Chapter 4
Oden
When I opened my eyes, she was moving around getting dressed, telling someone she was on her way.
She was apologizing profusely for being late in the most hushed tone.
Whoever it was must’ve accepted her apology, because she quickly promised them she wouldn’t be any longer than forty-five minutes.
I then watched her exhale a relieved breath.
“You weren’t sneaking out on me, were you, love?” I asked.
“Of course not, well maybe. I was supposed to be at a family breakfast this morning, and yeah, I’m here.”
“Am I seeing you tonight?” I tossed over my shoulder as I moved in the direction of the washroom. I didn’t bother dressing; shit, she had seen and felt what I was working with last night.
“Do you want to?”
After I pissed, I moved to the sink to brush my teeth and wash my face. “Jade.”
“What? I’m asking a real question.”
I dipped my head back, looking into my room and seeing her fine ass bent over to strap up her heels. “I want to see you tonight. Is that too much to ask for?”
She was finally standing upright and those sexy ass eyes were on me. “No, it isn’t too much to ask for. Yes, you can see me tonight as long as you’re feeding me.”
“That’s a given, Jade.”
She laughed. “Then you’ll see me tonight.”
“Good.”
After I threw on some shorts, I walked Jade to the door and contemplated holding her hostage, I found my way back to my bed.
That didn’t last long, because somewhere between opening my eyes and closing them, I had a burst of energy.
Before I knew it, I was up on my feet, moving around.
I spent a while cleaning before I decided to go see my baby girl.
When I checked in with Harlem, she said they were all just bumming around the house.
I decided I’d take her to get ice cream.
I tried to spend as much time as my mind permitted with her.
In no way was my guilt her fault, but some days the fact that she looked like Ashley haunted me.
She acted nothing like her mother, but sometimes the expressions she wore or even the way she raised her eyebrows when she was asking a simple question fucked me up.
It was heavy, but for my daughter’s safety and peace, I’d carry whatever.
“Daddy, I thought you were going home,” Aja asked, eyes bringing my mind to the present. We were seated out on the patio of what Aja claimed was her favorite ice cream parlor. It was a small storefront a few steps from Harlem’s store. It was cute, colorful as fuck, but cute.
“I was, but I figured I’d come see you before I left. You good, lil mama?”
She shrugged. Typical kid shit. “Yeah. Caya did my hair, you like it?”
My eyes went to the braided crown atop her head before a smile filled my features. “Yeah, I like it. She did well. What do you think?”
“I like it a lot. Tete said it was so I didn’t get my hair really wet in the pool at school. She said chlorine breaks hair off.”
I laughed. “It does, your auntie knows right.”
She nodded, then spooned more of her ice cream from the small cup. “Daddy.”
“Yeah, Aja.” Something in the tone of her voice let me know she was about to ask about Ashley.
Since I had been back, she’d asked about her mother a total of five times.
Each time I lied to her, swearing to myself I wouldn’t do it again.
I did though, because how did you tell your child that you killed her mother?
That Mommy wasn’t off on some runaway mission, that she truly was never coming back.
“If Mommy were here, do you think she would like my hair?”
I swallowed hard. “Pretty sure she would, pretty girl. How is school?”
She giggled and shrugged. “It’s only been a week, Daddy. Everything is still new.”
I nodded, grateful that she allowed the subject change. “What do you mean everything is still new? Are you growing up on me, Aja?”
More giggles escaped her. “Nooo. I’m just saying. Plus, Uncle still treats me like a baby. He won’t let me go to the arcade with everybody else.”
I laughed. “Everybody else being, Sebastian?"
She shrugged. “Not just him.” That was code for mostly him. Kinga saw what I saw, that my baby had a crush, and we both processed it differently. I knew that was all it was, but Kinga’s mind had already told him it was shit in the game.
“Sure. Either way your uncle has his reasons.”
“But, Daddy.” She gave me the puppy dog eyes, which melted my resolve every time.
“Aight. I’ll talk to your uncle when we get back to the house.”
“Okay. Can you tell him that all girls don’t play catch a girl kiss a girl and that we don?—”
“Then how do you know what the game is?”
