them little. Surviving another trimester of a robotics engineering master’s is not a little feat. You’re amazing, and I love how Ryder is showing you how important you are. That you matter to him.”
I grunted, and my stomach twisted, and bitter words vomited from my mouth. “Yeah, I matter so much he never showed up at the restaurant.”
Trevor winced. “Ouch. Did he really stand you up?”
I nodded. “He just straight up forgot. Got all wrapped up in shit at the office and forgot.”
He blew out a breath as he abandoned his olives. “I’m sorry, Ally. That must have been so disappointing.”
Disappointment didn’t begin to describe how I’d felt sitting alone in a swanky restaurant for over an hour by myself. “It was humiliating. I waited at the table for over an hour like a loser waiting for him to show or even text.”
A deep frown marred Trevor’s perfect face. “Did you see him at all last night?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged, pushing the pasta salad farther away.
The thought of eating only made my stomach turn.
“He came home eventually and apologized a million times once I clued him in on what had happened. He seriously had no idea he’d missed dinner.
He asked if I had a fun night, and you and I hung out.
I couldn’t talk about it, though. I went to sleep and left before he woke up. I felt too…”
Too what?
“Heartsick?” Trevor suggested.
Rolling my eyes, I snorted and tried to keep my face from turning red, but I’m sure I looked like a damn tomato. “Jesus, I sound like an emo teenager.”
“No.” Trevor scooted closer, keeping my hand in his. “You sound like a man disappointed by the person he loves.”
I didn’t bother correcting him. Ryder and I hadn’t used the ‘L’ word yet. When the hell did we have time? But I was pretty sure nothing but love could make me feel this shitty.
Or as amazing as the good times made me feel.
Would I have those good times again, or were Ryder and I coming to a close? The notion made me want to scream at the top of my lungs.
“It’s okay to talk about this, Ally. You don’t need to feel embarrassed or ashamed to be struggling. Every relationship goes through rough patches. Talking can help.”
Said the man who never spoke about his own feelings and dodged every question about his thoughts and feelings. Still, he was a fantastic listener and gave thoughtful, wise advice.
With a sigh, I met my friend’s compassionate gaze. “It feels like he’s slipping away,” I whispered as I voiced my biggest fear.
Trevor wrapped his arm around my shoulders, hugging me tight.
“I’m sure last night was horrible, and you have every right to be upset, so don’t take what I’m about to say as me invalidating your experience, but have you considered he might be drowning right now and last night really was an innocent mistake born of burnout? ”
My huff sounded bitter to my own ears. “Of course I have,” I said as he released me, but sat close enough that our shoulders touched. “And he is drowning. He’s miserable and can’t see a way out of the dark tunnel he’s found himself in, which only makes me feel like a giant dick for getting angry.”