“Because I know.”
I nodded, knowing damn well I wasn’t talking to Kinga. “You ready to go, baby girl?”
She nodded.
“You wanna get anything to go?” I asked, standing to my feet.
“No, but can we get my auntie some? She likes the salted caramel one.”
I agreed and went in to grab ice cream behind her. Once we had the ice cream, I took her home. When we walked in the house, I could smell Harlem in the kitchen cooking, which meant my brother was either in the garage or out back with the twins.
“Tete, look. Me and my daddy got you ice cream.” Aja rushed to Harlem the moment we walked into the house.
Harlem’s expressive eyes went from my daughter to me before a massive smile filled her features. “Thank you both. You just don’t know how much I need this since somebody refuses to make me donuts.” She got loud with the last part, meaning she wanted my brother to hear.
“Keep yelling, you gonna wake them bad ass kids up. And you know what the doctor said. You gotta cut down on the sweets, hell nah I ain’t making you nothing glazed, iced, or even sugared.” Kinga walked into the kitchen mugged up.
Harlem sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes.
She was visibly showing and carrying their third child.
I laughed because the man nearly did a back flip during the gender reveal when he found out he was getting a son.
I had never seen my brother nervous, but in the moments before the reveal I could’ve sworn the man was biting his inner cheek.
“Be lucky I don’t throw that ice cream your ass doesn’t need away. Especially since niggas didn’t think to bring me none.” He cut his eyes toward Aja which made her giggle.
“Tete can share with you, but only if she wants to. Tete, can I take the dogs in the yard?”
“Yeah. Make sure the back gate is closed and there's fresh water in their bowls.” Harlem spooned some of the ice cream from the carton and held it out for Kinga. Of course he accepted.
“Okay. Bye, Daddy. Love you.” She hugged my waist and rushed out of the kitchen, leaving us.
She was gone before I could say anything else. My eyes roamed the room before they landed on my brother.
“You want a beer?” He then threw his head in the direction of the garage door. He was always able to read me, always able to see when I was in a fucked-up place mentally. It was crazy how roles reversed with me and Kinga.
“Yeah.”
He led the way out into the garage and I followed.
His first stop was to cut the lights on, then toward the lavish, five-foot, standing beverage refrigerator that held up the corner.
He had his garage decked out. Shit, the type of space a person could live in for weeks, even though there were two cars and a four-wheeler taking up space as well.
Along the wall a plethora of tools he probably never used hung right above a massive tool chest/work table.
He had this space decked out for when he didn’t feel like going to the city and working in the shop.
Becoming a husband and father had really changed him.
He had set hours at the shop, and when he wasn’t there, he was with his family.
He was home, being a present father and dutiful husband.
He held out a beer, breaking my thoughts. “You wanna talk about it?”
“What for?” I accepted the beer, then moved to sit on the stool a few feet from the door.
“’Cause it’s weighing you down. You’re carrying that shit like it happened yesterday.”
“How can I not? Every time I look at her it feels like I failed her. I took something away from her that she wi?—”
“She doesn’t need it back. You’re the only one thinking about Ashley. She isn’t. Maybe there is the occasional question here and there, but that’s it. She isn’t asking you where Ashley is nor is she asking you when she’s coming back.”
I nodded. “But I lied to her, man.”
“To protect her.”
“From me,” I responded with defeat in my chest. Nothing could change that fact. Nothing could erase that day from my mind.
“Fuck outta here. Life is life. That shit happened, and no, the outcome wasn’t favorable but it happened.
None of that was your fault. How were you supposed to know how any of that would play out?
Not that you’re asking how I see it, but shorty was flaw as fuck and had been since the beginning.
My niece is not lacking in any way, shape, or form.
She has all of us, and to me, that’s enough. ”
I nodded.
“Now stop carrying that shit and let it be enough for you.” His words were final, and heavy. “You deserve to be happy too.”
I sipped from my beer and let his words resonate. He could and would say whatever, but I still carried that day and it weighed down on me in a way nothing had ever done. “Aight.”
“Hand me that crescent wrench.” He tossed his head in the direction of the tool on the worktable before setting his beer on the ground.